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[fujoshane]

jacob is sitting in front of a huge canvas right now with a charcoal pencil in his fist trying to figure out how to make the ottawa centaurs logo look like it's performing autofellatio

[penandinkprincess]

laughing because i KNOW shane was so precise and textbook perfect when he assembled that campfire.

he set up the most beautiful teepee of sticks that anyone has ever seen and brought out the big guns by also setting up a log cabin arrangement of the thicker logs to make sure they'd have a good burn time on this fire. the mathematical precision in the angles and choice of thickness? gorgeous. stunning. he even shaved off wood shavings for tinder instead of using paper or pre-bought firestarter. if he wasn't afraid of fumbling it and ruining it, he would have used flint. as it is, he got it with one match, and he KNOWS how good this fire creation he just did is.

and yet it is spent on an audience that simply does NOT appreciate any aspect of it because his city kid ass truly might be experiencing a firepit for the first time. ilya has no frame of reference for how sexy shane's firestarting skills display just was.

man just performed a perfect outdoorsy person mating dance and the audience of his performance doesn't have the experience to understand how impressive and sexy and "you should fuck me about it" it was 😔.

[penandinkprincess]

ilya already mad firepit time has to happen at all because shane already said no sex on the patio furniture so this planned chunk of time is already a wash and ilya was then so mad about shane immediately going to fuck around with sticks that he didn't pick up on the no being one of the "convince me to say yes" variety 😔

the rituals are intricate, and they are both still very dumb 😔

[penandinkprincess]

shane, your approach was valid and real ✊😔

[penandinkprincess]

OH MY GOD DAVID DID THE SAME THING TO YUNA WHEN THEY WERE DATING.

he confessed it later in their relationship together because by that point it was funny that he had tried so hard to impress her with his fire skills at bonfires and hangouts and it just hadn't worked because she just. hadn't really noticed at all. and now it's a playful/teasing thing ("oh? you're building a fire? david, we're already married." "yuna, i'm starting a flirting fire can you come look at it, please?"), and shane who hasn't consciously decided to copy his parents but also hasn't gotten the full story of them dating and WHY they mention david building fires so often (because ewwwww parents being in love which means kissing. GROSS.), but he's seen his mom standing by or sitting and watching and both of them looking so content and happy and his mom teasingly complimenting his dad on how well he builds fires.

and then he tries it on ilya and it just. doesn't work. excuse me, please be impressed by this fire i made. from watching my parents, this is supposed to work. play your part here, please.

and now i'm feeling extra-soft imagining yuna and david coming over one night and seeing shane keep glancing at ilya as he's making the fire and understanding EXACTLY what he's trying to do here.

(and also understanding exactly why it is NOT working for him XD)

[spyritevesta]

LMAOOOO ok but the idea of yuna and david watching shane fail to flirt with ilya via fire starting is so funny to me. like, at this point ilya just probably thinks shane enjoys sitting by the fire since the first time they did that at the cottage it was a very chill experience involving more talking & watching the fire, meanwhile poor shane is like “:( why isn’t ilya swooning and giving me a kissy for being the best fire-starter. why isn’t he trying to show off with his own fire. :( he didn’t even call me Mr. Fire Man or try to chirp me”

and this miscommunicated little circle probably goes NOWHERE until david and yuna go from ‘aw he’s mirroring us this is kinda cute’ to ‘oh shane is getting sad that ilya isn’t flirting back.’ at which point david probably takes ilya aside and is like “ilya. as a member of the family, i want to share some of my secrets for how to start a good fire with you.”

and ilya is of course like “ah! bonding time with david :)” and so david shows his city boy ass some very basic fire starting stuff (because ilya TRULY does not know shit about this 😔) and also tells him some stories about impressing yuna with his fires back when they were dating. ilya is trying to learn well, but he’s not at all thinking about this skill in reference to shane.

UNTIL ☝️ they’re close to finishing and yuna comes over. and she starts the little fire flirting thing with david. “oh my, thats quite an impressive fire.” “well i’ve got someone pretty impressive to impress ;)” and ilya kinda watches from the side like 👀

shane meanwhile is ignoring the fire pit because 1) parents flirting EWWWWW and 2) oh so NOW ilya is interested in fires 😤 hmph he hasn’t even glanced at shane in the last 10 minutes!! …but of course once david and yuna start wrapping up their routine and ilya glances at shane he immediately wanders over to check out how ilya did and also chirp him about how his fire looks and that activates the competitive instinct in ilya.

so the next time shane makes a fire he chirps & compliments it. and shane looks so soft and pleased and is it getting hot near this fire?? wow hollander very sexy~

and then they kiss about it

[technofinch]

we're all so lucky that a cat can be orange. that's such an incredible color for a cat to be

[lexilexilexilexile]

