Tips, Tricks, and Fidgets: Ways to Cope in a Stressful World

We aim to provide our followers with things others in their situation have found useful, personal accounts

[bedbugbiting]

My face is having uncontrollable spasms. Great. It hurts really, really, really bad.

I think part of why I have trouble explaining pain to the doctor is when they ask about the pain scale I always think “Well, if someone threw me down a flight of stairs right now or punched me a few times, it would definitely hurt a lot more” so I end up saying a low number. I was reading an article that said that “10” is the most commonly reported number and that is baffling to me. When I woke up from surgery with an 8" incision in my body and I could hardly even speak, I was in the most horrific pain of my life but I said “6” because I thought “Well, if you hit me in the stomach, it would be worse.”

[bomberqueen17]

I searched and searched for the post this graphic was from, and the OP deactivated, but I kept the graphic, because my BFF does the same thing, uses her imagination to come up with the worst pain she can imagine and pegs her “10″ there, and so is like, well, I’m conscious, so this must be a 5, and then the doctors don’t take her seriously. (And she then does things like driving herself to the hospital while in the process of giving birth. Probably should have called an ambulance for that one!)

So I found this and sent it to her. Because this is what they want to know: how badly is this pain affecting you? Not on a scale of “nothing” to “how I’d imagine it’d feel if bears were eating my still-living guts while I was on fire”. 

I hate reposting stuff, but I’ll never find that post again and OP is deactivated, so, here’s a repost. I can delete this later, i just wanted to get it to you and I can’t embed images in a chat or an ask. 

[derryderrydown]

This is possibly why it took several weeks to diagnose my fractured spine.

[petralemaitre]

Pain Scale transcription:

10 - I am in bed and I can’t move due to my pain. I need someone to take me to the emergency room because of my pain.

9 - My pain is all that I can think about. I can barely move or talk because of my pain.

8 - My pain is so severe that it is difficult to think of anything else. Talking and listening are difficult.

7 - I am in pain all the time. It keeps me from doing most activities.

6 - I think about my pain all of the time. I give up many activities because of my pain.

5 - I think about my pain most of the time. I cannot do some of the activities I need to do each day because of the pain.

4 - I am constantly aware of my pain but can continue most activities.

3 - My pain bothers me but I can ignore it most of the time.

2 - I have a low level of pain. I am aware of my pain only when I pay attention to it.

1 - My pain is hardly noticeable.

0 - I have no pain.

[airagorncharda]

It’s also really important to get this kind of scale to people who have chronic pain, because chronic pain drastically lowers your perception of how “bad” any kind of pain actually is, and yet something like this pain scale is extremely user friendly. 

For example, if someone asked me how much pain I’m in at any given time, I’d say hardly any, and yet I’m apparently at a chronic 2.5, and it only goes up from there depending on the day. 

There’s also a similarly useful “Fatigue Scale”

[jedijenkins]

I haven’t been below a 5 on this scale for 4 years 

[nerdgasrnz]

Here’s the fatigue scale

[sunny-day-sky]

Fatigue scale image desc:

10: can barely move; can’t talk

9: can barely move; can talk

8: can move, but can’t do much more than watch TV

7: can watch TV and play a game on my phone simultaneously

6: can do work on my computer lying in bed

5: can get around the house, but definitely couldn’t go out

4: can run a light errand

3: can get in my 10,000 steps, making my fitbit happy

2: can do three or more activities in a single day

1: going clubbing!

[eruvadhril]

See also the Mental Health Pain Scale by Graceful Patient:

Mental Health Pain Scale transcription:

MILD

1 - Everything is a-okay! There is absolutely nothing wrong. You’re probably cuddling a fluffy kitten right now. Enjoy!

2 - You’re a bit frustrated or disappointed, but you’re easily distracted and cheered up with a little effort.

3 - Things are bothering you, but you’re coping. You might be overtired or hungry. The emotional equivalent of a headache.

MODERATE

4 - Today is a bad day (or a few bad days). You still have the skills to get through it, but be gentle with yourself. Use self-care strategies.

5 - Your mental health is starting to impact on your everyday life. Easy things are becoming difficult. You should talk to your doctor.

6 - You can’t do things the way you usually do them due to your mental health. Impulsive and compulsive thoughts may be hard to cope with.

SEVERE

7 - You’re avoiding things that make you more distressed, but that will make it worse. You should definitely seek help. This is serious.

8 - You can’t hide your struggles any more. You may have issues sleeping, eating, having fun, socialising, and work/study. Your mental health is affecting almost all parts of your life.

9 - You’re at a critical point. You aren’t functioning any more. You need urgent help. You may be a risk to yourself or others if left untreated.

10 - The worst mental and emotional distress possible. You can no longer care for yourself. You can’t imagine things getting any worse. Contact a crisis line immediately.

[tipstricksandfidgets]

If you're trying to explain or talk about something and are getting frustrated, anxious, or tongue-tied, one trick is to say "I need to figure out how best to articulate/explain this." This can buy you some time to think or calm down while giving the impression that you have an entire argument or explanation laid out and just need to figure out the best way to explain it to them.

[drumshoww]

I love this mental health app I found years ago!

My first therapist showed me this awesome app in 2013. I used it for a while but ended up getting a new phone and forgetting about it, but recently i downloaded it again and it’s really helpful!

From what I’ve heard, it was originally created for veterans with PTSD, but it’s honestly a great app for anyone who struggles with any type of anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, self harm, etc.

So it’s called the “Virtual Hope Box”. The app looks like this:

It has many different helpful sections. First off, there’s the “Remind Me” section. Literally just open the app and tap “Remind Me”.

