nerd

extra nonsense goes here. may be nsfw.

[thundercrackerslampshade]

and sometimes you wanna write merman smut and end up researching fish dicks and now you just hold this widely inapplicable knowledge of how shark dicks work

[homunculus-argument]

You know how there's those things that make you think "hmm, I wonder if that's something that someone could do", and either it 100% is a thing that people do, and people are baffled that you didn't already know that, or either there's some very distinct and extremely obvious reason why that is simply not possible to do, and people are baffled that it wasn't obvious to you from the start?

This in mind, I kind of feel like there's probably a whole market out there for bootleg horses.

[its-me-im-yip]

what? is a bootleg house. house but Slightly Smaller? 3D printed?

[homunculus-argument]

Horse. Bootleg horse.

Steal a mare with a pretty good pedigree. I don't know enough about horses to know what that entails. But the kind of a horse that's very pretty and the like of which you'd like to own.

Obtain the sperm of another horse with a pretty good pedigree. I have no idea whether it would be easier to steal an entire pretty good stallion, or a container of viable horse cum, but either way you gotta get the seed of the sire that would produce a very nice horse with the broodmare you stole.

Combine these ingredients to produce a third horse.

Once the foal is old enough to be separated from its mother, return the stolen mare through some means where you won't get caught (if you can figure out how to steal a horse without getting caught, you ought to be able to figure out how to un-steal it, too). Same applies to the sire, assuming that you couldn't just get the cum and really had to steal another whole horse.

And now you have a bootleg horse. A horse that doesn't legally exist on paper, and doesn't have the documents of identity and ownership that would verify that it's a thoroughbred with a fine pedigree. But it's shaped like a horse with a fine pedigree.

??????

Money.

[musingsofyoungamericanwitch]

I'm pretty sure when they used the bootleg they'd just sell the horse they stole. If you kept it long enough to breed the horse, go through her pregnancy, birth the calf (risky sometimes), you'd get caught easier.

[homunculus-argument]

Okay so the cost-benefit ratio is not worth the trouble. I overestimated the quality vs quantity thing about horses.

[thundercrackerslampshade]

if a sparkmate is a spouse/lover

would a spikemate describe a sort of friends with benefits arrangement

[yabagofmilfs]

on a related note—awhile back i created this wheel with all the summer bingo prompts from last year.

spin it twice—would you read/write that combo?

helllllll yeah brother

for sure

eh it’s fine

no thanks i hate it

i have no feelings about it / im bald / nuance

Voting ended onApr 30

bonus points if you elaborate on your choice in the tags because i’m nosy.

[tautline-hitch]

OKAY FINE. Spin for a kink. You’ve just noticed this in the tags of an e-rated fic you were going to read.

How are we feeling?

YES this is IT this is my THING

Oh fun!

Sure, why not

Not really my deal but I can go with it

Nah, not feeling it

NOPE.

Vanilla extract (I don't read kink / I don't read e-rated fic / nuance / results

Voting ended onApr 30

Preemptively, in case this gets away: Be cool in the notes.

[homunculus-argument]

I have hummus in my house. In less than a day, I will no longer have hummus in my house. I am sorely tempted to buy some chickpeas and tahini and learn to make my own.

Good choice. Just as a heads-up that chickpeas are slightly tougher to mash than potatoes, so whatever you use to make mashed potatoes, you can almost mash chickpeas with it.

[contemptible-scoundrel]

when she touch my thing in a sexual capacity

[constellationursa]

I do say, this is perhaps the most unsafe happenstance in a work setting I've ever seen.

[stagbeetleboy]

Ok if we exclude Palpatine who has the gayest lightsaber?

[stagbeetleboy]

This is Palpatine’s lightsaber btw. He duel wields.

[stagbeetleboy]

Actually it’s genius. It’s is a foolproof design if you don’t want to get caught with a lightsaber

*goes through chancellor’s desk drawers and finds this*

*slowly closes drawer and never mentions it*

[wolviecat]

If you see something…say nothing and drink to forget

[saul-tortellini]

It can't possibly be that blat-

[fellshish]

shoutout to the fanfic so fucked up so erotic so particular to canon that it’s impossible to turn into an original novel. when something exists solely for making other fans eat glass. and you can only tell a very particular kind of person at a very particular time in their life about it after reading, creating a unique warrior bond forever

[atlinmerrick]

[wouldyoufuckthisfurry]

Would You Fuck This Furry?

Hooktail from Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door

Yes

No

See Results

Voting ended onFeb 21

Hooktail is a large dragon that has terrorized Petalburg and eaten many of the residents who went to her castle to try and slay her. Fearsome as she is, she has a strange weakness: she once ate a cricket during her travels and got food poisoning from it, and ever since, she hasn't been able to stand the sound of chirping. A weakness Mario can exploit when he goes to battle her himself.

Hooktail is a heavy hitter with a fire breath attack and she won't hesitate to eat bystanders to restore her health. Don't mind that though, one question she'll taunt her enemies with is whether they'd like to smell her feet, stating that "people pay good money to do this" so HEY I mean...

---

There is no nuance button, if your answer is some variation of ‘I would if X’ then the answer is yes.

[microposting]

GREAT news something squishy toys has cord jacks now. in case you wanted to get fucked with a cord jack. perv.

[7kqe3j9fzdwm-deactivated2025110]

fucking a girl with the aux cable strap on and she starts moaning in my voice

[dieundertaker]

Tw: postpartum depression, mentions of sh, suggestive language.

[preyingforsnuff]

"Alright so... Please explain this pet play fantasy again?"

"Okay do you're a massive facility AI meant to take care of all of your servers and data and conduct dubiously ethical experiments somewhere deep in your recesses."

".... Okay. And you are...?"

"I am a small creature that scurries through your long halls and shifting walls. I was born within you and I will die within you. You see me as a common pest, but I love you and am secretly helping you maintain efficiency in several key areas. My goal is to be noticed by you."

"babe how do we roleplay this? How is this even a sex thing?"

[cybertroniandisambiguation]

thundercracker you dirty minded bastard (he did end up bouncing on both anyways)

the summer heat is getting to me its TOO HOTim gong bnuts

[bathroomcube]

now remember, "kink" is to "fetish" as "poisonous" is to "venomous"

*hands you a knife*

you know what to do. we're all counting on you.

[superdz555]

(link)

[creativebaby47]

Literally everyone and their wives saw the last post so I thought why not make Starscream do the same thing

He's not actually interested or anything but he's learning he's educating himself you guys

[starqueensterlexa]

If you have ever known anyone with a kink for being hit, or beat up, or raped and you're okay with them, you also gotta be okay with the people who's kink it is to do the hitting, the beating, or the raping. At the end of the day, we're adults playing pretend, and that's it.

[starqueensterlexa]

With every single sub i have the first thing we ever do is establish the safe word (stoplight system), and the non-verbal safe word in case they can't talk for any reason. If I can't tell where the sub is at, I will ask them point blank what is their color, and if they can't give a response, we stop. The goal is to make the other person feel good, including pain, and the most important part us knowing your subs limits and LISTENING to them. I will *never* hurt a sub in a way that they have not explicitly expresssed interest in.

[steve-likes-robots]

Makes sense to me. The “getting hit” kink requires a “hitting” kink. It’s like Transformers. Megatron can’t exist without Optimus Prime.

[starqueensterlexa]

yes Steve, its exactly like Megatron and Optimus Prime from Transformers