COMMITTING TO YOURSELF | KEEP YOUR INTERNAL PROMISES
Hello friends,
This week I've been struggling with really prioritising my goals that are outside my 9 - 5 workday.
I am a journalist, so my industry is very much touch and go and I am often working outside the 9 - 5 hours, making it a challenge to create the time to focus and work on my other goals.
This is something I hated to discover and it definitely has put a damper on the process of other things I'm working on, particularly when I'm sitting behind a computer for much of the day - my eyes get tired and I'm ready to sleep by the end of it.
To combat this I've been meditating in a mindful and intentional way - to help give myself the motivation to work on my other stuff; I've been actively trying to set small and achievable daily goals that all contribute to the long term success of my other goals and I've been consistently exercising in the morning to get my body energised and started to take on the day, but I still find it challenging to fit in my own things around the constraints and pressure of work.
I find myself often asking the question - why do I complete and commit to the tasks other people give me (i.e. my boss), but not to the ones I give myself?
The answer to this is uncomfortable and sticky - there are consequences outside myself to not completing tasks assigned to me.
When I'm not completing tasks set by myself - I only have myself to answer to.
But this answer brings up a different question - why do I value the consequences from others more than the consequences from myself?
It automatically demonstrates that I don't take myself as seriously as those outside of me and that is a big problem.
So right now, I'm working on teaching myself how to commit to myself more and how to take myself more seriously, the same level that I take others seriously.
I think this is a huge inhibitor for many people who have goals that are bigger than themselves in the moment - they don't take them seriously, looking at those things as far away dreams that would be great if they happened soon, but they also can sit on the back burner until we have more time. The real secret is that we never have time if we don't make it for ourselves.
I want to believe in myself as the person who can achieve all the goals that I have set for myself - at the end of the day I will be the person who is following through and achieving them, so why can't I imagine myself as a person who could do those things?
The answer is a simple one.
There is no reason that I can't.
So what are the tools I can utilise to reinforce this belief into my life?
I'm still figuring that out for myself at this point.
All I know is that I want to do better for myself, for my goals and for my own future.
My goals are not little things that I want to happen in the far away world of "some day". I have set goals for myself in the short term to make my long term life and lifestyle better.
The relationship I have with myself is the longest one I will have, and the same goes with all of you - your relationship to self is the most important one we will all have.
It's time to commit to ourselves and do the things we promise ourselves we will do.
I wanted to finally introduce myself. My name is Bella, but you can call me Alpha 👋🏾. I started this page earlier in the year bc i had a vision for myself. I’ve been spending the past couple of years getting to know myself after ...
I see my my vision in 3 stages. The first one, phase one, is all about establishing who i am as a woman. Femininity is so unfamiliar to me. In my home, it wasn't anything i was every encouraged to explore. So when i moved out and had to start dealing with the real word i found myself having a hard time finding my place.
This was especially discouraging it came to dating. I have always had a desire to be in a relationship, but i never fully understood how rooted in trauma and loneliness that feeling was until i had been rejected my someone at the beginning for the year. My naivety was a turn off to him, and i felt like i was aware of all the dumb shit i was doing, but i didn’t know any better.
Not to say this journey is about trying to make myself more attractive to men, that is only and aspect, but the situation make me aware enough to realize that i wasn’t loving myself to to fullest. And these cracks in my self love and self care would be the detriment tho the pursuit of my desires.
Under the spring equinox, i made a commitment: to love myself + to discover how i can shine in my most authentic light. I’ve dedicate the year to myself, something I’ve never really done before. As we approach the fall equinox, i can see how much of my mentality has done a 180° shift from 6 months ago.
I’ve had this song on repeat recently because I made commitment to myself a few weeks which was: I commit to being honest with everyone, myself & others. Which includes I won’t say sorry if I don’t mean it. It feels very empowering!
I apologize to myself for getting in my own way. I apologize for always holding myself back and procrastinating on my happiness and self worth. I apologize for letting outside influences dictate how I feel and how I think. I apologize for putting you last when I put everyone and everything first. I apologize for giving too much of myself to those who didn’t deserve it and for putting my trust in the wrong people.
Even though I cannot go back and correct everything that has happened, all mistakes are just lessons to learn from. So here are my commitments to myself. I commit to no longer get in my own way. I commit to work on letting go of past habits and behaviors. I commit to relearning how to love myself. I commit to letting go of toxic people and toxic energy. I commit to find what makes me happy. I commit to becoming a stronger version of myself. I commit to becoming more understanding and not be so close minded. I commit to accepting my flaws and enhancing those which are possible to enhance. I commit to no longer let people who don’t have my best interests at heart influencing my thinking.
I’m not perfect, and this will be a journey. But this journey is never ending and I won’t stop learning. I’m facing what I have always known and making changes to make things better for myself and for those who genuinely care about me. I know this is just a piece that I’m writing and I can easily just fall back into old ways as soon as I post this. But I no longer want to disappoint and let myself down. I need to be better and do better. If I can’t be the best I can be and love me for me, how can I expect anyone else to?
While you desire lasting change with positive results, it will take commitment from you to transform your dreams into a reality.
Be aware that there can be tough moments when you’re ready to throw in the towel.
Frustrating times when you may want to quit.
When it gets rough or you hit a roadblock, you must forge ahead and keep going.
Despite blood, sweat, and tears, do not give up on yourself.
You are worth the fight for a brighter future!
You are my heart. You are my soul. And I commit my self to you unconditionally. And as long as I live I will stand by you, no matter what the future will bring. You will never walk alone again.
