Liquid Soul

These are my thoughts, captured in word and image. var sc_project=11438376; var sc_invisible=0; var sc_security="8f3e92d2"; var scJsHost = (("https:" == document.location.protocol) ? "https://secure." : "http://www."); document.write("");

[theinnerexpression]

“because either i need to be with you,

be you,

or be your best friend.”

[theinnerexpression]

i didn’t think i had to worry

i’ve got a problem with fate

and you were just the messenger.

[theinnerexpression]

hey i’m sorry

something horrible happened.

and i’ve been shot

out of the sky,

stray bullet.

what a shame.

[theinnerexpression]

this isnt getting better, is it?

[theinnerexpression]

my dream never came true

but i can make yours

[theinnerexpression]

the thought of going to the bistro

to meet you at 10:31pm on a sunday night

almost feels like home.

Almost, because

I want to find home

in a person;

Almost, because

that person isn’t you.

[theinnerexpression]

Maybe friends kiss drunk.

Maybe they kiss drunkenly for 2 hours -

one time.

Just one time.

But friends don’t collide again two days later,

sinking into each other inevitably,

like no force could stop them,

the world stopped around them.

And friends don’t intertwine fingers;

Friends don’t hold both sets of hands

Feeling the softness

of each other’s skin.

They don’t stand in anticipation for 5 minutes in the cold

at 12:03am on a Thursday morning, neither wanting to

Go home alone.

And so people without feelings don’t talk

All day every day for 3 weeks straight

Counting down the days to see

each other again.

People without feelings don’t sleep together 5 times

in one week and people who can’t feel

don’t wake up together 5 times

in one week,

Wrapped around each other

Giggling, smiling, playing

with each others hair,

Kissing again.

Sober.

I had feelings.

And I refuse to accept this fiction again.

Friends without feelings don’t do this,

And I will have nothing to do

with any “friend”

Who claims to.

(I deserve more than this.)

[theinnerexpression]

I didn’t think you’d leave me in the ground.

[theinnerexpression]

[theinnerexpression]

kiss me

kill me

[theinnerexpression]

Does self pity make the self victimization feel better or worse? It's very black and white right? Maybe there's an in between

Who said I pity myself? And sometimes things are black and white. Sometimes one person hurts another and that’s it.

[theinnerexpression]

What if you aren't the victim? What would that make you?

A monster, or a human who was already hurt. What do you want me to be?

[theinnerexpression]

And it’s all happening at once.

The things you’d never believe were possible.

But the stars and the moon align perfectly and

It’s happened before you know it and you don’t

Know who you are anymore because that’s certainly not you

You are watching from outside

Your body,

It’s someone so much better.

I’m scared this is all I’m living for.

[theinnerexpression]

studybook notes, spring 2017

[theinnerexpression]

[theinnerexpression]

[theinnerexpression]

and I called you every night

but you didn’t hear me.