AND FOR FUCK’S SAKE, IT’S NOT “SIKE”; IT’S “PSYCH”. AS IN “I PSYCHED YOU OUT”; BECAUSE YOU MOMENTARILY MADE SOMEONE BELIEVE SOMETHING THAT WASN’T TRUE.
If you’re talking about a weapons CACHE, it’s pronounced cash.
If you say cashay, that’s how CACHET is pronounced which means prestige and does not mean a collection of items stored together in a hidden/inaccessible place.
HOARD - (n.) a collection of stuff, (vb) to collect a collection of stuff.
HORDE - (n.) a collection, group, mob or host of people, often unruly or barbaric.
PEEL - (n.) the outside skin of fruit, also (archaic n.) a tower house, sometimes spelled PELE; (vb) to remove the outside skin of fruit; by extension, usually as PEEL OFF, to remove clothing, but also (aviation) to break away, one aircraft at a time, from a larger formation.
PEAL - (n.) the sound of several church bells ringing together or in sequence; (vb.) to ring bells in this manner.
BREACH - (n.) a break or opening, usually in a wall; (vb) to make such an opening, also a whale rising clear of the surface of the sea. (The words BREACH and BREAK are distant relatives.)
BREECH - (n.) the bottom end of a gun-barrel, where it’s loaded; also (BREECH PRESENTATION) a baby being born bottom-foremost; also (n. pl.) BREECHES, a historical style of trousers ending just below the knee and (archaic vb) to BREECH, to dress a boy in breeches (adult clothing) for the first time.
SO YOU'RE TIRED OF BATMAN: AN INTRODUCTORY GUIDE TO DC SUPERHEROES
one of the most common things i hear when trying to get people to read comics is that they're just not that into batman. which boggles my mind! not because i'm a huge batman fan -- which i am, but i can understand why people might not be interested in his comics -- but because it's insane to me that batman (or superman, or wonder woman, or any other dc superhero they've made a movie about) is people's default perception of dc superheroes.
there's a whole world out there! and if you're intimidated by the big superheroes, or uninterested in their stories, or even if you like them but you're looking for something different, this is the guide for you. without further ado, i present:
DC MINUS THE BIG THREE: A FIELD GUIDE FOR THE DISENCHANTED AND DISINTERESTED
DOOM PATROL (1987)
to nobody's surprise, doom patrol is first on my list of recommendations. it's a comic book about a group of disabled people who have been labeled freaks, weirdos, or otherwise undesirable by society, coming together to save a world that doesn't care about them because there has to be beauty in it somewhere.
good for: well, i'll let the introduction quote do the talking. “remember when all the other kids on the block had superman and batman as positive role modes? well, if you could only identify with a human brain in a metal body or a guy wrapped up in bandages, and if you grew up weird, welcome home. you’re among friends now.”
read doom patrol here. trigger warnings for: ableism, child sexual abuse, medical abuse, transphobia.
2. HELLBLAZER (1988) BUT ONLY THE FIRST 41 ISSUES OK?
hellblazer is a 300 issue long comic book, mostly comprised of dogshit stories by dogshit writers. i am recommending it because i genuinely think the first 41 issues are art. please do not do as i did and read all of hellblazer. you won't survive the experience. ok? ok.
hellblazer is a comic about aging punk magician/occultist john constantine trying desperately to sort out his life in late 80s london while constantly being beset by poor life choices, poverty, and also lots and lots and lots and lots of demons.
good for: punks, anarchists, fans of the occult, enemies of aleister crowley, anyone who has a personal vendetta against margaret thatcher.
read hellblazer here, BUT STOP READING AFTER THE FIRST 41 ISSUES OK? trigger warnings for: literally almost everything you can imagine, but specifically discussions of child sexual abuse are prominent in the original sins run. also, it was written by a white man in the 80s, so it suffers from "white man in the 80s" syndrome.