Shane and Ilya’s daughter has to do a family tree project in class. They’ve done a great job at emphasizing to her that parents can be any two people that love each other and she understands that other kids might not know that. The rest of the project will be pretty straight forward - Shane doesn’t have any siblings and their daughter doesn’t know much about Ilya’s family at this age besides that papa has a mama that watches over them and that loves her very much. Shane is still nervous about it and having a Very Normal Shane Reaction wondering if she will feel left out for not having a mom and feeling sad that she will never know her papas family and wondering if she is lonely and if they should have another kid. When they get an email from the school asking them to come in at pickup to discuss her family tree Ilya is already angry and ready to pick a fight with whatever stupid kid is bullying their daughter for having two dads. They walk into the classroom and their daughter is standing with her arms crossed insisting that there is nothing wrong with her project and when the teacher slides it across the table they see something so bizarre that they don’t know where to start. She’s drawn on only one side of the tree - Ilya and Shane both stemming from Yuna and David. Next to them are about ten stick figures of different sizes all with hearts around them. While they’re trying to decipher what on earth she has drawn she starts presenting it with her little finger saying “see? Dad is grandma Yuna and grandpa David’s son and Papa is grandma Yuna and grandpa David’s son, too.” And then she moves her finger along with “and that’s uncle Hayden, uncle Troy and uncle Harris, uncle Evan, uncle Luca….” And as she’s naming every stick figure Shane is trying to figure out how he’s going to explain to her teacher that he is not married to one of his 10 brothers when he is actually an only child and Ilya has to turn away because he’s crying at the reminder that the family that adopted him adopted her as well and there has never been a child that has been so loved

[perlukafarinn]

Canon divergent AU where Shane is a little more paranoid and when Hayden first comments on "Boston Lily", he decides he has to do something to break up the pattern and make it not so noticeable that he's got someone on Boston.

Not seeing Rozanov is not an option, so instead Shane picks out a few other cities to regularly go out by himself in. He'll go for a long walk, maybe sit down somewhere for a drink, and then catch a taxi back to the hotel an appropriate amount of time later. It's honestly pretty nice, unwinding by himself in this way, and now disappearing after games is not a thing specific to Boston! It's just another strange Hollander quirk!

Unfortunately, he fails to account for the guys on the team jumping on the most obvious explanation for all these disappearances, which is that Shane now has a girl in every port.

Word about this starts to spread quick, because it is so out of character for Shane, and pretty soon half the league is under the impression that he's some secret playboy.

Ilya is extremely not chill about this rumor.

[perlukafarinn]

@scunthotter

help 😭😭 ilya's playing 4d chess to keep his man to himself and meanwhile shane's like "it's so nice having ilya with me on my little walks 🥰"

[ahexagon]

all i have to say is hudson would've been A DELIGHT in the barbie movie. i mourn what we couldn't have

[thegreenmay]

Ok headcanon alert!!🚨

What if, whilst in a feverish haze recovering after being burned, Zuko has a vision of himself finding the Avatar and restoring his Honor. Ozai was just going to straight up banish him, but Zuko is the one to suggest he can come home if he captures the Avatar.

Obviously the visions were vague enough for 13-year old Zuko to misinterpret them in this way, but he eventually realises what their true meaning was.

[janadoesstuffwrong]

Anyone else think that the series shld have ended in the Sothern Water Tribe instead of Ba Sing Se?

We started this whole journey there, with Katara and Sokka, alone and arguing. What if it ended with a party under the setting sun, as the Summer ends and the story comes to a close; and they're surrounded by their friends.

Walk with me, but imagine that wrecked Fire Nation ship, but salvaged, stripped of all its weapons of war and decorated in all four colours. Katara and Sokka sit out on the stern and watch the water, he makes a joke and Katara splashes him over the head. That's when Aang joins them. They sit together for a while, just the three of them, before Suki comes over, followed by Toph (who hates the cold but appreciates the big metal ship). Finally, Zuko appears, and the set is complete.

They look out at the sunset and muse about what they're going to do next. Zuko wants to go looking for his mother when things are more settles, Katara promises to go with him when that time comes (putting a hand on her necklace as she does). In the meantime she's going to see what else she can learn about waterbending (perhaps she's going to seek out Hama?). Suki is going back to her warriors; Sokka says he's going to see what else he can build. In contrast, Toph says she's going to see what she can break ("there's plenty of leftover tanks and things just waiting to be bent into statues of us.") Aang... Doesn't know, because this is the first time he's had the choice. They won, and they're alive. He figures that's enough for him for now.

Nobody kisses, they just sit and watch the sun over the ice. One of them comments on how beautiful it all is. Toph says she's seen better, and they share a collective groan.

