Learn How to Say “I Don’t Know”
This is terrifying. Very terrifying, I know. The words “I don’t know” “I’m not sure” etc. are some of the most difficult words to make into a sentence and force out of your mouth. It is a statement that may be taken to mean so many things; though in context it only means one- simply that- “I don’t know” . . . about this one thing we are talking about at the moment.
The statement is rudely, crudely, disrespectfully taken, or thought to be taken, in a much different way. The connotation is that one is dumb or uninformed or any synonym of the like if they state “I don’t know.” But in reality this is simply not the case (for that term alone that is). Everyone-and I mean everyone-doesn’t know something. Sorry. Get out of your dream world, you aren’t all knowing.
So why is it taken to mean something it doesn’t? And should it be so terrifying?
We live in a society where knowledge is important, and it certainly is very very important. But people tend to forget the knowledge is rooted in learning over time and developing new ideas and frames of mind. Few things, other than certain universal truths, can be learned in an instant. Thus the framework of the knowledge-based society becomes skewed. Instead of treating “I don’t know” as an opportunity to learn and explore, we treat it as deplorable. In essence, “How dare you not know!” which forms into, “If you don’t know then I [the non-non-knower] must be correct.”
What! Wait! Hold the phone! Because person A and B are talking and person A doesn’t know something person B’s opinion or “knowledge” base must be correct? Sounds stupid right? It should because it is! But haven’t you noticed this in real life? I didn’t just make this up.
Knowing how to say “I don’t know” is actually one of GREATEST tools you can master. I teach this to my LSAT students but it really applies to everyone. In the legal context take this example:
Opposing counsel brings in case law you (the attorney on the other side) had never seen. Granted the case law doesn’t apply directly to your client’s case, it could have an effect on the outcome.
The judge asks you, “Is what [opposing counsel] says about this case true?”
You have a choice. Do you pick A) “No your honor actually [make something up]” or B) “I apologize your honor but I am not familiar with this case as it does not pertain directly to my clients issue. I would be happy to provide supplemental briefing if you give me until tomorrow to look it over.”
Please holy mother-Jesus-Gandalf-Gaia Pick B! If you didn’t pick B its ok, many poor lawyers (who could be good ones if they tried) pick A. B is a much safer, more truthful, more eloquent answer. The reason people don’t pick B is because of the “fear of the ‘I don’t know.’” You have to stop and here is why.
Lawyers, doctors, engineers, McDonalds workers all face the “I don’t know challenge,” as I’ve said, everyone does. The fear seeps into and takes over in so many cases, especially religion and other strong belief systems (politics, life choices, etc.).
Religion is the biggest example, not to pick on anyone who is religious (again don’t take things out of context). All religions, as part of the definition, are based at least partly on faith. You cannot scientifically prove many things religion by testing a hypothesis and having the same result, it just doesn’t work. You can’t bring Jesus to a lab and have him turn water into wine one thousand times to make sure he doesn’t have a bottle of wine up his sleeve. Most religious propositions are based in faith, based in the unknown. So the actual answer to the question “Does God exist?” must be “I don’t know . . .” It can be followed up with “but I believe he/she/it does,” “But I am personally certain yes” “I can’t prove it but I’m fairly sure” and so on.
Nay, a “regular” religious person would not normally say this and certainly a zealous religious believer would not say this but it is the truth. This is where people get defensive. Don’t stop reading, just breathe.
The point is not to attack religion or to say religious beliefs are wrong because I don’t know. Ta-Dah! The battle begins when people lock themselves up. You fear saying “I don’t know” because that places doubt in your beliefs, theories, or reputation for knowledge. The defensive wall says, I will not let you in, you cannot change me, I am right. All this does is prevent the spread of knowledge.
Yes, back to knowledge. Saying “I don’t know” does not mean you are wrong! It means you are open to learning something new. You recognize that there is something more to understand. Perhaps it is something you will never know (does God exist) or perhaps you can pull out your phone and look it up (is a two headed shark a real thing)! It means you can advance forward in life and not be stuck in the same place adding more to the pile of things you don’t know.
I felt the need to make this clear tonight because, of course, of the recent developments in politics. We live in a world of fear and we must break out and see things a-new. Life is not simply black and white, and not a situation where you can always know everything. Please use your newfound confidence to say, “I don’t know” to help you explore new ideas and treat others with understanding and respect. <3
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