A ketchup bottle multiverse.

Uncultured trash urchin from WA. 29 y.o. genderqueer dad + author. This account is chaotic and occasionally NSFW & I don't always use TW/CW. Intermittently obsessed with several different fandoms. Today it's Star Wars.

[ceeturnalia]

why are dudes in fanfic always getting hit with freight train orgasms. why not an orient express orgasm, classy and romantic. where are the shinkansen train orgasms? his orgasm hit him like the TGV atlantique breaking the passenger rail speed record. like the shanghai maglev, his orgasm was a feat of engineering but something of a commercial disappointment.

[elveny]

Don’t tell me delayed orgasms aren’t a thing

[ceeturnalia]

learning new things about the german rail system today

[cryoverkiltmilk]

learning a lot about how to get railed today

[homoqueerjewhobbit]

It sounds like the Deutsche Bahn is on ssris.

[official-deutschebahn]

sach ma

[thealphapigeon]

Been working in pest control for 3 months now and i can confidently say that nobody on earth seems to understand that sometimes You Will See A Bugs and that’s Normal if you live literally anywhere with oxygen

[thealphapigeon]

Unfortunately it appears you have a garden that is growing several important pollinator food sources you will be seeing wasps sometimes. You want us to spray your flowers? That’ll stop the wasps but only because your flowers will be Dead

[thealphapigeon]

I just think everyone would benefit from living in the woods for a week and having their bug tolerance forcibly increased by being forced to share a showerstall with a wolf spider the size of a half dollar everyday

[61below]

(Life hack: if you consistently put out safe water sources for bees, the wasps will see you and they WILL eventually recognize you. And once you become The Bringer Of Water, they will become your own little goon squad. I used to get stung if I startled them by my compost bin, but now I have banged doors open just to realize a wasp was chilling right on the lintel, but all it does is wave its antennae at me. They see me carrying watering cans to my flowers and follow me. When I go to other places, the wasps there will also be friendly. Wasps are fucking amazing yall.)

[headspace-hotel]

I really hate how culture normalizes fear of bugs and reinforces and fuels insect phobias until they make it impossible to coexist with nature

I would never dismiss someone’s phobia. I know what kind of hell on earth that shit is. And I don’t mock people for being scared of wasps or bees because some people have allergies that can kill them and it’s kinda dumb to be rude to someone who is afraid of something that might kill them. But it’s done people such a disservice that culture tells people it’s reasonable to be afraid of all bugs and that most bugs will hurt you or your house or your pets.

I see so many comments and tags on posts about nature saying things like “I would love to spend time outside but I can’t handle being around bugs” as if it’s normal! If you can’t sit on grass or go on a hike because of your fear of bugs, that’s like…clinically significant highly disabling stuff. It’s locking you away from so many experiences.

Fears like this often get reinforced by witnessing other people’s responses to a stimulus. We are social creatures and if you watch the people around you show disgust and fear in response to bugs, you will learn to respond that way too. If you hear on the internet and TV and elsewhere that most bugs are dangerous and want to hurt you or will give you diseases, it will be reinforced even more.

The fact is, bugs are just guys. We depend on them for almost every part of our lives. Our planet is teeming with so many wondrous life forms, and many of them are insects. They come in every color and every form of iridescence, they glow and sparkle and they are fuzzy and striped and spotted. They are not “gross” or dirty.

Insects worldwide are now dropping in number, and it could mean disaster for us and every life form on earth. Most flowering plants (80% or so) have a symbiotic partnership with insects where they are dependent on insect pollination to fertilize their flowers. Wasps, bees, flies, butterflies, and even ants and beetles are all important pollinators, and each plant’s flowers are designed to be pollinated by a different group of insects. Without these insects, the majority of flowering plant species would not be able to exist. They would go extinct. That includes most of the plants we eat. No wasps, bees, flies and other pollinators= no apples, no berries, no peaches, no plums, no anything. That’s a simplified summary but it expresses just how important they are.

A big reason for it is the use of insecticides that are highly toxic to a wide variety of non-target insects. For instance, carbaryl, typically known as Sevin in the US, was for a long time sold in every garden center in a powdery dust form, to put on garden plants that had holes in their leaves.

