I feel like I can't get a break. Everytime one thing goes wrong, 50 other things go wrong too. I've got a new family doctor, I guess that's good. But I only met them once, so I'm nervous because they're someone who's so deeply unfamiliar to me. But beyond just that, I'm also really stressed out about my teeth and everything. And about my stomach pains. I have so many problems. I also keep having sore throats or dry throats. It's frustrating. Really, really frustrating.
Some of it is almost certainly hypochondria, but I can't stop feeling teeth pains now. They're all on the right side of my mouth, but I can't tell if they're signs of cavities or if they're signs I've hurt my teeth via clenching or if I'm having wisdom teeth growing in again or what. I can't tell what's going on with my teeth. I really can't tell, because it's not like I have a dentist on call to reassure me or explain to me what's going on, honestly. I hate the teeth pains, but the mystery of it all is what makes me feel ten times worse than anything else.
The teeth that are sore seem to be in the molar region. I almost just felt a fear run down my spine that I was having a tooth grow loose and I really don't want that. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I'm really easily worked up about this stuff. Especially because one of teeth really does feel sore. I think I'm convincing myself I have a cavity with each passing moment, and I don't like that at all.
If I do have a cavity, I don't know how I'll cope with that. Last time I had one was when I was around ten years old. And at that time, I dealt with it really freaking poorly. They had to pull one or more of my teeth out. I agreed to take anaesthesia, because the idea of being awake while getting dental work of that extreme nature done really scared me. What I never counted on was how the anaesthetic tasted, however. So I woke up from being under. All my problems had been fixed.
But that taste… godawful. It tasted like powered strawberry or something, and it made me feel sick. I wanted to go home immediately because I felt absolutely miserable. But they wouldn't let me go home. So I had a massive meltdown, and I was inconsolable with rage. My mom tried to calm me down, and I lashed out. I kicked and punched and led a full assault.
My teeth are sore still. Up in the top right molar area, I think. And yet I still don't know if it's a cavity or if it's all in my own head. No matter what I do here, I feel like I can't win. But it's all stressful for me regardless. I keep getting in my own head, and I just feel miserable because of all this stuff.
I'm scared of having dental work done again. Especially since this old anaesthetic memory lives in my head. It's an old source of trauma, and I don't feel ready to face the fears head on and go down for another anaesthetic based dental operation. But I'm slowly getting myself prepped for the absolute worst case scenarios. I can't even think of a best case scenario here. I want to think of one, but I just can't. I just can't. It's really frustrating, and I'm getting myself all sweaty and hot and bothered again. I hate it.
I've been so worked up about this dental work thing that I haven't mentioned my consistent sore throats and dry throats and everything. For like the past few days now, I'd had a dry throat and a sore throat on a semi-frequent basis. I think it began on…I want to say last tuesday? I don't fully remember. But since it began, I've had a sore throat either every day or every other day. And frankly, I'm getting sick of feeling pains in my throat. The pains aren't enough to stop me talking, they're just enough to make me feel uncomfortable with my voice. And in a weird way, that almost feels just as bad to me.
I'm sure there's more paragraphs I could be writing now. But it's about an hour before bedtime for me when I'm writing this. I mainly wrote this because I felt I hadn't written anything sufficiently in detail to discuss my two newest issues. Because these two things are my two newest and biggest issues lately. The stomach pains are still there to a point, I won't lie. But this has helped eclipse a lot of stuff for me. I really, really don't like it. I just wish I knew where all these problems were coming from, and I wish i just knew how to deal with it.
Our walls are rattling again. The neighbours are shaking it or something again. So that's frustrating. But I'll try not to take away from this post. Because yeah, I have so many problems. And these teeth pains and sore throat issues are the newest things to be bugging me on a consistent basis.
