the hardest goodbye part 1.
Today may have been one of the hardest experiences for me.
I was assigned to a transferred special education child at the beginning of this school year. I was definitely nervous at first, because I had heard horrific stories about this child. I heard he was violent, inappropriate, and obsessive. A bully. An 11 year old who looks 14-16 years old with a mustache. He has a dark bowl hair cut, fair skin, and is half a foot taller than most of his classmates and me at 5’5”, while ranging around 125-135 lbs. Yet, when you pick up his arm he will let it fall back down.
He was obsessed with a set of twins, one in particular, for years from his last school. Then, both happened to come into his class. However, later the child was moved into another class from the effects of not being able to focus in class, not eating, and being depressed. The child I was with would write his name over and over on art work, or into the school textbooks. At lunch, with every bite his eyes would be fixated on the kid, flickering his middle finger at him. At recess, he would circle close to the twins, make obscene gestures and angrily curse and talk under his breath. His middle finger would go up very subtly though, and if not watching you would miss it within a split second. Approximately 200 times a day he would do this.
Soft spoken at times, when asked a question all you might hear was a spurt of air passing by. You would have to place your ear closely to his mouth in order to hear him. But, when he sang you were able to hear him three classrooms away. On all songs he gave a shout out to his “girl” Aretha Franklin and/or Whitney Houston, even though it would be a Sara Barielles song.
He also did a lot of things for attention. He tried to convince us he was mentally retarded by pretending he couldn’t hear or understand. He would make awkward head movements leaving his mouth open, then occasionally laugh, then try to get back into character again. Pounding on the desk, stomping on the floor, whistling in the middle of class. Every loose paper was shoved into his desk and not into a folder. Every paper or book needed he would claim, “I don’t have it” or “I don’t know where it is” then “See! I told you it’s not here” just to make you pull it out for him. He would even pull out his scissors and attempt to saw the schools’ textbook, paper, and his finger, all while looking at you to get your attention.
Talking to himself was his all time favorite. Almost every second there was a mouth movement, which later became arguing with someone, which later turned into provoking fight movements. But these mouth movements would later change into whispers. Whispers into talking. Talking into whistling. Whistling into clapping his hands, then stomping his feet loudly, and then singing all in the middle of class. When he did talk, he was manipulative, and about 99% of what came out of his mouth was a lie. Along with the lie was inappropriate and sexual comments. He was a constant disruption to the class. Constantly harassing kids, so I finally had to pull him from the boys lunch table to the girls. Continuously, anxious, could not stop shaking his legs, moving his body back and forth and/or both. On a regular day I would tell him to, “Stop, focus” at least 50 times in a span of 45 minutes, sometimes more.
In the beginning I must say it was difficult, luckily this was the worst it ever became. His notorious stories of tripping, picking on little kids, pushing people down the stairs, other physical harassment’s, throwing chairs and desks, did not travel with him. But, I also tried everything in my power to squash it before it could escalate to that point. Because, I believe that his anxiousness when moving his legs or mumbling seem to escalate into something uncontrollable. Therefore, I try to stop it beforehand. For instance, if his legs are moving uncontrollably for too long I would place my hand on his knee and leave it there for 1 minute, and continue this throughout the entire day. Or, if he began mumbling I would distract him in a conversation, a conversation with other people, prompting the questions to his classmates to re-ask the questions, or telling him to focus. He also tested me on things. He wanted to see how far I would let him go, which wasn’t much. He was an only child to a mother who views that he can do no wrong. His mother wanted me to give him leeway, however, I learned quickly that it was a mistake, and I had to work to gain respect from him, and I did.
Within the 3 1/2 months with him, I began to be able to tell the subtle differences between his anxiousness whether he is frustrated, angry, nervous, thinking, etc. Later, I realized he just wanted friends and was too socially awkward to do so. His method of making friends was through inappropriate comments, and getting a rise from the class when disrupting. He also did not have a way to share his feelings, and was not able to come up with words to express it, so I would ask him at least 5-7 times in a span of 1 minute depending on the topic, “What do you feel? Angry? Sad? Happy”, repeat it, wait for him to shake his head yes, then ask again until he verbally replied.
His desk began becoming neater. Stopped shoving papers in his desk. His talking and mumbling has decreased to almost rarely. I was finally able to get him to ask other kids to play tag, and got him a friend that gave him his number so they can hang out yesterday! However, I heard all of this has made his mother develop jealously. Therefore, it made her speak to me disrespectfully, and boss me around whenever possible.
I understand a mother is protective over their only child for their safety and wellbeing, but at the same time she contradicts this concept by her behavior. And well … the principal, he is just hashtag a power hungry principal. The principal leaves me speechless, and defends not one of the employee and creates chaos. I learned early on that the mom liked to boss people around and the principal did not defend anyone. This was proven a few days ago when the kids and I went on a field trip which was chaperoned by the child’s mother. As soon as his mother entered the classroom he began to shake. After some time I was able to get him to calm down and we left on the bus. I asked his mother if he could sit in the back with the other kids but she said no. Then quietly I asked the child if they wanted to sit in the back with the other kids just to be sure and the child replied yes. But, his mother heard this and told him he needed to sit near her instead.
This was just the beginning, and as the day wore on she continually used every chance to demean my role. In the end, she used the documentations that I made about her son’s behavior to get me reassigned to another child. Her claim being that I lied and the principal did not defend me on this, although I had a witness. All of his bad behaviors, the middle finger, obscene gestures, disruptions, etc were explained and excused by his mother. I believe that all people, especially children have unlimited potential and with the right amount of time, prompting, and reinforcing they can become well rounded individuals. But, the mother didn’t seem to share my views. The one person that believes in their child should be their parents, but I’m not sure if his mother has his best interest at heart, which worries me.
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