It's a Special Kind of Glamour

I got asthma so bad they call me Vlad the Inhaler. I can't be in the gang. I have soft bones.

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

req'd by @squishmelo

no but that's a benefit you bounce when they try to hit you with their car

text: I can't be in the gang, I have soft bones

[prokopetz]

Blackout poetry exists on a dual axis from "banal" to "insightful" on the input side and "kind of deep" to "incredibly fucking dumb" on the output side, and while taking something banal and producing something kind of deep is well and fine, for my money taking something insightful and rendering it incredibly fucking dumb is where the real art is.

[petrodykeonicapocalypse]

[absolutelynotclassicusernam-blog]

#i stuck the word 'banal' in there twice specifically so that 'anal' would be low hanging fruit#but i genuinely did not anticipate 'banana' --@prokopetz

[inthefallofasparrow]

[dsmsix]

[dsmsix]

[naamahdarling]

"In the same way that your heart feels and your mind thinks, you, mortal beings, are the instrument by which the universe cares. If you choose to care, then the universe cares. If you don't, then it doesn't." -- Brennan Lee Mulligan, D20, Fantasy High

[defilerwyrm]

[iamthatbeast]

This is harking back to an outdated and obsolete idea of science that was held up until the mid-20th century: the idea that the scientist/observer was separate from what they observed. They were uninvolved, only dispassionately watching and recording what happened as if they were not there. Scientific papers even used phrases like "It was observed" as if nobody was observing it, when someone very much was. It was Einstein who blew that apart with relativity, by recognizing that the observer is always part of the equation. What is seen is affected by who is seeing it and how. There is no "outside" for the observer to be. You are there, you are watching, you are part of the scene.

So the idea that there can never be involvement is bullshit.

[something-truly-evil]

my friend said his flight transmasc

[dogpuppy]

[nineteenyearoldmeblog]

im fucking crying

[shirecorn]

Fascinating categorization is happening here

[mf-dooom]

[yetanothergreyjedi]

that is the face of a man worried he will be next

[ashtraythief]

Good news, he was not next! In fact, she accepted him as her mate, he learned the crane mating dance and now every year, he artificially inseminates her with crane semen to expand the very endangered crane population. True story.

[luulapants]

Sorry, he WHAT? Imagine being this man's boss and having to sit him down like. Listen. Brian. We need you to fuck the bird. You have to act like you're excited about it.

[whetstonefires]

crane husband.....

[roach-works]

this is the diametric opposite of all those awful swan wife stories and i love it.

[alex51324]

(WalWaPo makes you jump through like three separate hoops before you can read the article, so I will share some of the highlights:

Walnut was born in a species-recovery breeding program in the 1980′s.  The program had crane chicks hand-raised by human volunteers, and at that time they did not fully understand the measures necessary make sure that the chicks do not imprint on humans and retain their identity as cranes.  

As a result, her keepers believe, Walnut does not recognize other cranes as members of her own species.  

It has not been proven that Walnut killed her previous suitors; however, there is a persistent rumor in the white-naped-crane-conservation community that she did.  

Because this species is highly endangered, and the gene pool of the captive population is small, it’s pretty important for the survival of her species that Walnut A) mate, and B) not kill a bunch of other cranes.  

The actual name of the keeper is Chris Crowe.

They both arrived at the Smithsonian Conservation Biology Institute in 2004.   

Walnut immediately began paying special attention to Chris--and ignoring the eligible male crane in a nearby enclosure.  

Walnut initiated their courtship, performing the opening moves of a mating dance.  

Chris realized that if he reciprocated the mating dance, it might be possible to artificially inseminate Walnut with her participation and consent.  (The process normally involves restraining the bird.)  

It worked!  

Chris and Walnut have had five children, who were raised by other crane couples at the facility--sometimes the biological dad and his mate--both because it’s unclear whether Walnut would accept the chicks as her own, and because Chris is not equipped to be a Crane Dad.  

