Hi gorgeous internet friends and readers, it has been a very long time since I last updated this blog.
I've spent a few months reflecting and redirecting myself, so I thought it was appropriate to make a return, and reintroduce myself.
My name is Gemma - I am the owner, writer and curator of this space!
I’m a writer, journalist, artist and lover from Melbourne, Australia.
If you’ve been here for a while you know that every year I make a list of 100 resolutions for each year on New Year’s Eve.
This year, I wanted to tackle my year a little differently - smaller list, bigger dreams!!
I’m not going to go through my entire list in detail here (you can watch a full video of the goals here if you like) but basically, I’m focusing on the bigger things that I’ve been chasing over the last few years that have remained just a little out of reach.
I know its April and the first quarter of the year has finished and it might seem silly to rehash my resolutions and goals for the year, but I think revisiting the goals is a great way to stay on track or to get back on the bandwagon of success.
I’ve already completed a few things and have other items to tick off very soon, which I am very proud of. One thing I’m really focused on achieving this year is keeping the promises I make to myself. It’s important for my own self-worth and for the journey of becoming the person I want to be – the best version of myself.
I have been engaging with a lot of self-help and betterment content recently and the one thing I have noticed is this idea that we won't get opportunities if we aren't ready for and I fully believe in this sentiment.
Every opportunity I've been lucky enough to get my hands on, I've already had and developed the tools I've needed to do well at. This was not just luck, it's boiled down to hard work and perseverance and time.
I'm a very determined person, this is something I know and accept about myself. Sometimes though, if I can't see or haven't see the result or the method of action done before me, I find it hard to imagine and come up with a plan for myself. Not always, but sometimes.
I've come to realise I need to work on trusting myself and my intuition and letting those things guide me, rather than letting my fears limit me.
So after a long break away from this blog, I'm recommitting to myself to posting something once a week and tracking my progress in following my dreams.
I've applied for a working Visa for the UK and (all things going well) am planning to leave in July. Before then I want to achieve as many of my 2025 goals as possible, as the move will need my full and undivided attention.
To do this, I have structured a plan and daily routine for myself, similar to a 75-Hard Day challenge.
This is more of a 75-Hard lite version, but a structured plan to follow nonetheless.
So the 10 rules I'm following are:
1. Drink 3L of water daily.
2. Clock in 10,000 steps - either walking, running and in general movement.
3. Practice pilates or yoga daily.
4. Read on chapter of a book daily.
5. Meditate for at least 10 minutes daily.
6. Journal or Morning Pages daily.
7. One ab circuit daily.
8. Sleep at a reasonable hour.
9. Maintain a healthy diet.
10. Vlog my daily activity.
To not hurt my progress I'm starting on Easter Monday and will be tracking my progress on my TikTok in daily vlogs – hope over there if you want to follow more.
I'm anticipating that the structure of my day will instil a sense of purpose for me, and get me keen to tick off more than just my daily 10 tasks.
For now my beautiful readers, enjoy your Easter weekend and live the life you want to live!
I can't wait to update you in the coming weeks to see my progress on the challenge front and also on my 2025 list front.
Tagging onto my sentiment from last week regarding following your dreams with complete reckless abandon and vigour, I thought I would follow on with the obvious next step (for me anyway).
I am quitting my job without a real concrete plan or a backup option to follow my dreams.
If you enjoy your job and it's the dream career pathway for you, this blog post is not meant for you. By all means keep reading of course, but I'm reaching out to my fellow dreamers who have fallen into careers that are not their callings - the people who are dreaming of something else entirely.
If I'm being completely honest I don't hate my job. But I don't love it either. It's most certainly not what I thought I would be doing at 30, and truly not the career stepping stone I imaged it would be when I was first offered the role two and a half years ago.
I'm a local news reporter in Melbourne, working for one of (if not the most popular) newspaper in the city. Day to day is very mundane, there isn't all that much jazz with local news.
While I dreamt of being a writer and Melbourne's answer to Carrie Bradshaw or Andie Anderson, my current job couldn't be further from that (I do feel Andie's pain when she wants to write something that matters and her editor is so limiting!!!!)
So last week after writing my post about committing to yourself, I was journalling and came to a realisation. In order to commit to myself, I need to fully commit to my dreams and aspirations, and to do that, I really need to quit my job.
Now thinking pragmatically because let me be one hundred percent honest, we are in a cost of living crisis and I'm not going to cold quit my job without a little bit of savings and backing to myself - I won't be leaving immediately. I think we can all agree that kind of rash decision making is for rich people who have no stress factors in their lives apart from happiness.
What I plan to do is a little but more strategic than that.
I've given myself three months to build up as thick of a foundation as possible, to get all my figurative ducks in a row and to make myself a plan for the following time frame that will constitute me following my dreams and actually succeeding. I'm trying to put my best foot forward to achieve exactly what I want and not need to take a step back into something that I'm not passionate about.
Sometimes I think people really hesitate to do the things they really want to do, whether it be because of the stories we tell ourselves in our minds, the stories society tell us about success and what it means to be fulfilled, or just because we think our dreams are out of touch from reality.
I don't want to be that person anymore. I don't want to be held back by these invisible, non-existent barriers that only stop me from reaching my full potential in life and happiness.
I have been working very hard to change the stories I tell myself in my mind, and after an incident at my current workplace (not with me, but with my colleague and management), I understood that my time at the company is coming to a close and I need to move on to something bigger and better; on to something that just in general, is a better fit for me.
I know that being self-employed is not a lifestyle everyone can achieve or that everyone wants - but I think it is the lifestyle change I want for myself, at least for now.
I obviously will keep writing this blog as a way to track how I'm going and to continue the development of my own writing.
But for now - I'm going to quit my job and follow my dreams. I definitely think it's something everyone should consider doing at least once in their lives (obviously make sure you're not going to send yourself into homelessness please, this message is not for every single person in this moment of time, prepare yourself!!).
Let's be the generation of people who don't take no for an answer - the generation of people who make things happen for ourselves and find the joy that we desire from doing the things we love and turning them into a profitable way to live!
These are my thoughts for the week, I know I'll be back next week with something just as crazy I'm sure, but for now, all the love in the world to whoever has made it this far down.
Love always,
G xx
p.s please support my journey to self employment - follow me on my other platforms (they're all free) and engage with me <3
COMMITTING TO YOURSELF | KEEP YOUR INTERNAL PROMISES
Hello friends,
This week I've been struggling with really prioritising my goals that are outside my 9 - 5 workday.
I am a journalist, so my industry is very much touch and go and I am often working outside the 9 - 5 hours, making it a challenge to create the time to focus and work on my other goals.
This is something I hated to discover and it definitely has put a damper on the process of other things I'm working on, particularly when I'm sitting behind a computer for much of the day - my eyes get tired and I'm ready to sleep by the end of it.
To combat this I've been meditating in a mindful and intentional way - to help give myself the motivation to work on my other stuff; I've been actively trying to set small and achievable daily goals that all contribute to the long term success of my other goals and I've been consistently exercising in the morning to get my body energised and started to take on the day, but I still find it challenging to fit in my own things around the constraints and pressure of work.
I find myself often asking the question - why do I complete and commit to the tasks other people give me (i.e. my boss), but not to the ones I give myself?
The answer to this is uncomfortable and sticky - there are consequences outside myself to not completing tasks assigned to me.
When I'm not completing tasks set by myself - I only have myself to answer to.
