Men have such audacity. Your ex boyfriend Xiaojun, who you're maybe not quite over yet, did a duet with the hottest girl in the industry to the song you first sang together after you started dating, and now the internet won't shut up about them being the nation's sweethearts. When you retaliated by singing the song he wrote for you with his best friend, you might have gone a bit far. But revenge is revenge, and a competition is brewing that the world isn't ready for.
# pairing: ex!xiaojun x idol!fem!reader
# genre: exes to lovers, smau, lots of crack
# warnings: substance use, lots of cursing and insults, slut shaming /hj, bi reader, I'm still not funny
# featuring: some of wayv + txt choi line + sungchan + renjun + ningning & karina
# playlist: die for you by the weeknd, all for love by wayv, still into you by paramore, not for sale by enhypen, miracle by wayv
# status: on hiatus! likely to return soon <3
📂 note!! hey guys! I was so sad that l&t is still on hiatus that I decided to pick up a new smau bc I'm literally obsessed with xiaojun :D hope u enjoy!! I'm so not funny help
Prologue: It wasn’t easy to hold onto your emotions when you find yourself in the same dine-in where your ex boyfriend sings. The pain was too much to bear.
Genre: Angst + Ex boyfriend Xiaojun
Wordcount: 1,308
Warnings: None
People meet. There is this glance-passing interaction. Then comes the lure of human nature. I know you like me, you know I like you. There are a hundred faces you see every day, some of whom understand this theory of yours. Life is all about fun, and in your world, emotions and sentiments kill the fun.
Relationships are meant to be for a night, or maybe if it was for some rare chance, more, and then in the morning, everyone has their own path to take and it's best if they bury the past behind.
Amongst your lengthy list of boys, the one that lasted the longest on the pitch was for around five months.
There was no denying you had fun, and this fun was very different from your past ones.
Simple things with him brought you absolute joy, whether it was going out to get melon popsicles in the summer heat or clicking pictures for the gram in the trial rooms and never actually buying them. He laughed at your worst joke, he got up from the bed to switch off the lights, and he let you have the last slice of pizza. He lent you a shoulder to cry on, he gave you the best cuddles. He was different.
-
This evening, the streets and the sky were both grey and deserted. As the clouds veiled the stars, the dusty wind swept through the concrete. Those sounds were eolian. Everything that was carried away by the winds, including leaves and twigs, empty soda cans, discarded polythene, and other debris, flew here and there.
What was also grey and deserted was your heart. You were lonely.
Being physically surrounded by people all the time, sharing laughs and gossip, did not always necessarily bring happiness. Times like these made you miss him the most.
A dine-in that appeared to be new in town caught your attention. "The Melting Pot", the board read with huge yellow and red lights. You decided to step in. It would be good both for your body and heart, you needed some comfort.
The smell of the wooden furniture and the smells of their cooking mingled together beautifully in the low light. You secured a table near the enormous glass. The raindrops traced their way down, taking unprecedented paths, going with the flow while it was bucketing down outside.
It would have been pretty subtle and swift if it were not for what happened next. "An unusually long day. But it's not too bad because you're warm~" These words mixed themselves in the atmosphere. No, it was not just about those painful lyrics. It was the voice, and it was his voice.
You froze at the moment, a sudden rush of numbness running through your veins that was accompanied by a warm and welcoming feeling in the heart, as if it could make you cry instantly.
"You are a miracle to me, I wish you could see it
Spreading all over me, a gift called you
You're my night and day~"
He proceeded with the song, perfectly hitting all the notes with those guitar chords. His voice held so much pain, a pain too much to bear. Oh! It was breaking your heart.
Thanks to your long hair and black baseball cap, your face could not be recognized. You took it as an advantage to face the man. He sat there on the only chair in front of the wall studded with golden fairy lights, adding more to his glow in an off-whitish sweater, resembling a baby lamb. His dark hair concealed his forehead, and his hands were occupied by his rustic brown guitar, something very dear to him.
"Cause I can live with it, You're my everything~"
He finished tonight's performance, leaving the room with applause and also tears in your eyes.
"Ma'am, I'm sorry, but we are closing." Another man dressed in a three-piece informed you, you took a glance at your phone and left the table soon after you paid.
The exit was towards the left, but you took the right instead, intentionally. Your eyes followed the man, who was now packing up.
"Dejun?" you called his name, with a tone that depicted absolute pain, regret, and need at the same time.
He turned back to face you, still smiling. It was not a smile from the heart, you knew him. His lips curved that way every time he was vulnerable.
"Last time you looked at me like that, you broke my heart." He stated, fidgeting his head and fingers, turning away his eyes from you. He stayed like that for a minute or two, continuously looking towards the left, shaking his head and swallowing that lump in his throat before turning back to his task. You knew he was on the verge of crying anytime.
"I never wanted to hurt you!" You broke down in tears.
Xiaojun paid zero attention. He hung his backpack, carried his guitar case and left, walking away right past you.
Even if you wanted to let him go a few months back, for some reason, this time, you knew you could not afford it.
You followed him in the streets. It was still heavily raining, but the winds ceased, making it suitable enough to walk. You were following his figure, the one with the same black umbrella as yours.
"Why are you doing this to me?" He said sternly, without turning back. He must have realised you were following him, for yours were the only footsteps on the street other than his.
The silence could still be heard, along with the rain.
"You said you were bored of me." He added.
The glass of silence stood still again for seconds, then shattered by the noise of the delivery motorbike. "Vroom!" It went by slowly.
"I love you!"
You screamed at the man with all your might.
"I dialled your number a thousand times. Why didn't you ever pick it up?
The shouting continued. Xiaojun stayed the same, he did not move, and neither did he look back.
"I know I don't deserve this but don't leave me alone Dejun!" You fell on your knees as you let your emotions out. Your umbrella fell to the side, being terribly crushed by the rain.
It was difficult to tell your tears apart from the raindrops.
"If you loved me as much as you said, then please don't ever call me again. I don't think I'll ever be over you". Xiaojun stated, trying his best to hold back his tears. The pain could still be heard in his voice.
"Who do you think of when you sing all these songs?"
"I want to protect your days and nights. You are a miracle to me, I wish you could see it.~”
You still remembered these words. They were buried in your heart with those memories. The happy times of life when he would sing this song for you, only for you.