However, the Institute provides her with artificial eggs to sit on, and Chris takes his turn looking after them.  (This would not work with real eggs because he can’t sit on them properly, but Walnut seems to feel that he is on the job if he just stands over them.)

Chris accepts that he is pretty much married to this bird.  White-naped cranes live to be about 60, and they mate for life, so he knows he can’t retire while Walnut is alive.  (At the time of the article, Walnut was 36, and Chris 42.)  

[thesylverlining]

Legit cannot pick the funniest part of this

she has not been PROVEN to have killed her exes, but there is a PERSISTENT RUMOR (really officers she's simply DEVASTATED, she sobs, wearing a new feather boa unfortunately resembling her most recent deceased husband)

His name is Chris CROWE. (Mrs. Walnut Crane-Crowe?)

the mental images of a whole human man learning and performing the crane mating dance, and "sitting" on artificial eggs so she thinks he's performing his duties as a husband and father (and apparently OBJECTS if he does not?)

"chris, buddy, you gotta marry the possibly-murderous crane lady for the GOOD OF THE SPECIES." (alternately: "chris, my man! good news! we found you a very interested lady! She's 36, she's very spirited and independent, she holds a very important and rare status in her society! ...Is there a downside? WELL...")

chris sits any potential human partners down, like "my love, you must understand before we wed,,, i am already... Attached" (camera drifts wistfully to the above photo) "Lady Walnut and I have an,, Understanding... the relationship is open, but very committed"

[anais-ninja-bitch]

just had to explain this post to my father bc he thought my stifled laughter was a signal of illness.

well done, everyone, good game. hit the showers.

[largishcat]

[eshlimoriarty]

[lazorsandparadox]

Not only is he 'married' to walnut, this has apparently happened SEVERAL times, so he has MULTIPLE crane wives, none of which know about any of his other crane wives. This man is, for some unknown reason, irresistible to cranes

[queersatanic]

the “this content has been removed for violating Tumblr’s Community Guidelines” notice really adds a lot of flavor to this post and somehow makes it MORE obscene than whatever that actually was

[worldheritageposts-official]

World Heritage Post

[kedreeva]

I regret being the bearer of bad news, but I thought it should be shared that Walnut passed away in January of this year (2024). There's a lot of mixed info about the lifespan of cranes (due to people misunderstanding what a median is...) but the average for most species I know of is 20-30 years (in the wild if nothing eats them/they don't die young), and 30-45 in captivity, with the oldest known white-naped crane having loved to be 46. Given that she was 42, this old gal did good, and I'm certain she will be missed by folks here.

[optimysticals]

Fly on forever Walnut Crane-Crowe

[anglaised]

these vids of him just running around new york r cute but im lowkey nervous when i see them bc like . this is cute right. but where is ur security…i dont trust ppl not to try something on him…..and im still a “criticize all american politicians” person like always but he probably the “best” we got so far so like. please dont get shot 😭 and WEAR A HELMET!!!!!!!

[santijpg-gone-deactivated202303]

americans are like i was gifted child but also i didnt learn other countries existed until i was 35 years old

[santijpg-gone-deactivated202303]

making this post ruined my life

[official-graveyard-posts]

Official graveyard post

[matumnaples]

Before June I have to share one of my favorite tiktoks

[captain-price-returns]

[bedupolker]

politicians will name their proposals "the act to defend freedom and justice by the honesty coalition of friendship" and the contents will be a comprehensive plan on how the state should spike the tap water with giardia and start guillotining elderly golden retrievers in public

[blackjame]

FDA says Taylor Farms cyclospora finding was a false positive

The FDA on Saturday had said that a sample of shredded iceberg lettuce supplied by Taylor Farms tested positive for the parasitic illness.

Cyclospora outbreak takes new twist as Taylor Farms reveals FDA apology

Taylor Farms said the FDA had not identified a "single positive product test result for Cyclospora."

