Every Night 💧 (CW: Strong Language)
cherry valley forever
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

Janaina Medeiros
noise dept.

Product Placement

★

Andulka
Peter Solarz

pixel skylines
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
Xuebing Du
d e v o n
KIROKAZE
Cosimo Galluzzi
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
ojovivo
Mike Driver

#extradirty
art blog(derogatory)

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@theeclecticengineer
Every Night 💧 (CW: Strong Language)
We need Lizzo but we don’t deserve her
DM: Time to get out the Monster Manual, or as some people like to call it: the Waifu Catalogue.
Me: WHAT.
Sometimes I smash or pass the whole book
What the fuck guys
I like to smash or pass monsters in DnD and Pathfinder books.
BugBears are legit.
can we not
@celestial-guardian-ragnarok @chika-ann
Smash or pass
Heh… that depends… what’s on the list
dogs
there are dogs on that list
you wanna fuck a dog
wait
this is tumblr
don’t answer that
dogs? pass.
Liches tho……. ;)))
That’s actually not a terrible entry to thirst after. I mean, you could technically count it as necrophilia, but its consensual necrophilia, so you do you.
What the fuck
Of all the reblogs and additions to this post, this is the one you’re shocked by?
Consensual necrophilia is not a phrase I thought I’d hear. Then again this is tumblr, so maybe that’s on me
Hot take: the term consensual necrophilia also applies to vampires, since they’re undead creatures. Wanna fuck Strahd? You’re in the same boat with the lich fuckers.
However, what I think the real treasure we’re all sleeping on is liches….in love. Just immortal wizard gals being pals.
I am absolutely here for the immortal undead lesbians
IS IT STILL NECROPHILIA IF YOU’RE DEAD TOO??
I don’t think so?
Ok next topic is a dragon and a human beastiality for the dragon?
both are sentient, so its just interspecies sex.
…I am now reminded of that argument I got into about whether or not a half-dragon would have a cloaca.
This post is an entire dungeon of bad decisions at this point
I think you mean legendary decisions
Legendary for being bad
This is not what i expected when i started this blog
To be fair, i wasnt expecting a whole lot when i started this blog in 2014
But it definitely didnt include 10k notes of thirsty monsterfuckers
11 approaching 12 thousand
Fuck you’re right
ok but can we just talk about abberations cuz like they’re intelligent and adults but their minds are inscrutable to humans. so like does that mean you can consent to sex with them? cuz you’re on wayyyy different levels of intelligence? but also they’re an adult with the capacity to give and understand consent? but could a normal sentient’s mind comprehend consenting to sex with them? help me out here i’m confused.
If both parties are sentient, its just interspecies sex, stop trying to overcomplicate things. Just because one species is better at calculus does not complicate the less intelligent species’ capacity for consent.
If you stick your dick in a gibbering mouther you can only blame yourself for anything that happens next
Can someone please explain whats going on?
My DM said something regrettable, I put it on the internet, and now a whole website’s worth of thirsty monsterfuckers are making us both regret it
This post is why I have Tumblr. Seriously, I saw this on Facebook and thought, “these people are hilarious, let me join”
This post is on facebook????
It is
G0d has abandoned me
Yes, it is holiday special
1st / 2nd / 3rd / 4th / 5th / 6th
Bonus, for @silvvergears
I have become obsessed with long term nuclear waste disposal warnings
LOOK AT THE HOSTILE ARCHITECTURE PROPOSED TO WARN FUTURE CIVILIZATIONS I'M GOING TO CRY
Like this is the closest thing we're ever gonna have to old gods I'm really losing my mind
@jonathan-sins EXACTLY... THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN ABOUT BABY
"we sure are a species huh"
this fails to include all of the UN's proposed companion text, which reads:
"This place is a message... and part of a system of messages ...pay attention to it!
Sending this message was important to us. We considered ourselves to be a powerful culture.
This place is not a place of honor ... no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here... nothing valued is here.
What is here was dangerous and repulsive to us. This message is a warning about danger.
The danger is in a particular location... it increases towards a center... the center of danger is here... of a particular size and shape, and below us.
The danger is still present, in your time, as it was in ours.
The danger is to the body, and it can kill.
The form of the danger is an emanation of energy.
The danger is unleashed only if you substantially disturb this place physically. This place is best shunned and left uninhabited."
which gives a nice drizzle of cosmic-dread inspiring je-ne-sais-quoi to te whole thing imo
it’s hilarious to me when people call historical fashions that men hated oppressive
like in BuzzFeed’s Women Wear Hoop Skirts For A Day While Being Exaggeratedly Bad At Doing Everything In Them video, one woman comments that she’s being “oppressed by the patriarchy.” if you’ve read anything Victorian man ever said about hoop skirts, you know that’s pretty much the exact opposite of the truth