The black umbrella fell out of Xiaojun's grip. It was upside down, just like your umbrella, which now had the rainwater overflow. It was not easy for them to keep burdening themselves with that weight of pain, much like your hearts.
You were both drenched in the water, and in the pain.
He finally turned back, crying.
The moment was too hurtful to bear.
The rain was gloomy, but it was also ecstasy.
It was ecstasy for you when he held his arms open, allowing you to come back to him. He dropped everything that was precious to him, to get back the one most precious of them all.
You got up from your knees and ran to him, not caring about slipping and falling, because you had these arms to hold you. You and your heart.
"After a long wait, you're the one~"
You're my everything.
SONG IN THE FIC - NCT U - My Everything
LET ME KNOW YOUR VIEWS + ALSO SEE : MASTERLIST
PLEASE REFRAIN FROM PLAGIARIZING ,TRANSLATING, OR POSTING OUTSIDE THIS PLATFORM.
Warning(s)» Friends to lovers trope, Xiaojun kinda loses his temper but that subdues, heavy makeout session, groping, public sex, fingering, implied sex towards the ending (open imagination since the request was kinda vague), steamy, our boi dejun get's flustered by Y/n's bubbly personality. I think that's about it. Lmao not proof read, so it will contain a hell lot of mistakes.
Wc; type» 2.06k ; oneshot
Red.
All Xiaojun could see is Red.
To have the person who dragged him all the way to some stupid reunion party against his will to abandon him in the first five minutes with the pathetic excuse of "I'll go grab us some drinks" only to never return back to his aid had Xiaojun boil with anger.
To have you smiling and laughing, clinging and grasping at a man he's never seen before is Infuriating.
To see you so smitten by a guy other than Xiaojun had him seeing crimson with comically visible smoke coming out of his ears, arms shaking, jaw set rigid with palms growing moist from all the clenching and unclenching.
Xiaojun felt yellow.
He felt insecure at how the man before you just seemed to be much to your taste.
He felt unsure of whether or not he should risk walking up to you and talk the talk he'd wanted to let out since the day you stood up for the lad. And inevitably, and much to his pleasure, stood by him in the process till date.
He felt that maybe, just maybe, he's not worthy of having a girl as astounding as you. And all that sliver of hope he'd held onto only seemed to be slipping away from his grasp.
Xiaojun felt blue.
The dreading feeling that he'd lose all that the two of you built until where your relationship stands today with a single mistake bubbles inside of him.
Watching you from afar with a man potentially your dream guy just made him feel blue. Numb, and as though a part of him was slowly chipping away.
The immense feeling of sheer sadness had him want to turn on his heels and back out to what he thinks "get out of your way" and to prevent further breakage of his heart.
Until he saw red again.
Watching you throw yourself at this stranger, arms tightly wrapped around the bastard's waist, hips joint, with his hands running through the soft curls of your tresses, "who does he think he is?"
How entitled must this man think he is to expand the white between the two of you? You and Xiaojun were meant to be and he'd only flick your head and call you stupid if you ever said otherwise.
Eyebrows furrowing as Xiaojun followed each of your actions. How your chin tucks and you hide your face in this 'dream bastard's' chest, arms idly resting on his torso, your hair covering your face from all the moving around. He kept watching you;
Until your gaze met.
Time seemed to stand still, in a much cliché fashion. Seeing the expressionless look on his face seemed to have clicked the power on button somewhere in your head.
You'd unintentionally abandoned the man you promised you wouldn't.
Almost as though Xiaojun could see the wheels turning inside your head, he sneers at you, immediately turning around to walk into a corner the moment he saw you approaching him through the crowd filled with hookers, stoners, and people too bored for their own good.
"Jun, wait up!"
He could hear your shrill voice call out to him the moment he rounded a turn. He didn't turn, however, mind clouded red, crimson and ebony with jealousy, envy and all mixed emotions, he felt dizzy.
You catching up to him only seemed to worsen his dizziness, "Jun! I-i'm so sorry i forgot about you, it's just my b-"
"Forgot about me, huh?" Xiaojun's voice comes gruff, hoarse from the inadequate usage. He doesn't bother turning around to look at you, wouldn't have done much anyways, the lighting of the area so dim, he can barely make out your silhouette.
Besides, his vision is clouded with black, wouldn't have done much anyways.
"No no, not forget forget about you! I just got caught up with my b-"
"boyfriend? Y/n, are you oblivious to not know how I feel? Am I vague? Oh I'm sorry, am I not obvious enough?" Through the darkness, you could see Xiaojun's shoulder shake, his tone strained, his head hung low, avoiding your gaze the closer you got. "Jun, what are you talking about?"
You seemed to be feeling grey, confused.
"Your boyfriend, Y/n."
"Jun, boyfriend-!" "I like you damn it!" you flinch as he abruptly turns around, the red building inside him so rapidly that it inevitably ends up exploding.
"You know I like you, no, I love you. Why else would you have been waltzing around acting like a pliant, docile girlfriend?" The grey intensifies within you the faster Xiaojun talks quick strides towards you.
Your silence and the unconscious stepping back seemed to plant a seed of yellow within him again. "You led me on. You seemingly ignored my feelings. Because you obviously know I like you, don't you?" The red appears again, mixing with the intense yellow, blending into a terrific orange as Xiaojun closes the space between the two of you with newfound confidence.
"You like me.." you whisper, your palms pressing onto the greasy wall behind you where Xiaojun had you cornered, your eyes shaking in ecstasy. He likes you, no. He loves you.
"You need to a whole 'nother level of airhead if you think i view you merely as a friend-" Somewhere in your head, you know he's talking to you, but his voice seems to numb out in the beautiful crimson that's taking over your heart, with a slight mix of elegant yellow and purple so faint it could come off as violet. "You like me!" you look up at him.
"-Yes, Y/n, keep up god damn! But do you care? Of course not! You go get yourself a boyfriend while i wallow in self pity-"
"Oh god you like me!" you bounce with all the vibrant colors swirling inside you, your arms lifting up to wrap around the lads neck, who jumps at the unexpected action, looking down at you with a mixture of confusion and slight fury.
"Does it matter, Y/n? Your boyfriend's probably looking for you now-"
"Jun, what are you talking about? I don't have a boyfriend!" you pull him down to be leveled with you, looking him intensely in the eye as you watch the familiar grey dominate his irises.