This is not a good look for the FDA and it's credibility. If the error is indeed on their side that is. But given who's running it, I'm sure that's intentional.

[mohmdjp5]

Oh my God, what happened to him? He was going to buy some sweets. He was so excited because he hadn't tasted them in months. I saw him going, his face beaming with joy. He couldn't believe it. On his way, the killers of children and women bombed a house near him. His joy and smile were stolen. He suffered several head injuries, resulting in a concussion. He is now in intensive care and will undergo surgery; it's a matter of life or death.

[mohmdjp5]

What did this innocent child do to deserve this? What did his smile do to deserve being stolen by child killers? This is genocide. They don't care about children, women, or the elderly. They have no conscience, no humanity. Youssef suffered multiple fractures in his limbs and now needs your support. He is an orphan; his father was killed at the beginning of the war, and he has no one but his mother. I implore you to provide quick and urgent support for Youssef's recovery. Please, Youssef needs $900. Please donate anything, even $5, $10, or $20. It could save the life of an orphaned child. Please don't hesitate to help him. It's a matter of life or death. Please donate. 💔😭😭

paypal vetteed#475✅

Help support Mohmd Hlywat by donating or sharing with your friends.

[mohmdjp5]

Please don't hesitate to help; it's saving a life. Please, you could be the reason for bringing a smile back to his face. He has no one to support him in this life. Please donate; we still need $885. Please donate anything you can. 🙏🙏😭

[mohmdjp5]

Thank you so much to everyone who has donated and contributed! We still need $860. We urge you to support us and contribute so we can reach our goal as quickly as possible. Donate now! This child's life is in danger! Donate now! 🥺🙏🙏

[talontarget]

jkr is literally posting upskirt photos to her social media. when will it finally get through to harry potter fans that their support makes her feel confident and correct enough to do things like this

[dodykeahedron]

If the holocaust denialism SOMEHOW wasn't enough for you to shut up about your favourite kids book as an adult; JK Rowling just committed a sex crime IRL against a transgender woman.

When do we start to care.

[spicyvampire]

The way all the 2020s have done so far have been making me categorically against every new generation of tech that comes out is insane. Like I'm from a technological boom generation, saw the first portable phones, nokias & blackberries & flipphones etc, and the first smartphones, and the first ipods & ipads & tablets in general while still having cassettes & DVD & MP3 players around so I know how all of it work, I had computer classes in high school, I did the transition between home desktop computers to laptops and back to gaming computers. But then they started to put internet in your printer & microwave, everything has ads & AI now and every update is worst than the last. I literally loved technology and they ruined it

[lesspopped]

please wear sunscreen!!! I've seen "fuck the beauty industrial complex" posts about complicated skincare regimens and am 100% with them except sometimes they mention sunscreen and no. no. absolutely not. sunscreen is a wonderful supportive friend who wants to keep you safe, and you should let her do it. throw out all your other cosmetics and skincare products if you want, but keep your sunscreen. and if you're not wearing sunscreen, start wearing it!!!! this is not about terror of aging, this is not about every tiny imperfection our fucked-up culture has made you feel insecure about, this is about protecting yourself from skin cancer. wear the damn sunscreen.

[cyberpunkpavlichenko]

It’s amazing how trans women will experience a classic example of misogyny such as the objectification of women’s bodies and sexual organs and the violation of her privacy and personal bodily autonomy through upskirt creep shots which is a classic male misogynist act to commit against a woman and because she’s trans that level of sexual harassment will be considered acceptable because she’s “not actually a woman.”

Which is just a thin excuse because men by and large are not being subjected to strangers sharing photos of their genitals without their consent but it also wouldn’t be suddenly acceptable to sexually harass and violate someone because they are a man. Like any male misogynist, JK Rowlings is twisting facts about the woman she harassed into a justification for why it’s acceptable to harass her.