But this answer brings up a different question - why do I value the consequences from others more than the consequences from myself?
It automatically demonstrates that I don't take myself as seriously as those outside of me and that is a big problem.
So right now, I'm working on teaching myself how to commit to myself more and how to take myself more seriously, the same level that I take others seriously.
I think this is a huge inhibitor for many people who have goals that are bigger than themselves in the moment - they don't take them seriously, looking at those things as far away dreams that would be great if they happened soon, but they also can sit on the back burner until we have more time. The real secret is that we never have time if we don't make it for ourselves.
I want to believe in myself as the person who can achieve all the goals that I have set for myself - at the end of the day I will be the person who is following through and achieving them, so why can't I imagine myself as a person who could do those things?
The answer is a simple one.
There is no reason that I can't.
So what are the tools I can utilise to reinforce this belief into my life?
I'm still figuring that out for myself at this point.
All I know is that I want to do better for myself, for my goals and for my own future.
My goals are not little things that I want to happen in the far away world of "some day". I have set goals for myself in the short term to make my long term life and lifestyle better.
The relationship I have with myself is the longest one I will have, and the same goes with all of you - your relationship to self is the most important one we will all have.
It's time to commit to ourselves and do the things we promise ourselves we will do.
I’m back again this week with something I’ve been thinking about a lot of late, particularly as I get closer to 30.
The importance of putting yourself out there and asking for the things you want out loud.
After the last few years of the pandemic, I have come to realise that the the more we delve into being online and the increasing influence that technology has in our everyday life, the less we know how to actually speak with each other face to face.
I’ve experienced this in the workplace, with my friendships and family; but most potently, in the dating pool.
It seems that closer we get through our phones and devices, the further away we fall from human connection in the real world.
In the last year, I’ve completely removed myself from dating apps, content with the concept of someone approaching me in real life, at bars, in clubs, the local coffee shop, anywhere. I found the dating apps served as a shield for real conversation and connection, more often leading to small talk and the constant facilitator of hook up culture.
It’s not that I don’t want a physical connection with anyone, but I’m so sick of physical connection being the only option on the table – what happened to people writing love letters to each other, what happened to yearning, what happened to romance, to taking a chance to speak with a stranger?
I took myself off the dating apps because they increasingly made me feel bad about myself and made me doubt my likability and worthiness of the things that I desire. This was unacceptable to me – I have worked too hard throughout my twenties to now compromise with my own self confidence and love.
I also realised the kind of person I was looking for most likely isn’t on the apps for the same reasons that I wanted to not be on them. I definitely had my fun while using them in my mid-twenties, but now, if I’m going to spend a significant amount of time with someone, I want it to mean something more than a fleeting few dates or a giggle over a drink.
So to put my money where my mouth is, I’ve started putting myself out there again, in the REAL world.
I was recently at a wedding and met someone. I really enjoyed their company and we ended up being the last two people in a bar after the wedding, just laughing and chatting and revelling in each-other's company.
We exchanged numbers and went our separate ways.
A few days after the wedding, we’d been chatting on and off over text, and I took the plunge – I asked him if he wanted to go for drinks.
Prior to this, I would always wait for the guy to make the first move on all fronts – asking out, first kiss, everything. When I deleted the apps, I knew I would have to make a compromise from this, and I was more than happy to do that in this case.
However, despite it all, I struck out. Let me be honest – I was disappointed with the rejection – no is not something I'm used to hearing from men. I was surprised, but I knew this came with the territory of putting myself out there – I would have to be willing to get rejected every now and then to really get to the prize.
At this point, I leant into my mindful practices and felt comfort knowing that whatever is meant for me will never pass me by. And despite the small low of rejection, I felt proud of myself for taking the chance – it’s no small feat to be vulnerable or exposed at risk of not receiving the response you want!
I did that all by myself! It sounds crazy to be congratulating myself over such a small thing that humans used to do all the time – but that is the state of our world at the moment. People live in constant fear of rejection, when really it’s a gift – it’s an example of us being brave. Calling myself brave is something I’ll happily add to my resume of adjectives.
The notion of bravely walking towards the things we want by putting ourselves out there, or actively asking for the things we want is something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately, as I said above. The reason I have been thinking about it so much is due to the creeping realisation that life is to be lived and we don’t really have that much time to live it.
The older I get the more I understand how important it is to at least try to live your dreams. The fear of being on my death bed and not having achieved the goals I set for myself now, or even the goals I had in my younger years, overwhelms me at times, as I recognise how quickly time is moving around me.
Asking for the things I want and throwing myself at opportunities and chances to achieve them is something I try to do every single day.
Even if it has to be in one percent increments, one percent is better than remaining where I am.
It signifies a commitment to myself, if nothing else. The promises we make to ourselves are so often broken to appease the desire of another person - whether it be our bosses, our partners, friends or family members. Why is it that we are so willing to break promises we make to ourselves, but keep those we make to others? I think it's because if we break a promise to ourselves, it's private - nobody but you knows that it's been broken. But when it's to another person - it becomes public, it attracts an expected judgement or exterior disappointment.
I've come to the realisation that I never want to feel disappointment for myself again. I am keeping the promises I make to myself. Judgement and disappointment from others is becoming more and more irrelevant the older I get, and honestly I'm enjoying life so much more without the pressure of caring about it.
This is something that has played on my mind regarding deleting the apps as well. So many people have just accepted that "the only way to meet someone" is through these low effort apps. I've spoken with numerous friends about it and for the most part they are supportive of the decision, however the apprehensive friends are concerned about the likelihood of meeting someone in the "real world".
But this is not something I'm actually concerned about if I'm being honest - finding a boyfriend/partner/husband/romantic soulmate is not what I centre my life around. I have amazing friends, so many hobbies I enjoy, a career that is at its grassroots level and family.
Furthermore, my truth is that I don't want to meet someone on "the apps". I don't want our love story to begin with a swipe right. I want a meet-cute, a moment in a bar, a friend of a friend, a romantic gesture! And if that is something I want, I'm more than certain that there is someone out there willing to give it to me!
And I'm not taking that step towards that reality if I'm still using the apps to mindlessly swipe through people as if it's a game or gambling. I truly believe if you want something, you have to become it first. So if I want a real life romance, I have to become the person who has a role in that, by being present in the moment, not walking around with my head in the virtual cloud. I have to be open to being approached (not by creeps though lol) and willing to take a chance!
At the end of the day, whether you meet on an app or in real life, we are all strangers until we are not.
So, I have written all this to say - take your life into your own hands! It is not enough to make a vision board and hope those things will happen, it's not enough to make the to do list - you have to get out and get the stuff done!
Take control of your own destiny. I will be.
In the wise words of Slim Halliday,
Do you time before it does you.
As always, chat to me in the comments! I want to hear your thoughts on dating right now, dating experiences and life in general - what are you taking control of?
I’m back for 2024, for the thirtieth year of my life, to continue sharing my thoughts, imaginings, hopes, dreams, goals and advice with you all (you all being whoever comes across this blog and reads it).
As always, I began the year making my list of 100 things I want to do/achieve/create in the next 12 months, and this year I’m feeling particularly positive about the list.
I know culturally, turning 30 is a scary moment, particularly for women. It symbolizes this weird juncture between adulthood and the checklist of things we should have achieved by this age – marriage, children, a career, home ownership and more. All the things we pressure women into doing perfectly and all at once, with very little grace granted when we don’t have at least two of these things.