It will bring you to a page where you can upload music, photos, videos, and audio recordings that are uplifting to you.

Next there’s the “Distract Me” page, which is literally just puzzles to distract yourself if that’s what you need in the moment. (My favorite is Mahjong)

Then there’s the “Inspire Me” section. It’s full of quotes to inspire you, but I personally found that the majority of them didn’t connect to me. So there is a way to delete them, manage them, favorite them, and add your own quotes.

Tap “Inspire Me”, then tap on the three dots in the upper right hand corner, and theres different options.

You can remove quotes and add them, which I did a lot of personally.

So then there’s “Relax Me”. There’s guided meditations, muscle relaxation, and at the top there’s controlled breathing. 

Controlled Breathing is my favorite option, but you have to edit the settings to match what will help you. I reccomend trying 3-3 breathing (breathe in 3 slow counts, hold 3 slow counts, let out as slow as possible.) When you edit your settings, try keeping that one in mind. These are my personal settings, but of course do whatever works best for you.

Lastly there’s the “Coping Tools” page. This is literally a place for your coping skills! I love this because in the moment its so hard to think of your coping skills, so it’s really helpful to have them all organized here.

You can add your problem, the emotions or symptoms associated with it, and as long of a list of coping skills as you’d like. You can always go back and edit them to add more later.

Here’s my example (:

ANYWAYS, I just think y’all should check it out because it’s been so helpful to me and I love how organized it is.

Google Play | App Store

[fogblogger]

A tip for making pill taking easier: Capsules float, regular pills do not. For capsules, put your head down and swallow. For pills, toss it back

[chronicillnessproblems]

I don’t know if this is helpful to anyone else, but in addition sometimes it’s easier to swallow pills in something other than water. When my dysphagia is really bad after surgeries they always have me swallow pills in jello or applesauce, so that might be helpful in general if you have difficulty swallowing pills.

[thefibrodiaries]

fizzy drinks help me take some of my pills (usually the ones that taste bad or the larger ones) and then drinking lots of water after taking them so you don’t feel like they’re getting stuck.

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

For me, it helps to a) take the sip of water before I put the pill in so it never touches my lips/tongue, and b) if I’m having a hard time once the pill and water are in my mouth, swish the mouthful forward then back. Also, if you have the pill in your mouth but you feel like you’re going to gag and can’t swallow it, swish the pill so it’s in front of your teeth. Now you can swallow the water and spit out the pill without making a mess.

[palpablenotion]

If it’s a bad tasting pill (a lot of uncoated pills taste terrible for instance) you can take a sip of something (probably better to be flavored) and toss the pill back and swallow. Learned this after three days of everything tasting so awful when I was on methylprednisone which the pharmacist claimed didn’t cause bad taste in mouth but a dozen forums agreed.

[tipstricksandfidgets]

How to Refuse a Social Gathering if it Makes You Uncomfortable to Say No

Particularly for people with anxiety, it can be uncomfortable to have to flat-out say no to offers for social gatherings. On the other hand, the social gatherings themselves may cause high hevels of anxiety, leaving you in a bind. Here are so ways to refuse a social gathering without just saying no (if it makes you more comfortable, any of these can be prefaced with “sorry”):

General Invitations

I have things/chores/work that I need to get done.

My parent/sibling/friend asked me to call around then so we can catch up.

I have to get home to my parent/sibling/roommate/SO.

My parent/sibling/friend/roommate/SO needs help with something.

It’s inconvenient/difficult for me to get there/do that.

I’m tired/have a headache/am feeling under the weather.

Invitations for a meal

I’m not into that kind of food.

I already have food purchased/planned/prepared.

I’m trying not to eat out this week.

Invitations for a group outing

I don’t like/am not comfortable in crowds.

I’m not into loud noises/spaces.

I’d rather spend time with just you at another time.

[babyzoloft-blog]

How do you (“how does one”) shop for a therapist?

Can you call up a therapist and be like “hi, I’m therapist shopping”? Can you schedule an appointment with a therapist and then be like “actually I have some questions and I want to spend part of this appointment talking about your practice and whether or not it is garbage?”? Are you expected to phone interview/screen your therapists if you are shopping around for a therapist?

If you’re seeing one therapist are you supposed to/not supposed to tell them if you start seeing another therapist? Is it possible to cheat on your therapist?

[triflesandparsnips]

I know this one! Or, at least, I know a way to do it, because I’ve done it.

1) When you call them up (or email them, which I prefer, because PHONE, EW), you ask if they’re taking new patients.

2) If they say yes, say something along the lines of “Great! I’m looking for a new therapist. Would it be possible for me to schedule an appointment so we can see whether we’d be a good fit for one another?”

IF THEY SAY NO, THEY DON’T DO ‘INTERVIEWS’: they’re a dick, you don’t want them anyway, don’t bother to make an appointment

3) Assuming everything is a go, head over to the appointment. Bring your notebook, pen, and questions. Also, if possible, have a very brief rundown prepared of what you’d like to accomplish with your therapy (or even what you think your biggest issues are).

4) Introduce yourself. Reiterate that you want to see if the two of you would be a good fit, so [a nice little social laugh or smile here, while holding up your notebook] you brought questions.

IF THEY DON’T LIKE THAT: they’re a dick, you don’t want them anyway, cut the meeting short

5) Give the rundown of what you want, what your issues are, whatever. See how they react.

IF YOU FEEL WEIRD AT ALL ABOUT THEM: they may not be a dick, but if you don’t feel comfortable with them, then it’s going to be a shit therapeutic relationship

6) Ask your questions — about their therapeutic approach, why they entered the field, whether they feel comfortable working with *your* needs (I, for instance, specifically told my awesome therapist that I needed her to tell me absolutely nothing about her personal life or experiences — as much as possible, I needed a blank wall to bounce things off of. It’s been years now, and I THINK she’s seen at least a couple of episodes of Doctor Who. I THINK. That’s all I’ve got. It’s amazing).