"Th-Then, that man you were all over..? You cannot possibly tell me he's not your boyfriend" he seems to be fighting to hold onto the red fury as it slowly turns into a rosy flush. "The man I was all over..?" you question seemingly to yourself, as the wheels turn in your head once again until the entire process comes to an abrupt halt at the realization hitting you.
"Jun, that's my brother! My cousin!"
The look on the lad's face is so incredulous that you break out into a cheshire grin, "you were jealous of my brother?" you giggle, as you playfully punch at his chest which deflates as he radiates bright crimson, skin heated.
"o-okay brother. brother, alright. Though, I still don't stand a chance, do i?" Xiaojun questions, stammering with embarrassment while being overcome with a sudden sense of blue. Sure you didn't have a boyfriend, doesn't change the fact that you're way out of his league.
You stare into his eyes, hoping that would somehow convey the answer to his question, but the more you just look at him, the more the light in his eyes seems to dim out.
Offering him a soft smile, which he doesn't seem to notice, you catch him off guard when you lift his head up, tilting it while pressing your lips onto his ever so gently. Providing a soft peck as you sigh in ecstasy.
You let your lips linger a little longer, silently pouring out your heart into the soft action of affection before hesitantly pulling away.
"Does that answer your question?" your gentle voice pulls Xiaojun out of his haze.
You kissed him. You like him. He stands a chance with you.
That seems to snap the last bit of self restraint in him as he captures your lips once again with much fervor. Molding his lips with yours, all signs of softness thrown out of the window as his hands circle your hips, pulling you flush against him.
The feeling of your heat encircling him makes him groan into the kiss, making a wave of shock run through your spine. The hairs on your hand standing proud as you play with the hair at the back of his neck, pulling at it.
Biting down on your lips, Xiaojun positively earns a moan from you. He takes the opportunity to slip his tongue into yours, easily dominating your tongue as you slowly, subconsciously start grinding against him, making him squeeze tight at your hips.
"I.. Love you.. Jun" you say in between the kiss as his hands travel further south, groping at your ass, pulling you in, supporting your grinds on his crotch.
"Fuck.." he sighs at the words, slithering wet kisses from your lips to the edge of your lips, moving onto the jaw before choosing to nip at the skin, "say it again, doll" he rasps onto your neck, while his hands sneakily makes its way under the flimsy material of your skirt, thumbing at your growing wetness while staring intently at you, silently asking for the green flag to proceed.
"I.. I love you. I love you, Xiaojun!" you nod at him while pouring all your adoration onto the lad, you'd waited too long for the two of you to take it slow from now on forth.
Xiaojun moves your panties to the side, immediately finding the bundle of nerves, pressing nimbly onto your clit, basking in your little whimpers and shakes.
He wastes no time to draw figure eights onto the sensitive bud, cooing at you while marking his territory on your neck, your jaw, the naked skin of your shoulders and collarbone, exposed by the off shoulder top you'd chosen for the evening.
"I love you, too, princess. You've no idea how long I've waited for this moment." he moans onto your neck while sliding in a slender digit into your wet cavern.
You grow frantic, soaking in all the emotions Xiaojun is pouring onto you with his actions and words, being pulled close to your high, embarrassing faster than you'd appreciate.
"You've no idea how many times I'm imagined taking you until all you can remember is my name, not even yours" he starts moving his digits after fitting in another one of his long fingers, the slick pouring out of your cunt pooling onto his palms as your moans come out as squeals. Your brain is hazing with a pleasant pink, blue and red. All of the emotions overwhelming you.
"You look gorgeous, doll face" he kisses softly at the side of your lips when you start clenching around his fingers, the knot in your stomach threatening to snap.
"J-Jun.." you sigh, face flush with content, legs shaking, your form only being held up by his strong grip, his intense gaze making you feel so small, so vulnerable, all the tell-tale signs of your orgasm nearing you present as he accelerates his fingers, clearly catching onto the fact that you'd come undone any second.
"You gonna come for me, pretty? Am I making you feel good?" he grunts while nibbling at the lobe of your ears, digits moving so fast inside your calls that you can hear the squelching obscene voices of your walls over the loud music playing in the background, his palm constantly rubbing against your clit.
"Feel's so g-good, Jun.." You grip onto his forearm to keep you grounded as your orgasm washes over you. Your jaw slacks as you convulse around his fingers. Xiaojun cooing praises into your ears as he helps you ride out your orgasm, pulling you into a kiss as you push his fingers away when he slowly drives you into overstimulation.
"Fuck, you're perfect." he stares at you with adoration while you catch your breath. Forcing yourself to step out of your daze. You smile shyly until it turns into a sly smirk as you move your hands to grab at his painfully evident dent, slowly rasping out as you move closer to him,
"Your place or mine?"
The red never felt so satisfying to Xiaojun until now.
➳ Xiao Dejun decides to study abroad for a semester in Seoul, and even though he initially sucks at Korean, there’s no (language) barrier between you two.
♦ Pairing: uni student!Xiaojun x uni student!reader/you
♦ Genre: fluff, comedy, slice of life, uni au
♦ Words: 7.7k
♦ Warning: -
♦ 99 liners’ uni stories: Yukhei / Mark / Hendery / Xiaojun
♦ Click here to be added to the TAGLIST and to let me know about your fic preferences.
“And this song is for all the lonely souls out there! Grab the guy or girl beside you, hop onto the dancefloor and dance as if there’s no tomorrow!”
The DJ’s over-the-top behaviour was slowly getting on your nerves, and his fabricated descriptions about the otherwise rather shallow songs he put on were giving you a headache. Maybe if your friend hadn’t abandoned you the first time a handsome guy had asked her to dance, you would have been in a better mood, but you felt bad enough for yourself listening to the tenth song that you absolutely despised, let alone the fact that you still couldn’t hate your friend for ditching you for a guy because after all, you should have known that it was her definition of fun. Yet, when you had decided to give in to her prompting to attend the uni party at Club Vera, you wouldn’t have thought that you would end up by yourself after about half an hour, watching as the bubbles in your carbonated drink popped off, and trying your best to seem as intimidating as possible because you didn’t want to talk to anyone.
Truth to be told, you had never been the partygoer type. In fact, it was your first ever university party (and you were in your fourth semester already), and it was your second party in your whole life after that rather interesting senior year party at your class president’s house that had been more like a summer camp when you had been 14 aka no alcohol, no heavy dancing, no questionable activities. You had ended up talking to the said classmate’s mother about the dishes she had prepared because you had seemed to be the only one who had actually paid attention to her efforts. So yeah, you wouldn’t have actually called that a party either, but your parents hadn’t wanted you to miss the opportunity to see your classmates for the last time, so you had gone in the end.
