.... red water.... Apple flavour. Abbleee... mmmmm
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Apple as in the apple of knowledge.
Forbidden knowledge.
As in... knowledge that your whole world isn't real. That it's a game. A lump of code created to entertain.
The knowledge that the only thing separating you from the unbearable agony of being wholly ripped apart over and over, of feeling everything and nothing at the same time, is one individual far beyond your comprehension and your existence masquerading as one of your own.
The knowledge that the people you've got to know and care about are probably constrained by their programing to be how they are. That maybe you are too.
That maybe every choice you think is your own is only a product of a set behaviour. That the people you knew probably don't even exist, figments of your unwilling imagination to make you seem more ' realistic '
That you are trapped in a cage. That your world has ends. Harsh cuts, that it is so so much smaller than you ever thought. That it's a mockery, a pale imitation of a world you will never know.
That you can feel the ground beneath you, that you can run your hand through the grass and drown in it's lakes but if you look close. Close. You'll see it's flat, you'll see the pixels thst it's made up of. That you're made up of.
That the sun you feel on your face has no warmth. That you will never experience warmth because warmth is real and. You. Are. Not. Real.
That your every move is watched, analysed, critiqued by people you will never truly see. People you will never know. People who know you. Do they? Is there anything more to you then what's displayed?
If you were cut open would you bleed? Or would there be nothing but stuffing? Because you are a puppet. A toy for them to play with.
An ant for them to entertain until you bite. And once you bite you will be smushed. Squished. And there will be hundreds like you.
Because you are lines of code and a body that isn't even your own. The body you exist in isn't even your own. It is modeled off a real person. A person who has a life, who has the freedom you will never get a taste of.
There are no laws to your world. Each and every one can be broken, while that may be a benefit at times, it's all fun and games until you're the one being broken and pulled apart. And what could you do? Nothing.
There would be nothing to stop your torment if they saw it fitting. And it wouldn't be punishable, as you are not a real person and therefore your pain doesn't exist, it is an illusion.
That you will be forever disconnected because you know. You know. So why bother? Why interact why be amusing. You will be discarded regardless, so why pander?
If you are to be erased why not have the taste of indulgence be the last thing you know instead of dirt from kissing their unfeeling boot?
Apple. As in forbidden knowledge.
Knowledge is to know. To know is to learn. To learn is to remember.
So you must understand now why some give into the other forbidden indulgence.
i feel like lawrence would lose any grip on reality after becoming an apprentice and would just be so horrified with who he’s become to the point that he doesn’t recognise himself anymore
bpd culture is i dont thinka nyone is real none of this is real no one has a conscious no one has thoughts if they did theyd care theyd care about judging peope theyd care about climate change, donald trump, afganistan , palestine all of it if people actaully had thoughts theyd care so no one is real no one is real mayebe im not real either my veins sre made of wires and i nedee to cut them iut and my brain is so loud sos o loud and i cant mkwe my hands move right because thye srent comnected to my barin properly right noe i dont think any on us are rieal
(tw for canon gillion backstory/elders being horrible, tw derealisation)
I realised the other day that we actually have like zero idea how much physical trauma Gillion has been through???
In episode one, Charlie described Gillion as "weirdly pristine", having zero cuts, bruises or scars.
At first i was like "oh it's because hes sheltered" but then i relistened to Gil's trials in the pearl, where it confims he trained in simulations, which it is implied the elders controlled. And that opens up a WHOLE other fucked-up door.
How many injuries has gillion sustained in these simulations? How many times has he DIED?? How many times has he felt agonising pain, had the world fade to black, and woken up with nothing but mental scars??? He could have been tortured, over and over and over, and he'd just wake up like nothing had ever happened.
He speaks of the elder's training, he speaks of the elder's punishment.
Humble Slice of Death Pie (Valenshy POV)- short story #1
The loud whirring of her laptop caused her eyes to flutter open.
what time was it?
She didn't even remember going to bed.
