Angels forgive me please

Asd bpd cptsd vent sideblog Tw content from the fucked up brain lf the groomed and sexually abused I am a straight male and scared of sexual things so don't waste your time

[thedarkestofalambsmind]

me when i get the ‘constantly seek out the things that traumatised you’ disorder so i constantly seek out the things that traumatised me

[thedarkestofalambsmind]

you have friends. i have booktok dark romance girls in their 20s in my dms wanting to use me as jerk off material and then never talk to me again. we are not the same.

[thedarkestofalambsmind]

it was difficult for me to escape her because i convinced myself she was a good person and i was the issue just because she ‘stood up for me’ a couple times

[thedarkestofalambsmind]

i know its so wrong but since all the horrible stuff that happened I’ve craved an older woman, i know its so wrong so so so wrong and i don’t have the opportunity to act on it which I’m grateful for but id like to hope id never act on it but those thoughts are still in my head and i feel like a really bad person for it

[thedarkestofalambsmind]

weird pedo ageplayers dni this isnt about you, i am traumatised not an object for your vile fetish. That goes for any sexual (non trauma) blogs as well, this is a vent blog this is my trauma and not your jerk off material

do you think my plushies look at me with disgust because i have sexual urges? do you think they wish they could have been with a sweet and pure child instead of filth like me? Or do you think they think its ok because its normal for a boy my age and trying to repress it would only make things worse and they just want me to be happy and not feel disgusted in myself?

[thedarkestofalambsmind]

my s— drive has been heightened recently which is the exact opposite of what i wanted, im so distressed and upset. Why? Is it something related to the cptsd treatment? High stress? I dont understand.

[stevethevehicon22]

Male sexual assaults happen.

Women assaulting men happens.

I'm so sick of people acting like it's not as bad as the same thing happening to women, it's equally as terrible. As a male sexual assault victim who was raped by a woman, it pisses me off when the modern feminist movement tries to downplay the affect it has on men, your trauma does not give you justification to be an awful person.

My abuser was a woman, and I never got the closure of seeing justice being served, she's happily married with a child. Nothing ever came from it. And I struggle with that trauma every day of my life.

Male SA victims, you are seen, and you are heard.

[thedarkestofalambsmind]

please get all your gross ‘we need to make everything more sexual’ and ‘we need to put sex into childrens content’ out of here, it is not purity culture thats the issue, you were just over exposed to sexual content as a child, you’re messed up and you want to push it onto everyone else.

[thedarkestofalambsmind]

i really am thinking hard about wether i can let my my little pony g4 collection go, i love mlp with my whole heart and its helped me through some tough times but i cant look at them anymore without feeling disgust

high functionings and their trends ruin everything, they make it dirty and dirty people start to like things that should have been pure and my rapist getting into it is just the final straw i think, i want to cry. Why does this world corrupt everything, as if ruining me wasn’t enough. You all make everything sick you all make me sick

[thedarkestofalambsmind]

i cant stand having sexual feelings, being attracted to anyone, looking at an attractive woman, ect, it all makes me feel like a terrible person, i want to make it stop but i dont know how,

i just feel gross i guess, im fortunate enough to never have been in a position where i could have acted on impulse so apart from the sa im still a virgin but i worry about how long that will last, im worried on a bad day i will jump at the first chance im given and that makes me feel impure and sick.

i wish i could stay strong, i hope I’ll stay a virgin for a while, the thought of not being scares me,

i didnt always think this way but its too late to snap me out of it now, ive seen the ‘sex positivity’ bullshit and all it does is make me feel sick, i doubt any positivity and openess about any of it will change me because im too far gone

[sillyfr3nchb1tch]

[thedarkestofalambsmind]

i just need a girl to wipe my tears and wrap me in a blanket and make me feel so safe and loved like you would for a sweet little boy

[thedarkestofalambsmind]

do i really actually want a somewhat abusive controlling girlfriend or is it just the trauma speaking?

[thedarkestofalambsmind]

im going to shoot myself my abuser my literal abuser who treated me like shit and raped me and blackmailed me and convinced me it was all my fault, she’s the one who gets a normal life, shes the one who gets love and support. Ive been left to rot. I was left to rot a long time ago and nobody has ever come to help. Nobody has ever loved me and im starting to think im so broken nobody can.

[thedarkestofalambsmind]

i need to stop myself from viewing everything my abusers touch as corrupt because now shes copying what i was like. Taking my timid soft personality i made up to cope. Shes taking it and making it sick, im pretty sure shes an ag$player too so now shes not only corrupted it but turned it into a sick fetish

[thedarkestofalambsmind]

i think the overly sexual down with purity culture people arent the most helpful to victims. Personally seeing all the sex positivity and corruption of things only makes me more scared. I dont feel more safe in my sexual urges seeing that stuff, i just feel more mortified by them.

tbh the overly sexual stuff just reminds me of my abuser and i feel very scared

[hazedxg0]

Hopefully one day people will learn that female-perpetrated sexual assault and abuse, especially CSA, is not an anomaly, or "so rare it basically doesn't happen" or a "whataboutism designed to silence women".

The reason you don't see it reflected in the statistics as much is because it's underreported, not because it doesn't happen. If you look into survivor groups, or ask professionals who treat C/SA survivors, you will find thousands upon thousands of people who were assaulted by women and girls.

This is idea does so much harm to survivors of female-perpetrated C/SA. It prevents them from even realizing they were assaulted in the first place, when it would be seen as "obvious" had the abuser been male. It prevents the police and legal systems from even considering to investigate because they don't even see it as a hypothetical possibility. It prevents people from getting the mental healthcare they need because of how under researched it is.

People are not being "over-dramatic" for calling you out for erasing this issue.

People are not "derailing the conversation" by asking you to at the very least remember the tons of survivors who were abused by women, during discussions of C/SA.

And if your C/SA advocacy hinges on the assumption that the abuser will always be male, you will fail thousands of victims.