Thus, technically speaking, it was your first ever real party, and you had already seen more drunk and tipsy people than you would have liked to do so, and you had already encountered more guys who would have wanted to hit on you than you would have ever expected.
So when another boy came your way, undeniably giving you hungry looks, you pushed yourself off the counter, and headed out of the club. You were fed up with the sweaty bodies, the loud music and the unsettling feeling in your stomach that maybe it was your fault that you couldn’t enjoy such opportunities.
You welcomed the fresh air outside of the stuffy place with a subtle smile, and you sucked in a few deep breaths before you started walking back to the bus stop. You reached into your bag to get a hold of your earphones, ready to block out the noise of the outside world with your favourite songs, but a gentle male voice made you halt in your steps.
“Excuse me…” He started in a polite manner, his tone hopeful rather than seductive, so you looked up at him curiously, wondering what he might want from you.
Yet, when you caught his eyes, you were bewitched for a second, and your lips slightly parted in awe. It wasn’t just the fact that he was drop dead gorgeous with his messy chocolate-brown locks, his mesmerizing jet-black eyes, his defined features, the elegant arch of his eyebrow and his dimples, but his half-nervous, half-friendly smile was so beautiful, you nearly gasped.
“Yes?” You found yourself saying, although you had no idea how you managed to get those few letters out. You knew you should be pulling yourself together because a beautiful exterior could hide a rotten interior, but you felt as if you had been struck by lightning, finding yourself gifting him with a smile.
“Could you tell me how I can get to Club Vera? Am I in the right direction?”
And then, reality kicked you in the butt in that moment, and all of your dreamy thoughts were thrown out of the window right in that instant. Sure, he must be going to the same party as you had done so, and he might be lost because he had never been there just like you. What else were you waiting for? Jeez, you must have watched too many kdramas to think that it could have been love at first sight, and he could have said that he knew you were the one the moment he had laid his eyes upon you. Gosh, even the thought made you cringe now that you were back to reality.
“Yeah, you’re almost there. Just turn right at the corner, and you’ll see the sign immediately,” you instructed him as you pointed at the said corner.
“Right?” The boy asked back while signalling a right turn with his hands, and you nodded. He might not have caught that part, but you repeated yourself nevertheless. His whole face lit up when you did so, and you were already glad that you decided to help him out.
“You might have to wait a bit. The place is full right now, and they might not let you in immediately,” you let him know kindly before he had his hopes up high, and he furrowed his eyebrows in question. You looked back at him expectantly, wondering if he was willing to share why he looked so perplexed.
“Wait?” he repeated, blinking in confusion.
“Yeah,” you emphasised. You knew you didn’t have the best socialising skills, but you started to feel uncomfortable in your skin, so you decided to explain the situation to him in a different way. Maybe it would be his first party, and he didn’t know how such things worked. “The guards at the entrance don’t let you in if the place is full. You need to wait for someone to come out.”
The boy let out a giggle after your explanation, and you were almost sure that he would say that he had misunderstood you, but what he said was totally different from what you had expected.
“I’m sorry. I can’t speak Korean well. I’m Chinese,” he reasoned, keeping up his light and casual tone. Your hand flew to your mouth in surprise, but that bewilderment was soon overtaken by guilt, and suddenly, you felt so stupid for throwing random sentences at him instead of just letting him go on his way. Gosh, why did you need to make him feel uncomfortable? The first time you had dared to say something more to a stranger than it was absolutely necessary, and here’s the outcome. Great!
“I’m so sorry. English then?” You switched to English a bit awkwardly, but he nodded, his lips curling upwards.
“Yeah, that’s better. My English is a lot better,” he remarked, still smiling. He didn’t seem to mind your behaviour which was just unbelievable because you were sure that you would have been inwardly panicking if the same had happened to you. Even though you were really good at English because you were an English major, you had never learned Chinese, and your Japanese knowledge was limited, so if he had talked to you in Chinese, you would have definitely not understood a word.
You stood there for a few seconds, him still smiling at you as if he had been looking at something heartwarming, and that thought alone made your knees go weak. You cleared your throat, trying to appear less affected than you actually were, and said:
“Yeah, so the thing is, the club is full, so you might need to wait a bit when you get there. You can only go inside if someone comes out and the guards at the entrance let you in.”
“Ah, I see.” He bobbed his head, not at all fazed by the news. “Is the party bad? That’s why you’re leaving?” he inquired as he tilted his head to the side, and it was rather cute. Gosh, he was cute!
“Oh well…” You let out an awkward giggle, now knowing how much to say to a random stranger. You played with a stray lock of hair that escaped your ponytail, and pushed it behind your ear when you made up your mind to tell him the truth. “I’ve come with a friend, and she found a boy for herself, so I was left alone. I didn’t like the songs that they were playing either, so I’ve decided to leave. You might enjoy it though. I’ve just never been the party type.”
The Chinese boy’s radiant smile didn’t fade with your confession, he seemed rather grateful that you were honest with him, amusement bathing in his jet-black orbs. However, as he was about to open his mouth, your stomach rumbled, reminding you of the fact that you hadn’t yet had dinner because you had assumed that the club had more to offer than a handful of nuts put on the counter. You got it, it was a club, but you hadn’t eaten before coming here because you hadn’t calculated with the lack of food options.
Awkward as it was, it was your own fault, and you were probably not going to meet this boy again, so you were just trying to survive looking him in the eye without fainting while he was smiling at you, and it would be fine. It should be fine… So why did you want the ground to swallow you up?
“Are you hungry?”
“Yes, quite,” you admitted nevertheless. There was no need to deny it, and you could grab something on your way back to the dorms, it was fine.
“Wanna have something with me?” The boy asked out of the blue, and it would be an understatement to say that you were shocked. You were utterly shocked. You felt a blush creeping onto your face.
“But you were going to the club,” you pointed out, trying to tone down the nervousness in your voice. Gosh, why did you want to say yes to him so bad? You didn’t even know him. Maybe it was in the way he oh so casually carried himself, oozing a friendly, homey, cosy vibe. Or maybe it was in the way his voice was full of warmth, joy and life. Or maybe it was in the way his smile was blinding, making your legs go weak. Or maybe it was all of it combined.
