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Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

Andulka
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@thewitcheswaag
A slow living-day
My whole day today consists of:
1) Taking care of my pony ( @faeriethepony )
2) Reading books in public
3) Ballet class ( @latetothepointe )
I always try to imagine what life would have been like had I not been born in the 90s, but properly grown up in it like an older millennial. I see movies like Clueless and spot a character (Christian) reading a book for leisure and pleasure while he sits in class like it's the most normal thing in the world. (He is in fact identified as gay by another character because he, among other things, reads Oscar Wilde, which only means something to people who have at least a passing knowledge of literature. All of these characters are still in high school.)
While I can do blogging on the go now, it's almost like a lost art form in a way. I think of the popularity of personal websites in the 90s, and of the LiveJournal fandom wars and forgotten gems like Pottersues during the early Y2K era, and realise how far removed we are from those days.
Tumblr picked up where the others left off in the 2010s, but with so many people huffing AI slop and thinking short form content amounts to actual reading these days, I sort of miss the days my uncle was a micro-celebrity in his specific blogging niche (it was ofc travel-related).
It made no money; that wasn't the point. Some people, like my uncle, got quite a lot of readers, but the dopamine hits we're instantaneous and marketed to users with red notifications to draw their attention. It was sort of more personal and authentic that way, though I suppose the privacy issue was a thing back then too.
There's just a lot more nastiness on the internet now, which is why it's good to sit back and relax with some offline things every now and again. In fact, I've made a habit of doing this for the majority of the day (barring the fact that I listen to music through my phone).
Life is just a little more peaceful when you pretend your access to the internet is limited the way it was when I was a child, and not just because computers were too expensive to really have more than one, and you certainly wouldn't let your kids play with those all day when you could just send them outside to play with other kids in the neighbourhood.
Dominus vobiscum, but is He actually when I try to write 🥲
Shoutout to Conjugal Felicity and @reasoningwithvampires for making me the critical reader I am today.
Seriously, I wouldn't have taken literature courses at university and picked up a thing about literary criticism if it weren't for them.
Critical reading makes you a better reader as well as a better reader.
Silas is a villain because he was abused. Ffs, here we go again.
In Chapter 10, we get the much-needed backstory for Silas, the novel's antagonist.
Turns out he was despised by his father for being born with albinism, a condition for which he blames Silas's mother. The father is a drunk who often beat his wife, and beat his son when he tried to defend her. Eventually, this father ends up beating her to death, which Silas blames on himself. He then stabs his father to death and runs away from home.
He ends up on the streets, where people treat him like he's a ghost and sometimes give him pitiful looks. He starts fighting with people and is eventually told to leave after he almost beats a girl to death for making fun of him. He then kills two men for real in another town, and is shoved in prison in Andorra for twelve years.
Some mysterious force breaks down a wall (it turns out to be an earthquake) and he manages to escape. He describes what happens to him afterwards as Opus Dei saving him, and he becomes the religious fanatic we see him as throughout the novel.
This is due to the fact that a priest (Aringarosa) nurses him back to health. This same priest eventually lets him read the part in the Book of Acts that speaks of a prison break that helps a person called Silas, who spent his days in prison singing hymns to God, escape due to an earthquake that makes all doors fly open. And therefore, the priest says he'll call Silas by that name, since Silas can't remember the name his parents had given him.
I think it's supposed to give him a somewhat sympathetic backstory, kind of like with Frankenstein's Creature – if the world hadn't rejected him, he may have been good. Granted, I might be reading a little too much into this, as we race through this description in a rather brief chapter (particularly when we compare it to how much time we spent with Langdon already).
Silas's character seems to be designed as foil to Langdon's secularism and his supposed heroism, whereas Silas seems to have stumbled into religious villainy. The issue is that we have another case of "battered people become bad".
It's no different from the childhood neglect Tom Riddle (Voldemort) suffered in Harry Potter, and we all know how nuanced Rowling designs her characters (coughcough). One of the reasons she gives for Voldy being the way he is, is that he was conceived without love. You can imagine how readers who were birthed into this world under similar circumstances felt about that reasoning behind his villainy, especially when he's explicitly stated to know nothing of love, which is what separates him from Harry.