3. WILDCATS (1999)
"FERRIS", some of you comic book knowers cry, "WILDCATS IS WILDSTORM NOT DC". to that i say Shut the fuck up DC acquired the rights to the wildstorm universe it's close e-fucking-nough.
wildcats 1999 is about cole cash (a conman and ex-special ops man), hadrian 7 (an alien robot posing as a human named jack marlowe), and noir (a bisexual ex-arms dealer from france who talks in the third person) picking up the pieces of the OLD wildcats team after they all found out they were soldiers in a war that ended before most of them were born and nobody bothered to tell them, and trying to 1) run a company and 2) save the world.
good for: people who hate the military, tacky sci-fi fans, anyone who wishes guys would suck more, anyone interested in the horrors of war.
read wildcats 1999 here.
4. SLEEPER
"ferris i want to leave wildstorm" too fucking bad. we're talking about sleeper right now.
sleeper is about holden carver, an undercover agent in the world's largest underground crime organization/network, who gets stuck undercover when his handler (the only guy who knows he's undercover and not just a traitor) gets shot and put in a coma. it is about grappling with your own morality, losing faith in your ideals, and (like most wildstorm properties), how war is a pointless exercise in horror.
good for: fans of spy thrillers, evil women enjoyers, evil men enjoyers, anyone who has ever thought they could make someone worse, people who want bad things to happen to people in power.
read sleeper season 1 here, and then sleeper season 2 here. trigger warnings for pedophilia (the pedophile gets beat to death in issue 2), homophobia, and child abuse.
5. THE AUTHORITY (1999)
stop crying we're almost done with wildstorm. the authority is a comic book about 6 super-people (who are very loose parodies of the justice league) forming a self-described "anarchist cell" to operate against the wishes and outside the influence of earth's governments to defend the planet against extraterrestrial threats and handle human rights violations.
good for: political science fans, good sci-fi enjoyers, people who think batman and superman should have kissed instead of making a million movies, people in polyamorous six-ples.
read the authority here. trigger warning for "this writer probably shouldn't have written this asian nation like this", homophobia, sexual abuse.
6. SUICIDE SQUAD (1987)
hey, remember how i was talking about wildcats? imagine the same sort of themes of wildcats (the horrors of war, the effects of being in the military, american imperialism, what it means to be a hero or even a good person), and then apply them to the worst group of people you've ever had the displeasure of being in the same room as, and they all fucking hate each other. suicide squad is about a bunch of incarcerated villains being "recruited" (forced) into working hero-missions for the government, because nobody will miss them if they die.
good for: villain apologists, people who (in the immortal words of hack/slash) think "there just aren't enough big mean women in comics", and this guy:
[ID: a comment on read comics online by “the king of anime” reading, “I want to give this a try would it be worth it”. end ID.]
read suicide squad here. trigger warning for, again "white man in the 80s syndrome", along with... probably pretty much everything else imaginable (it's been a while since i read this!)
7. STARMAN (1994)
starman is a story told with the drama of a theater production about jack knight, a late-20s to early-30s punk antiques dealer who gets the mantle of starman (a well-known superhero from the golden age) thrust upon him suddenly. it is a story about legacy, family duties, identity, and most importantly about being kind of a loser who gets shot at all the fucking time.
good for: sci-fi fans who are too proud to admit they also like fantasy, rock opera listeners, family disappointments, single fathers.
read starman here. trigger warning for sexual assault.
8. ARKHAM CITY: THE ORDER OF THE WORLD (2021)
"ferris you said no batman" i did. i did not say no batman villains.
arkham city: the order of the world focuses on some of batman's lesser-known foes, and the fallout of arkham asylum collapsing. i can't really explain it more than that, but it is good and legitimately unnerving at times.
good for: horror fans, enemies of the psychiatric system, villain enjoyers, people who live in new york city.
read arkham city: the order of the world here.