I’m here to confess, I’m in the first job of my potential future career, I don’t have a boyfriend, let alone a husband or a child and I am definitely nowhere near home ownership as a solo buyer (in this economy? Please). Does any of this scare or bother me? No – not even a little bit.
While on paper, it looks as though I have been faffing around in my 20s having a great old time, behaving in a way that some people would consider “wasting my time”, I have enjoyed the past decade so much and I wouldn’t change it for anything.
I have two degrees, I’ve studied abroad twice, completed an internship in Indonesia with an amazing organization out of Melbourne, I’ve travelled A LOT, I’ve been in love (silly by me but here we are), I’ve danced with my friends, I’ve laughed, I’ve cried and I’ve had one too many drinks on a number of occasions. I’ve lived with friends, I’ve moved back into my parent’s house. I’ve made life-long friends and lost friends who I thought would be with me forever. I’ve read hundreds of books, watched movies and heard so many songs for the first time. Most importantly, I’ve made memories with my loved ones and enjoyed my life.
I don’t regret any of my mistakes, I’ve had fun.
This life has so far been a privilege to live in more ways than one. I’m luckier than most people living and I am extremely cognisant of this fact, particularly at a time when the world is in such a dire state of affairs, to say the least.
I do however, think it’s important to say that I’ve loved it here. There are many things that make me wonder how the world can possibly keep turning but then I look at my grandparents, my friends, the moments we have spent together and laughed, and I know why.
A friend of mine posted a video recently, saying she was freaking out about turning 30 this year, and I can relate to the looming feeling of dread that often comes with a “big birthday” like this and truly up until recently I felt the same way.
All of the things I’ve already written about enjoying life and having gratitude for the beautiful moments in it are true, but I am not immune to feeling pressure or like I’ve somehow fallen behind because I haven’t achieved the things that I am expected to have done.
Over the last six months many things have happened that have given me pause to really reevaluate the importance of being present to enjoy the moment and focus on what kind of life I want to lead and the people I want around me.
I have come to the conclusion that I’m not scared of turning 30, or as media and beauty industry conglomerates would want me to be, of aging or getting older. These occurrences are privileges that many people are denied. I’m lucky to be here and have decided to fully commit to treating every single day in that fashion.
Here’s to getting old and enjoying it (however I will still be colouring the greys out of my hair forever more xx)
May 2024 be the most free, successful and joyous that I have ever been, and if you’ve gotten to the end of this post, may yours be too.
Wellness: Through & Through - Pilates and Running Update
Hello friends!
This week I'm going to return to the beginning of my health and wellness experiment that I started last year and talk about pilates.
To the people who know me and who read this blog please forgive me because no I cannot shut up about pilates, but I seriously can't stop.
It's been one year since I began practicing pilates and I am completely embedded in the cult-like practice and seriously can't stop talking about it.
But in any case, I've been doing pilates five times a week for the last 12 months and I've noticed amazing results in that time both mentally and physically.
Since the start of this experiment I have done a lot of things to improve my health and general wellbeing, but pilates is the one thing that has stayed in my routine.
In celebration of this, I've decided to really challenge myself over the next three weeks and run a half marathon while also completing a 5x5 challenge being done by my pilates studio.
If you're interested in my plan and current progress, keep reading here!
Ok so, like I said, I've been doing pilates for 5 days a week every week (except for the period between July - September when I was of course, travelling), and to say I haven't noticed the difference in my body would be a huge lie.
I have said it before and I will reiterate it now, I don't believe in exercising for only aesthetic reasons - I think it's a dangerous way to exist and can easily spiral into disordered eating and other problematic behaviours that can negatively affect health. However, I have noticed a huge difference in my body since beginning pilates. When I started the practice I was in a really bad mental state, I had put on weight and was doing next to no exercise at all. I needed a shock to my system. When I saw my body in comparison to what I looked like a mere eight months prior, I was shocked. Flabbergasted. Taken aback by how much I had let myself go mentally that I didn't notice the physical change in myself. It was like looking at myself with clear eyes again.
I got a really good deal at my studio as they had just opened and started going a few times a week. I slowly upped the days I would go until now where I try to get there at least 5 times, if not more. I have noticed that I am not only stronger, more lean and definitely slightly more muscular, but I have also dropped a significant amount of bloatedness and weight around my stomach, back and arms.
The more important factors of difference for me however, have been the mental health changes I have noticed. I am happier and more focused and have so much more clarity in my daily thoughts and tasks. My sleep is much deeper and of better quality and in general I am just a much more healthy person.
I enjoy the practice of pilates as a whole and the instructors at my studio are amazing, which definitely makes a difference for me.
On to the half marathon.
I began running properly in the Covid lockdowns, despite a lifetime telling myself that I hated running and that I was bad at it. Now I'm fully in the cult of running as well. This year I made a resolution that I would run a half marathon, and I decided to finally bite the bullet and sign up for one in the last month of the year.
I will be running 21kms on December 3rd in Melbourne and I have started training properly (a bit later than I should have but better late than never) while also doing a pilates challenge, which means I'll be doing two types of strenuous exercise twice a day.
I've been attempting to run most days now for two weeks. This hasn't gone off to the best start but I've been trying!
I definitely have had to up my food intake and water intake and I'll be purchasing electrolyte jellies to try out before the big day.
I'll update you all as I go along and if you want to get in the moment or more consistent updates, head over to my instagram and tiktok!
Otherwise, I'll be back next week with another blog post and as always please let me know if there is anything specific you want to hear/read about, I want this blog to be like a conversation with you all.
Travelling Solo As a Young Woman: the do's and don't's
If you follow my Instagram, you'll know I spent a little bit of time abroad this year, following the sun from Australia all the way to Europe, just like every other Aussie from the east coast.
This wasn't the first time I've travelled, but it was the first time I did some of it completely solo without the comfort or fall back of a group tour or friends to meet up with.
As a 29-year-old, I have heard everything from the horror stories to the fairytales about why you should solo travel, and I'm here to tell you, it IS worth it.
I won't blabber on about how amazing it is and what a great time I had, because travelling is obviously one of my passions and I know how travellers can sound droning on and on about how good their most recent trip was.
That being said, it was amazing - but it wasn't without its downsides.
I'll start off with the negative aspects of solo travelling and end with the great ones.
First of all, it is scary - no matter how old you are. Particularly if you don't like being by yourself or you're not used to it. The first two days I was solo I definitely needed the me-time, but after that I was fully thrown into the deep end of introducing myself and meeting new people. For me this wasn't an issue - I am a generally friendly person and enjoy meeting new people, so I would just go right up to people and chat or make conversation with the people in my hostel rooms. This is obviously very specific to hostel situations, but the most important thing to remember is that if you are solo travelling and staying in and out of hostels, you are all there to meet new people and the other people staying there are most likely in the same situation as you or are expecting people to come and talk.
The other fear factor is for women and queer identifying people - being alone can be scary and often a threat to your safety. On this front I would say there are a few things that you can do to avoid getting into a bad situation.
The first one is ALWAYS trust your intuition !!!!! I cannot scream this enough. There will be times when you just know the vibes are off, trust those moments and get yourself to a safer environment or away from the people making you feel that way.
The second one is to be very selective of who you tell that you're travelling solo, particularly when you meet new people. One of my favourite ways to avoid the question of "are you alone" is to say I'm on my way to meet my friends, or that we are doing different activities that day and that we're meeting later. This gives the impression that people are waiting to hear from you that are immediately accessible should something go wrong.