Silas may be suffering from a very similar syndrome. His villainy seems set in stone, as if it just happened because he was abused and rejected by everyone. Realistically, people who end up rejected by absolutely everyone often exacerbate this reality themselves. If you have a nice personality, some people will want to be your friend. Even people who turned to mass murder who see themselves as total outcasts had people in life who loved them; they just didn't appreciate these people enough and often pushed them away in pursuit of that darkness they felt inside.
Hatred can certainly fester, as Silas is described as having hatred within him that he tries to control. Some people who became villains in real life actively had to lean into that darker side of theirs to meet another desire they had (which was to inflict pain on others). I don't think we'll get even halfway as deep with this villain character, as Brown designed him in the early 00s, so this stuff was seen as normal back then.
I, on the other hand, just think it's a lazy cop-out, and I don't like it, but I guess we'll see where it goes for now.
Ok this definitely beats the "English is not my first language and I don't want it to be" author's note. This might be the best one I've ever seen too.
"All descriptions of [...] architecture [...] in this novel are accurate" - Dan Brown, The Da Vinci Code
Let's put that to the test, shall we?
At the start of Chapter 10 (p. 79), we're treated to a brief description of the Saint-Sulpice church in Paris. For context, the church the text refers to is this one:
(images taken from this Wikipedia page)
Dan Brown describes this church as follows (and bear in mind I've removed nothing from his description):
Lit from beneath by banks of floodlights, the church's two bell towers rose like stalwart sentinels above the building's long body. On either flank, a shadowy row of sleek buttresses jutted out like the ribs of a beautiful beast.
A buttress is a feature retained from Gothic architecture here (this church was built halfway through the 17th century, so Gothic architecture predates this building). You might be thinking of something like a flying buttress if you think of them, as many of the great cathedrals in Europe have these.
As an example, I'll share a couple of images from my own collection.
These are Chartres Cathedral & Regensburg Cathedral. The ones in Regensburg are more elaborate and even include a small tower on top of the buttress, which yes, does help with the standard function of a buttress. (You can even spot a few flying buttresses behind the one I've circled.)
They're architectural features that have been embellished, essentially. The reason for their existence is to buttress the forces that carry the wall, which because of weight push outward. The buttresses prevent the walls from tearing and falling down.
We'll look at another image of Saint-Sulpice, and this time I'll help you identify the buttresses there.
What did Dan Brown say about them again? On either flank, a shadowy row of sleek buttresses jutted out like the ribs of a beautiful beast.
How do these in any way remind anyone of a beast? Besides, the word 'sleek' refers exclusively to the top portion of each buttress, because as you can see they end into something with an edge at the bottom.
[T]he church's two bell towers rose like stalwart sentinels above the building's long body.
We have a specific word for these towers (westworks), but I'll let that one slide. What I cannot let slide is the implication that the church has a particularly long façade (you'll note that Brown avoids using the word façade for the front of the church when he's clearly talking about that portion). It's broader than certain medieval examples, sure, but not necessarily when compared to other 17th century churches.
I decided to be fair and honed in on similar structures in Paris, since this was essentially what I did in year 2 of art history, when we specifically compared the Panthéon to other churches in Paris too (the Panthéon never ended up being used as a church due to the French Revolution and its Napoléonic aftermath, but it was originally designed as such).
What I found was the Val-de-Grâce. It began construction in 1645, while work on the Saint-Sulpice started a year later in 1646.
Note how its façade protrudes. This could clue you in to the fact that the outer sections were added later, but that shouldn't even matter in this case. It is a simple fact that this church is a lot longer than the one Brown described as having a 'long body'. Because of the Saint-Sulpice's height, the rectangular front appears almost square, and personally, as a student of art history who is somewhat familiar with this architectural period, the thing that stood out to me most was the façade's height, and not its length.