“I can still go there after having dinner.”
“Yeah, right.” You nodded after he had shrugged his shoulders casually as if it had been an everyday thing for him that he would have dinner with total strangers.
He probably caught onto your slight hesitance because he let out another wholehearted laughter.
“Believe me, I’m not a psychopath, and I’m not working for the Chinese mafia. I really don’t know this area, so I can’t even kidnap you,” he justified playfully, and the more he talked, the more you felt laughter bubbling up inside of you. You felt your shoulders drop in relief, letting your guards down. You had a feeling that you could really trust him, so you gave in, leading him the way to a nearby tteokbokki place.
You had been in the area before to visit an art cinema, so you had known this neighbourhood, but not that many places to give him an extensive list of food places to choose from. Yet, he didn’t mind having tteokbokki, he even added that he had tried it already, and he had enjoyed it. While you were waiting for the food to arrive, you asked why he was going to Club Vera, and he told you that he was on an exchange programme, so he was spending this semester at your university. He was supposed to go and meet a few other exchange students at the club, but he reassured you that he was fine like this because he had already met the others, and he liked meeting new people.
You felt a flush of warmth lighting up your face at the way he said those words, but decided to ask him about the reason he had chosen Seoul out of all places, letting the way he spoke soothe your nerves. There was just something very easy-going about the way he elaborated his responses, and you felt like you could listen to him speak for hours because he had a gentle, honey-like voice. He talked about his love for music, and how he thought that a semester abroad would benefit him because different people saw music in a different light, and he wanted to see how Korean people viewed classical music when they were known for their own unique music industry.
He could have been a cute stranger, but he had to be a cute stranger who knew how to play the guitar and the piano, and he had to have an adorable puppy named Bella back home, and he didn’t stop there! He was funny and casual yet smooth and a bit flirty, and you had a feeling that your face resembled a torch the whole time because you were either blushing or laughing, and neither helped with the state of your cheeks. You were just so not used to having boys around, let alone boys like him who were characters out of a kdrama. Except the fact that he didn’t really speak Korean, but you meant the cute, sweet type that you wouldn't believe exists.
You talked so much that you seriously questioned if your carbonated drink hadn’t contained any alcohol because you were usually not this talkative, but something in him prompted you to share bits and bobs about yourself, so you did. Maybe it was the fact that you knew that you might not see him again that helped to lift the weight off of your shoulders. You could say anything embarrassing, he might not even remember it the next week.
After you had finished your spicy rice cakes, you were ready to say goodbye to him, especially because it was getting late, but he caught you off guard yet again.
“I’ll accompany you to the dorms,” the guy who introduced himself as Xiaojun mentioned as he flashed a toothpaste commercial-worthy smile at you, and you felt your heart leap.
“But you still haven’t gone to Club Vera,” you insisted, confusion written all over your features. The boy let out an airy laughter, something that was similar to the warm breeze that wafted through the branches of trees when spring just began.
“I can go another time, but I’m afraid you’ll run away if I let you go now,” he responded cheekily, raising an eyebrow in question as he was waiting for your reaction. Your breath was caught in your throat for a moment because you were really, really not used to casual guys like him, but you cleared your throat a bit later.
“What makes you think I will?”
“Your cheeks say it all,” Xiaojun just had to call you out on your obvious blushing, and even if you wanted to deny it, you couldn’t. You were uncontrollably blushing beside him, but whose fault was that?
Your eyes darted around your surroundings (anywhere but his face), not knowing what to say or what to do. The crazy thumping in your ribcage didn’t help either, and the familiar warmth was yet again invited onto your cheeks, so you were helpless. You tried to pacify your heartbeat alongside your undulating feelings, but he didn’t help at all when he was smiling that charming smile of his.
“Let’s get going! It’s getting late,” Xiaojun prompted with a lopsided smile, and you gave in without hesitation, glad that you could finally do something with yourself.
Under other circumstances, you might have felt uncomfortable heading back to the dorms with a boy by your side, but Xiaojun just made everything seem so natural that you found yourself loosening up again. You realised that he felt so cosy and homey because he didn’t force any topic onto you, but he liked sharing stories about his life and how he had gotten here, what culture shocks had he experienced and how he had already been to the dorms because he had randomly made friends with a Chinese guy who studied biochemistry.
“For real, I was just standing in the queue in front of the vending machine at one of the uni buildings, and I was talking on the phone with my mum about how I’ve been settling in. And then, when we finished talking, this guy came up to me, and said that he’s also Chinese, and that he hopes everything is really fine, but if not, I can just call him anytime. So we’ve exchanged numbers,” Xiaojun recalled the scene with a lighthearted giggle, and you weren’t sure what was cuter: his giggle or his smile. You liked both.
He talked a bit more about this so-called Hendery and his equally funny dorm flatmates, but before you knew it, you arrived at the dorms, and since you really had nothing to offer to him, and it would have seemed really odd inviting him inside, you stood by the entrance awkwardly, not knowing how to say goodbye. Xiaojun was way better at this than you anyway.
“Would you like to exchange numbers? I have a Kakaotalk ID, too,” he suggested with a wide smile, and gosh, you had never known what was so special about exchanging numbers with a boy, but now you knew.
“Sure.” You nodded, smiling shyly, and no matter what people said about being cautious of strangers, this stranger turned out to be so much more than just a lost puppy in the heart of this buzzing city. He became the first boy who had gotten your number, and the first one who made your heart flutter, so you bid your goodbye to him after exchanging numbers, and your coy smile was plastered onto your face even when you fell onto your bed.
You realised that it would have been weird if you had agreed on meeting with a boy whom you had just met, but despite only having one encounter with Xiaojun, you didn’t feel as if he had been a mere stranger. Not because you knew so much about him, but because he was so casual that you felt like you were invited into his life the moment he had decided to ask you for directions.
Since he was a music major, you suggested visiting your favourite music store in the city, and after confirming that he hadn’t been there before, you agreed on meeting at a bus station from where you knew the way on foot.