The second tip I have for anyone looking to travel solo is to PACK LIGHT!! I didn't take my own advice and let me tell you, two months of dragging around 22kgs was DRAINING.
I would also recommend to get a backpack bag if you can - like a hiking bag. I'm travelling again in May and I will be investing in a bag that I can carry. Particularly in Europe, the stairs are abundant and everywhere. The roll-wheel suitcases are so irritating to pull around and if you have bad luck like me and many other people I met this year, the wheels can't take cobblestones and WILL break.
The third tip I have is to really think wisely about your itinerary. Make sure your travel days aren't ridiculously long because you didn't take into account train or plane transfer times. Also take night buses if you can in between locations - I did this in Turkiye between Olympos, Cappadocia and Istanbul and I'll be doing it again the next time I travel. Overnight buses save you a load of cash in flight fees and also a night's accomodation that you wouldn't be using. Plus it cuts out a travel day and you can enjoy more time in your destinations!
My last tip is to have fun. There will be people who put you down, think solo travel is stupid or try to dissuade you from going on the trip of a life time. I have heard all the shit that can be said when it comes to solo travelling from family members, acquaintances and people who don't even know me - I ignored it all and have had multiple amazing trips. So many of my life long friends have been made from travelling and I have learnt so much about myself along the way.
I think everyone should solo travel at least once in their life, we are all better people for it.
If you have any questions about solo travel that you think I can answer, please feel free to message me! Or let me know where you've been solo travelling or where your next destination is! There is nothing I love to chat about more than travelling.
Love you all, I'll be back here on a more consistent basis from here on out.
I’ve spent a little while contemplating on whether or not to create a blog post for this but I figured there is no harm in it, and maybe someone will take something from this the way that I take lessons from other peoples’ confessions.
I have spent 29 years on this earth so far and only very recently have I started writing myself letters on my birthday, listing all the things that I’ve learnt in the year prior.
Like most other things I post about on this blog, I’ve made a YouTube video talking about this year’s list and the reasons behind each lesson, which you can watch here, but if you prefer to read through lists and come back to them later etc, like I often do, please continue reading and let me know in the comments if you are going to take on any of the lessons I’ve learnt myself, or if you’re going to start making your own list! I’d love to hear your lessons.
29 Lessons from 29 years of living:
1. I am truly capable of creating any life or manifesting any opportunity I want.
2. I should take as good care of my health as possible.
3. Always try to learn something from any given situation.
4. Sometimes, things are just shit and can’t be turned into a learning experience.
5. Not all friendships are meant to last, no matter how badly you want them to.
6. Let go of people who make you feel like shit.
7. Don’t lower your standards - let the good people come to you, they will.
8. Trust you intuition! It never ever misses.
9. Read the book, watch the movie and rest when you need it. Enjoyment isn’t always productive.
10. Never get tired of going to things by yourself - that’s when you have the most fun.
11. Drink water - as much as you can.
12. Always wear sunscreen - it’s the reason people are looking younger and younger!
13. Journalling helps your mental health - keep this habit up.
14. Moving your body at least once a day and preferably in the morning makes you so much happier.
15. Keep trying to learn that second or third language - your brain works better because of it.
16. You are lucky - even when you don’t feel like it.
17. One walk a day is an act of rebellion against productivity and capitalism! (Read Sarah Wilson’s This one wild and precious life to understand this one)
18. Look around you - take stock of the beautiful world we are in - look up from your phone!!
19. Don’t get caught up in what other people think of you - if you’re happy and not hurting anyone, fuck what anyone else thinks.
20. Some people don’t deserve your forgiveness, your time or your energy.
21. The love you’ve given others they they haven’t returned is never wasted.
22. Believe that love is out there - you give it to yourself everyday.
23. Finding time to be creative is an essential part of your happiness.
24. Sometimes you can keep a little secret for yourself - it’s fun!
25. Always looking for a silver lining isn’t weakness - finding a light in the dark is strength.
26. Meditation is important - it makes you kinder.
27. If you want to do something, jump at it without hesitation - we only have only life, and it truly isn’t that long.
28. Find beauty and fun in the small moments in life - the mundane can be the best parts.
29. Never stop believing that a dream can become reality - what is meant for you will never pass you by and if you’ve imagined it, it is meant to be yours.
If you’ve gotten to the bottom of this post, thank you for taking the time to read my words and thoughts - these are deeply personal to me, but if you’ve gotten anything from them, I’m glad.
I hope wherever you are and whoever you are, that you’re having a wonderful day and being your truest and most authentic self.
Wellness: Through & Through | Part Six: The 5am Club
I’ve spent the last decade online watching videos and reading blogs and articles all claiming that waking up at 5am is the key to changing your life, being productive, becoming to most successful person in the world, the list goes ON.
As part of this experiment on my body that I’ve been undertaking here on Wellness: Through & Through, I really wanted to try out waking up at 5am and see what changes it had on my life and body.
If you’re more of a video person, I’ve uploaded a video to my channel for you to watch here, but if you want to see a structured, written out approach, come with me through a journal style approach to waking up at 5am.
Immediately when I first thought about getting into the 5am routine, I was filled with doubts at the possibility of me becoming a morning person.
I had hated waking up early for 7am starts when I was in retail and hospitality, I could never imagine doing it WILLINGLY, let alone enjoying it.
But was I in for the shock of my life - waking up at 5am has changed my life, and I will never go back.
There are so many significant changes I’ve noticed in my daily routine that have been positive additions since starting my 5am routine and I hate to admit it, but all those articles were correct. It is life changing, you do become a better person.
I want to start this from the outset saying that waking up at 5am is not going to be for everyone. But I think if the idea has crossed your mind ever, it’s worth giving it a go.
The biggest change I’ve found in waking up at 5am is that when combined with early morning exercise, I am so much more productive throughout my entire day. It’s actually embarrassing to think about what I was doing before I was waking up at 5am.
I was doing so much less, I was a lot more lethargic and I was procrastinating a huge amount throughout the day.
I’m not in any way saying that waking up at 5am has fixed all my problems or cured my love of procrastination, but I am so much more focused and on point when I’m waking up and exercising before the sun has risen.
I have noticed that when exercise is not factored into the morning routine, I am less productive so that should be noted, but it’s a huge thing that has changed for me.
Combined in that little change, I’ve noticed I am far less lethargic throughout the afternoon, a fact that has really surprised me.
Where I would normally go through a mid-afternoon slump, I am powering through my to-do lists, work or off time on the weekends. It’s like a magic trick.
I’m not sure what the cause of this is, but I’m sure there is a scientist out there who has done a study on it.
One thing I have enjoyed thoroughly about waking up at 5am, is the extra two hours I get to myself in the morning. Where I was rushing around, shoving my breakfast down my throat and burning my mouth on hot coffee, now I am relaxed, showered and able to eat my breakfast at a normal pace while reading a book.
There is also a beautiful smell in the air early in the morning, that fades away as the day goes on. I can’t describe it, but I’m sure other people who are early risers can relate. It’s a fresh, crisp smell that hits your nose, and it almost is what I would imagine a fresh imagination to smell like.
I think deep down it’s the knowledge that nothing bad has happened in the day yet, and there is so much opportunity yet to come, it’s the smell of a new beginning!
