How I beat my jock nieghbor in a prank war and stole his girlfriend at their gender reveal barbeque
So, a couple days ago, my neighbor Stacy (she lives across the cul-de-sac from me) and her boyfriend Brad had there annual gender reveal swag barbeque, and they invited everyone in the neighborhood but me. (I found out bc I follow Stacy on Facebook and she mentioned it). I felt really hurt and agrny, so I decided to crash the barbeque. So here's what happened.
Me: *rings doorbell*
Brad: *opens the door and scoffs, flexing his big meaty muscles while he's wearing a t-shirt with abs on it* Ugh why are YOU here? I told Stacy not to invite you, and she ALWAYS does what I tell her.
This made me really angry becuase I';m a gentle man and a nice guy who respects women. Meanwhile BRAD just has to go and flex his big strong bodybuilder muscles and he gets all the ladies (he has 3 girlfriends) even though he's a toatle jerk. As a man who respects women, and doesn't just date pretty blonde supermodel bimbos with fake oragne tans I had to say something.
Me: How can you talk about Stacy like that?? SHé deserves a person who will treta her with love and respect.
(Brad rolls his eyes so hard I can see his eye muscles flexing because of all of his steroids)
Brad: Whatever. Your just jealous bc I get all the smoking hot babes, and your ugly and watch those studpid japense cartoons like a little baby.
Me: Their called anime! And Stacy deserves someone better than you. Shes too good to be with some dumb sweaty meathead jock
Brad: *laughs darkly with his deep manly voice* What, you think she would be better off with YOU?? Your just a loser nerd with no swag.
Me: No SWAG??? I;ll show YOU who has no swag (I show off my flossing skills real quick before shooting him a wink, but he just rolled his cerulean orbs, his luscious eyelashes tickling his eyelids).
Brad: Oh? Are you challenging me to a swag off? Have you forgotten the last swag-off you had with me in high school?
Me: I haven't forgotten anything, because i'm smart like an elephant and have a photo graphic memory, unlike you. You may have won our last swag-off, but you shouldn't let yourself get Cockney. This time I will prevail!
Brad: Haha ok shrimp. Just to go a bit easy on you, Ill let you decide what the wager can be
Me: YOull be regretting that. But I choose a prank war!
Brad: So whoever can pull of the most swag prank wins? Very well. I was on the high school pranking club, so you're going down shrimp.
So then he let me inside and I got prepared to start my pranking. I started off small to throw BRAD off my scent (I asked a few people about up dog and got one person to pull my finger). Brad on the other hand, was going all out with his amateur juvenile pranks: putting seran rap on the toilet, putting rubber chickens in people's bags while theyr looked away, etc.
I had my eye on a bigger prize though...the gender.
When everyone when outside to eat cheese brugers, I went inside, saying i had to "take a bathroom break". Thats when i found it. The holy grail. The ultimate praking tool. The piñata.
The pinata was filled up with ping pong balls (pink for blue or blue for boy) to reveal the gender of Stacy's new pregnancy baby. I sneakily cut open a hole in the top of the pinata with my trusty hatsune miku pocket knife and I took out all the ping pong balls and replaced them with a little note, along wiith a special surprise that i found in the pantry. I went back outside and did my best to act natural as i waited. Then came the moment of truth...
Stacy: hello everyone, I have the swag pinata for the baby reveal!
(The guests all gathered around in a big crowd)
Stacy: Ok since im a pregnat and my boyfriend has those big strong muscles of his (she blushed) im gonna let Brad due the pinata.
Brad: (steps up to the pinata and puts on a blindfold before addressing the crowd) Are you ready everyone! It's what we've all been waiting for!!! To find out if the baby is gonna be a ladykiller like his old man or if im gonna have to get a shot gun to fend off the boys ahahaha. (He pulled back the pinata hitting stick, making his muscles ripple)
Thats when it happened. He hit the pinata, and with one hit from his steroid ridden arms, it burst open into a cascade of uncooked spaghetti noodles.
Brad: What?? What the shit is this damn shit? Why is there spaghettis in our babies gender??? What the shit is this??(He picked up my handwritten note off the ground)
Random guest: (hesitanely) Well, what is it??? Is the baby a boy or a girl???
Brad turned around the note so that everyone could see what it said: ITS-A ME. A-MARIO!! [Italian mustache doodle]
Then, at that moment, the entire crowd started pointing at Brad and laughing. His face turned really red like a big beefy tomato and he started to cry like a little loser baby. Stacy poured her iced lemonade over his head.
Stacy: That's what you get for embarrasing the baby! Spaghetti?? In my babies GENDER??? Is our baby a joke to you??? I thought you loved me, but clearly you don't.
Brad: but--but I-but i didn't---
Stacy: don't play dumb with me Brad. Did you thimk i didnt'notice? all youre stupid pranks? The seran rap on the toilet? The rubber turkeys in the fridge?
Brad went silent and looked down at the floor forlornly.
Stacy: yeah. Thats what i thouhgt. I think its about time i got with a REAL man. someone smart and mature who will take care of me, unlike you.
The crowd started murmering. I could here many people making statements of agreement. One teenage girl went "You go girl!" and I heard the man next to me grumble "Its about time".
Thats when Stacy did something i never expected and walked up to me, pulling me into a kiss. It was my first kiss and the best moment of my life.
So thats the story of how I won a prank war, got a new girlfriend (who's now a good Christian girls because shés with me now and isnt getting pregance before marriage unlike with brad) and showed every one what a loser Brad is. To this day, he still hasn't showed his face at a signle swag barbeque, isntead wallowing in shame...
