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@thusmylife
Imagine a bee rn in a hive muttering "the beekeeper is not real because he is not intervening or helping me at all with this disastrous relationship I have with another bee". now imagine that's you talking about the good lord. now imagine a dog with a propeller hat on
Filing this in my memory right next to this thread:
is anyone imagining a dog with a propeller hat on
simply cannot ever resist what i call the little mermaid or the tin man or the pinnochio plot, the one about a character who is either inhuman or human but outside in some way, constantly searching for whatever it is that they consider to be the quintessential proof of humanity, preoccupied by it so deeply that they fail to realize the proof is in the act and fact of the search itself
(via @notaficwriter)
MAYBE WE’LL FIND IT IF WE BOTH LOOK
I cant go to my local libary anymore because last year when I stopped by a librarian was reading a book I wrote under a pen name years ago. This book sold under 10k copies and I've literally only heard people talk about this book online *if* I went looking for it so I went up to them and tried to start a conversation like "oh hey I've heard of that book is it good?" Like hoping for some real feedback and she goes "yeah I love reading things by queer writers" and in a moment of terror I was like "oh but- hold on, I thought the author was some old hetero white guy?!" A thing I thought because I used my own dead grandpa's picture for the author pic because grandpa never had internet. I fake looked it up and was like "yeah if he was queer its not public?" And without looking up this absolute unit goes "oh the author bio is obviously fake. I'd bet my left leg the author is a west coast millennial non-binary queer who has never lived on the east coast." And then proceeded to rattle off a dozen linguistic flourishes that are specfic to the pacific northwest that are in the book and several that are nearly ubiquitous in the state where I said my pen name lives that are somehow completely absent from the book.
So you know. Got read for fifth and didn't even find out if she liked it.
Not to be that person, but if you remember this, how's that newfound back pain going for ya babe
PHRASE ADDED!
LET'S DO THE FORK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL
LET'S DO THE FORK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL
DING-DING-DING DING-DING DING DING-DING DING DING-DING-DING DING-DING DING DING-DING DING DING-DING-DING DING-DING DING DING-DING DING DING-DING-DING DING-DING DING DING-DING DING
What I want for Pride Month
Holy ground
guys I went back to recreate this and. It’s gone.
Pour one out for butt dyke house
Wow thanks for the ingot man let me just inspect the quality real quick
Dude come on
A Pride mural in a Lush shop window has sparked a wave of attention, with its creator highlighting its message of trans pride and visibility
That mural fucks hard and honestly of all animals to give top surgery scars to, a tiger is the best fit.
I hope it stays up.
^ here's the full thing!
When my students talk over me I do this bit where I quietly tell them I’m really shy and to please let me talk and somehow it works.
Me, literally a performing arts teacher who teaches them how to be confident and loud: guys wait I’m really shy 🥺 guys be niceys to me 🥺 I’m just a little guy 🥺
My students???? Every time????: woah guys shutup she’s literally shy
Why did we ever start yelling at kids when we could just let them be part of a bit, which is a kid’s favorite thing?
Imagine a bee rn in a hive muttering "the beekeeper is not real because he is not intervening or helping me at all with this disastrous relationship I have with another bee". now imagine that's you talking about the good lord. now imagine a dog with a propeller hat on
Filing this in my memory right next to this thread:
is anyone imagining a dog with a propeller hat on
happy pride month especially to them
one of the funniest conversations I ever had with my ex was when they were still getting used to Celsius and asked me "what's 20 degrees?" and instead of converting it, I said "it's the highest your dad will ever let you set the thermostat and when you say you're cold he tells you to put on another sweater, we're not made of money" and they went "oh, 68"
the fact that this reference was that fucking precise was something they went on to tell people about for years.
they're trying to get me to do something called ""my job"" instead of reading about medieval english poaching laws
count dracula? uhhh ok. one
🧛 nathing vrong vith me
i'm not really into blondes but this is an objectively absurd connection to make
In order to be properly non-pedophilic you have to want to fuck somebody old but not with gray or white hair because that's too close to blonde which as we've established is the hair color of children. So ideally somebody old as fuck but bald. And obviously wanting to have sex with a man is misogynistic so it has to be a woman. And it can't be a white woman because that would be racist and it can't be a woman of color because that would be fetishistic, so ideally a woman with some unnatural skin color, oh let's say, purple. But it can't be an alien, because we don't know anything about alien life cycles so it could be an alien child or an alien that looks like a child. So it has to be an animal from Earth, but obviously one of human level intelligence that can communicate is otherwise that would be bestiality. So an old purple female animal that can speak English. I think the only creature you can be hot for is the Ant Queen from A Bug's Life.
