This is Marriage

There are so many moments when I look at him and think "wow! I got to marry him!!" And then I have moments when I want to make him listen to the idiot thing he's just said on repeat, knee him in the nuts and take his credit card. #thisismarriage

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When he has to work late....

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Who Run The World?

When you're headed to D.C. For the Women's March on Washington and he kisses you and says to go get 'em. ❤🌏

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It's not contagious

When you ask your husband to pick up tampons on the way home and he reverts to being an 8 year old afraid of cooties.

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I know how life works

My husband works late all of the time. So do I. Careers are cray so we trust each other But I am also ready to cut a bitch at any given moment.

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Fly the W

When you think the dinner you're making is a total fail but then he asks for seconds...🙀🙌

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Thanks, Akon

When you go to get a glass of water after having sex and then return to The Lonely Island's "I just had sex" playing at full volume from his phone.

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Bueller?

When you're texting about your day and you send a flirty text to spice it up and he ghosts 👻👀

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Life of Homer

When you're tryna get some advice and he only responds in Simpson's quotes.

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It's ok. We know you love it.

When you turn on your show and he rolls his eyes and complains but fives minutes later he's asking you what happened to McDreamy.

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Should I forward your calls?

When he unplugs his laptop, stands up from the couch and relocates to the bathroom with more than one apple device.

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Not quite

When he says he is gonna do the dishes and the next time you walk into the kitchen you see the dishwasher's been emptied onto the counter.

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You're home?

When he's so into the game not only does he not hear you, but when he does turn his head he looks shocked to see you sitting there.

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Read me right now.

When you send him a selfie so he can read your tone by the look on your face.

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What are you really saying?

When he asks if you've changed the litter recently and you think he is tryna speak to you about your character.

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Clorox Kween

When you've been on the couch watching reruns of Frasier but when you hear the door unlock, you jump up, grab the Clorox spray and act like you been scrubbing the kitchen for hours.

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Your chariot awaits

When he says he's sending a car for you and a 2004 Corolla rolls up with two other passengers.

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Oh. I see.

When he says, "I'm so glad to see you, baby!" And you start to respond but realize he is talking to the dog. 🐶😕