Carbaryl dust is incredibly toxic to bees and can be picked up by them in the same way as pollen, and in that way it can be carried back to the hive and kill the whole hive.

Many of these insecticides are also highly dangerous to humans, and using them in and around your home exposes you to poisonous and/or potentially cancer-causing substances. The residues of these insecticides linger basically forever inside homes. There have been studies done that found insecticides that have been banned for a long time still lingering in people’s carpets and floors.

So it’s not good that so many people are terrified of insects. And the best antidote is to learn. Learn about bugs and their diversity and unique beauty and intelligence. If videos are no good, look at books with pictures; if you don’t want to look at pictures, books without pictures or podcasts might help. Maybe start with bugs that seem less frightening and move on to learning about others from there.

Learn about their ways and behaviors and how they are similar to animals you are more familiar with, such as birds or cats. Learn the ways in which they are similar to you—you will find that you share many important qualities, like “enjoy fruit” and “would defend friends and family.” Join bug identification groups online. Learn from people who keep bugs as pets.

It is so, so rewarding and important.

[lesbomaticlove]

i saw a post the other day about treating spiders in your apartment like employees. like yeah, that spider over there is steven, hes the in-home exterminator. best not to destroy his hard work or else who’s gonna keep control of the ants? bees, even. betty stopping by your garden for some pollen so she can make honey for her hive. leave her alone she’ll be on her way soon.

personify them, and realize they’re just trying to exist like everyone else. the main reason any insect would act aggressive toward you is out of fear. like, imagine if you finally found a place to rest and some giant flesh creature decided to forcibly evict you. that would be terrifying.

[thevoidscreamer]

This is Ygritte, she lives at my indoor garden and keeps it gnat free. She's got babies on the way. I talk to her every morning when I get up and every night before bed.

[breathtakingdestinations]

Edinburgh - Scotland (by Neeraj Pramanik)

[xenosaurus]

I think the greatest irony of my life is when the cafeteria at my college changed all the lights to blue bulbs for “autism awareness”, which fucked with my sensory issues badly enough that I could barely stand to be in the building

[xenosaurus]

I was certainly aware of my autism, at least.

[wizardarchetypes]

in college back in 2018 i still didn't have a smart phone yet and they introduced DUO two-factor authentication and I carried one of the physical "clickers" because I couldn't use the phone app. I remember classmates being unable to participate in class or print assignments at the library even with school desktop computers because they left their phones ate home by accident or their phones died so they couldn't login to their school profiles.

professors started doing those kahoots quiz games for attendance points and I told them I couldn't participate because I didn't have a smart phone.

one of my professors scoffed in front of the whole class and said, "are you serious?" i said "are you going to pay for my data plan?"

he relented because he had to and every single day he had to print out a little physical quiz for me to take while everyone else did kahoots. it was so funny bc it was a lecture hall with like 150 students. he gave up after like 3 times and just counted me present.

at work i refuse to have a single work-related app on a phone they aren't paying for so they always have to order me the physical "clickers" for double authentication and they act like I'm pouring concrete in their shoes about it lmaoo

[wizardarchetypes]

at one job for a state forest my office was in the middle of nowhere with no wifi and no landline and they were like "we'll need to call you throughout the day about project updates" and i said "well then you'll need to install a phone because i don't have cell service out here" and they looked at me like it was somehow my fault. they asked me to change cell phone carriers.

[rackmount-official-my-ass]

Organizations need to provide the equipment they want you to use. Separation of work and personal equipment should be the norm, and the bar for exceptions should be set pretty high. I refuse to use my personal phone for corp work because they would then have 1/ access to my device and 2/ the explicit power to remotely wipe my personal phone, both of which are entirely unacceptable. This position is justified from standpoints of accessibility, personal economics, personal security, corporate security, and litigation preparedness.

Equipment includes clothes, by the way. If you need a uniform or personal protective equipment, even if it's just a black polo and slacks, these should be provided and paid for by the organization requiring them.

