a bit tangential to what i usually post, but im very partial to yanderes because i like the idea of being obsessed over in spite of all my faults, and @blughxreader made a character named andre that i latched onto when i was in the destroyed mindset that this blog centers around, and i mean LATCHED ON to the point that i wrote this whole thing about being with him, and when i was reading it the other day out of curiosity i went “wow this is supremely fucked in the most delicious way possible” so i just had to post it, fair warning for SUPER DARK, long and disorganized writing beneath the cut for anyone interested but otherwise dont mind meeee
he virtually thumbs through candidates to traffic, almost always girls but occasionally guys if the threat was minimal/they had feminine aspects
lots of people are lax about their cybersecurity which makes thing easy on him, but i was especially vulnerable from the egregious amount of porn i watched, and i didnt even use a vpn
interested by how i was pretty fucked up in my tastes, but with further digging was completely thrown for a loop with how i thrive off of wholesome lovey shit in tandem
with access to my ip comes access to my phone and its files, sees all my writings and drawings and photos, from the cutesy to the horny, derided me as a cow being the shithead he is but my pretty face made up for it
decides to keep me, hes been getting lonely at his base and its obvious how desperate i am for it that it wouldnt even take much to break me down, arranges me to be abducted and i disappear while taking the trash out
the trip was awful, time blends so easily since i cant see and pass out from crying multiple times, they use duct tape on my mouth at first but i lick it off and bargain my ass off before they full on gag and tie me up to shut me up instead
even as im unrestrained it takes me a while to come to my senses, i look around on the floor in a dark messy bedroom, almost look up at the sound of snaps drawing attention but i steel my gaze at his feet, even screwing my eyes tight once he grabs my chin and forces my head up and tells me to look up, pisses him off but i rationalize that if i dont see his face hell be less likely to kill me, says that ill make him upset if i dont open my eyes and ill regret it, shakily open them and see him for the first time just as a smirk is growing on his face, hes attractive and im flustered but i push it away and immediately go to asking questions, trying to humanize myself, he answers curtly and is even amused as i ask about the safety of my dog (never got a chance to close the back gate) but ultimately to no avail
grins as i cry and beg and plead my case, im a random girl, theres billions of other options why me, send me back i swear i wont say or do anything i just want my friends and family back, tells me i was pretty and easy, theres no way in hell, im his now and i better learn to live with it, then puts me to work
mostly cleaning, id prefer cooking but of course im not getting knife privileges off the bat, get myself in a cinderella mindset humming to myself trying to hold onto a sliver of hope, it would be full singing if he didnt watch me all the time, hes often on his computer but his presence and his stares alone are enough to make me feel small, claims the monitoring is so i dont try anything but i can see the little smile thats on his face all the time and its hard not to feel flustered, especially in all the prissy little outfits he puts me in, i feel humiliated and infantilized and patronized all at once, i dont want to talk to him but i make jokes to cope and possibly humanize myself and get him to break, to no avail of course, outright tells me he doesnt care how i feel or whos hurting because im gone (lying about that first part but ofc i dont know it yet)
even still he wraps his arms around me, slams his lips into mine, pulls me onto his lap laughing at how confused and conflicted i am, at first annoyed by my constant probing into his feelings before giving in at my bargain of returning his affections if he tells me why theyre there in the first place, admits that he likes the way i make him feel, likes my attention no matter how minuscule or hateful, compliments me and tells me how i drew him in in the first place, thinks ive given in when i kiss and hug him back without complaint even if i dont go to him outright, its a good enough start, will even give me little rewards like my favorite treats ive been deprived of for so long or letting me listen to music again if ive been especially sweet, even delves into bouncing me on his leg and rubbing me over my panties with his thick fingers if he notices ive been especially shy and squeamish, making sure to note how i was never treated so nicely before and i wont feel this way with anyone but him
