I still haven't thought of a clever blog title

hello i am here Varying current obsessions but Always: shitposts, memes, german memes, down with cis, exisential dread

[moleshow]

[gilgameshhimself]

(Getting swindled by a genie) it’s like talking to a fucking tumblr user with you

[higglety]

the genie: how dare you say I'm fucking a tumblr user

[stormsbourne]

usually when you have a stomach bug your body is like yes sir we'll get this punk out of here, 48 hours tops. then you get a cold and your body is like I dunno ... between a few hours and eleven months ... maybe a week minimum .... you gotta understand we're short staffed

[tibli]

tbf to the body, stomach bugs are easier to flush out since they are already in The System That Flushes Things Out From The Body, and that includes BOTH ends.

with a cold you gotta wait for the macrophages in your blood to start Eating Everything, and they are. not big. it takes them a while. please be more considerate of your macrophages in the future, theyre doing their best

[marlinspirkhall]

I've got to find myself more macrophage

[acesexualspock]

Now Hiring: macrophages

[daughter-of-sapph0]

immunesystem.com/careers/macrophage

[lizluzz]

normal family entertainment show

[phumblr]

let him have his mindful solero and his wednesday weekend

[lesphian]

can you imagine being phil sitting at home lonely because your partner is on tour and you're apart for the first time in over a decade and then your phone chimes and it's the sister daniel photos???? I'd dye things green too

[lesphian]

things dan howell is too anxious to do:

admit to the dentist that he forgot his appointment

talk to someone he went to school with (will hide in the narrow crack behind a photo booth until they’re gone)

tell a child he can’t buy an axe

things dan howell is apparently perfectly capable of

shushing people in the theater

blowing bubbles on an airplane

taking out all the batteries from his in-laws’ clocks

[weepylucifer]

You know how we call things "pseudoscience"... the media analysis that's being done on twitter and tumblr should be pseudohumanities

[blujayonthewing]

[anonyymoose]

went to the beach ten minutes after an actual thunderstorm and got so cold i started coming up with a “fish” cover of creep by Radiohead which I was singing out loud over and over again. imagine me waist deep in the waves no feeling in my legs getting over a cold voice singing “i wish i was urchin. you’re so fucking urchin”

[anarqueeen]

Turning the cuck chair around backwards to show I'm not like your other, boring cuckolds

[anarqueeen]

You're all misunderstanding this post. It's not about facing away from the sex. It's about This

[druidquest]

so. youre about to fuck my wife

[theartofangirling]

*flint voice* our golden age of piracy is collapsing

[perkymcbadsuit]

[hypokeimena]

image description: margaret atwood's poem "siren song". text reads:

This is the one song everyone / would like to learn: the song / that is irresistible:

the song that forces men / to leap overboard in squadrons / even though they see the beached skulls

the song nobody knows / because everyone who has heard it / is dead, and the others can't remember.

Shall I tell you the secret / and if I do, will you get me / out of this bird suit?

I don't enjoy it here / squatting on this island / looking picturesque and mythical

with these two feathery maniacs, / I don't enjoy singing / this trio, fatal and valuable.

I will tell this secret to you, / to you, only to you. / Come closer. This song

is a cry for help: Help me! / Only you, only you can, / you are unique

at last. Alas, / it is a boring song / but it works every time. /end description

[trulyunwaveringphase]

Skeletor has forever destroyed our ability to come up with voices for skeleton characters.

[roach-works]

this is like saying NASA has forever destroyed our ability to wonder what it's like on the moon. like we can still use our powers of imagination if we want to but the question's pretty much fucking settled.

[cottoncandylesbo]

putting carbonated water in my super soaker and spraying it at dogs (they absorb the bubbling nature of the liquid and begin to ascend into the sky) (thousands watch in awe) (no one does anything) (the sight is, in essence, divine)

[kikokuso]

I have a new favourite batshit rail idea

Please build it for the funny please please please

[vacuously-true]

You're right. I SHOULD be able to take the train from Minneapolis to Berlin.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

it's healthy for academics to have professional feuds. enrichment activity

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

Holy shit. "The demese ef the Ne'enderthels: Wes lengege a fecter?" published in the Science magazine

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

short but sweet

[gigglepuffpixie]

[yondamoegi]

people should remember that the word "hunk" exists

no, unless he's a young father, that's not a dilf, that's a hunk. If you want to call a childless man a dilf, at least make him middle aged

no, that's not a bear, that's a hunk. Bears must be fat and hairy

no, that's not a himbo, that's a hunk. Himbos must be dumb, beefy and kind simultaneously, if he's just dumb and beefy that's a hunk

like, cmon people, there's nothing wrong with a humble hunk. Why are you so mean to him?