[teaboot]

One of my brothers has this thing where he likes to be included on sibling movie night but he will not sit down or actually join us, he’ll just wander around the house and periodically show up to lurk in the doorway or lean on someone’s seat

And *I* have this thing where I always always know when he’s there, because every time he’s not wandering around like the ghost of bob marley and isn’t immediately visible it’s because he’s stopped moving to watch the film from directly behind me, which makes the back of my neck tingle like a dog sensing an earthquake

Which has on more than one occasion resulted in me interrupting the movie to tell him to just sit the fuck down and stop lurking in the shadows, Jesus Christ, it’s like I’m being haunted by the memory of ancient sins

Which has in turn been shortened to just “ancient sins”, every time I feel him doing it again

So to summarize, sometimes when my siblings and I get together for a movie night, we’ll all be sitting in the dark in complete silence until my ass deadpan announces “ancient sins” and a 90 pound 5’11” Slenderman looking motherfucker emerges from the shadows behind me like a jumpscare incarnate in Batman pajamas pants and informs me that we are out of orange soda

[teaboot]

I fucked up a little bit

[marlynnofmany]

#To be fair though I think the ghost of bob marley might have gotten through to Scrooge

[queercatmermaid]

I just realized how fucking disgusting it is that it’s considered healthy and normal for teenage boys to eat everything ever yet teenage girls are obviously also growing but are fucking dieting all the time and shamed for eating while they’re growing

[segweg]

Shit

[rainbofiction]

That’s not even the half of it because

- often when a teenager (male or female) puts on some fat it’s in preparation for a growth spurt. Grownups know this. 

- teenagers grow in weird gawky ways, like a girl’s hips will spread out and look “fat” until her legs get longer, or they’ll shoot up super tall and then slowly put on muscle and fat. Grownups know this. 

- it’s very common for a women’s body weight to fluctuate plus or minus 5% with her menstrual cycle

but in the diet mentality all of these things are considered personal moral failures, a failure of control, when controlling it is literally impossible. I am so incredibly saddened by women who weigh themselves multiple times a week and fuss over ten freaking pounds when that’s well within the bounds of menstrual fluctuation + just-ate-lunch. It’s horrible.

[welkinalauda]

“A culture fixated on female thinness is not an obsession about female beauty, but an obsession about female obedience. Dieting is the most potent political sedative in women’s history; a quietly mad population is a tractable one.” – Naomi Wolf

[thunderboltsortofapenny]

Grown ups really do not know this. I tell this to parents at least once a week, your child is sleeping/moody/putting on weight because their body is preparing to more or less jump the Grand Canyon of maturation stages. Hormone changes start a full YEAR before first menses.

My own mother, who works in the medical field and has worked solely for OB/GYN for the last 16 years, gave me grief about all of those things. And she knew about hormone level changes and weight distribution changes and she STILL did it. Don’t think hard facts will outweigh societal norms. Keep talking about it until they can’t ignore the facts

[moodyehudi-deactivated20180519]

Eat!!! Food !!

[agileo-101]

*Screams* THANK YOU!!!

[windsroad]

why do people in dnd each occupy a 5ft by 5ft square, how far apart do you think people need to be? why are dnd minis afraid of touching

[windsroad]

dnd minis standing five feet apart in a dungeon cuz they’re not gay

[brunhiddensmusings]

look, if the guy to my left has to do the turbo-macarena while charging a bolt of flesh melting while the guy on my right is doing every bruce lee move at the same time and the guy in front of me is flourishing a broadaxe like hes doing yo-yo tricks im going to give each of them enough floorspace to not liquefy myself

[pileofknives]

[pulling-aggro]

fuck a “personal bubble”, stay out of my

BLOOD CIRCLE

[autijacen]

So glad that non-scouts can appreciate the term blood circle properly.

[thevoidscreamer]

okay, I have a real question for you.

I've been thinking a lot about how so many villains are either queer-coded or part of their villainy is that they hate queerness.

But what if there was a story that took place in a universe where being queer was SO normal that it doesn't even cross the villain's mind to be against it. And if the villain just so happens to be queer-coded? Well, it's because they are. But not because being queer is synonymous with bad, but because being queer is just a normal part of that universe.

Would you read a story like that?

[captainragtag]

Can we include darebee.com with ao3 and wikipedia on our list of really good nonprofits with excellent services that we stan?

It's a free, no sign-up, no ads fitness resource created by professionals who view this as activism (fitness should be accessible to everyone), and it's very thoughtful and thorough.