A beautiful part of waking up so early is getting the opportunity to see the sunrise every single day. It’s getting later for me as daylight savings has ended in Melbourne and winter is setting in, but there is really nothing like watching the sunrise and the day begin, knowing you’ve already gotten through the first few hours.
So, if you hadn’t already guessed, this is a tried and approved message to give the 5am club a go. I honestly am obsessed with waking up early now. I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older and this is what happens, but it’s definitely something I wish I had done earlier.
Two tips I have for anyone giving this a go:
1. Preparation is key: make sure you’re getting enough sleep the night before, that you’re hydrated before bed and that you have your clothes ready to go for the following morning to motivate you to move from the comfortable pillow palace you’ve made yourself over night. It will be a rough first week/two weeks when you begin, but if you’re ready to go from the moment you open your eyes, it will make it so much easier.
2. Have a consequence for not getting up - I always book a 6am pilates class to force me out of bed, otherwise I’ll cop a late cancellation or a no-show fee. Having something to do as soon as you get up is honestly the key to success with this, especially if you’re a lover of sleep like I am.
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself if you’re giving this a go, it’s not the easiest thing in the world to conquer. The day won’t change if you get up at 5.30am or 5.45am, but I think it’s really worth giving it a go, even just to give yourself an extra few hours in the morning to do something you enjoy, like read a book, or catch up on a TV show.
Let me know if you give this one a go, and how you enjoyed/hated it in the comments below!
You can find me on all my other socials using the handle @kweenofthieves, but outside that, I’ll be back with you all next week!
Wellness: Through & Through | Part Five: the way your friends can change your life
Friends have such a significant impact on our mental health and it often goes unnoticed.
I’ve spent the last five years cultivating my circle, with many people coming and going of their own accord. I’ve come to realise that the people I have around me are directly indicative of the state of my mental health.
When I was 22, I experienced a really tough breakup of a pretty toxic relationship. I came out of that period of my life with three friends, all of whom are still in my life today. From that holy trinity, I began to rebuild my circle.
I had spent two years with a person who had isolated me from an entire roster of great people who had (understandably) tapped out or had enough. I sometimes wonder how the three remaining people persevered with me through the tumultuous time, but I’m more than grateful that they did.
So building a new circle at the edge of my mid-twenties was definitely a challenge, but one I am so glad I undertook.
I inherited some of the most wonderful, smart, hilarious and beautiful friends I’ve ever made in my mid-late twenties, and I cannot wait to see who else I bring in as the years go on.
I know this isn’t technically fitting within the theme of methods or ways to create a better environment for health and wellbeing, but I think that is definitely an essential part of giving yourself a better chance at a more positive life.
I also want to put a disclaimer out there that I’m not at all saying the goal is to have a completely and always positive life - that is impossible and toxic. I’m just saying having a really good quality group of friends who make you feel good about yourself is putting yourself in the bets position you can to recover from the bad days, weeks or sometimes months.
It all comes down to two simple ideas:
1. Being around good people makes you want to be a good person
2. People who genuinely care about you will have your best interests at heart and will try to act accordingly
Both of these things lean towards the one solution: stay away from people who make you feel shit about yourself.
If you’re in a place where you’re unable to make new friends or you’re finding it difficult, fear not! The people meant for you will come to you. I’m just saying that in the mean time, be strategic with who your friends are - drop the people who make you feel bad or those who bring out the worst in you, and focus on the relationships that make you feel good. Cultivate those. They inform the relationship you have with yourself.
I believe that the relationship you have with yourself is directly reflected in the ones you have with those around you.
There are plenty of ways to meet new people, only you can decide what you feel comfortable with. Just know that the people you have around you will influence the way you feel and move about the world. Put yourself in the best position you can for yourself.
With that, I’m concluding week five of my experiment! Let me know if you’ve reflected on your group and how it’s made you feel down in the comments or over on my other socials. Can’t wait to check back in with you all next week!
If you are joining me on this group science experiment, where I investigating what wellness truly means and how I am achieving it, both physically and mentally, welcome! Comment below any suggestions or trends you are seeing to do with wellness that you’re too afraid to try yourself - I will try them. Also let me know if you tried adding ten thousand steps a day into your routine because of this post or my video! I’d love to hear your feedback :)
If you want to follow along with this experiment with me on a daily basis, please follow my Instagram and TikTok accounts, I am much more active on there and will have little updates throughout the weeks that I am posting the videos.
Leave any comments down below or in my questions box, and we can chat!
As always thank you for being hear and reading my musings, all my love,
Wellness: Through & Through | Part Four: 10k Steps a Day
I'm sure you've seen the benefits and articles etc pop up over your social feeds or in the news going through all the health benefits of doing ten thousand steps daily. In this blog post I'll be covering only what I specifically have found to be beneficial for me. If you haven't already, watch this video on my YouTube channel where I go through all my thoughts on how doing ten thousand steps a day has helped me, or just keep reading if you prefer the written word! So without further ado, let's get into the nitty gritty of how I feel about the ten thousand steps a day trend.
I'll be honest, this is another trend I wasn't sold on when I first started doing it. I thought: how could doing ten thousand steps in a day possibly change my life or benefit my health that much? I was already doing up to five thousand a day, and I had noticed very little difference in my body and health.
I will say, I've whole heartedly converted now. I love doing my daily steps and there are so many reasons why.
I want to start by saying the physical health benefits of walking or running ten thousand steps a day are outweighed by the mental health benefits for me. Of course I'm sure there are specific benefits to our bodies for being active, but in my case I've found the difference truly to be mental rather than physical.
The first benefit I have felt through getting in my steps is purely just feeling good and being outside. I always tend to get outside into a park or the streets surrounding my house to do my steps and I can't recommend this enough.
There truly is something magical about feeling fresh air on your cheeks and the earth existing around us, it's like meditation in movement. I normally will listen to a podcast when I'm walking, or a playlist when I'm running, but sometimes I just like to free walk and listen to nature around me. One of the things I spoke a lot about in the video was that when you're doing a walk consistently, you get to see the world slowly change around you - this is something I absolutely love. I see the same birds and their babies once a year, and watch them grow; and the same trees that were so small when I first moved to the area are now growing and maturing around me. Being a part of nature reminds me that even though I often can't see it, I too am growing and changing daily too.
The second thing I really love about getting in my ten thousand steps a day is the way it slows my mind down. I often have so many thoughts running through my mind on a day to day basis that I often get overwhelmed. I've found that actively doing ten thousand steps a day and taking the time out to go for a walk has helped to slow that constant flow of thoughts. This is different from when I run, as my brain is only able to process one thought at a time, but walking slows it down significantly too.
The third thing I love about getting in ten thousand steps a day is the habitual nature of it.
I know I have to make time for myself and the steps, therefore figuring out where I can do that in my day is like a fun daily tradition I have with myself.
I am by nature quite habitual, so this is a huge thing for me.
This sort of relates to being able to tick something easy off my to-do list, and therefore motivating me to get everything else done too. I function best when I'm busy and achieving things simultaneously, so being able to tick stuff off is really helpful to my motivation levels.
The final thing I love about getting in ten thousand steps a day is that it forces me to move my body at least once in a mindful way. I get so caught up in my day-to-day life with working and socialising and all the other things that happen in our busy lives, that I often forget to give my body the opportunity to move around. Doing the ten thousand steps is a way that I can make sure that I am being active in myself and making sure I move my body and muscles to keep my body as healthy as possible for the future, and for my day to day life. It gives me a break away from my phone and laptop, and from the noise of responsibilities.
