the inspired vagabond

[theinspiredvagabond]

the vagabond’s journey continues

inspired by the ocean, i am moving for summer

[theinspiredvagabond]

kintsugi

the ancient japanese art of repairing broken ceramics with golden lacquer.

The pieces are sealed together, repairing the damage while also emphasizing the item’s beauty through its history.

i have recently been through a lot of things. My mind was running loose in a field somewhere, and I only seem to have regained control of it the past few weeks. 

But before I was able to reign in my thoughts, my emotions, my control over my inner emotional state regardless of external circumstances, I hurt somebody who is very near and dear to me. I hurt them. I hurt them repeatedly. My words spoke of promises, my actions spoke of lies. 

Behind all of it, the person I wanted to be existed as a thought, as a benchmark to compare my behavior with. The person I was was the reality that came through, unintentionally. But intentions don’t really matter, ever. Actions have consequences, and what you wanted to do doesn’t affect what happens. 

My relationship with my love, my dearest, reminded me of all the bright colors. Our bond reminded me of all of the beautiful things in this world, and inspired me to see them with him. His voice was like honey, his caress like the coziest blanket you could ever find on the coldest winter night. His eyes, oh his eyes, they were like a field of sunflowers swaying in the wind during the golden hour. His mind was like a library, so intellectual and full of knowledge. He was so willing to teach me anything he knew, and so eager to give me his all. Our relationship was a fairy tale. He was my prince charming. 

But even though I tried, and I tried, something took me that I couldn’t explain. My mind felt unconscious. I felt apathetic. My life lost its meaning. Everything felt difficult, and trying to be a good partner during this was impossible, and excruciatingly painful for both of us.

My kintsugi is a gift to my darling, a tangible metaphor of us. A tangible metaphor of what I hope we can become.

I know that I really fucked up, and I am so sorry. I am trying every single day to be better, to be more, to be genuine, authentic, and kind. I am trying to be the best for myself, a quest of being comfortable in my own skin. But on the quest of love, I found my one. And I will do my damnedest to make this all up to you. 

[theinspiredvagabond]

breathe

I think there is only so much we can do and also do well.

There comes a time where we keep pushing, and we push so hard that we lose traction. We slip, we fall, we get frustrated with our lack of progress, and we chastise ourselves for not being better. We sit at the base of a hill aching to stand on peak, then look around us for circumstances and people outside ourselves to use as a scapegoat for our tumble.

But the person at fault is ourselves, and we are too cowardly to admit it. We forgot to breathe, we forgot to relax, we forgot to appreciate the journey instead of the destination. We forgot to take a moment to stand proud and appreciate the challenges already handled and the peaks we already scaled.

Life is a series of events one after another - reaching any goal and tackling any problem opens the door to more. So it goes. When we fail to appreciate the journey, we fail to fully live. We overlook the happiness that can be found in the moment and fill our head with anxious thoughts.

So stop. Take a moment. Breathe. Breathe deeply. And try to step out of yourself and into the world.

[theinspiredvagabond]

towncreek comfort 7.12.16

[theinspiredvagabond]

July 2016

I need a friend that understands understands my life is failing my arms are flailing I am drowning under the pressure of society I am drowning under you - what my mind perceives as your opinion of me walking the cobble stone streets wishing I felt the texture of the stones beneath my toes but I'm too trapped in my head to feel anything other than pity for myself frustration with the frictionless progress against myself the sky is a canvas, the sun casting colors on the clouds but here I sit, staring at the miracle of nature, staring - not admiring staring because my heart knows that my brain should enjoy the painting staring because I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me bearing the resentment of my mother who says I have so much to be happy about why don't you just bite the inside of your cheek and bear it where did my childhood excitement go? lost enthusiasm akin to that of a dog I sit, staring at the sunset sometimes contemplating what it would be like if this was over if I surrender to the game, if the voices screaming change would stop if these voices screaming pain would stop if the voices screaming stop complaining would stop would I be happy? no - I would only be dead, and that's no life at all so I sit and stare at the sunset

[theinspiredvagabond]

listen

stop waiting for your turn to speak; their story is just as valuable as yours.

be kind, be gracious, have patience.

[theinspiredvagabond]

live simply :)

for sale here

[theinspiredvagabond]

work in progress

[theinspiredvagabond]

maybe miracles are like a talent, and you have to start with the small stuff.