The way to the music store was just like last time: you definitely blushed a lot and you definitely felt like your heart could melt whenever you caught sight of his smile or whenever you heard his laughter, but at the same time, you felt at ease beside him because he was so friendly and kind and funny. Oh gosh, were you having a crush on a boy? You had a feeling that you were. Oh boy…
The walk wasn’t that long, so you didn’t have a lot of time to talk because once you were inside, you showed him around the different sections in the store. What you loved about this particular place was the fact that it was doing more than just selling CDs. There was a whole corner where you could see how music producers made music, and you could try it out for yourself. There was a corner for analog music player devices where you could listen to music tapes and vinyl records just like the previous generations had done so. Not to mention the little booths where you could sit down, draw the curtain on yourself and listen to anything while wearing headphones that really blocked out every sound from the outside. It was like a little haven for you, so you decided to lead Xiaojun there after he had gotten enough of the other parts of the store.
As you sat down on the bench in the little booth, you realised how unfamiliar it was that you had someone with you this time, but you didn’t mind. You prompted him to show you his favourite classical music piece, and when he did so, you listened to it through the headphones while he was waiting for your reaction.
It was definitely different from what you usually listened to since it was mainly led by a piano and other instruments from an orchestra. You were used to lyrics-based songs, but you noticed that the melody was amplified now that you didn’t have to concentrate on the voices of the singers, and it felt like you were invited on a journey as you listened to this particular piece. It was almost easy to get lost into it, and be taken aback when it came to an end.
“What do you think?” Xiaojun inquired with a curious albeit nervous smile after you had slipped the headphones off.
“It was soothing. I feel like I could listen to this while studying, and it would help me concentrate,” you admitted sincerely, and his lips curled upwards, his dimples deepening. You felt yourself smiling along with him, his happiness contagious.
“Most people say it’s boring, so I’m glad. I’m glad that you like it,” he explained as his eyes twinkled with joy, the crescent-like orbs swimming in the sea of his gratitude. You felt a rush of warmth going through your body as you realised that you were the reason for that smile of his, and somehow it felt even more personal now. As if it had been a secret kept hidden in a wooden box somewhere deep inside your heart.
“Ah, I’m pretty sure you think that what I listen to is boring,” you chirped in half-jokingly, but he took your words seriously, and prompted you to prove him wrong:
“Well, try me!”
You raised an eyebrow out of confusion, yet he didn’t back away, nor did he take back his words, so you gave in, searching for your favourite ballad that you listened to a lot these days. You reached the headphones out to him after finding that particular song, and as he reached for it, your hands brushed for the shortest fraction of a moment. It was enough for you to feel electrified, and for him to turn his smile into a cheeky one because he knew, oh he knew well just what kind of an effect he had on you.
That’s why you were almost ready to talk him out of listening to your favourite song because it was quite personal, but his smile melted your worries, and you could only search for the tiniest bit of disapproval or disgrace in his eyes that never came in the end. Xiaojun’s lips did curl downwards, but he didn’t look displeased, he looked rather comforted as he was listening to the song.
Once he was done, he slid the headphones onto his neck, and turned to you, eyes painted with curiosity, resembling the night sky with their jet-black shade. Something so dark could still be so light and warm, and even without a smile, you could feel his empathy and understanding.
“It’s beautiful! How could I think it’s boring?”
“I don’t know.” You shrugged a bit hesitant, suddenly unsure how to put your opinion into words when he looked at you as if he had known exactly how you felt, and he was willing to accept you with it, too. “I just think those who can’t relate to the lyrics think that it’s boring.”
There it was, the unsaid confession now unravelling both in front of your eyes, and you were so scared that you had gotten too personal too fast that you were about to tell him to forget about it when he caught you by surprise.
“I can relate though. Even if I’m extroverted and like meeting new people, sometimes I feel like I don’t know anyone that well because I know so many people on a surface level. Usually, I don’t mind, but sometimes this feeling hits that I’m never the best friend, the one people would turn to, and I feel down,” Xiaojun confessed confidently, his voice not wavering with remorse or guilt. He spoke eloquently as if he had been perfectly at peace with his feelings and vulnerabilities, and the way you caught his eyes that shone even brighter than before, your heart knew that he was being honest. That prompted you to be honest with him, too.
“For me, it’s because it’s difficult for me to make friends in the first place, and I’m afraid people would get tired of waiting for me to open up and trust them, so they make best friends before they would become close with me. The same happened at university with the girl I’ve mentioned,” you let him know, referring to the friend of yours who had left you at the party because of a boy. You didn’t hold a grudge against her for what had happened because at least that had led you to meet Xiaojun, but it was true that she wasn’t your best friend. She had been talking about another girl as her best friend, so you didn’t feel like you had the right to get closer to her just as well.
You wouldn’t say that you were lonely after life had turned out this way because you were fine when you were on your own, but just like the boy had said, sometimes this feeling of not being wanted hit you, and the waves suddenly crashed above your head as if everything had pointed in the wrong direction.
“Who do you turn to if something bothers you?” Xiaojun broke the momentary silence, his voice silky and gentle. There was no room for accusations, so you knew you could be honest with him this time as well.
“My brother.”
“Well, your brother can be your best friend. It doesn’t have to be anyone else,” he pointed it out gently, his words playing on your heartstrings. You had never really thought that you could feel so understood by someone whom you had met only a few weeks ago, but Xiaojun had seemed to prove you wrong again and again. “Thank you… for opening up to me,” he added a bit coyly, but his solemn state only made you more sure that he was as sincere as one could be.
“You did it first. I just… I think I just got brave because of you,” you confessed equally shyly, and the gaze you shared held many more feelings than just the ones you could describe for it was a start of something new, the beginning of bloom and the first building block of trust between you two, between the present and the future, between the whatifs and the conscious decisions of letting him in.
You didn’t consider yourself a very outgoing person. You were the definition of an introvert; you enjoyed your time being alone, snuggled up in your bed, your head buried into a book, or your headphones on to block out the outside world. Therefore, you hadn’t seen a lot from Seoul, or at least not as much as others who had come to the capital city for their university studies, and they had checked out every Instagram-worthy place or uni party.
However, Xiaojun was an exchange student, and he was keen on seeing as much from the country as possible, and whenever he suggested visiting something, you didn’t have the heart to say no. How could you when he was bombarding you with funny memes, photos of his puppy sent by his family back home, supportive messages whenever you were working on an assignment, and random classical musical recommendations now that you had let him know that you had enjoyed his favourite piece?
So whenever your uni schedule and your time allowed you, you accompanied him to places he wished to visit, and despite that evil voice in your head telling you that he must have wanted to visit these places with his other friends too, he told you clearly and sincerely that he hang out with others just as well, but he wanted to visit these places with you. So let it be the so-called Rainbow Bridge, the LED Rose Garden, the Starfield Library in COEX or the Ihwa Mural Village with its prettily painted walls, you accompanied him without hesitation.