thing is, hoop skirts evolved as liberating garment for women. before them, to achieve roughly conical skirt fullness, they had to wear many layers of petticoats (some stiffened with horsehair braid or other kinds of cord). the cage crinoline made their outfits instantly lighter and easier to move in
it also enabled skirts to get waaaaay bigger. and, as you see in the late 1860s, 1870s, and mid-late 1880s, to take on even less natural shapes. we jokingly call bustles fake butts, but trust me- nobody saw them that way. it was just skirts doing weird, exciting Skirt Things that women had tons of fun with
men, obviously, loathed the whole affair
(1864)
(1850s. gods, if only crinolines were huge enough to keep men from getting too close)
(no date given, but also, this is 100% impossible)
(also undated, but the ruffles make me think 1850s)
it was also something that women of all social classes- maids and society ladies, enslaved women and free women of color -all wore at one point or another. interesting bit of unexpected equalization there
and when bustles came in, guess what? men hated those, too
(1880s)
(probably also 1880s? the ladies are being compared to beetles and snails. in case that was unclear)
(1870s, I think? the bustle itself looks early 1870s but the tight fit of the actual gown looks later)
hoops and bustles weren’t tools of the patriarchy. they were items 1 and 2 on the 19th century’s “Fashion Trends Women Love That Men Hate” lists, with bonus built-in personal space enforcement
Gonna add something as someone who’s worn a lot of period stuff for theatre:
The reason you suck at doing things in a hoop skirt is because you’re not used to doing things in a hoop skirt.
The first time I got in a Colonial-aristocracy dress I felt like I couldn’t breathe. The construction didn’t actually allow me to raise my arms all the way over my head (yes, that’s period-accurate). We had one dresser to every two women, because the only things we could put on ourselves were our tights, shifts, and first crinoline. Someone else had to lace our corsets, slip on our extra crinolines, hold our arms to balance us while a second person actually put the dresses on us like we were dolls, and do up our shoes–which we could not put on ourselves because we needed to be able to balance when the dress went on. My entire costume was almost 40 pounds (I should mention here that many of the dresses were made entirely of upholstery fabric), and I actually did not have the biggest dress in the show.
We wore our costumes for two weeks of rehearsal, which is quite a lot in university theatre. The first night we were all in dress, most of the ladies went propless because we were holding up our skirts to try and get a feel for both balance and where our feet were in comparison to where it looked like they should be. I actually fell off the stage.
By opening night? We were square-dancing in the damn things. We had one scene where our leading man needed to whistle, but he didn’t know how and I was the only one in the cast loud enough to be heard whistling from under the stage, so I was also commando-crawling underneath him at full speed trying to match his stage position–while still in the dress. And petticoats. And corset. Someone took my shoes off for that scene so I could use my toes to propel myself and I laid on a sheet so I wouldn’t get the dress dirty, but that was it–I was going full Solid Snake in a space about 18″ high, wearing a dress that covered me from collarbones to floor and weighed as much as a five-year-old child. And it worked beautifully.
These women knew how to wear these clothes. It’s a lot less “restrictive” when it’s old hat.
I have worn hoop skirts a lot, especially in summer. I still wear hoop skirts if I’m going to be at an event where I will probably be under stage lights. (For example, Vampire Ball.)
I can ride public transportation while wearing them. I can take a taxi while wearing them. I can go on rides at Disneyland while wearing them. Because I’ve practiced wearing them and twisting the rigid-but-flexible skirt bones so I can sit on them and not buffet other people with my skirts.
Hoop skirts are awesome.
Hoop skirts are a fucking godsend in summer. Nothing’s touching your legs. It’s like wearing a big box underneath whic you’re naked, temperature wise.
Did this with a bustle rather than a hoop skirt, but was quite comfortable running around in said bustle, shirt, full corset, gloves, and overskirt in 117 degrees for a con. It was far more comfortable than the more modern dress i wore the next day.
Writer Note: this is fascinating research information not restricted to just the Victorian era under discussion. Though it’s stating the obvious, the obvious often needs to be stated: when seemingly-awkward garments like crinolines and hoop-skirts (or ruffs, or houppelandes, or etc.) were everyday wear, the wearers knew how to move in them because of practice.
For instance, how not to clear a table with a gesture while wearing sleeves like these…
Fashionable footwear has been weird for centuries. Think of chopines, pattens, poulaines, non-fetishy-y high heels, or platform boots worn with bell-bottom jeans so long and wide that without the platforms they trailed along the ground. The 1970s is called “the decade that style forgot” for good reason.