Choke, by Chuck Palahniuk

[theinspiredvagabond]

How are you such a beautiful person? And I don't just mean physically. You're awesome.

my heart is literally bursting at the seams. You made my day with this message. Thank you so much, anon. <3 <3 <3 your message makes me feel like I’m doing a pretty good job. Thank you so much.

[theinspiredvagabond]

to kansas city I go

to meet one friend and revisit another :)

[theinspiredvagabond]

I am so happy to be an auburn tiger :) 

mixing watercolor and coffee has become my favorite medium - the colors mix well with the dark brown and dries with a beautiful outline. layering each upon the other over and over creates a stacked image. colors stain and mix, and the image takes a hand in creating itself. 

I mixed the coffee with vanilla extract, and I baked the piece in my oven to lock in the scent and dry the wet picture, helping the hard edge of the letters become more apparent. 

for those of you unfamiliar with auburn university, the phrase you'll hear around campus and town is 'war eagle!' it's a good way to say 'hello', 'what a beautiful day', or 'nice meeting you!'. it's a phrase that connects every student of the university and resident of the town. it was a pleasure creating this, and having the opportunity to meditate about how much I appreciate my university and the community that surrounds it. war eagle, y'all

for sale in my etsy store 

[theinspiredvagabond]

the details, the details are everything.

is your toilet paper dominant or submissive? does your eyeliner scream high maintenance or easy-going?

your posture and gait reflect your mind - shoulders back, slow and gentle; happy and thoughtful shoulders inward, mousey [walk]; self-conscious and afraid

is your bookshelf a testament to your imagination or a treasure of your adventures?

do your pillows smell like target or do they hold the fragrance of life?

are eggs plastered on your toast or arranged as a smile?

is your fridge a recipe for your goals, or a road map of pitfalls?

do you look people in the eye and validate their choice to spend their time with you?

or do you avoid their gaze and pretend that whatever you’re ‘busy’ with [facebook, instagram] is more important than another human being?

manicure your details define your character

[theinspiredvagabond]

noopept is rad

I recently ordered noopept from liftmode after a friend told me about how it aids studying. he claimed that the nootropic helped material stick, the ‘how’ and ‘why’ was understood instead of brute forcing the what into memory.

I received my order before an anatomy exam and used it to prepare for my test - in connection, i made an 86 on my lecture exam - the highest of all my scores. the muscle structure and terms made links to their definitions and it all came back to me on the test easily.

noopept also took the edge off of my vyvanse in the afternoons and made me more patient, thoughtful, and filled me with a want to be social instead of isolating myself. I definitely recommend noopept to students and anybody else looking to understand information more so than memorizing it.

link to liftmode: https://liftmode.com/nootropics/noopept.html

[theinspiredvagabond]

technique realization

the ability to create a smooth and rich sound requires much, but most importantly a steady, relaxed bowing hand.  yesterday as I was running through some songs, my teacher’s words about having my index finger resting on the silver of the frog came to mind. a small caveat, one i thought i was fully checking off of the list - but i wasn’t.  my index finger was too high on the side of the bow, not providing enough counterweight to steady the bow. as a result, my thumb was clenching and creating a wispy sound toward the tip.  i lowered my index finger onto the silver and found that my thumb did what was needed of it, sitting gently in the crook, providing just the support needed.

in short, pay attention to the details, examine them, turn them 180 degrees and upside down, apply them and see how your technique can improve.

[theinspiredvagabond]

warehouse fun :)

[theinspiredvagabond]

easter tea

the first bunny day in twenty years that I've spent away from my family - not a big deal at all, but a monumental change from that of the past. the ties are loosening in the most positive way possible. I organized a small tea party. I made my first lasagna, Jacobi brought bbq, Meggan donuts, Elizabeth a homemade lemon pound cake, Matt chips and hummus, connor brought hella candy. chandler and jayde brought their lovely company and together we all had a calm, relaxing afternoon that was both fun and productive. we studied, ate, laughed, and cleaned (oh boy did we clean!) around seven or so, we visited my grandparent's warehouse, a magical, perpetual christmas party. we spent four or so hours rearranging furniture, cleaning, and preparing the building to become our headquarters. we created a living room, and I plan to turn one corner into a study section. I'll share pictures with you guys soon!