At first, it was odd, saying yes to such activities with a boy, but Xiaojun hadn’t given you any reason to say no because he was polite, considerate, kind, and whenever you didn’t have the time to go with him or he went away to the countryside for the weekend, he sent you pictures, making sure that you didn’t miss out on anything. You would have never thought that you could smile or laugh so much, and your phone’s gallery was filled with so many photos by now that you considered saving them on your laptop before they would take up more space on your phone.
You enjoyed it, the way he made you feel, and the way he opened your eyes to a world outside your comfort zone. You had been to places you would have never thought you would visit, and you had experienced things you would have never imagined. Like going to a karaoke bar with a Chinese person who attempted to sing Korean rap songs just to make you laugh and you singing a Chinese song that you could follow only because there was a simplified pronunciation line under the Chinese characters. Otherwise, you would have been totally lost.
“Gosh, Chinese is so difficult,” you huffed after you had gotten to the end of the song, plopping yourself down beside a grinning Xiaojun. He had been enjoying your attempt way too much, but for that cheeky smile on his face, it was all worth it.
“Korean is difficult enough for me, trust me,” he mentioned with a snicker, and even though it was hard for you to believe that Korean could be a challenge to a Chinese person, you believed him because he was the Chinese out of the two of you.
“That’s why we talk in English,” you pointed out, and earned a very lighthearted laughter from the boy. You exchanged a glance, and you didn’t have anything to say, and he didn’t seem to search for any words either. It was just one very peaceful, precious moment that you wished you could capture. His dimples appearing by the edges of his lips, his jet-black eyes shining fondly and beamingly, his whole face radiating joy, his hair a bit messy from running his hands through it a lot while trying to keep up with the rap song, and his laughter resembling tiny bells that cheerfully chimed whenever a new visitor arrived at a store.
“Thank god we are at least good at that. It would have been awkward if I had just tried to read your body language the first time we met. Or if we had just kept smiling at each other.” He broke into a giggle a few moments later, and you just had to imagine the scene, you were already laughing alongside him.
“I’ve never been more thankful that I became an English major.”
“Oh really?” Xiaojun quirked an eyebrow teasingly instead of taking your comment lightheartedly, and your whole face flushed. It was funny how he could make you blush, but gosh, you really didn’t want him to stop. Yet, you just had to get back at him somehow.
“Actually, no. It was just a spur-of-a-moment comment. Nothing else,” you insisted firmly, trying to act unaffected, but he saw through you.
“Are you sure? It didn’t seem so to me.”
“Yes, I’m sure. Never been more sure of anything,” you objected as you shook your head, and it took everything in you to avoid reacting to that elegant arch of his eyebrows.
“Then, I guess I’ll just switch to Chinese.” Xiaojun shrugged flippantly, and started talking to you in Chinese just as he had said so. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at him, especially at the way there was a cheeky, boyish smirk hiding in the corner of his lips as he was repeating the same sentence over and over again.
You kept ignoring him, but you were the first one who grew tired of waiting for him to switch languages, so you looked at him, crossing your arms in front of your chest.
“Okay. I’ll take it back. Please, switch back to English, so I can understand you,” you pleaded a bit dramatically, acting as if you had been suffering while you hadn’t understood a thing. Though it had actually been weird listening to him speak in his mother language because you had been so used to being able to understand him that him speaking in a language you didn’t know was particularly interesting.
Xiaojun’s smirk grew wider if that was actually possible, and despite what you would dare to say to him face-to-face, even that smirk of his was gorgeous. This whole boy was just ever so casually gorgeous.
“Fine. If you insist, I have no choice but to do as you say,” he said as he switched back to English, and though you were grateful, you were actually more curious this time, so you scooted closer to him on the coach, and inquired:
“What was that sentence that you kept repeating?” You tilted your head questioningly. The truth is, you could have imagined that he had been saying that you were a fool for the jokester he was, but you weren’t so sure because that knowing smile was saying something else. Maybe it was about something more serious?
“Maybe I’ll tell you one day,” he left it at that, and no matter how much you tried to get him to tell you what it was, he didn’t.
So you merely enjoyed the rest of the day (and a few more attempts of his at Korean rap songs), laughing and smiling along with him because you believed that if the day came, he would tell you himself if it was any important. If not, then it was still good for the laughter.
The weather was getting more and more humid, the exams were approaching faster and faster, yet still, all you could think about was the time Xiaojun had left from his semester at your university, and what would happen to the two of you after he left the country. You, as the overthinker you were, didn’t dare to bring up the topic when he was around because you didn’t want him to feel pressured to reciprocate your wishes of seeing him again, but you couldn’t stop mulling over the different scenarios. You were long over denying your liking towards this particular boy, but the question was if he felt the same way? He was so casual and friendly with everyone that you didn’t know how to differentiate his feelings from the ones he displayed around others.
There had been only one time you could sense that he took care of you in a way he didn’t do so with others, but it was when he had invited you to a BBQ night with him and his friends and his friends’ girlfriends, so basically, you were the only single girl left because Mark, Yukhei and Hendery all had their girlfriends with them. The other three boys hadn’t even tried to hint anything regarding your relationship/friendship with Xiaojun, so at least that hadn’t turned out to be as awkward of a night as you had previously thought so.
However, that one particular occasion hadn’t helped your undulating feelings either, and you felt like you were running out of time, so you didn’t really know what to do with yourself. You didn’t even want to let down Xiaojun either, so you agreed on having a stroll with him by the Han River a week before he was supposed to leave.
“Have you started packing?” You inquired as the soft breeze of the summer night was playing with your locks and messing up Xiaojun’s hair. The boy was more amused than ashamed as he responded:
“No, not at all. Though I assume I would need to pay an extra fee for my luggage because I’m pretty sure I’m way over the weight limit with all the souvenirs and gifts I’ve bought,” he remarked cheerfully, and the way he merely smiled at his mishap melted your heart.
It was already late at night and there were quite a few people around, yet the light buzz of the riverside couldn’t be compared to the cacophony in your heart. Your heart wanted to break out of your ribcage and the more he looked at you and caught your eyes, the heavier this feeling grew.