I suspect this is due to the fact that this period in history became ever more centred on Roman and Greek architecture, thanks in part to the increasing popularity and new discoveries of Classical architecture. Not all features disappeared (you can see columns being popular throughout every single architectural period in the vaguely identifiable "West", but let's say Western Europe to make this a bit clearer, although effectively each country the Romans so much as touched use features of theirs, so that includes places like Turkey and Lebanon).
Although we can't necessarily say that Brown's descriptions of architecture are wrong as such, it is rather clear to me that he's woefully overestimating his own ability to convey what architecture looks like and why something supposedly looks so special.
As it stands, I would have described a car scene with a character who's extremely religious and sees this church as follows (and I'll make it as similar to Brown's description as I can):
Lit from beneath by floodlights, the church's westworks rose above the building's façade. It was too Roman for Silas's liking – he never cared much for the pagan tastes of the modernisers. On the north and south sides, though it was hard to see in the dark, he knew buttresses in an experimental style that would put Michelangelo's Mannerism to shame interrupted the Roman work to make a mockery of spiritual Catholicism a mere century before the French Revolution destroyed it all.
(original below for comparison so you don't have to scroll back up)
Lit from beneath by banks of floodlights, the church's two bell towers rose like stalwart sentinels above the building's long body. On either flank, a shadowy row of sleek buttresses jutted out like the ribs of a beautiful beast.
I decided to shove a bit of characterisation in there, with the added anger I know traditional Catholics constantly express against modernism. Granted, they are often too clueless to identify the first vibrations of what they hate so much, as they absolutely love Renaissance work and its aftermath, but the fact remains that things like the Mannerism of Michelangelo laid the foundation for ever less religious architecture in the construction of religious buildings.
But it's not as if Brown can let Silas express any real tradcath thoughts here – his whole point with this section is to call the people Silas needs to take the keystone from heathens who've used a house of God to conceal it. It's not like you can point out that the architecture of said house of the Lord is actually a lot more reminiscent of pagan architecture than earlier examples, but I think it could've added an interesting angle (not to mention a tangible knowledge of architecture and Catholicism on the part of the author, which as you know is not something I think he has).
The experimental architects did a lot of interesting things, but in the end they designed buildings that became further removed from medieval spirituality, which is exactly why people in the 19th century started bringing back Gothic elements and why Romanticism became associated with the religious, and its opposite Neoclassicism was more associated with values we see now as the foundations of liberalism (reason, logic, civic duty, etc.). Mysticism dies in the hands of Neoclassical features, whereas a sort of secularism seems to thrive in it.
But that is basically a topic for a whole thesis, so I'll leave it at this. Thanks for spending your time to be an art history nerd with me today.
Important note: I call the features Neoclassical, as you can clearly see A LOT of classical influences here, but the actual style in this case is Baroque. As one of my professors says, you can tell apart Baroque architecture from Mannerism, because it is absolutely impossible to take a picture of Baroque architecture. I was struggling a lot with the images Wikipedia provided, simply because I can't show you the angles properly. It's only the façade that's clear; the rest would require an in-person view to properly convey.
Baroque architecture directly developed out of Mannerism.
So. Real talk.
I have spent a significant portion of my life sick in bed. This means I have read... a lot of fanfiction. I do not want to run the numbers (for my own sanity) but there is a nonzero chance that I have read a greater volume of fanfiction than most of you will in a lifetime (yes, even in a tumblr crowd, where I have some real competition 😆).
For a number of years I was really embarrassed by this because for most of my life, I've fit best with the 'socially elitist nerd' set. You know - the ones who don't care if you make a little less eye contact, as long as your performance of intelligence can make them feel intelligent too. I "passed" there. So more than a decade of constant fluff and rom-com "junk" really felt like something I should be ashamed of.
But I've realized recently what fanfiction (or any free web fiction) really is. It's the author's hopes. It's the author's fears. It's all the things you wouldn't write to publish because they feel too sad, or sinful, or sacred.
Without really thinking about it, I've been drinking from the well of human desire - from fear, and love, and lust. I've been reading your precious wishes for family, or protection, or connection. I've been learning how you dream life could be.
