Batfamily Comm Lines pt.14
Jason:- Don’t remember much. Just standing naked in front of like 10 league members plus Talia and Ra’ *laughs, slurping noise can be heard* I look down-
Dick: *giggling, smacking noise*
Jason: And I’m like *mystified* shit I’m a God. Feast your eyes on this bad boy.
Dick:*cackling* That was your first reaction? To check yourself out?
Jason: *clearly tipsy* Don’t tell me you wouldn’t want to make sure everything *wheeze* was intact and working.
Dick: And? *choking out a laugh, high-pitched voice* Did it?
Jason: Ooooh boy-It sure did work *voice trembling* Believe me.
Dick: Wait- Did I ever tell you *laughing* about my reaction to your death? Like in detail?
Jason: Nuh uh *slurping* I don’t think I asked or you know-cared *cackling*.
Dick: I was in Tamaran. Bruce didn’t tell me shit. I was under the assumption that you were just being an asshole per usual and ignoring my messages because you didn’t like me-
Jason: *tipsy giggling* I think the last thing you said before you left was ‘we should have left you in the dumpster you were born in’ because I tripped you when you were going up the podium to speak at that gala.
Dick: Right?! Bruce swore that we had a brotherly relationship. Anyways-I come back home after Kori and I break up. I’m heartbroken, thinking that you’re ignoring me but ‘ fuck it-I’mma take this little dipshit to the arcade and blow off school for the day.’ I get to the Manor and Bruce is there all fucking catatonic- like.
Jason: *wheezing* Like that one time the reporter asked him if he and Batman were secret lovers and they showed him a very poorly edited photo of them kissing.*smacking noises*
Dick: The BatWayne affair *crying with laughter* I ask ‘ Damn who died?’ And he turns-JASON I SWEAR- he turns all stiff like a lego and says ‘ your brother.’ *giggling* And I go, because I’m processing this after not being on the planet for weeks, ‘ Oh. Shit. Really?’
Jason and Dick: *smacking each other and laughing*
Jason: YOUR HEART-FELT REACTION TO YOUR BABY BROTHER DYING WAS *wheezing* NO NO THERE’S NO EXCUSE-
Dick: *giggling* I was in disbelief. Denial. GRIEF HAS MANY DIFFERENT SHAPES.
Jason: MY CHAIR *wheezing*
Dick: I-Stop. I’m going to pee *wheezing* PLEASE.
Damian: OH MY GOD PLEASE STOP. Need I remind you two drunken idiots that Drake and I are both on this line and have heard every word that you have exchanged?
Jason and Dick: *bursts out laughing*
Tim: I tried leaping from the rooftop as soon as Jason started mentioning genitalia.
Dick: *slightly slurring* My bad. We must have forgotten. The oldest Wayne boys are just having some bonding time.
Damian: Good God. How much have you had to drink?
Jason: It's our night off, Dami. Time to let loose. Let our hair downnn *Sipping noises* We fight, you hate it. We bond, you hate it. So damn fucking picky.
Tim: Why are you two on the comm lines if you're inebriated?
Jason: Cause-Actually, Dick...Why are we?
Dick: Force of habit after years of servitude *snorting* Also wanted to make sure my baby brothers were okay on patrol. We *bottle clinking* are here for you.
Damian: Pass. We are fine.
Tim: *whining* Why am I never allowed to drink with you two?
Jason: You're a minor, dumbass. My whole gimmick as the Hood is to not let children get involved in illegal shit.
Tim: You literally admitted to smoking weed before patrolling as Robin. Wouldn't you rather I drink in the presence of my family rather than some frat college boys?
Damian: You did drink as a minor, Akhi. Drake-for once-has a point.
Jason: He does. And I am just so proud of you for conjuring up a valid argument. So proud. Dick and I are at the Clock Tower. Finish up with Damian and swing by, I'll let you try it. Don't tell B though.
*Tim disconnects from the main comm line*
Dick: You're seriously going to give Tim a beer?
Jason: No *snorting* I'm giving him non-alcoholic apple cider. He won't know the difference.
Dick and Jason: *laughing drunkingly*
Damian: I am not missing this. *voice echoing* Drake, wait for me!