AGAIN, IF YOU FEEL WEIRD ABOUT THEM: go with your gut — your therapy is not the time or place to try and soldier through

7) By this point, you’ve probably hit the 45 minute mark, and you’ll know if you want to see this person again.

IF YES, say that this was a really great meeting, and you’d like to set up a regular appointment.

IF NO, say “Thanks for meeting with me.” If it wasn’t too terrible, feel free to add in whatever social niceties you want to lessen the blow (“I have appointments with a few other people, still, but thank you again!”), or you could just skedaddle as soon as possible.

IF YOU’RE NOT SURE, go a bit heavier with the social nicety: “I still have appointments with a few other people, but I really enjoyed our meeting. I’ll let you know as soon as possible if I’d like to schedule another one. Thanks again!”

Regarding current therapists: If they’re toxic, get rid of ‘em before you even start interviewing others. Nobody needs that kind of garbage. Otherwise, you could keep seeing them while you interview others, and then the second you find one you like (and you schedule your next appointment), get rid of your current one. You don’t have to say why — just say that you’d like to cancel future appointments. Do it over email, if you want. If you like them, you can tell them that you just need something different now, but that you “really appreciate all the work we’ve done together” or something. If you don’t like them, just cancel. They don’t need to know jack.

IF YOUR CURRENT THERAPIST SAYS SHIT ABOUT YOUR LEAVING — and I mean anything other than a positive hope for you in the future — then they were a dick and you were right to find someone else. Who needs passive-aggressive bullshit from a therapist? Nobody, that’s who.

So that’s my philosophy/style with regard to therapist shopping — I may be completely wrong, but it’s worked for me so far. Good luck!

[castironjackelope]

This is really good advice

[theartoftransliness]

Yes, very good advice!

[unapologetically-human]

Something that really helps me when I get triggered is asking myself the following questions:

1. What just happened that triggered me?

2. What emotions am I feeling? 

3. (If you get an urge to use a behavior) Will using the behavior solve whatever problem/situation that just triggered me? (The answer is pretty much always no)

How will using a behavior make me feel afterward?

How will it affect the rest of my week?

4. What do I need right now?

Do I need comfort? A sense of control? Attention and acknowledgment? Affection? Reassurance? Safety? Support? An escape? To feel seen and heard? A way to quiet my negative thoughts? To have my feelings validated?

5. Is there a healthy, non self-destructive way I can get those needs met?

6. Is their a coping mechanism I can use right now to take care of myself?

Can I journal? Watch youtube videos or a movie to distract myself? Doodle or draw out my feelings? Color in a coloring book? Knit? Play with silly puddy or play doe? Cuddle with my cat? Curl up under my covers and listen to calming music? Rip paper or throw ice? Look at pictures online that make me smile and laugh? Go to sleep? Go on a walk? Write out a dialogue to challenge my negative thoughts? Take a bath? Light a candle? Meditate and do deep breathing?

7. Is there someone I can call/text/reach out to to get me through this?

(Maybe you could make a 911 list of phone numbers that you can use in the moment for support when you feel triggered)

8. Is there somewhere else I can go that will help me feel safe and calm myself down?

Your bed? The beach? A park you love? A bookstore? The house of a friend or family member? A coffee shop? Your favorite store? 

9. What would I tell a friend or loved one to do to take care of themselves/challenge the negative thoughts that are coming up, if they were in my position?

10. Have I been triggered by this before? 

What have I done in the past to cope that hasn’t worked?

What have I done in the past to cope that has worked?

Can I do whatever I did in the past that worked to take care of myself right now, in this moment?

It also might be helpful to develop your own self-care mantra.

Part of what makes triggers so uncomfortable and scary for me personally is that, in the moment, they feel like they’re going to last forever. But they don’t. They always pass eventually. That said, my mantra is about reminding myself that the painful feelings are going to pass. I usually say something to myself like:

“Breathe. You’re going to be okay. Keep breathing. Again and again. I know it hurts. I know you’re so uncomfortable. But you have to keep breathing. This will pass. Remember all of the times you’ve felt this way before and how each time, it eventually subsided and you found peace. Not immediately. Sometimes it took an hour or two hours or a few days or even a week, but the discomfort always passed in it’s own time. No is no different. You can get through this. Breathe. This will pass. I promise it will pass.”

I know that dealing with triggers can be so, so difficult, especially when they can’t be avoided. So if you try some of these things, or any sort of positive coping mechanism, and it doesn’t work, please, please don’t think that you’re a failure at recovery/healing. 

Taking care of yourself when you’ve been triggered is difficult and it takes time to get to a place where you can do it effectively. So be patient and compassionate with yourself through this process. You’re going to do the best you can to cope with painful situations and triggering people, and at the end of the day, that’s all you can ask of yourself. 

Your best is enough. And no matter how much you struggle with taking care of yourself and avoiding self-destructive thought-patterns and behaviors, you are enough.

Sending love,

Daniell

[lierdumoa]

To my friends on the spectrum, let me explain to you an unspoken social rule that possibly nobody has ever explained to you before

If a neurotypical asks you, “What game are you playing?” they’re not asking you to describe the game.

They’re asking you if they can play too.

If a neurotypical asks you, “What are you watching?” they’re not asking you to explain the plot of the movie/tv show to them.

They’re asking if they can watch it with you.

.

When neurotypicals ask you “What are you doing?” 