Thank you to every writer whose work I have read or will read someday. Thank you for sharing the most precious parts of your heart, even when you didn't realize what you were doing. To every writer out there - every middle schooler with dreams, every suburban mom wishing her life could be something more. You reached out into the oblivion with the piece of yourself you probably don't even share with those closest. And somewhere in this world, a person noticed. Your dreams and hopes and wishes became a piece of me too.
I am so lucky to be the person who heard you.
I really don't like the demands of modern life.
It seems like we don't have enough leisure time, as well as the fact that we're expected to be constantly available through our phones and have to work a bunch only to be underpaid and having to deal with an awful economy.
When exactly are we supposed to have enough energy to read, for example?
It's said that this is by design, to prevent us from engaging with material that will make us question the status quo. A docile populace will not develop into revolutionaries.
They're underestimating our resilience, I think. For ages, I've been blaming myself for not reading. It's kind of by neoliberal design that we "all take responsibility for the problems we face", despite the fact that it's extremely obvious that we have essentially no influence over them.
That is if we try to face everything alone, which is exactly what this type of thinking promotes. But since I don't believe in the selfishness of mankind (but rather the selfishness of the neoliberal ruling class), I know that the odds are stacked against me when it comes to reading or ever owning my own home.
So I stay mindful of this reality. It's not my fault that the world tires me out; it's not my fault I can't find the energy to read in the evenings. It's a habit that's frequently mentioned in the 70s song by ABBA, 'The Day Before You Came', wherein the speaker reads several newspapers and relaxed with a novel she can't quite remember, all on a regular workday.
Our world has ceased to have this level of normalcy. While the algorithm rewards those who can fight it and succeed in reading a ton, this is also a further sign of dystopia, considering it tips towards monetisation of a simple hobby.
It's still worse on TikTok than it is on Instagram, but I suppose there's nothing that can ever make Meta not have the worst algorithms on the internet, so it checks out.
On this day in literature: Anne Frank's Diary is published in 1947.
Another nonfiction post for today~
I want to make a real effort to read up on a bunch of things before the two months I have until university starts are up. It's been a frustrating time for me, given that I've been poorly for over a week and during that time we also got this massive heatwave over Europe.
Seems like a perfect time to pick up something that attacks one of the global instigators of this unprecedented release of fossil fuels (through enormous cars, constant flights, and of course the relentless bombings of countries that are not in the "West").
Like many books, I started reading it and just didn't finish it for whatever reason (I'm an extremely easily distracted reader, but just like Judith Butler's book that I've been reading for ages, this also required a lot of thought). I'm just sinking further into personal development, and I always feel like I have to kick it up a few notches whenever I begin to sense that soon I won't have this amount of free time anymore.
Chris Hedges is a fantastic journalist who's actually seen a lot of places the US attacked. He's fluent in Arabic, so he's able to engage in a different way and offers an alternative perspective. If I could recommend anything as introduction to who he is and what he's like, it'd be the video I'm going to share below.
Here's Mr Hedges's letter to the children of Gaza.
This is a beautiful way to put how some people refuse to engage with proper literary analysis. I've seen people complain when you analyse their fandom "the wrong way" (such as when I said Edward Cullen's mindreading abilities are poorly developed), because they can't separate a character trait from a narrative tool. It's not like insulting a character and their design is on par with insulting a real person.
Criticising your favourite works is a good thing. Not all critique means that a work is terrible. Your attachment to the work and characters in question should not impair your ability to see what is right and wrong in their design (if anything), and what effects they have on the overall narrative. You should ask yourself if your attachment is unhealthy and impairing your ability to do what this student was asked to do.
On this day in literature: it's Mercedes Lackey's birthday 🎂
Mercedes Lackey was born in 1950 in Chicago, and she's the author of fantasy novels. I'd recently begun rereading the only one of her books I currently own, Arrows of the Queen, (which is my horse girl fantasy basically) which is the first in a series of novels called the Valdemar saga (Valdemar being the fictional country they're set in).