im mortified beyond belief, i know i like the attention and feeling of being cared for but i refuse to give into such a vile man, continuously remind myself its just stockholm syndrome and brain chemistry and not my fault but its hard not to take it to heart and think it as a reflection of my character/morals, distract myself as much as possible by going over my memories of everyone i miss and was ripped away from me, focusing on gathering as much info as i can, trying to come up with a way to get back home, looking through the windows for the north star (not allowed outside) but i still cant tell where i am, it wouldnt matter anyway, i learn soon enough how powerful he is and im smart enough to know that theres no point in escaping, my only chance is if i kill him, eventually psyching myself using my heaviest/bluntest cleaning tool to hit him over the head and crawl over him trying to gouge his eyes out
hes surprised and impressed by the violent approach, but its overshadowed by his seething anger, he knew it was going too smoothly, despite his scrawny build hes strong enough to grab my wrists and pin me, slaps me, chokes me, yells at me at how stupid i am and i yell back in defiance despite the abuse, i couldnt give up, id really be stupid if i didnt try, i hate him, hes a piece of shit who doesnt deserve me, he simultaneously loves the attention even if its negative and gets annoyed at the insults to his ego
managed to hold back from his more primal feelings until now but clearly i dont deserve the kindness, restrains me and rips my clothes off, as i beg and throw vitriol at him in the same breath he reminds me of my rape fetish, supported by my fluttering pussy as he harshly fingers me, but its not sweet, i try to enjoy it but fantasizing about it is so different from actually living it, scream and cry from the pain as he pulls my hair and rams into me but im silenced by his rough kissing, going again and again until i pass out from either exhaustion or asphyxiation
thats when i end up in the dog cage with a shock collar, a sick and hilarious part of me not minding it, but i still assert im a good person, i dont deserve this, his punishments wont work, until it quickly devolves as he reminds me of my darkest parts, im not as good as i think i am, i wasnt doing anything with my life before, everyone i knew and loved thinks im dead and has moved on so theres no point, even a bit of stereotypical we’re not so different as he goes into detail about me being as desperate and lonely as he was, no one else would ever love me like he does, which i translate to this is the kind of love i deserve, feeling worthless and my memories warping of everyone hating and feeling sorry for me and i start welcoming the pain as i try to scratch at and starve myself and escape the misery
he knew i was depressed but didnt realize how little i cared about my life now that im alone, so instead his punishments get really fucked up and personal, threatening me with a stick and poke and a beehive he imported that morning if i dont eat and drink, i do the bare minimum but i still dont respond, tries enticing me with pencils and paper and rhythm games and anything that might give me a sense of fulfillment so i can get my personality back, i dont touch them so he thinks it didnt work until i ask him if he still likes me
insists he adores me, he saved me from an uncertain life of struggle, hell give me just about anything if i just submit, and i snap, cry out im sorry, forgive me, youre all i have please still love me, if i wasnt in hysterics i wouldve been thoroughly creeped out by his ever widening grin as he unlocks the cage, but i just crawl up his body grab his face and kiss him, in long bouts on the lips and wherever i can manage in my teary haze, shushes me and kisses my tears as they stream down my face
those days were his absolute favorite, i was just as needy and clingy as him if not more, doing whatever he asked and giving him affection and fucking him without complaint, even with the leash and collar and constant kneeling (thought i still needed punishment and was still a bit wary after the murder attempt), i know it isnt right, i know its fucked up, but i know all too well identifying the brain chemistry wont stop it from working, and i cant stop myself from going to him for validation, something i never got before him no matter how awful he might be, and hes admittedly cute when hes flustered from my softness
i start getting more comfortable, not to the point where i tease him and point out any of his misgivings (wont make that mistake again), but ill ask him about his work and if he wants to game together, finds it so endearing and rewards me with outfits that i actually get a say in picking, mostly ones he still finds hot but im still excited about getting gifts i never could have before, shyly or even sometimes excitedly show them off to him and he instantly ravages me, embarrassed and sometimes i dont want it but i dont say no, let him use me whenever he wants because im so in love with the feeling of being wanted, part of why he likes me so much
i know hes genuine evil, i know he hurts people and hes mean and he doesnt really want me to be happy, not truly, but he cares about me, hes handsome, and hes smart, and he admires how i look and he laughs when im silly and he makes my heart flutter, so i happily make him food and cuddle him as he codes and bounce on his cock when i burn up with want, he loves me and i need him more than anything