What you think they’re asking: “Please explain to me what you are doing.” 

What they’re actually asking:  “Can I join you?”

Now here’s the really fucked up part. If you start explaining to them what you’re doing? They will interpret that as a rejection. 

What you think you’re saying: [the answer to their question]

What they think you’re saying: This is an elite and exclusive activity for a level 5 friend and you are a level 1 acquaintance. You are not qualified to join me because you don’t know all this stuff. Go away.

.

This is why neurotypicals think you’re being cold and antisocial.

IT’S ALL A HORRIBLE MISCOMMUNICATION.

[bonehandledknife]

I didn’t realize, even thought it took me almost three decades to learn this, that this was such a paradigm changing realization until we had our conversation today.

But it really really is. One of the most bewildering realizations I’ve had is most people don’t talk to learn things unless its related to work or directly towards their own hobbies, all the words and questions are bonding questions if done socially. They are “lets make friends” questions.

So if I answer their question without an opportunity for the person asking the question to give a response or to join in somehow, the asker feels alienated and starts shutting down.

Example: what are you reading?

True answer but not what they’re looking for: Title of book

Best answer for social scenarios where I want to retain/create friendship: This book is about x and y but it has z that i know u have an interest in too.

Example: what are you doing?

True answer but not: drawing

Best answer for friends: I’m drawing but would u like company while I’m working?

And sometimes frankly I’m not in a headspace where I can process people so the answer is something like, “I would like to do something in a day or later, do you want to plan something?”

Tldr: communication is wierd

[survivablyso]

HOLY

SHIT

that explains so fucking much thank you

(why the fuck do neurotypicals never just day what they mean ie hey this show looks cool mind if I join you)

[bonehandledknife]

Further annoying?

They don’t realize that’s what they’re asking and they just feel rejected and go away. So you can’t even ask them what you did wrong because they can’t even put a finger on why they feel the way they do they just know you made them feel bad for some undefined reason.

[cur10uscr0w]

Note, this happens a lot in english speaking cultures because our cultures tend to be low context. That is to say, we are trained from birth (or at least the average, neurotypical is) to state the obvious and ask questions with obvious answers to encourage socializing. In low context cultures, relationships are fast and loose, so opening up opportunities to socialize is vital.

When it’s cold outside and someone is standing at a bus stop, if they shiver, a lot of people with mimic it and comment “Brr, it’s cold outside, isn’t it?” Obviously both people are aware it’s cold, but we’ve been conditioned to behave this way. It allows a quick interaction with a stranger or someone you don’t know very well, which may turn into more socializing (maybe even a friendship! who knows).

Now, low context communication tends to be rule heavy, which is where you get the break in communication. One of the accepted parts of neurodivergency is that the brain doesn’t interpret the world the same as a neurotypical brain does. “Social questioning being for making friends” is a rule that is commonly accepted among most nueroypical, low context people, but that rule falls flat when the other person isn’t in on the rule. “What book are you reading?” is reflected upon as “I’m too lazy to read the book cover right in front of me” rather than “hey, I’m giving you a chance to express opinions!” (which is one of the most important parts of low context communication).

I would be willing to bet that high context cultures have very different breaks between neurotypicals and neurodivergent people.

[bonehandledknife]

This is too cool! Which cultures are high context if I may ask?

[kedreeva]

I can’t answer what cultures are high context, but I would like to add an answer to “why don’t neurotypicals just say what they mean?” and that answer is; because society trains folks not to.

In a situation where someone asks “what are you doing?” the intention behind the words may certainly be “may I join you” but asking outright places the asked person in a position of having to reject them outright (which may be seen as rude or may be hard to do as some people have a very difficult time saying ‘no’ due to other societal structures) or accept the offer outright (which they might be doing because they actually want you to join, or they might be doing because they don’t want to be rude, and given the current state of societal norms, there’s not a good way to tell without asking outright).

So instead, culture and society have taught neurotypicals that it is more polite to ask “what are you doing?” as a sideways approach to requesting interaction. Saying “no” to this question isn’t possible, nor is saying yes. Instead, a combination of body language and verbal response types are used to either shut down or invite further interaction, with less pressure on the person being asked. It’s the equivalent of wanting to come over to someone’s house but not wanting to invite yourself over (because it’s not your space/activity, and you aren’t sure of your welcome).

It is also a way for folks to save time and to have an out, which seems weird, but let me explain. If someone asks “may I join you” and you say “yes” then the chances are good that their next question will be along the lines of “what are you doing?” However, on the off chance that you are doing something that they don’t actually want to be doing, asking “what are you doing?” first, means that they haven’t just requested your company and then realized this was not what they wanted- for various reasons.

Let’s say someone is reading a book, and they don’t mind someone being there, but they are also not going to stop reading their book. Sometimes, I want to sit around my friends while they read books. Sometimes, I want to find something else to do. Sometimes I make them read their book out loud to me because I am a pain in the ass. The point is, neurotypicals may be asking this both to gauge their welcome AND to find out how the other person is engaging in the activity, to determine what to do next without having committed to anything outright.

It is unnecessarily complex and nuanced and it should be as easy as asking things outright but for a lot of weird reasons, it’s been normalized not to be that easy.

So, I just wanted to say, I guess, that if a NT asks you this type of question, the easiest answer (assuming you don’t mind them joining you) is “You are welcome to join me if you want, I am doing X.” That gives you the chance to answer their literal question by explaining what you are doing (which will open conversation), while giving them the invitation they were hoping for but didn’t want to be rude about requesting. Or, if you do not want them to join you- “I am doing X, but I would prefer to do it alone/maybe we can do something together when I’m done.”