With that, I’m concluding week four of my experiment! Let me know if you’ve gotten onto 10k steps a day and how it’s made you feel down in the comments or over on my other socials. Can’t wait to check back in with you all next week with my sleep analysis!
If you are joining me on this group science experiment, where I investigating what wellness truly means and how I am achieving it, both physically and mentally, welcome! Comment below any suggestions or trends you are seeing to do with wellness that you’re too afraid to try yourself - I will try them. Also let me know if you tried adding ten thousand steps a day into your routine because of this post or my video! I’d love to hear your feedback :)
If you want to follow along with this experiment with me on a daily basis, please follow my Instagram and TikTok accounts, I am much more active on there and will have little updates throughout the weeks that I am posting the videos.
Leave any comments down below or in my questions box, and we can chat!
As always thank you for being hear and reading my musings, all my love,
Wellness: Through & Through | Part Three: Vision Boards
It will come as no surprise to anybody that I am a huge fan of vision boards.
I’ve been making them for years, and using them as visualisation tactics. I personally love the way it feels to collect the images, compile them into the categories that relate to my goals and motivations, the feeling of cutting them out and really looking. Imaging myself achieving these things and what it would feel like. The freedom and joy I would feel, on top of that which I already feel in this moment.
Given that I love all these things about vision boards, I thought it only apt to discuss them in this part of my series Wellness: Through & Through. In my video dedicated to vision boards on my channel, I barely scratch the surface on how great vision boards are, and I have really enjoyed taking the time to deep dive into my I love them here. So let’s get into it.
The first thing I love about creating a vision board is the thinking and imagination process. I always list my goals, aims and dreams in my notes app on my phone or as a list in my journal, and then really think on what I want for the year, month, week or whatever time period I’m making the vision board for.
Once the list is done, I go through old magazines that I’ve had saving for that moment and through Pinterest, and find different images that reflect those goals. Once I’ve found these images, I print them all out, cut them out and then place them onto my chosen vision board.
This part in itself feels so powerful to me, the fact that I have thought up these goals and wishes and dreams and so easily found photos that represent all of them, and collating them together. A vision board is truly a life map when you really deep it - it’s what you want your life to look like, and you’re giving yourself a tangible thing to really visualise it and see that it is possible.
The physicality of having the photos in your hands and putting them down onto a piece of paper that you can see everyday if you want to, and knowing that it’s you that will be living those dreams in the future is a potent part of manifestation.
The second thing I love about vision boards is that they give you something to aspire to or work towards. If I’m having a down day and feeling unmotivated or uninspired to do something, I will take out ten minutes of my day and meditate in front of the vision board. Looking at the photos and reminding myself what I’m working towards pulls me out of most funks.
It is also a great way to track your own progress in the same sense - whenever I do something or achieve something on my vision board I always tick it off, and express gratitude for my own hard-work and the results that has yielded. Ticking something off the list also reminds me how close and how easy it is for me to achieve my dreams when I put my mind and hands to work.
The second thing I love is having something to look back on during the year and knowing that the goals and dreams documented on the board have already happened - time just has to catch up. Slowly I know everything always happens and comes true. It also reminds me of what I started from when I first made the vision board.
The third thing that I love about vision boards is that it really connects me to my inner child. I feel like I’m back in primary school, going through old magazines of mine and my mums and tearing out pictures of things that inspire me, things I want to recreate and things I purely just like for the fun of it. Collages and image mosaics were just fun games to me as a child, I never imagined that I would be making them well into adulthood.
From here, my advice is to try making a vision board and see if it’s right for you! I think it definitely is not a one size fits all practice, it’s either for you, or it’s not. But if you love it, you will love it - so give it a go!
If you try out making a vision board, send me a photo or comment below! I always love seeing what people create, and hearing about what people aspire to! The more we talk about our dreams and goals out loud in positive ways, the more likely we are to work towards them and the more likely they are to happen!
If you are joining me on this group science experiment, investigating what wellness truly means and how I am achieving it, both physically and mentally, welcome! Comment below any suggestions or trends you are seeing to do with wellness that you’re too afraid to try yourself - I will try them. Also let me know if you tried pilates because of this post or my video! I’d love to hear your feedback :)
If you want to follow along with this experiment with me on a daily basis, please follow my Instagram and TikTok accounts, I am much more active on there and will have little updates throughout the weeks that I am posting the videos.
Leave any comments down below or in my questions box, and we can chat!
As always thank you for being hear and reading my musings, all my love,
If you subscribe to me, you’d know I posted a video on my channel not very long ago about my experience trying pilates for two months. It’s now been four months, and I can fully say that I am a member of the pilates cult that seems to be taking girl social media by storm.
I remember the first time I really began to see the rise in popularity of reformer, and it was just after an article where Lori Harvey said she loved pilates. After that, pilates was everywhere, and I really mean everywhere.
On TikTok, Instagram, Facebook even, my colleagues in the office were talking about how they were thinking of trying it, and my friends were signing up to expensive studios around Melbourne to get into the newest fad of fitness.
I say fad very loosely, because once I began classes at my local studio, I realised this trend was very quickly going to become a habit for me.
I’ll be honest, I was doubtful about whether pilates would do anything crazy to my body, and boy was I surprised! I had heard one of my friends talk about it previously but didn’t really think anything of it, until suddenly every second girl and their mother were achieving insane results from five 45 minute workouts a week.
I was flawed. I wish I’d listened to my friend sooner (take this as a lesson well learnt from me). So my friend and I decided to join a studio, and we got a pretty good starter deal. Pilates is quite expensive, it’s definitely not an affordable fitness method if you’re wanting to go to an actual studio, I will say that much.
Four months down the track, I can genuinely say I’ve never stuck to any fitness regime the way I have stuck to pilates, and I have never felt better. In the first two months of going to pilates consistently, I dropped FOUR KILOGRAMS without trying.
A disclaimer to this is that I never started this wellness adventure to lose weight - I don’t hate my body or myself, and I always wanted the focus to remain on how I feel about myself and my mental wellbeing, and what ways my physical health could assist with improving those aspects of my life. That being said, I can’t ignore the obvious difference in my body since beginning pilates.
Outside that, and now that I am well into my pilates obsession, I have a few notes on the difference it has made on my body.
I feel stronger in all ways, and I’m sleeping way better. I have gotten myself into the routine of getting up early to go to the studio and take a class before my work day begins and I notice that I have so much more mental clarity and motivation throughout my day. If I don’t get up and exercise before beginning my workday I often feel lethargic and foggy in my mind. I love the feeling of finishing a class and coming out of the heated room into the fresh air - my cheeks flushed and lungs breathing in the crisp smells of the early morning, and the satisfaction I feel when I finish a really tough class. I have increased my weight usage from 2kgs being my difficult weight to 4kg. I’m just happier as a person, obviously because any exercise creates endorphins.
If you’ve been looking for a sign to try out pilates, let it be this - it is honestly the best investment I’ve ever made in my health and fitness, and it’s an inclusive environment. It’s not necessarily price effective if you want to go to a studio, but there are so many free videos on YouTube you can use too - please try it if you’re even thinking about it.
If you are joining me on this group science experiment, investigating what wellness truly means and how I am achieving it, both physically and mentally, welcome! Comment below any suggestions or trends you are seeing to do with wellness that you’re too afraid to try yourself - I will try them. Also let me know if you tried pilates because of this post or my video! I’d love to hear your feedback :)
If you want to follow along with this experiment with me on a daily basis, please follow my Instagram and TikTok accounts, I am much more active on there and will have little updates throughout the weeks that I am posting the videos.