Features I really like:

- all instructions for workout routines are diagrammed on single pages with a clean, easy to read layout

- there's 30 or 60 day programs you can follow if you, like me, don't know what to do. they take you through a rotation of workouts so you're working different muscle groups on different day for a specific purpose

- there's so much variety and there's a filter so you can find the level and your goals and type of workout you wanna do

- you don't need any equipment

- some of the programs are RPGs or adventure stories! How's that for motivation. There's also badges and achievements or something but I haven't looked that closely at how that works yet

- they're nerds. they name workouts after D&D classes. There's a Lannistrr workout, a batcave workout, a witcher workout

- I've only scratched the surface

I'm doing this really easy one to start out

Darebee, darebee, fitness, visual workouts, workouts, fitness challenges, fitness motivation, training tips, recipes, nutrition

[bisexualshakespeare]

If you don't understand from the picture they have an Exercise Library playlist in YouTube so you can see what all the moves look like in motion!

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQSMS0J6JbrKdSOSbyJXaQ_zN_HSSp7zZ

Exercise Library - YouTube

[missmentelle]

This is a big, giant list of Youtube tutorials that will teach you all the basic life skills you need to know in order to be a functional adult. There are a lot of important skills that aren’t included in this list, but this should be enough of a basic guide to get you started and prevent you from making a total mess of yourself. Happy adulting! Household Skills:

How to unclog a toilet without a plunger

How to fix a blown fuse

How to fix a leaky faucet 

How to clean soap scum from your tub and shower

How to escape from a house fire

How to make a budget and stick to it

How to sharpen a knife

How to clean a self-cleaning oven

How to clean red wine stains from carpet

How to clean blood stains from fabric

How to clean grease stains from fabric

How to do a load of laundry

How to iron your clothes

How to test your smoke detectors

Cooking Skills:

How to tell if produce is ripe

How to know if food is expired 

How to properly sanitize a kitchen

How to cook an egg

How to make rice

How to make pasta

How to put out a kitchen grease fire safely

How to use a gas stove

How to use a convection oven

How to cook meat safely

How to use a stand mixer

How to use kitchen knives properly

How to make mashed potatoes

How to make grilled cheese sandwiches 

Health Skills:

How to stop bleeding

How to treat a burn 

How to do CPR (on an adult)

How to do CPR (on a child)

How to do CPR (on a baby)

How to help someone who is choking

How to save yourself if you are choking alone

How to read a nutrition label

How to treat frostbite

How to recognize when someone is having a stroke

How to maintain a healthy sleep schedule

Mental Health Skills:

How to calm down during a panic attack

How to help someone who is suicidal 

How to meditate 

How to stop self-harming

How to recognize problem drinking

How to choose a therapist

How to deal with disappointment

How to cope with grief

How to raise your self-esteem

Relationship and Social Skills:

How to apologize

How to cope with a breakup 

How to accept criticism 

How to deal with bullying 

How to argue in a healthy way

How to ask someone out

How to break up with someone

How to recognize an abusive relationship

How to rekindle a damaged friendship

How to speak in public

Job Hunting Skills:

How to tie a tie

How to write a resume

How to write a cover letter

How to dress for a job interview (for women/femmes)

How to dress for a job interview (for men/masculines)

How to properly shake hands

How to nail a job interview

Other Skills:

How to sew on a button 

How to hammer a nail

How to change your oil

How to put gas in your car

How to jump-start a car

How to pick a good password

How to back up your files

How to write a cheque

[sacrificethemtothesquid]

If there’s ever anything you want that isn’t on this list…youtube it. Everyone always comments on my handiness, but everything I know comes from an old guy and his iphone.

[escuerzoresucitado]

[redstonedust]

ideal living situation is what i call the 'sitcom special' : having all your closest friends live in the same apartment building or neighborhood where you each have your own space but can wander in and out of eachothers homes at will, seemingly always welcome and never at bad times. and also all of you only have jobs when its important to the plot.