The End

[oshell-on-ice]

Unrivaled but it's 390pages of Ilya and Shane flirting in the locker rooms hallways going "come here often?" and "my husband wouldn't like that, he's very jealous" followed by "he doesn't have to know" bc their rings are on chains under their shirts at the moments. Also honourable mentions to "looks like a nasty bruise. Want me to kiss it better?" and "your lips look lonely do they want company?" and "hey, handsome, wanna take this back my place?" or randomly pushing one or the other against a wall and whispering in the other's ear the room number that they both share. Like just the whole book of them flirting hard and fucking even harder sometimes, and you realise via flirt and chirps from their teammates at times all through the book that Ottawa in on a hellfire run to the Stanley Cup and the book ends with them flirting as they lift up that damn cup

[eugeniedanglars]

ilya's phone gets hacked and his texts are leaked on the internet but everyone is so distracted by the shocking reveal of his torrid sexual affair with marleau that the jane stuff just kinda flies under the radar. he and marly explain that when they text each other like "need to choke on that thick cock rn" they're just joking and they get cancelled for treating gay sex as a punchline

[eugeniedanglars]

alternatively this happens after shane and ilya are out and everyone assumes ilya is cheating on shane with marly so now he gets double cancelled, first for the cheating and the for the homophobia despite being married to a man

[lily-s-world]

Headcanon that Shane ask Harris for help for his social media, and Harris convinces him to do trends. Shane ends up with a video of "In your teens you’re gonna be nervous about introducing yourself to Russia's best teen hockey player. It’s very important that you do it anyway" and includes a montage of Hollanov wedding pictures. Ilya ends up tearing up when he sees it.

[gaynehollander]

Fully obsessed with the idea the Shane thinks this is just what Casual Sex™ is is like. Ilya's the king of casual sex so this must be what it's supposed to be like. Yes, he's kissing tear tracks away from Shane's cheeks while telling him how beautifully he takes it. Yes, he's waxing poetic about Shane's mouth being made for him, carved out by the gods just as a place for Ilya's cock to call home. Yes, he's stroking Shane's hair and kissing his face for an indeterminable amount of time in those instances where he makes Shane's brain go so fuzzy that it feels like he entirely vacates his body and, yes, he's stroking Shane's back and telling him how well he did until it feels like his feet are finally back on solid ground. That's Normal.

[pwhlphilly]

Sorry, can't leave this in the tags

[lorkinit]

I’m currently obsessed with the idea of Ilya’s niece going to college in Canada and reconnecting with him. But have we CONSIDERED. Ruby Pike excitedly bringing home her girlfriend for the first time. Hayden and Jackie doing their oversupportive ally parent thing freaking out over making the perfect dinner. Hayden opens the door to his daughter hand-in-hand with a tall girl with curly blonde hair and a very familiar smirk. She introduces herself as Irina Rozanova and Hayden’s blood runs COLD. Jackie and Irina are already queening out. Hayden’s still standing at the front door in shock. The possibilities here are hilarious and I demand more Pike daughter/Rozanov niece fics immediately

[slaygentford]

you know it makes absolutely no fucking sense that they weren't sending each other nudes and videos on snapchat. for god's sake. it was 2013. ilya rozanov's snapchat was fucking off the rails. can you imagine. you NEVER fucking knew what you were going to see on one of his stories. their snap streak broken during rose. absolutely heart wrenching. for sale 2 snapchat videos of-- well let me not say. never worn.

[hr-rep]

(Listening to Does Your Mother Know) I have many normal thoughts about rookie/captain Hollanov

[giveemhales]

I am a big defender of Shane not wanting to come out and one of the biggest reasons that I haven’t seen discussed much is how much worse it is to come out as a Gay Asian Bottom compared to coming out as a bisexual (white) man who is already regarded as a sex machine. Like Asian men are already overly feminized in the west. Shane’s general demeanor is subdued, he doesn’t drink or party often, and he abides by strict rules and a diet that already makes him an outsider. He doesn’t sleep around and has only has one public relationship with a woman under his belt, which ended very quickly. He’s the exact opposite of Ilya in all these ways and it puts him at a disadvantage. He has a “soft” image he spends his whole life actively opposing. His image is working against him; him being gay contributes to it and worsens it. Ilya’s image is working in his favor; being with a man is an anomaly OR further proof of his sexual prowess. And bc of Ilya’s well known history of sleeping around and generally aggressive attitude, it will be assumed he would be the top. Through a heteronormative lens, which is obviously the norm in hockey, that makes him the “man” in the relationship. If anything, his ability to “dominate” another man may bolster his image, make him even more of an “alpha male”. But being a bottom is seen as inherently demeaning and effeminate, thanks to misogyny, homophobia, and rape culture. The less bulky, quiet, shy man with a shocking lack of experience with woman is obviously the bottom (and this is even worse if they have the height and body differences canon to the books). Shane will be seen as weaker (and what could be worse than that in a contact sport like hockey). He’ll be viewed as the “woman” in the relationship, which is to say he will be viewed as inherently inferior. And draws further attention to the parts of him he’s tried to hide (aka autism symptoms) which will now be treated as further evidence of his sensitivity and otherness. Everything he does now is gay. But being with Shane is the only gay thing Ilya does. Without the threat of Russia, Shane has far more to lose from coming out imo. And his team’s reaction proves that. He deserves some grace.

[eugeniedanglars]

shane and ilya aren’t allowed to give dating advice anymore ever since the cens found out they were in a situationship for seven years before making it official. one of the rookies asked what he should do to turn his hookup into a relationship and ilya was like “well in my experience if you just keep hooking up with that person who won’t commit to you and never communicate your needs or desires it’ll all work out perfectly and you’ll fall in love and get married. so keep doing what you’re doing” and shane was like “have you tried getting a head injury in front of them”