[angelrom]

How to deal with anxiety attack! 7 ways & tips:

1. understand the anxiety - be aware that panic attacks are not dangerous    and can’t harm you. It doesn’t mean you’re crazy, no matter how it feels to you! 

2. remind to yourself - during a panic attack, the emergency systems of the body come into play unnecessarily - even though you feel like you’re going to pass out, it will not happen; You will not have a heart attack; you are not gonna do anything crazy, you are not gonna lose control.                                             Reminding yourself of these things can reduce the frightening feeling of panic or anxiety attack.

3. breath, breath and breath! - Sit down and take several slow, deep breaths. Pretend your stomach is a balloon and inflate it to gigantic proportions. Try to aim for (get air inside) for at least 4 seconds through the nose and exhale at least another 4 (deflate), through pursed lips, as if you’re whistling. Continue this for a few minutes, when you try as relax your muscles consciously.

4. slow everything down - When you are in a panic, your body, your thoughts, yout emotions - literally anything - accelerating rapidly and you feel out of control.                                                                                                       Slow down your breathing, slow down your thoughts, your entire body.

5. go for a walk! - Walking can help you “burn” some of the excess adrenaline released into when you become anxious. Talking with others can lift your spirits and refocus your energies.

6. Avoid smoking and drinking less coffee - stimulants such as cigarettes and coffee, and for drugs with a stimulating effect, may increase the chances of panic attacks in people who have hypersensitivity.

7. relax - do some yoga, exercise, take a bath, read a book, listen to music, draw, paint or anything alse that makes you feel calm and safe!

[tipstricksandfidgets]

Dealing with depressive episodes/motivation loss/lack of energy this summer

If you’re in a warm room for a long period of time, go somewhere cooler. If you have and have control over an AC, turn it on/up. If not, open a fridge and stick your head in.

If you can, walk around a bit. If it’s not too miserable outside, go there. You don’t have to go anywhere; even just a walk around the block can help. If not, walk around your house/apartment, down the hall, etc.

If you haven’t had anything to eat but can’t get yourself to eat, try to drink something cold with sugar and, if possible, electrolytes.

If you can eat and have access to vegetables, maybe eat some raw vegetables. You’ll need to get protein eventually, but in the short term even doing something like eating some raw carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes, etc. will give you some calories without heating you up or weighing you down.

If the water you’re drinking is getting warm, get up and get some cool water. If you have ice, stick some in. If you don’t have ice but have frozen fruit, you can stick that in.

If you feel overheated, take a cool shower. Even if you don’t wash yourself off, wash your hair, shave, etc., it can make you feel better.

If your clothing is drenched in sweat, change. At the very least, change one piece of it.

If your face is covered in sweat, wipe it off with a tissue. If you’re wearing makeup that’s running, wash it off with a makeup wipe. If you have some, use face wash. It’ll give you the feeling of being refreshed without having to shower.

[tipstricksandfidgets]

Are dog toys safe to chew on?

I honestly don’t know. You can try asking @safechewablethings - they might have an answer. If you just want a safe, cheap thing to chew on, Wal-Mart has some round teething necklaces that are pretty good. You can find it at this link for about $3 - they usually have them in store too. I have one. I’d go for baby toys over dog toys, if only for the taste (we’re much more sensitive to taste than dogs so they make sure our toys at least don’t taste terrible)

Admin palp

[shithowdy]

real adult™ tip from a real adult™ with executive dysfunction

do stuff while waiting for other stuff

like that sounds intuitive and vague but so much of the day is spent in a period of wait and if you struggle to motivate yourself to do things then this is the best time

waiting for your water to boil? bag up your garbage. waiting for your coffee to drip? wipe down your counters. roommate taking up the bathroom? scoop the cat box. waiting for your food to cook in the microwave? do however many dishes you can while it’s in there. 

waiting is the perfect time to do a limited amount of something for yourself where you would be otherwise just standing around doing fuck-all

[maddiebiscuits]

THIS IS REALLY HELPFUL!

[vaspider]

I actually turn this into a game!

“How many chores can I do while the water is boiling for my tea?”

“Can I put away the dishes and wipe the counters before my lunch finishes reheating?”

“Can I sweep the floor AND change the laundry while the dogs are out back?”

You can totally do this! If you make it like a game, also, you will get better at it, and you can be like ‘yes, now I put away the dishes AND wiped out the sink before my water boiled, I am a level 2 Adult!’

[gobsthegoblin]

self care for when you hit rock bottom

i fucking hate self care posts made by neurotypicals so here’s one from someone who Actually Gets It

-can’t shower or take a bath? me either. dry shampoo can make your hair look and feel cleaner, and baby wipes or makeup wipes work great to get the top layer of grime off your skin.

-can’t wash your sheets and make your bed? i feel you. push your blankets out of the way and shake the crumbs off your sheet. it will at least be a bit more comfortable.

-can’t even change out of your dirty pajamas? been there. hit yourself with some febreeze and a lint roller. if you can, brush your hair. if you can’t, hair ties and bobby pins are fantastic.

-can’t make anything to eat? same. if you can, there’s no shame in ordering food. in fact, it’s probably better you eat something rather than go hungry. if you can’t, try and find something that comes pre-made or takes minimal effort to make. at the very least, drink some water.

can’t respond to messages or reach out for help? yeah, i get that. set an alarm for a few hours from now and respond to any messages you need to once you’ve given yourself time to prepare. if they’re Important Messages that need Professional Responses, you can find fill-in-the-blank format rough drafts on google. as far as personal messages go, don’t feel bad for sending a mass “I’m sorry, I’m in a personal emergency right now. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.” response to everyone.