Before Xiaojun, you had never felt such intense emotions, especially not towards a boy. You had always cooed at romantic movie scenes and all that, but no boy had been able to make you feel so special, accepted, understood and cared for. Then, there came this boy with his silly personality, gallery of funny memes, adorable puppy photos and his overflowing charms, and you had been swept off of your feet. Your personalities might have been clashing, but instead of being the stormy weather to your serene sea, he was more like the rays of sunshine that warmed the surface of your life.
No wonder your smile couldn’t fade as you were walking beside him, but you swore you almost tripped over yourself when he casually commented:
“You know, you could visit me during the summer. My family already knows a lot about you,” he confessed, flashing a charming smile at you, raising an eyebrow elegantly. You felt speechless for a moment - because of both parts of his confession -, and he mistook your silence for disapproval because he quickly added: “Only if you want to and feel comfortable with it, of course. I don’t want to pressure anything onto you.”
Of course, you knew that, Xiaojun would never pressure anything onto you. Instead of pressuring, he was more like that helping hand that assisted you through that fine line between the familiar grounds where your comfort zone lied and the parts outside of it. You were merely shocked that he was so casual about this offer, and if he had brought it up like this now, you were sure that he had been thinking about it beforehand.
“I’d love to,” you croaked out, finally finding your voice after a bit of an inner struggle, and Xiaojun seemed a bit surprised, but in the best possible way.
“Really? That would be awesome! I would show you around my favourite places and my mother would cook you authentic Chinese meals. You’ll love being there, I can guarantee that,” he foresaw already, and his words melted your heart again, though by this time you felt like you were melting beside him all the time. How could anyone be so adorable?
“If you’re around, I’m sure it’ll be great,” you admitted, smiling shyly. His eyes turned into little crescents when he caught your smiling self, and in that moment, under the street lamps, surrounded by the fragrance of the bloomed trees and flowers, covered by the night life of the riverside, you wished you could be in his arms or just hold his hands; to have him close no matter what the future holds.
You walked beside each other for some time, sharing stories about your own families and previous vacations, and cracking up over your mischievous child selves that had turned every holiday into a rollercoaster. You were as light as the atmosphere around you, your heartbeat as continuous as the flow of the river because having him by your side made you feel safe and secure.
“Do you still want to know what I said in Chinese back at the karaoke bar?” Xiaojun brought it up suddenly, not letting silence overtake your conversation.
“Of course,” you answered truthfully, and you were ready to be told that he was saying that you were a fool, that you had a horrible voice or anything awkward that he might have come up with, but instead, what he said rendered you speechless, as he turned to you, halting his steps to tell you face-to-face:
“That I like you, and I wish you would feel the same way,” he let you know before adding an explanation. “I just didn’t want to tell you this back then because I was afraid that the time we would spend together would be bittersweet, but now that there’s only one week left, and you’ve already mentioned that you wouldn’t mind visiting me in the summer, I’ve figured you might actually feel the same way about me.”
Surprise would be a subtle expression for how you felt in that moment with those words rolling off his tongue, sincerity oozing through the syllables, and his mesmerizing jet-black eyes holding yours captive. All the doubts, all the worried thoughts seemed miniscule to the relief that filled your veins because he felt the same way! Your cheeks immediately turned burgundy, but you didn’t mind.
“I like you, too. I just didn’t know if you felt the same way,” you confessed coyly, your face burning up. Xiaojun let out a giggle and closed his eyes for a moment as if he hadn’t believed what he had heard, then he stepped closer to you, and hugged you.
In that moment, as he was holding you in his embrace, you didn’t care what was waiting for you, and how you two would be able to keep in touch and keep liking each other. Because all you could feel was happiness, immense happiness, and you didn’t want this feeling to go away. Never ever.
In that one remaining week, you spent as much time together as possible, but that wasn’t a lot since you both had exams and assignments, and Xiaojun had some paperwork with his departure, so it didn’t seem like it was enough. However, you enjoyed every moment of it because you knew how the boy felt, and you couldn’t have been happier that your feelings were reciprocated.
Truthfully, you were doubtful whether you could make a long-distance relationship work because it was your first ever relationship after all, so you had no experience, and you were really worried that you would feel isolated from him. On the other hand, after a tearful goodbye at the airport (only you cried, Xiaojun merely laughed it off), you kept in touch through messages, phone calls and video calls, and it felt a bit like you were there beside each other. Xiaojun loved showing off Bella while he was having video calls with you, and usually you cooed at the sight, the affection evident in the boy’s every move towards the pet. Yet, one time, the puppy decided to pee on his carpet, and that was when your brother walked into your room, so ever since then, he mentioned Xiaojun as the guy whose dog peed on the carpet, and the memory never failed to make you laugh.
With each day, you felt your heart grew fonder and fonder of the boy, and through classical music recommendations, photos of (slightly) failed attempts at launches, video calls featuring Bella, watching movies together through a streaming site, time flew by fast enough, and by the time you could actually start missing him, you were already with him, spending your 10-day holiday with him, his parents and his brother.
There was no exaggeration in you saying that those 10 days were the best time of your life because you felt welcomed from the very beginning, his family treating you kindly and casually - as if they had known you for years. You made dumplings with Xiaojun’s mother, was told childhood stories about the two boys by his father, was shown cool places in the neighbourhood by his brother, and you watched movies with them, had a BBQ party with them in the garden and you also went on a hiking trip together. They respected your privacy, so they always asked you if you wanted to join, but you wouldn’t have missed anything for the world.
The boy played you his guitar and piano, sang you lullabies at night, let you play with Bella and take her for a walk with him, and oh boy, he even started doing pushing ups in front of you one day, but he told you that he only wanted to make you blush, nothing more (and he succeeded, of course he did…). Your heart was fluttering beside him, your smile was constant, and laughter followed you like a shadow wherever you went with him because you felt safe and sound, as if you didn’t have anything to be afraid of.
Sure, you had concerns about the future, but you were already looking up opportunities that would allow you to teach kids English in China because that would go well with your actual degree, and maybe you could even do it as your internship. It was nothing fixed for now, but you were hopeful towards your future with the boy, and after those 10 days with him, you were more sure than ever that you two would make it work, overcoming every obstacle that might appear in your lives.
I have a xiaojun ff saved, a Renjun oneshot and one Jeno fluff. I was thinking I'd post the Xiaojun oneshot first since i have zero Xiaojun fic on my blog but i wanted you guys to have what you'd like to read first so yeap! Make your choicee