[sevdahalma]

when I say “Let me ask my husband”, one (or both) of these things is taking place:

1. I am in a loving, happy relationship where we value and respect each other’s opinion

2. I am using this as an excuse to get out of something I don’t want to do (sorry habibi)

what is not happening here: I am being oppressed

[oatmonger-deactivated20260529]

3. Brother I Have No Idea What Is Happening Let Me Consult My Trusted Advisor

[ocdwaffles]

One day I shall be that trusted advisor

"My liege you cannot attend that gathering, you have promised that evening to rituals of appeasement" (you promised you would rest and take some time just for yourself)

"My liege, there are worrying rumors about their trust and capability" (Last time they tried to plan something, it fell apart and you had to plan it last minute)

"My liege, you MUST attend to maintain diplomatic standing!" (You haven't seen your friends in a month and are saying you miss them every day, SAY YOU WILL GO)

[sevdahalma]

You know, I made this post with a very specific context (how people see me, a married muslim lady in a hijab, and automatically assume I’m oppressed) but all these additions are absolutely sending me and the notes are delightful so by all means, please continue

[trans-girl-nausicaa]

after the revolution we’re gonna rename a bunch of stuff so get ready. here’s some things to look forward to.

St. Petersburg, Pennsylvania will be renamed Leningrad.

We’re going to give Washington State and Washington, D.C. names that are more distinct from one another. Specific solution still under discussion.

St. Petersburg, Florida will be renamed Leningrad.

Since there are 93 locations named Springfield in the USA, they will all receive a numerical suffix for clarity. (e.g. “Springfield 093” or “Springfield 069”)

St. Petersburg, Colorado will be renamed Leningrad.

Stay tuned for more!

[thevoidscreamer]

Dad

You taught me how to ride bikes – in some cases against my will. You showed me how to drive a boat. You struggled with me through college math. You taught me about the power of Excel. I was your therapist. Your walking partner. Your NASCAR buddy. Your mini-me. 

I was a receptacle for your never-ending stories and your infinite childhood pain. For your unpredictable rage and your somewhat-predictable jokes. For your crises of faith and the things you actually believed but were too afraid to say to your wife. 

As the years went on and our connection depleted, I became your receptacle for silence and all the things you would never say to me. 

And then you were dying.

In your dying days, you cried out that familiar cry your soul had always spoken to mine… “help me.” And, as I have long understood – and understanding that took so much work to achieve – there was nothing I could do. At least, not really. 

Eventually, as had always been the case, your begging turned, finally, to your god. Still, you suffered. Who’s to say if he saved you, in the end? 

You taught me much throughout my life. 

The final lesson you taught me, death, is the one that rings the loudest. I do not want my child to feel like a stranger at my deathbed. I do not want my spouse to wonder what choice I want him to make for me while I’m incapacitated, or to not have a plan for the funeral. I do not ever want to drift apart from my brother. I do not want my kid to feel like they can’t tell me what they need to say.

You shared with me the regret you felt for your lacking relationship with your father. You fed my brother and me on the knowledge that brothers are the most sacred bond we can have in life. You showed me the excitement of recreation, of theater, of music, of film, of storytelling! 

But you forewent all of those things for yourself. You traded your values for doctrine. You abandoned sacred bonds for a marriage of suffering. You ignored explorative callings for relentless, needless labor. You chose a life of pain and suffering, and it showed until the very end. 

A lesser man would try to find value in your behavior, might even call it noble. But it’s not noble. It was self harm. 

My brother says your final breath came on the heels of a smile. I hope you did finally get to feel relief in this life. I hope you did finally come out from underneath the rage and pain you carried. I know that at your core, the little boy from Pomona California, who grew up surrounded by orange groves and Christmas joy, was still in there. 

I know he saw me, and accepted me. I don’t know what he was running from when he hid in the facade of you, but I’m glad that shell is gone, and he is running free. 

When we parted ways, I said I didn’t think I’d see you in the orchard. Maybe that was only half-true. I don’t think I’ll see the suffering, unrealized father I knew in the orchard. But I wonder if maybe I’ll see some other version of you there. 

Wherever you are, I hope you have peace. 

Signed with love from one soul to another,

The son you refused to see.

[jeffreycombs]

1 second of every star trek tos episode enjoy

[tiredeternal]

out of context is best content

[localfriendlyeldritchthing]

i didn’t realize st tos could make even less sense ;)