-can’t even sleep because it’s so bad? asmr videos always knock me out, personally, but i also watch a lot of bob ross. just try to find something quiet and soothing to use as background noise and take your mind off it, or at least give you a more peaceful environment to think about it.

-can’t go for a walk/drive? try opening the blinds or curtains. you’re still exposing yourself to the outside world. baby steps. (i also play animal crossing or sims; it may be virtual but fuck it. i went on a walk.)

-can’t go into work/school? let people know. let your coworkers or classmates know it’s an emergency and you can’t make it. give yourself up to two days, but then you have to go back. ask to have your work emailed to you so you know what you missed.

-can’t brush your teeth and wash your face? makeup or baby wipes and gum or mouthwash. don’t let yourself physically rot bc you’re rotting emotionally.

-remember that you’ve been here before. if you survived then you can survive now. that’s what this is about- survival. you don’t have to be living your Best Life. right now, it’s more than enough that you’re alive.

[propitlikeithot]

I’ve said it before but if you can just sit in the sun for like a minute or bring a blanket right outside and lay there until you can go back in or you’re too cold.

Also for school, many schools can allow you extra excused absences if you register with disability services so they don’t mess up your grade.

[tipstricksandfidgets]

Food - if you have a lot of days where you just have zero spoons, get used to having easy to make food so you have it when you just can’t put something together. I started buying hot pockets, keeping a box of 12-15 in my freezer because tossing those in the microwave is so much easier than making a sandwich.

Hair - this one hits me hard. I have a really hard time showering and I live in Flint so now I’m even less likely to because the water. I also have scalp psoriasis which doesn’t help anything ever. If you just can’t shower for whatever reason, but you can’t stand your hair, there’s nothing wrong with just washing that. It can be a lot easier to just shove your head under a facet, shampoo it, maybe condition the ends if you have it in you. If you can’t handle even this, try massaging water directly into your scalp, especially the part of your hair. That can also help.

Ironically, I don’t have the spoons to finish this, but I might add more later.

-mod palp

[tipstricksandfidgets]

Keep a water bottle next to you. Mine generally sits on my floor next to the bed. It holds more water than a cup and doesn’t get dusty if you leave it for a long period of time. If you tend to get low blood sugar but can’t make yourself eat, have a second drink with sugar in it near you. If you don’t put anything but water in your water bottle, you can go longer without needing to wash it. If you’re okay with dealing with someone else, ask someone to check on you or bring you food/water/something that you need. They may not be able to do it immediately, but sometimes human interaction can help a lot. If you don’t have a microwave, try to have things that don’t need to be heated up. Rotisserie chicken is surprisingly not-terrible cold. Vegetables that don’t need to be cooked or cut up can be a good option, if you can get them. Keep bland crackers nearby for when food with flavor is too much to deal with. If you’re living in your pajamas, try to change them (or at least your pajama shirt) at least once a week. Sometimes just being in a clean shirt can feel so much better. Keep tissues nearby. They’re unbelievably useful, including for scrubbing off your teeth if they feel gross but you don’t have the spoons to clean them. –Admin (mod?) E

[sachesky]

Keeping water bottle near you is very important. Keep a big one if you have too, because you don’t need to get up a lot to refill.

Another thing is keeping cash money with you enough for a week at least, so if you get food delivery, you always have money.

Snacks, something sweet, or even fitness bar will be helpful too. Sweet things will at least give you energy somewhat, and so is fitness bar. I mean, everything would taste like cardboard anyway, so awful healthy bar won’t make any difference to your tongue. Also, you don’t have to microwave that shit. Just put them near water bottle by your bed.

Banana or apples are good to keep, they’re not difficult to eat and you can just lie on your bed absent-mindedly eating. Also keep pasta and its instant sauce or some shit when you can get up for awhile to cook something easy.

RAMEN CUPS. Always have them in your place.

You can use alarms to remind you to eat and drink water. Even if you don’t get up in the end, at least it would give some semblance how much time passed.

Use a dimming light apps for your phone to ease the strain of your eyes.

Open the curtain, or more like, don’t close the curtain ever but put a sheer fabric to cover it up instead. So you can see the sun or at least know what time is it.

Air freshener will cover weird smell of your place. Find a calming scene to make you feel a bit lighter.

[tipstricksandfidgets]

I like this addition so I’m reblogging again.

Get used to keeping wet-naps/wet wipes in your bathroom. It’s important, especially for women, to keep things at least a little fresh down there. Get a large supply of underwear so if you end up not having the energy to change daily, you can, if needed, change your underpants. That can really affect how you feel too.

If you can’t have a large supply of underwear for whatever reason, or didn’t end up doing laundry (which is very understandable), you can put pads/sanitary napkins in your underwear and change those out at least daily.

I like chocolate covered peanuts for a little pick me up - the chocolate can raise your serotonin levels and peanuts are a great energy boost. Maybe buy bagged popcorn and keep that on hand, or microwave some when you can - it can last quite a while (bag up popcorn you pop yourself so it doesn’t get stale too fast) and it’s a pretty good snack. Beef jerky/slim jims aren’t necessarily healthy but it’s protein and can sit there for a while. I have a container of oyster crackers that I usually have on hand. They’re cheap, easy to eat, settle the stomach.

If you have a microwave, get those containers you can microwave ramen or mac and cheese. You can even get a tray to microwave eggs, but I have no idea how that works. I know you don’t always have energy to even microwave, but sometimes you have energy to do that but not full out cook. Apparently egg beaters, if you stir it half way through, aren’t terribly bad. You can throw some shredded cheese and bacon bits in it and you have a very easy to make meal.

We’ll probably add more to this as our admins think of more things but ultimately we’ll be organizing this into an easier to navigate post. If you have any tips/suggestions, we’ll add it in.