What's also interesting, especially considering it's pride month, is that her series of novels called the Last Herald-Mage trilogy is the first high fantasy series featuring a gay protagonist. The book I'm currently reading also has two of the Herald characters in a relationship with one another (they're both women), and the protagonist is fine with it when she discovers it. (She even states that it's also a bit of a secretive thing where she's from, as she comes from a family of 'Holderkin' where a man has multiple wives, and the wives don't marry for love and are often without a partner for obvious reasons.)
Happy birthday to Mercedes Lackey, who wrote the books I never knew I was searching for as a child. ♥️
(Note: Mercedes has a husband. I don't want things to get confusing because I've tagged the post as being about lgbtq books; the author isn't lgbtq+, but some of her characters are and she wrote her works in the 80s and 90s, so it was pretty revolutionary for that time.)
I'm going to pretend I didn't stay up all night two days ago because I was suddenly really into a bit of historical fiction I was working on for no reason. The heatwave we have here currently (🇳🇱) paired with the absolutely insane thunderstorms certainly isn't helping.
Effectively, reading has become extremely hard for me, but writing is fine. I don't get it either. Our climate very much didn't require things like air conditioning in years past, but here we are today. If only our government wasn't run by a bunch of (neo)liberals who loved their corporate investors and their investments in big oil more than the planet and the people they make all the decisions for (i.e. the rest of us). 🙄
It'll be a while before the heat goes away, so I have to think of a way to adapt before I gradually lose my mind, though I guess on a bright note I might randomly work out a few plot points along the way.
WHAT ARE YALL READING RN you must tell me
Pearl of the Desert - stellar book if you are interested in Palmyra♥️
The Collected Verse of Paul Valéry (Oxford World's Classics, bilingual edition). A very fine book, although the translator makes some choices I do not agree with (e.g. in Valéry's early poem "The White Cats," he renders jaloux as "envious," when in context it clearly means "jealously guarding").
Going through several books of Welsh and English folktales currently, with Tolkien's translation of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight with Pearl and Sir Orfeo in particular. One of the loveliest experiences I've had while studying English literature was my trip to London to see a medieval manuscript exhibit at the British Library, where I saw both the Beowulf and the Sir Gawain and the Green Knight manuscripts in person.
Nonfiction post today~
I've been reading this for months. Apparently, it requires a lot of my brain power, and whenever I'm tired from work I just don't have the energy to deal with the subject matter despite how genuinely engaging I think it is.
My sole criticism is this cover, as the black on it easily scratches up. Looking down at my copy vs what it looked like in this (edited) picture makes me realise how far it's come. It was already damaged a bit from just existing inside that bookshop I picked it up at.
I'll share a snippet from a review in the Financial Times from 2024, which is found on the first page of Who's Afraid of Gender? to give you a good idea of what this book is about:
"An argument for how a fear of gender is fuelling reactionary politics around the world from one of the leading authorities on the subject."
I also wrote down a quote myself that I never got around to posting before, which I think also reveals why it requires so much energy for me to get through this:
"Here as elsewhere the accusation of Marxism and hyper-capitalism go hand in hand without apparent contradiction. It is not that people are unmindful of the contradiction and need to be enlightened; no, the contradiction itself is what works, in effect "emancipating" people from the task of developing a rational position, a pathway to fascism. When people are already living with fear, and they are told that there is in fact more to fear, and that the source of their fear can be named, then the name contains and neutralizes the contradictions, serving now as a "cause" of ongoing and ultimate destruction, one that must be rooted out and expelled."p. 69
"It would be easier if we could dismiss such claims as extreme-right positions, but they contain contradictions for a reason: they are in some instances wrongheaded or prepolitical responses to neoliberalism, the powers of global financial institutions, the continuing legacies of colonial power. Were these powers rightly named rather than condensed into the psychosocial fantasy that is "gender," matters might look differently." p. 70
I think this exercises my brain in a good way. I'm hardly halfway through, and I've already had a lot to think about. It's one of those nonfiction gems that'll change your outlook on certain things, and in the spirit of pro-intellectualism over anti-intellectualism, I seriously recommend picking it up.