Elton John’s stage platforms aren’t as exaggerated as you think…
And then there are the doeskin breeches claimed in some fiction as fitting so tightly the inside had to be soaped to get them on, going commando was compulsory, and the wearer couldn’t sit down.
You’d certainly believe it from portraits like this one, “Hunter in a Landscape with his Dogs”, said to be General Thomas-Alexandre Dumas, father of Alexandre Dumas the novelist, with legs apparently clad in just a thick coat of paint. (X-skin breeches would seem more suitable for hunting, but these may represent cotton “inexpressibles” which really did fit like that.)
Like the supposed problems with crinolines etc., not true. Research and reconstruction has shown that doe / buck / sheepskin breeches have natural stretch and recovery; a common comparison is to old, well-worn jeans. Of course the artist also wanted to show that his subject “had a good leg” (look up “artificial calves” and be amused) and wasn’t letting realism get in the way of doing so.
This is a bit more like it.
Nowadays “deportment” seems to have an aura of outdated snobbishness - upper-class debutantes learning to curtsey, or walk with books balanced on their heads - but ”porte” in French means “carry” and the old meaning of deportment was “how to carry yourself”; how to move properly, without inconveniencing yourself or others.
Various historical-costume books point out that “moving properly” in some periods - memory suggests the court of Louis XIV at Versailles was one - meant a sequence of artificial, prescribed gestures, partly enforced by the clothing and partly by court protocol. IIRC one description was of “movements as precisely delineated as the steps of a formal dance”, and getting them wrong resulted in social mockery.
Elizabethan men were taught, as part of their deportment, how to move while wearing the long rapiers of the period; that hand-on-hilt stance in portraits isn’t drama, it’s control.
Once familiar with the length of the sword, they know exactly what shifting the hilt one way or another will do to the rest of it - and the people, furniture and crockery behind them - without needing to look. IIRC the technique is still taught to actors today.
Crinolines, bustles, bloomers, breeches, inexpressibles and all the rest were clothing; after reading about peculiar but oh-so-stylish ways of standing and moving like the “Grecian bend” and “Alexandra limp”, the Kink’s satirical 1960s hit “Dedicated Follower of Fashion” isn’t just a song any more…
:->
Even better than the version I posted before.
I would note that I have a RenFaire style corset and I have run significant distances, sword fought, and danced in various styles without any discomfort. The only thing I can’t do is bend over. It actually forces you to pick things off the ground safely. It’s not wasp waist tight, partly because I have abs and don’t compress like that (which might be part of the wasp waist thing. Being able to do that said you didn’t have abs…and thus didn’t work for a living, which has often been a thing with women’s fashion).
This is all really interesting and new to me! And I have thought of deportment as a snobbish thing all my life, but now I’m wondering if early lessons in it would have been a good thing for clumsy and oblivious folks like me.
Somebody should…I wonder if I can convince some cosplayers to do a panel about this. Both for authenticity and because some of them need to learn what happens to their sword when they turn around quickly…
Winterwight Medium undead, chaotic evil Armor Class 20 (natural armor) Hit Points 230 (20d8 + 140) Speed 30 ft. Str 27, Dex 23, Con 24, Int 11, Wis 22, Cha 25 Damage Immunities cold, necrotic, poison; bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing from nonmagical attacks Damage Vulnerabilities fire Condition Immunities charmed, exhaustion, frightened, paralyzed, poisoned, stunned Senses darkvision 60 ft. passive Perception 16 Languages Common, Infernal Challenge 17 (18000 XP) Aura Of Burning Cold. Whenever a creature that isn’t an undead starts its turn within 10 feet of the winterwight, that creature takes 11 (2d10) cold damage. Magic Resistance. The winterwight has advantage on saving throws against spells and other magical effects. Sunlight Sensitivity. While in sunlight, the winterwight has disadvantage on attack rolls, as well as on Wisdom (Perception) checks that rely on sight. Innate Spellcasting. The winterwight’s spellcasting ability is Charisma (spell save DC 21). The winterwight can innately cast the following spells, requiring no material components: At will: dimension door, sleet storm, wall of ice
Actions Multiattack. The winterwight makes two claw attacks. Claw. Melee Weapon Attack: +14 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 21 (3d8+8) slashing damage plus 18 (4d8) cold damage, and the winterwight regains hit points equal to half the cold damage taken. If the target is a creature, it must succeed on a DC 24 Constitution saving throw or its hit point maximum is reduced by an equal amount to the damage taken. This reduction lasts until the target finishes a long rest. If this effect reduces the target’s hit point maximum to 0, it dies, and its body is destroyed, leaving behind nothing but icy fragments. Breath Of Winter (Recharge 6). The winterwight breathes freezing air in a 30-foot cone. Each creature in that area must make a DC 23 Dexterity saving throw, taking 56 (16d6) cold damage on a failed save, or half as much damage on a succesful one. A creature that fails its save is also restrained until the end of its next turn.