Leave any comments down below or in my questions box, and we can chat!
Earlier in the week, I made a return to my YouTube channel, after almost a year of not being motivated or inspired to post.
I got more into it in the video here, but I have also been writing about the way my mental health has negatively impacted my motivation levels here for quite a while now.
While filming the video, I had a brainwave, and decided to make the experiments I was doing with myself into a series.
I have decided to call the series Wellness: Through & Through.
What exactly does that mean? Let’s talk about it.
When I say wellness: through and through, I am referring to being both mentally and physically well. I think so many people make the link between mental and physical health, but it’s rarely a factor in wellness series that I have seen.
In my search for other people experiencing the same things that I was, I could find people who were undertaking the physical health journey, or a mental health journey, but not very many people who were undertaking both at the same time. This is something that I really want to explore with myself, and if I’m looking for other people doing this, then I’m sure there is an audience out there looking for something similar.
So over the next twelve weeks, I have a video plan, with each video focusing on a physical or mental method that I am currently trying, or where I chat about things that have helped me along the way.
Each video will be an in depth look into each method, and all the little notes that I have made on where it is working and where it isn’t working for me. All of this is to say that none of these videos or posts are instructional, but rather, they are informative.
I am not a doctor.
I am not a replacement for seeking necessary medical help.
I am not saying anybody should do any of these things instead of seeking medical attention.
I am simply a person who is trying out different things I have seen spoken about on the internet, or in books or in podcasts, that are attainable to the average person, and working out if those things work for me.
I want my YouTube channel to be a place where you can chat with me about trends or methods you have seen, and where you can suggest things that maybe you are too scared or apprehensive to try, or methods that you are cynical about and I can give them a whirl and review the process.
More than anything, I want to create a space that cultivates trust and comfort for myself and for others to chat and maybe feel inspired to try something new! I also would love to create a space for people to chat about their own adventures with health, so we can all learn from each other.
Each video will be accompanied by a complementary post just like this one, for those of us who either prefer to read or for others who want a more structured look into each video and method. I am still figuring out the exact way that I want to set these out, so if you’re watching along or reading along, people feel free to reach out with your own suggestions or questions as to what I should try or how you would like to see me deliver my thoughts.
I can’t wait to share my findings with you and to hear your feedback and thoughts as well! This has been a long time coming for me, and something that I am so excited to undertake.
I want this to be like a group science experiment, where I am the hypothesis and test subject.
If you want to follow along with this experiment with me on a daily basis, please follow my Instagram and TikTok accounts, I am much more active on there and will have little updates throughout the weeks that I am posting the videos.
Leave any comments down below or in my questions box, and we can chat!
Even though I take pride in everything I do, I often have trouble accepting praise, both from myself and from others. This is something I’ve written profusely about in my journal, and a strange quirk about myself that I often ponder.
Why can’t I accept praise for the work that I do? Why can’t I take a moment in time to acknowledge something good I’ve done, and celebrate it?
I think it roots from my perfectionism, where I think that everything I do could be done that tiny bit better, and also from the way society has taught women to talk down to ourselves, and diminish the work that we do.
I know that I am not isolated in this inability to accept praise, so I thought I would dive a bit deeper into it today.
In my journal a few weeks ago, I was writing about a moment I had at work, where I had received praise from a colleague who I deeply admire, and wish to be like one day. In the moment I, of course, accepted the praise with positivity and gratitude, but inside I felt like I was an imposter, like how could I possibly be receiving this compliment for such little work?
Imposter syndrome is something I have struggled with constantly in my working life, and I continue to struggle with it daily. I never think I’m doing enough and I always think I could work better. I have come to realise that this is often a figment of my imagination, and that I am in fact deserving of being exactly where I am at any given time. I am a hard worker and dedicated to whatever it is that I am doing.
I can’t help but draw the connection between imposter syndrome and being unable to accept praise within myself. I use affirmations constantly to reverse this negative practice I have going inside my own head, and often it does work - the power of words is amazing, and almost always a mood booster for me.
But what do I do when affirmations only go so far? Well I have come to realise that I have to give myself a break and some credit, and a moment to enjoy the successes I am having, no matter how small.
I think there is a psychological link between being unable to accept praise, and being unable to accept goodness into your life, and that is definitely not something I want to believe about myself. I always welcome good things into my life and experience, and I am working on transforming my current inability to accept praise so that in the future, I can harness the power of my own positive thoughts to manifest the next steps in life.
To do this, I have had to confront why it is that I find it so hard to accept a compliment. I think it began when I exited a very toxic and in many ways abusive relationship. I left that person hating everything about myself, from the sound of my laugh to what I look like. I didn’t look in the mirror for at least 4 months following the breakup. After that experience, I pulled myself out of the dark place that I was in, and have found solace in loving myself at all levels.
So now, I can give myself compliments, and receive them for my physical appearance and personality, but I had not realised the depth at which the issue had imprinted onto my psyche. This internal disapproval of myself had seeped into my work mind and I hadn’t even realised it.
I found myself journaling about this, and wondering, where do I go from here? I can’t face this issue the same way I faced those with my physical appearance, so what can I do? And I need to solve it quickly, otherwise I would be stuck in a rut for much of my professional life.
I’ll be honest - the truth is, I don’t know the answer. At this stage, I have been using affirmations and regular meditation coupled with journaling to combat the moments where I notice it happening, and changing my language when I talk about myself - i.e. “I’m just a writer”, or “I’m just doing a masters”.
These are simple examples of what happens in my mind throughout the day, and I constantly scold myself for reducing myself to “just” anything. I am working on constantly being a proud hard worker, a good writer and a positive, ambitious person. These are emotions and things that I deserve to feel and believe about myself.
For anyone else out there who has these thoughts like I do, if you diminish yourself, or say the phrase “I am just …”, take this as a sign to speak nicely to yourself, and to give yourself a break from self-oppression. Challenge yourself this week and accept one complement given from yourself, and one compliment from another person, and really truly, accept them. Believe them. Believe in yourself.
If I figure out a quicker way to get out of the negative self-talk and into better feed-back loops I’ll share it, but for now, good luck to you and to me! We all need it.
As I’ve been going through my wellness journey, I have been thinking a lot about gratitude, and what role it plays in my life.
I find myself rarely using the word outside my journal, but I often feel it. I write lists of the things I’m grateful for, including gratitude for my living situation, the health of my family and the circumstances of my life. I am truly grateful for all these things and for so much more, including books, music, art and all the wonderful things we get to experience as humans in our everyday life.
Despite being eternally grateful for all these things, I often think the word gratitude is overused, most often in the media it is banded around with carelessness and a lack of understanding about its true depth.
My biggest problem, personally, with the word itself, is that I don’t actively participate in the practice of gratitude enough. So I really wanted to deep dive into that thought.
Like I said above, I often use the word gratitude, and write my lists into my journal, particularly when I’m in a sad place and need a boost. This in itself is a really helpful practice that I used to pull myself out of dark places.
However, I noticed a few days ago, that I turn to my wellness practices and methods more often when I am going through a rough patch that when I am in a happy place. While I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with doing this, I think it’s an interesting thing to notice about myself, as I am often more focused on achieving the emotion of happiness and the feeling of wellness than I am on maintaining it.