Admin palp

[gobsthegoblin]

self care for when you hit rock bottom

i fucking hate self care posts made by neurotypicals so here’s one from someone who Actually Gets It

-can’t shower or take a bath? me either. dry shampoo can make your hair look and feel cleaner, and baby wipes or makeup wipes work great to get the top layer of grime off your skin.

-can’t wash your sheets and make your bed? i feel you. push your blankets out of the way and shake the crumbs off your sheet. it will at least be a bit more comfortable.

-can’t even change out of your dirty pajamas? been there. hit yourself with some febreeze and a lint roller. if you can, brush your hair. if you can’t, hair ties and bobby pins are fantastic.

-can’t make anything to eat? same. if you can, there’s no shame in ordering food. in fact, it’s probably better you eat something rather than go hungry. if you can’t, try and find something that comes pre-made or takes minimal effort to make. at the very least, drink some water.

can’t respond to messages or reach out for help? yeah, i get that. set an alarm for a few hours from now and respond to any messages you need to once you’ve given yourself time to prepare. if they’re Important Messages that need Professional Responses, you can find fill-in-the-blank format rough drafts on google. as far as personal messages go, don’t feel bad for sending a mass “I’m sorry, I’m in a personal emergency right now. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.” response to everyone.

-can’t even sleep because it’s so bad? asmr videos always knock me out, personally, but i also watch a lot of bob ross. just try to find something quiet and soothing to use as background noise and take your mind off it, or at least give you a more peaceful environment to think about it.

-can’t go for a walk/drive? try opening the blinds or curtains. you’re still exposing yourself to the outside world. baby steps. (i also play animal crossing or sims; it may be virtual but fuck it. i went on a walk.)

-can’t go into work/school? let people know. let your coworkers or classmates know it’s an emergency and you can’t make it. give yourself up to two days, but then you have to go back. ask to have your work emailed to you so you know what you missed.

-can’t brush your teeth and wash your face? makeup or baby wipes and gum or mouthwash. don’t let yourself physically rot bc you’re rotting emotionally.

-remember that you’ve been here before. if you survived then you can survive now. that’s what this is about- survival. you don’t have to be living your Best Life. right now, it’s more than enough that you’re alive.

[propitlikeithot]

I’ve said it before but if you can just sit in the sun for like a minute or bring a blanket right outside and lay there until you can go back in or you’re too cold.

Also for school, many schools can allow you extra excused absences if you register with disability services so they don’t mess up your grade.

[tipstricksandfidgets]

Food - if you have a lot of days where you just have zero spoons, get used to having easy to make food so you have it when you just can’t put something together. I started buying hot pockets, keeping a box of 12-15 in my freezer because tossing those in the microwave is so much easier than making a sandwich.

Hair - this one hits me hard. I have a really hard time showering and I live in Flint so now I’m even less likely to because the water. I also have scalp psoriasis which doesn’t help anything ever. If you just can’t shower for whatever reason, but you can’t stand your hair, there’s nothing wrong with just washing that. It can be a lot easier to just shove your head under a facet, shampoo it, maybe condition the ends if you have it in you. If you can’t handle even this, try massaging water directly into your scalp, especially the part of your hair. That can also help.

Ironically, I don’t have the spoons to finish this, but I might add more later.

-mod palp

[tipstricksandfidgets]

Keep a water bottle next to you. Mine generally sits on my floor next to the bed. It holds more water than a cup and doesn't get dusty if you leave it for a long period of time. If you tend to get low blood sugar but can't make yourself eat, have a second drink with sugar in it near you. If you don't put anything but water in your water bottle, you can go longer without needing to wash it. If you're okay with dealing with someone else, ask someone to check on you or bring you food/water/something that you need. They may not be able to do it immediately, but sometimes human interaction can help a lot. If you don't have a microwave, try to have things that don't need to be heated up. Rotisserie chicken is surprisingly not-terrible cold. Vegetables that don't need to be cooked or cut up can be a good option, if you can get them. Keep bland crackers nearby for when food with flavor is too much to deal with. If you're living in your pajamas, try to change them (or at least your pajama shirt) at least once a week. Sometimes just being in a clean shirt can feel so much better. Keep tissues nearby. They're unbelievably useful, including for scrubbing off your teeth if they feel gross but you don't have the spoons to clean them. --Admin (mod?) E

[gobsthegoblin]

self care for when you hit rock bottom

i fucking hate self care posts made by neurotypicals so here’s one from someone who Actually Gets It

-can’t shower or take a bath? me either. dry shampoo can make your hair look and feel cleaner, and baby wipes or makeup wipes work great to get the top layer of grime off your skin.

-can’t wash your sheets and make your bed? i feel you. push your blankets out of the way and shake the crumbs off your sheet. it will at least be a bit more comfortable.

-can’t even change out of your dirty pajamas? been there. hit yourself with some febreeze and a lint roller. if you can, brush your hair. if you can’t, hair ties and bobby pins are fantastic.

-can’t make anything to eat? same. if you can, there’s no shame in ordering food. in fact, it’s probably better you eat something rather than go hungry. if you can’t, try and find something that comes pre-made or takes minimal effort to make. at the very least, drink some water.

can’t respond to messages or reach out for help? yeah, i get that. set an alarm for a few hours from now and respond to any messages you need to once you’ve given yourself time to prepare. if they’re Important Messages that need Professional Responses, you can find fill-in-the-blank format rough drafts on google. as far as personal messages go, don’t feel bad for sending a mass “I’m sorry, I’m in a personal emergency right now. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.” response to everyone.