9. THE SHADE (1997) and THE SHADE (2012)
hey, remember starman? want a series about the old immortal victorian man with an "ambiguous sexuality" from it? okay. the shade (1997) follows his origins: specifically, his long-standing beef with one specific family. the shade (2012) is a sort of cross-country whodunnit as the shade tries to track down who is trying (and failing) to murder him.
good for: bisexual enjoyers, dramatic theater kids, vampire fans, goths, people who would have fucked lord byron given the opportunity.
read the shade (1997) here, and the shade (2012) here.
10. METAL MEN (2007)
lastly (but not least), a comic featuring will magnus from doom patrol. metal men (2007) is... a complicated story. it's about robots? it's about being mentally ill. it's about a guy who is so divorced forever. it's about being a little loser guy. it's about time travel, and terrible relationships with your brother. it's hard to describe. but it's fun.
good for: bad sci-fi enjoyers, people who can understand the timeline of looper, robot fans, anyone who has ever been consumed by a desire to create.
read metal men (2007) here.
BONUS:
not included in this list because batman is there, i encourage everyone to have a look at the original justice league international series. it is a superhero comedy. it is silly and stupid and i love it.
anyways if you’re as upset about the first kill cancellation as i am, here’s a list of sapphic books and books featuring queer girls to check out! for those i haven’t read, i’ve heard they’re worth reading, so please check out any of the books on this list!!
the priory of the orange tree by samantha shannon
the jasmine throne by tasha suri
a lesson in vengeance by victoria lee
the falling in love montage by ciara smyth
not my problem by ciara smyth
i kissed shara wheeler by casey mcquiston
one last stop by casey mcquiston
she drives me crazy by kelly quindlen
some girls do by jennifer dugan
perfect on paper by sophie gonzales
the chosen and the beautiful by nghi vo
siren queen by nghi vo
city of dusk by tara sim
i’ll be the one by lyla lee
flip the script by lyla lee
watch over me by nina lacour
we are okay by nina lacour
the seven husbands of evelyn hugo by taylor jenkins reid
loveless by alice oseman
last night at the telegraph club by malinda lo
a memory called empire by arkady martine
gideon the ninth by tamsyn muir
ophelia after all by racquel marie
PLEASE REBLOG WITH YOUR OWN IF YOU HAVE RECS!! i’m looking to add more sapphic books to my tbr and i know i’m not the only one
- Dunno why I keep forgetting this is a book about space necromancy
- Gideon’s intro is cute
- Do we get to know who her mom was, why she crashed here, etc?
- Gideon charged at Harrow with her sword after patting her down
- “Are you asking me to…. throw her a bone?” 😂😂😂
- Gideon is such a himbo 😂
- And Harrow is hot, love her bone magic
- Gideon hates Harrow so much 😂
- So, the secret Gideon knows and could ruin the locked tomb is that Harrow’s parents are actually dead but Harrow reanimated them to look like they’re alive (basically like a puppet master)? This is usually an end of the book revelation
- Harrow is a sociopath and it’s wonderful; she also hates Gideon 😂
- Harrow wants Gideon as her cavalier and Aiglamene agrees
- “She’s a genius. With the proper motivation, Griddle could wield two swords in each hand and one in her mouth.” Is this a Zoro (One Piece) reference?
- I’m in chapter four and so far, the prose is great but the dialogue doesn’t blend well with prose? Maybe I’ll get used to it. The book is really funny though, I’ve laughed out loud a few times already
- I feel like griddlehark will be a very fucked up enemies-to-lovers but I can’t predict exactly how it will play out
- Chapter six and so far, Harrow beat Gideon, manipulated Gideon into becoming her cavalier and now plans on deceiving all the houses into thinking nothing is wrong within the Ninth house
- “I want to watch you die.” Is this foreshadowing Gideon’s death?
