Wonderfully Weird

Honestly, I just use this to vent…

[the-sass-chasm]

Ugh, not Linda 🙄

my company host a breakfast for clients on the first Friday of every month. Today we had several older retirees who all worked for the same school district at some point (we’re talking taught school in the 50s-70s). The conversation went like this:

Lady #1: “did you know Linda? The junior English teacher?”

Man #1: “……no comment”.

Lady #2: “ ugh! I could not stand her!”

they then all proceeded to talk smack about Linda from the English department for the next 15 minutes.

lessons learned: old people can hold a grudge! And your grandparents probably relate to your work drama mor than you think!

[the-sass-chasm]

“Why is my anxiety so bad today?” She said as she sipped on her fourth cup of coffee. It was only 10am.

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Tell me you follow a white women in her early thirties without telling me you follow a white women in her early thirties. I’ll go first.

A picture of her having lunch with some friends. It’s captioned: ‘lunch with the ghouls!’

A picture of a coffee mug with a ghost or black cat. Caption reads: ‘getting my spooky on 👻’

She posts the 30 day countdown till the spirit Halloween opens in town.

(All of this is happening in August)

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Once upon a time,

There lived a girl who only bought ingredients. Fruit, vegetables, meats, baking supplies, and other miscellaneous food stuffs that are categorized as ingredients. And there also lived another girl who only bought CHIPS!!!

And they were roommates………

[the-sass-chasm]

Do you ever just think about something that your family did when you were a kid and it seemed totally normal to you then but now as an adult looking back on it you’re like “oh that looks really weird to other people. They probably talked about that for days”.

So I’m one of nine children and every time a new baby was born we all went to the hospital to meet the new baby. And I’m sure that this was totally fine for the staff when there were like three or four of us. Maybe it was fine when there were five of us. But looking at it now, those nurses probably dreaded the day that my parents brought eight children to meet the ninth!

And I was just thinking about that, and that we were all in dresses and tights, and there were nine of us 😂

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I’m cackling!!!

If you haven’t watched Meerkat Manor on Amazon, I’m begging you! Go watch it.

The show is like a really clever combination of Keeping Up with the Kardashians and Generic Nature Documentary. - you know, if the Kardashians believed in cannibalism and family drama occurred in nature. The important thing to know is that we didn’t know that before we watched it with a 9-year-old!

Anyway, the child is traumatized, I’m fascinated, and the show is an 11/10! 

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Have never related to anyone as much as Bernard from The Santa Clause! Boy is literally like “I am middle management and that is ALL I will be doing!”.

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The AUDACITY of these people trying to sell a house and putting ‘price reflects potential’ as an explanation for the OUTRAGEOUS amount they listed for it just…..(outraged Italian hand motions)

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I’m so mad!!! Cause like, I wanted to reread the hunger games and I started reading the first book and….it’s not all that??? Keep in mind I haven’t read them since I was like 17. So it’s been literally years!!! But…. Just….. I remember them being the best book ever 😭 and now…… they’re just ‘okay’.

If this is growing up I’d like a refund please!!!

[the-sass-chasm]

Unpopular opinion:

Hallmark movies are one of the best parts of Christmas.

I can’t even pretend to hate them. They’re just- *chefs kiss*

Like, do you wanna watch a girl from New York with a boyfriend/fiancé and nice apartment go to Vermont to handle her grandmother’s estate. And while she’s there she meets this hunky guy that embodies every virtue she ever needed. We’re talking dependability, respect, thoughtfulness, and caring and compassionate heart. Watch them go from enemies to lovers in exactly one hour as she discovers she actually hates her city job and city boyfriend, but loves making cookies.

I think this might just be my inability to handle slow burn. Like, if y’all aren’t in each others arm and swearing to love and protect one another for eternity by the time I count to three I will get very upset!

[the-sass-chasm]

Had a lady come in my office today and she was a little…….shall we say, interesting.

Here are the lessons I came away with:

1. Don’t use TikTok as your financial advisor. Sure, there are some great budget hacks, but when teenagers on TikTok are telling you how to buy a rental property and not pay any taxes…….gah!! Just don’t!! You will end up in trouble with the IRS.

2. If you are going to tell someone their plants need more nutrients, you might want to check if that plant is real. Like “no Sharon, it dose NOT need magnesium. Why? Because it’s plastic!!!”

3. DO NOT PUT LOTION ON YOUR HANDS, TOUCH EVERYTHING ON MY DESK, AND THEN TELL ME YOU MAKE YOUR OWN BREAST MILK LOTION!!!!

That’s it. Have a great day y’all.

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Can someone explain to me what it means when a guy puts ‘Forklift certified’ on his dating profile. Is this a joke I’m not getting? Or is he literally certified to operate a forklift?

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Tell me about the strangest comment you’ve ever received. I’ll go first.

Chatting with some of my older clients and one man (who is about 90 years old) looks at me and says: “Now, I’ll bet you know how to make a wonderful pot roast!”

Like, thank you! I do as a matter of fact!

[the-sass-chasm]

Unpopular opinion:

No one actually likes going to Disney land they just like the nostalgia.

Additional thought:

That’s why everyone is getting into renaissance festivals now. Because it’s all the dressing up and fun interactive activities, but catered to them as adults.

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So my generation alpha sister (9 years old) just called me in shock to tell me that she thinks the Sims are called that because they live in a simulation….. 😐

And, okay, she’s 9. She didn’t grow up with the Sims. Still funny.

So I tell my sister WHO IS 20 years old!!! And she starred at me for a second and then goes “oh my gosh! Is that really why their called the Sims?!?”

I just can’t anymore….

[the-sass-chasm]

So my younger brother is really into football, but the Taylor x Travis arc is making him furious!!!

This is the interaction we had at the dinner table last night:

Bro: “Taylor Swift is freaking ruining football”.

Dad: “How?”

Bro: “The Chiefs haven’t lost a single game since she started dating one of their guys. It’s like out of the blue their winning all the time 😡”.

Mom: “Your dad wasn’t a 4.0 student until we started dating 😏”.

Dad: “Sounds like your just mad the Cowboys suck 😁”.

[the-sass-chasm]

Me when my professor doesn’t grade something within 10 minutes of submission:

“I bet he’s writing a whole essay on why my paper sucked. He’s probably going to submit it to the dean to get me ejected from the program. He’s probably going to pin it up on his office wall as an example of what NOT to do!!!”

Professor gives an A less than 24 hours later 😅