ew

Hi i'm Jess and i'm 17 and these are the posts that don't fit on any of my other blogs

[imitationgamemovie]

(x)

[blaubeerpink]

their relationship is so pure, i can’t …

[textsfromtos]

Captain’s Log, stardate 4385.3…

[aupu-deactivated20150627]

[yesterdaysprint]

Belmont Chronicle, Saint Clairsville, Ohio, March 11, 1875

[meangirlnurse]

my family is so. fucking weird and resistant to talking about anything. when i was a small child i asked my mother why she had a lot of gifts and things where people called her by another name and she like. didn’t give me a straight answer? it was her Hebrew name. like that’s literally it. that’s all u had to say 

[meangirlnurse]

great-great-grandma cohen refused to tell her younger children that they were related to her two eldest children

[meangirlnurse]

my family didn’t tell me about part of my actual name until i sent away for my social security info to get my driver’s permit in my junior year of high school. i have an entire middle name that no one ever felt the need to mention to me

[meangirlnurse]

i had to google my own brother to find out why we don’t talk about him anymore

[meangirlnurse]

one morning in seventh grade my mother was driving me to school and asked me if she was too overprotective. i told her “yeah, sometimes.” then she casually, calmly went, “maybe it’s because you were almost kidnapped as a baby”

she didn’t even elaborate until i asked her to explain

(my father later confirmed that i was, in fact, briefly stolen as an infant)

my mom just dropped this information on me for the first time and was then like “bye honey have a good day at school”

[meangirlnurse]

no one knows great-grandma ruth’s real last name 

[ziraseal]

this is some Lemony Snicket shit right here

[dutchstore]

How to keep your best friend from getting a girlfriend 👬 by Matt Cutshall

[themediocredinosaur]

i’m gonna miss vine...

[rickieedd]

Barbie Vlog #9

[thatsthat24]

PREACH BARBIE

[grantaireandeponine-deactivated]

I’d never thought id be that much inspired by barbie

[raktajiino]

The next time you decide to stab me in the back, have the guts to do it to my face.

[distinguishedbaloney]

[tastefullyoffensive]

(via 55mmbae)

[trashythingsgohere]

[brookelyn704-deactivated2024021]

[baetology]

Describe your perfect date in detail.

[sonypraystation]

ideal date: it happens

[bibliotechno]

What is my perfect date? I break into Tiffany’s at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It’s priceless. As I’m taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It’s her father’s business. She’s Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don’t trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he’s the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She’s been waiting for me all these years; she’s never taken another lover. I don’t care, I don’t show up. I go to Berlin. That’s where I stashed the chandelier.

[themediocredinosaur]

good to see the media treating women well

[lovejezebelle]

[guy]

oh my god

the squirrel

is trying to bury

the nut

in the dog’s fur

and the dog is just like

um

excuse me

sorry

but i’m not designed for that

sorry

[tittytittygangbang]

[bone-cement-huffer]

memeception

[hashtagloveloses]

WE’VE HIT TERMINAL MEME

[bl00dlikeice]

@caesarianconfection

[fidefortitude-deactivated202011]

I’ve said “I hate this” so many times on this website, and never actually meant it, because “I hate this” is just shorthand for ‘this is an example of a meme given a twist I wasn’t expecting with intent to surprise’. Which is, in of itself, a meme on this site. God damn it.

But this… This is something else.

The rapidity of a meme’s introduction to its zenith to its decline is so rapid that in ten years, you’ll need a damn twenty-page manual to explain this. It’ll be as unfunny and hard to explain as jokes in Shakespeare plays, except even more inexplicable because fuck, at least Shakespeare’s jokes are usually about anal or fucking your mother, good wholesome sex jokes we can all get behind.

For the love of fuck, how do you explain loss.jpg? How do you explain gun?

[mommacomms]

….I THOUGHT THIS WAS A YMCA REFERENCE

[pagesofkenna]

it is a YMCA reference - that’s one of the 6 memes being represented here

ok let me see if i can break this down easily. YMCA is the easiest place to start - the song itself has become a meme over time with people changing the lyrics to reference other pop cultural events. so YMCA is meme one (1)

this first lyric replacement (”take the breadsticks and run”) is a reference to the tumblr meme ‘stuffing breadsticks into my purse’. i think everyone remembers that one so i wont bother to explain it. that’s meme two (2)

“man door hand hook car door” is a meme of its own, a creepypasta from i dont remember when. it was a terrible stupid retelling of the generic ‘stuck in a car while hook handed man tries to kill us’ story so the stupid title caught on for memorability. that in and of itself is meme three (3)

‘gun’ is… yeah i dont know how to explain gun. long story short you add gun to the end of a phrase instead of what you expect the last word to be. its shock funny. its everywhere but its popular to add to “man door hand hook car door” for.. some reason? gun is meme four (4)

and the thing is, this four meme combo is something thats gone around before. meme combos are, itself, a meme. which means taking this meme combo and mixing in another meme actually becomes meme five (5)

which leaves us at loss.jpg. loss.jpg was a terrible bad comic supposed to be about some tragic event, but it was presented so poorly literally no one takes it seriously, and for some reason recreating the four-panel setup has become popular. so thats meme six (6)

(but i need to add that this is the greatest version of loss.jpg i think i’ve ever seen. the initial ‘young man’ lines up with the guy bursting through the door, and the shock meme ‘gun’ matches the shock scene of the woman in the hospital and idk if OP even thought about that but it makes this just so much better)

[animatedamerican]

I wasn’t going to reblog this, but @pagesofkenna‘s comprehensive meme-by-meme annotation is a thing of beauty and should be shared.

[captainlordauditor]

average tumblr post contains one meme, this post, which contains six, is an outlier and should not be counted

[japhers]

it might also just be a coincidence due to loss.jpg’s format but the whole white minimalist four-panel setup is also suspiciously reminiscent of those early 2000’s rage comics

[astraygenius]

I know I posted it already but this version has commentary so

@sarcastic-clapping