- Gideon and Harrow have reached the House of the First and Gideon made her grand entrance wearing sunglasses 😂
- The Third House people seem creepy; the twins are definitely going to be important
- The place is called Canaan House and the description sounds both, creepy and cool
- All the participants(?) were given zero explanation on how to compete to become Lyctors and I love how Gideon was the least bit interested the whole time
- I love Dulcinea. She chose not to go to the Ninth House to die because “I found out about the face paint you all have to wear and that wasn’t my aesthetic” 😂😂
- “Take off your glasses, please, Gideon the Ninth. I’d like to see your eyes.” Asfkkhfkidkl
- “you have eyes like gold coins” this whole one-sided conversation between Dulcinea and Gideon has been charged with so much (sexual?) tension
- Gideon has spent her first day in Canaan House walking around and checking out everyone she comes across, hoping she gets to fight soon
- Dunno why I keep forgetting this is a book about space necromancy
- Gideon’s intro is cute
- Do we get to know who her mom was, why she crashed here, etc?
- Gideon charged at Harrow with her sword after patting her down
- “Are you asking me to…. throw her a bone?” 😂😂😂
- Gideon is such a himbo 😂
- And Harrow is hot, love her bone magic
- Gideon hates Harrow so much 😂
- So, the secret Gideon knows and could ruin the locked tomb is that Harrow’s parents are actually dead but Harrow reanimated them to look like they’re alive (basically like a puppet master)? This is usually an end of the book revelation
- Harrow is a sociopath and it’s wonderful; she also hates Gideon 😂
- Harrow wants Gideon as her cavalier and Aiglamene agrees
- “She’s a genius. With the proper motivation, Griddle could wield two swords in each hand and one in her mouth.” Is this a Zoro (One Piece) reference?
- I’m in chapter four and so far, the prose is great but the dialogue doesn’t blend well with prose? Maybe I’ll get used to it. The book is really funny though, I’ve laughed out loud a few times already
- I feel like griddlehark will be a very fucked up enemies-to-lovers but I can’t predict exactly how it will play out
- Chapter six and so far, Harrow beat Gideon, manipulated Gideon into becoming her cavalier and now plans on deceiving all the houses into thinking nothing is wrong within the Ninth house
- “I want to watch you die.” Is this foreshadowing Gideon’s death?
- Gideon and Harrow have reached the House of the First and Gideon made her grand entrance wearing sunglasses 😂
- The Third House people seem creepy; the twins are definitely going to be important
- The place is called Canaan House and the description sounds both, creepy and cool
- All the participants(?) were given zero explanation on how to compete to become Lyctors and I love how Gideon was the least bit interested the whole time
- Dunno why I keep forgetting this is a book about space necromancy
- Gideon’s intro is cute
- Do we get to know who her mom was, why she crashed here, etc?
- Gideon charged at Harrow with her sword after patting her down
- “Are you asking me to…. throw her a bone?” 😂😂😂
- Gideon is such a himbo 😂
- And Harrow is hot, love her bone magic
- Gideon hates Harrow so much 😂
- So, the secret Gideon knows and could ruin the locked tomb is that Harrow’s parents are actually dead but Harrow reanimated them to look like they’re alive (basically like a puppet master)? This is usually an end of the book revelation
- Harrow is a sociopath and it’s wonderful; she also hates Gideon 😂
- Harrow wants Gideon as her cavalier and Aiglamene agrees
- “She’s a genius. With the proper motivation, Griddle could wield two swords in each hand and one in her mouth.” Is this a Zoro (One Piece) reference?
- I’m in chapter four and so far, the prose is great but the dialogue doesn’t blend well with prose? Maybe I’ll get used to it. The book is really funny though, I’ve laughed out loud a few times already
- I feel like griddlehark will be a very fucked up enemies-to-lovers but I can’t predict exactly how it will play out
- Chapter six and so far, Harrow beat Gideon, manipulated Gideon into becoming her cavalier and now plans on deceiving all the houses into thinking nothing is wrong within the Ninth house
- “I want to watch you die.” Is this foreshadowing Gideon’s death?
snowghoul
ellievsbear
turnnoffyourmind
stormborns
romaincrisis
tangentwithtanner