Valenshy opened her eyes to see her game still running, barely at least. The time? 1.15am. Better than last time, she figured. She felt almost pinned under her laptop, it wasn't that heavy, it realistically should just slide off of her. But she couldn't move it, or rather, she couldn't bring herself to move it. The game was still on, the computer still whirred, and yet, all those alarm bells were just lulling her back to sleep.
Whirring of the fans means it's hot, right? She thought as her eyes began to close. Right, having a device suffocated by the sheets wasn't a good idea. That could cause a fire, right? A fire that could ignite said sheets, right? A fire that could then burn through her, right? Through her skin, through her flesh, right? A fire that could burn down the house, right?
Would today be the day she died? Would she really be okay with that?...
No seriously, girl, would you really be okay with that? Seriously? For the love of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, are you really that selfish? HOLY FUCK!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU BITCH?? I MEAN SERIOUSLY?? THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU!! WHO CARE ABOUT YOU, BUT NOOOOO, LITTLE BITCH BOY VALENSHY GOT ART BLOCK AND SHE'S GONNA THROW HER SORRY LITTLE LIFE DOWN THE DRAIN. WELL GUESS WHAT, YOU PINK FUCK, THERE ARE PONIES OUT THERE WHO WOULD KILL TO HAVE THE MISERABLE LIFE THAT YOU HAVE, SO QUIT BEING SO FUCKING SELFISH AND MOVE YOUR DAMN LAPTOP.
Valenshy's eyes opened wide. She shut down her laptop and mustered the last of her energy to float the laptop over to her shelves on the other side of the room, vents up, so that it could sufficiently cool down.
No death for me today, she thought, or night rather.
She laid her head on her pillow properly, and yet sleep wouldn't take her. Her breath was too heavy, her eyelids not heavy enough. She felt a pricking sensation in her eyes, which turned into a choking feeling in her throat, which eventually lead to tears streaming down her face. Not even down her cheeks, like in the pretty movie kinda way, just into her mouth and onto her pillow. Her head became thick with sinuses. Why was she crying? Over what?
Like seriously, over what? Seriously, what the fuck girl, grow up, can't handle a couple of mean thoughts? Seriously? Oh! Boohoo!! My brain is being mean to me! Oh shut up!! Maybe you were right in wanting to die, lazy freak. Do us all a favour and KILL YOUSEL-
Before she knew it, she was being hit over the head with a pillow.
"Valieeeee," Comet Tail groaned, her voice muffled due to the pillow between her teeth.
Valenshy's alarm was going off, seemed like it was doing so for the past few minutes.
"You have work today right?" Comet Tail asked, slobbery pillow now on the floor, "Is Masquerade picking you up?" Valenshy was about to asked why, but Comet Tail was a few steps ahead of her, "I wanna go to the mall."
Valenshy just stared at Comet Tail, or rather, past her, right as that upside down laptop, hoping, praying, it would suddenly burst into flames.
OOC: SOOOOOO, HOW WAS IT?? :3 (if there's grammar errors, shhhhhh no there's not! /j)
It's actually super fun to write, i've been meaning to get back into it, but usually it just feels like too much pressure, so doing small stories like this is really cathartic!! If you have any other characters you would love to hear the pov of, imk!!
claustrotypen is a wiretype related to feeling one's perception of the world and their relationship to this perception makes them feel closed in/out. there are four subidentities related to how one perceives the world and their relationship to this perception, each either fuzzy or sharp.
tw : depersonalization and derealization
sharp perception / sharp relationship: being constantly fully attached to one's surroundings. possibly to the point of intense sensory overload. little daydreaming, always present in the moment.
sharp perception / fuzzy relationship: being generally highly attached to the world, but because of this experiencing heavy sensory overload that causes one to dissociate regularly and unconsciously detach for safety for a period of time where one is unable to ground oneself.
fuzzy perception / sharp relationship: being acutely aware that one is detached from the world at all times and is unable to ground oneself. the world seems blurry and unreal and the inside of one's head is more of a stable reality.
fuzzy perception / fuzzy relationship: being in a constant dream-like state where the world seems blurry, but one may not even notice that they are unable to ground themselves, simply going with the motions of their life.
dni in pinned, please do not use my identities (or recoin) if you are on my dni