As I move through life, I understand more and more about myself, and I don’t think I’m alone in this motif. One thing I promised myself this year, was that I would create a routine that I can sustainably maintain to focus on my health, both physical and mental. I definitely have been more on that path recently, and have been building healthier habits over time, so I can recognise that figuring out these little toxic habits aren’t the root of all evil in my life, but they aren’t helping me move away from it either.
The practice of pulling myself out of negative states of mind or feelings of being in a rut is an art that I have been perfecting for many years. As a self confessed perfectionist, I often focus on the details of every thing I do, often forgetting to look at either the bigger picture, the steps I have achieved previously, or the culmination of both these things. Sometimes I forget that I have achieved amazing things, especially when I’m bogged down in something that I feel I’m not doing well enough. Over the years I have had to actively teach myself that these thoughts are not helping anyone or making me feel good at all, and I have found methods in moving away from them into a more positive state.
This is when I began writing my gratitude lists. They aren’t always called ‘gratitude lists’, sometimes I head them as ‘things I like about myself’, or ‘compliments that really touched my heart’, or ‘what have I done well this week?’
These lists are such a great helper in so many ways, and almost always instantly improve my mood and trains of thought. It’s my own little version of reprogramming my brain (and by ‘my own little version’ I don’t mean that I made this method up, I just mean that it works for me, A LOT).
With that being said, I don’t often find myself doing this when I am happy - which arguably, is when the best lists could be formulated. This is a practice I really would like to add back into my day, even when I’m having the best day ever.
There is so much material already out there on the power gratitude has over manifesting new goals and creating a more positive life, and I believe that research 100%. I think it’s a natural human behaviour to not take as much notice of when something is going great, just like we take to heart criticism more than compliments. I actively want to reject my negative thought processes (when necessary), and fill that empty space with gratitude. How will I do that? I’m not sure, but I think the first step to any successful experiment is practice - practice makes perfect.
So today, as I am having an excellent day, I am making a gratitude list for all of you to read (If you’ve made it this far down the blog).
Today I am grateful for
1. My dog
2. The feeling of fresh air on your face when you’re hungover.
3. Good food and access to clean drinking water.
4. Good books and greater storytellers.
5. Cloud formations.
6. The sound of rain
7. FaceTime and its ability to link up my family even when we are all far from home.
8. Music.
9. Pens that feel like they’re gliding when you’re writing.
10. Bird sounds.
Tell me three things that you are grateful for right now in the comments, and I’ll see you next week.
Thank you for taking a few moments out of your day to read this.
My secret is that despite my outward presentation, I’ve been really struggling with my mental health for the most part of 2022.
I find it difficult sometimes to be open and vulnerable about it, because I feel that so often my own issues and struggles are so much less severe than other people out there, and that I have enormous privileges that other people don’t have access to.
So in that vein, I want to first acknowledge and express with the greatest gratitude the luck that I have in having great parents, understanding friends and a roof over my head. I am surrounded by people who care about me, and I have access to food, hot and cold running water, and a great job that I enjoy doing most of the time. I have everything that a person needs in their life to be happy and healthy, and yet I still struggle with my mental health.
So let’s really talk about mental health, self care and the trend of toxic positivity.
Throughout the pandemic, my circumstances changed (by my own choice) and for the most part, I was happy and can honestly say, I built a number of health habits that I maintained throughout the lockdown period, that I carried through until we were well and truly out of the worst of it.
I went through a phase at the beginning of this year, where I got a new job and started working In a role that I had never even thought possible for me just two years prior. I am now a paid journalist, working in Melbourne, and I get the opportunity to do some really cool things during the week while I’m working.
At this time, I was also recovering from Covid, which I also link to my decline in mental health, as a few things happened on the peripheral of my life at that time, which caused me to really think about who I was spending my time with, and where I was sharing positive and supportive energy.
Throughout the following months, I started to really retreat back into myself. I was spending more and more time at my parents house, I found little joy in the work that I was doing, I fell behind in uni and stopped doing the things that I loved to do. I also stopped following the habits that I had so carefully maintained and built throughout the lockdowns in Melbourne.
I think it was only in August of this year, where I really stopped myself and looked in the mirror - I was a person that I barely recognised anymore. I had lost my zest for life and I was really not enjoying anything. My body had changed, due to lack of healthy physical activity, and my focus had strayed from anything productive.
I journaled and tried to start doing all the things I knew would help to pull myself out of this self-made hole, but to no avail. It came to a head at the end of August, when I moved back into my family home, and I had the space to really let myself relax, feel safe, and heal from the inside out; until I got to a point where I could look at what was going on inside my head from a space where I could actively do something about it.
What I have found is that despite the fact that everyone is constantly trying to be “that girl” or portray a life of perfection and constant positivity, it truly is not conducive to a healthy relationship with yourself. I know that is not by any means an original thought at all, but the more I notice it, the more I can’t un-see it.
I have clocked it in myself, that when I am attempting to portray a life of perfection and pure joy 100% of the time, it is in fact when I am the least happy, And when I am trying to convince others that I don’t care about a potentially hurtful situation, I am actually more often than not, very upset about it. I can’t speak for anybody outside of myself, but I think it’s worth saying - that it’s ok to care about people and things.
My generation particularly, and from what I am seeing of the following generations, are so caught up in trying to care less, and pretending to be too cool for things, because the whole cult of mindfulness has been only partially absorbed - when something is genuinely upsetting, you are allowed to be upset about it. People treating you badly is a very good reason to be sad, losing an opportunity that you really wanted is disappointing, and not being exactly where you expected yourself to be right now can be extremely disconcerting. Pretending that you’re fine when in fact you are struggling, are sad, are unhappy or uncomfortable, or just generally annoyed, is stifling your ability to express yourself in a healthy way.
I noticed after moving back into my family home, that I had found myself in a place where I didn’t feel comfortable expressing myself fully in any other environment. And among other things, the little voice in my head that I normally keep wrangled in a genie lamp, had become so powerful and loud, that it was all I could hear and all I was listening to. And it was at that point, that I was actively able to step away from the negative self talk inside my own head, and start doing things that would allow me to recalibrate my brain.
Obviously this is not an all in one fix or solution, and for many other people they need more assistance than a journal and a couple of weeks in a safe space with more than 4 hours sleep a night, and I probably could use the help of a therapist. But for now, I am truly trying to do my best to feel emotions as they come to me, and to not suppress them. I am doing my best to counteract negative and invasive thoughts with my own active positive thoughts. I have started doing things I love again, I have started making lists and enjoying the life I am living again. I am trying new things, and realigning with my goals and dreams again. I am truly moving back into the old self I had cultivated in 2020, and it wasn’t by pretending everything was fine and I was perfectly happy with the way it was going.
I’m not saying this is for everyone, but I really want to try and be as open as I possibly can be with my own mental health struggles, because I feel as though everyone talks about them on a surface level, but never really tries to tackle them in depth or go into them in a serious way. This was very much just a rambling post about where I am in life with my mental health and I’m not really sure I said anything helpful, but it’s helped me in a way, so someone else out there might need this too!
Anyway, that’s all for now, I’m going to be a lot more active on my social platforms from this week going forward, so you’ll hopefully be seeing a bit more from me. If you’ve gotten to the end of this post, thank you so much for being here, I love and appreciate all of you that take the time out to consume what I create. Please feel free to reach out at any moment in time, or comment down below what struggles you’re having currently - a problem shared is a problem halved.