Formed from the souls of those who died in the direst of winters, winterwights hunt in the tundra for victims to claim with their frigid, life-draining claws. They stand around 7 feet tall, their icy armor interwoven with their frozen muscle to form an impenetrable shell. These creatures revel in their victims’ suffering. They are often found alone or in pairs, but on rare occasions groups of several can be found. Evil deities of cold sometimes use them as heralds or assassins.
Originally from the 3rd Edition Epic Level Handbook, and the Pathfinder Bestiary 2. If there is a monster from 3.5 or Pathfinder that you want to see converted to 5e, feel free to send me a message or submit a monster request on the submit page.
Happy holidays to all of my followers!
Star Trails By Lincoln Harrison
my kid has started to write stories and like, no lies, they’re funny as fuck
actual dialogue:
“to your battle stations, boys! it’s time to line up and see who’s tall enough for the roller coaster to hell!! some of us may not survive this, but the ones that do will get the ultimate reward.... paid.”
“here’s a penny for your thoughts, and a quarter to not tell me them”
B A B E
These are amazing lines.
have some salty scythe boi
1st / 2nd / 3rd / 4th / 5th
Context:
The lady is a succubus, which in this setting is mostly human but with superpowered pheromones that passively make humans aroused just by being in the same room and essentially drug people out of their minds if she touches them directly. [The effect is so strong that there’s an entire government agency devoted to observing (from a long distance) all known succubi to make sure they aren’t starting suicide cults or going on murder-rape binges or whatever.] This causes her a variety of problems in life; she has to get up extremely early and stay at work late to take mostly-empty trains in order to avoid being in a crowded metal box full of humans, for example. But worst is her nonexistent love life, because how can you ever be confident that somebody has genuine romantic feelings for you if you’re supernaturally attractive to everybody? Is it ever morally acceptable to have sex if holding hands is effectively a date-rape drug?
The guy is a perfectly ordinary biology teacher, who crashed into her in the halls on his first day and got a huge dose of aphrodisiac. But she is a Respected Colleague so it would be Highly Unprofessional to think of her that way, not to mention how Inappropriate it would be for a high school teacher to do or say anything while there might be students around, and wait a minute wouldn’t treating her differently just because of her biology be Super Racist? so obviously it is his Duty to act Perfectly Normal and pretend that he Feels Nothing.
She sees that he seems to have no reaction, and this sparks her interest. Is he immune to her powers? Clearly this requires further investigation! For entirely scientific purposes, not because if he falls for her he’d be the first guy she could trust to do so for legitimate non-chemical reasons (and totally not because she might be able to bone him without feeling bad about it).
So you’ve got the world’s dorkiest succubus clumsily trying to seduce this guy and he’s trying very hard to drink enough Respect Women juice to make up for over half his blood travelling south every time he sees her. Then for added fun several of their students catch on to these shenanigans and they ship it so they decide to “help”.
you know I can respect that premise.
It’s a good show.
A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
A question mark walks into a bar?
Two quotation marks “Walk into” a bar.
A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to drink.
The bar was walked into by a passive voice.
Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They drink. They leave.
THANKS FOR TEACHING ME THINGS THAT ENGLISH CLASS HAS FAILED TO ACKNOWLEDGE
More, please.
An Oxford comma walks into a bar. It orders a pint of beer, some snacks, and a shot.
A split infinitive used to often walk into a bar.
There is a bar which a preposition-ended sentence walked into.
An emphatic copula did walk into a bar.
A present subjunctive walked into a bar hoping that he be able to order a drink.
A typo walks into a bra
hello yes zi is back with more SE shitpost
1st / 2nd / 3rd
some are based on @incorrect-soul-eater-quotes‘s posts
I'm imagining Blackstar making alot of sexual jokes about soul and maka. Like 'dude she's wrapped her legs around you since forever' or 'man she sits on your shaft for hours at least once a week, what did you expect?' (and it's legit just referring to souls flying scythe form or whatever? Spirits losing his shit in the background)
a good headcanon
Where did the hype go? We can’t stop now guys.
The official site of #TeamTrees. One dollar plants a tree...
We’re so close!!
Nobody:
Stein, Crona, and Soul:
This idea has been bouncing around my head for days.
Please do not repost!!
Buy the artist a coffee??