#state quotes

[iliveinaconstantstateoffire]

FL: you can literally put anything on pizza.

OK: pepperoni!

GA: lettuce

VA: onions are good, too!

NM: peppers are great on pizza

NY: I'm gonna out tomatoes on my pizza

CO: pineapple

FL: ....

FL: CO, my buddy, my dude, my person. We've talked about this. Pineapple on pizza is a crime

CO: you're outfit is a crime

FL: ...

FL: ... I still love you

CO: ...

CO: I love you, too

[ask-ger-and-usa-states]

Source: Tumblr picture on pintrest

Idaho: TIL that “only” 20 people have been boiled alive in Yellowstone National Park.

Wyoming: charity announcer voice But with your help, we can change that. For just a small monthly donation, you can help us sacrifice a tourist to old faithful every single day.

[iliveinaconstantstateoffire]

Alfred: My sexuality is like water.

VA: Explain.

Alfred: Fluid

VA: ...

GA: ...

Alfred: ...

Literally everyone: ... 

GA: is that your clever way of saying that it was you who broke that vase that the Chinese government gave to us as a gift?

Alfred: the floor was slippery.

VA: Alfred, that vase was from the Han Dynasty.

Alfred: I thought it was from China?

VA: Alfred

GA: Alfred, that vase is older than you

Alfred: everything is older than me. Honestly, I’ve lost any and all respect for old things. If I had to respect every old thing, then I’d have nothing to complain about. Also, I fixed it!

VA: Gorilla gluing it doesn’t count as ‘fixing it’, Alfred.

*Bonus* 

Chinese Government: did you give the American representative the vase like we asked?

China: ...

China: Do you really think I’m going to trust that clumsy child with a token from my own history?

China: No. I gave him a reproduction. It was a pretty superb reproduction, too. 

[iliveinaconstantstateoffire]

*3 A.M.*

KS: *answering the phone* TX, most normal people are sleeping right now, what do you want?

TX: So, if I fed a a goose (geese? Fuck, I hate this language) turkey meat or chicken, would I create a cannibal race of geese?

KS: Texas, go to sleep.

*2 hours later*

KS: What do you want, TX? 

TX: So, geese aren’t, like, venomous, are they? Or poisonous? They’re just vicious bastards with teeth? Asking for a, ah, heavily bleeding friend.

[iliveinaconstantstateoffire]

NY: whatever you do, dont let alfred somehow convince you that hes a good public speaker.

Alfred: excuse you, I am an awesome manipulator and user of words.

*earlier that day*

Alfred: ...

Representative: ....

Alfred: open... the gates. Stop... having them... be closed.

Representative: how did you get into my office where did you come from?

[iliveinaconstantstateoffire]

NY: Okay, TX, take off that crop top, you look like a girl.

TX: *Literally the embodiement of masculinity* am I a pretty girl?

NY: ... 

NY: ...

NY: Yes, erm... you’re beautiful.

[iliveinaconstantstateoffire]

Alfred: *smol, angry youngin, puffing up to pick a fight* I’m gonna fight Russia!

Russia: Whatever you say, small child. 

AK: *tol, angry biggin, furious at being used as a potato in a world game of hot potato and wanting to fight* No, Al, I’m gonna fight Russia. *cocks gun* 

Al: ...

Russia: ...

Al: *0* 

Russia: .... wait, no, I didn’t sign up for this--

AK: 

[iliveinaconstantstateoffire]

MN: *happily chattering away with Quebec in French*

MI: *after Quebec walks away* I didnt know that you knew French.

MN: eh, its more like Canadian French than France French, but yeah. You speak German though, don’t you?

MI: Yeah it’s a pretty neat language. Really cool, too. I speak mostly German and Dutch.

MN: alright, whatever you say.

MI: What’s that supposed to mean?

MN: Nothing, nothing. It’s just, you seem like an awesome flirt and German isnt really… a language for flirting.

MI: ….

MN: ….

MI: you’re allowed your opinion. But I feel like that’s anti-German French propaganda. Pretty ironic, too cause French sounds like you’re gargling marbles.