-can’t even sleep because it’s so bad? asmr videos always knock me out, personally, but i also watch a lot of bob ross. just try to find something quiet and soothing to use as background noise and take your mind off it, or at least give you a more peaceful environment to think about it.

-can’t go for a walk/drive? try opening the blinds or curtains. you’re still exposing yourself to the outside world. baby steps. (i also play animal crossing or sims; it may be virtual but fuck it. i went on a walk.)

-can’t go into work/school? let people know. let your coworkers or classmates know it’s an emergency and you can’t make it. give yourself up to two days, but then you have to go back. ask to have your work emailed to you so you know what you missed.

-can’t brush your teeth and wash your face? makeup or baby wipes and gum or mouthwash. don’t let yourself physically rot bc you’re rotting emotionally.

-remember that you’ve been here before. if you survived then you can survive now. that’s what this is about- survival. you don’t have to be living your Best Life. right now, it’s more than enough that you’re alive.

[propitlikeithot]

I’ve said it before but if you can just sit in the sun for like a minute or bring a blanket right outside and lay there until you can go back in or you’re too cold.

Also for school, many schools can allow you extra excused absences if you register with disability services so they don’t mess up your grade.

[tipstricksandfidgets]

Food - if you have a lot of days where you just have zero spoons, get used to having easy to make food so you have it when you just can’t put something together. I started buying hot pockets, keeping a box of 12-15 in my freezer because tossing those in the microwave is so much easier than making a sandwich.

Hair - this one hits me hard. I have a really hard time showering and I live in Flint so now I’m even less likely to because the water. I also have scalp psoriasis which doesn’t help anything ever. If you just can’t shower for whatever reason, but you can’t stand your hair, there’s nothing wrong with just washing that. It can be a lot easier to just shove your head under a facet, shampoo it, maybe condition the ends if you have it in you. If you can’t handle even this, try massaging water directly into your scalp, especially the part of your hair. That can also help.

Ironically, I don’t have the spoons to finish this, but I might add more later.

-mod palp

[tipstricksandfidgets]

Dealing with Other People’s Triggers

I’ve been friends with a person with PTSD for four years, having lived (more or less) with her for about eighteen months of that. With input from her, I’ve put together this list of tips and things to think about when dealing with someone else’s triggers.

Offer to talk about it. Depending on the person’s situation, their home life, and their access to therapy or other forms of counseling, they may not have anybody to talk to about their triggers, and so offering a listening and non-judgmental ear can be helpful. At the same time, only offer if you have the capability of dealing with what they will be talking about. Nothing is worse than having to comfort the person who is supposed to be comforting you.

Don’t push. The person may not want to talk about their triggers, and you have to respect that, because talking about it may trigger them, and they know that better than you do. With that, if they are triggered, don’t ask them what did it. They’ll tell you if they want to, but pressuring someone to explain what just triggered them will only make things worse. You can ask them if they’re okay or if there’s something you can do to help, but, particularly if they are in the middle of or just coming out of a panic attack, they may not be able to articulate that to you, in which case, just leave them alone.

Remember that triggers aren’t all visual. Triggers can take all sorts of forms, from images to words/phrases/descriptions to video to audio to certain kinds of touch or movement. Some people may be triggered by a hand being raised at their face but be fine with explicit physical violence in movies, while others may not be able to deal with reading certain words or phrases.

Remember that triggers can be very specific. My friend is triggered by the r word but can deal with the phrase “sexual assault”. What that means for me is that, when I’m talking about sexual assault-related things with her, I make sure to avoid the r word—as well as descriptions, etc.—and that’s usually enough. For other people, any mention may trigger them, or a mention may not but a description would. Ask the person what the boundaries are. Don’t assume.

Remember that triggers can change. The person may tell you that they have a new trigger or a new boundary. It’s not them being fickle or having lied to you previously. Triggers change.

Don’t share/hype things that would trigger the person. For myself, I share a lot of articles with my friend, and I always ctrl-f the r word before I send it to her to make sure it doesn’t mention it. If it does and I think she would want to read it anyway, I’ll give her a warning for when and in what context it’s mentioned, so she has the ability to skip it if she wants/needs to. If you love a movie/show/book but know it has the person’s trigger in it, don’t talk to them about how good it is, because at best they’ll feel bad about not being able to watch it and at worst they’ll watch it and be triggered without expecting it.

Don’t get mad if they get triggered. It’s not somebody’s fault if they get triggered, and it’s not something that they control. It may frustrate you or make you feel out of control if someone you care about is panicking and you can’t do anything about it, but the worst thing you can do is get mad at them. If you need to, have your freak out about it later where they can’t see and feel bad about it. You’re allowed to feel that or do that, but don’t put it on them.

If they’re on edge or reacting strongly to innocuous things, they might be triggered. If the person is getting disproportionately angry at little things, crying over what you think is nothing, or having other reactions that you don’t understand, they might have been triggered. Panic doesn’t always go away the moment panic attacks end, and triggering can lead to reactions other than full-blown panic attacks. It may be hard to deal with at the moment, but try as best as you can to stay calm at the time. You can talk to them about it later when they’re calm—because someone else’s mental illness is no excuse for them hurting you—but going off on them at the time will only escalate things.

You will screw up. A few years into knowing my friend—well after I should have known better—I sent her an article without reading it all the way through, and I managed to hit on one of the worst of her triggers. I felt terrible, but putting my guilt on her wasn’t going to solve anything. Instead, I talked to her about how to avoid that happening in the future—at which time she suggested that I tell her what parts to stop and then restart reading an article if there was something like that—and I started using ctrl-f. If you screw up, apologize and figure out how not to do it next time. You might feel terrible, but do not make that about them.

Be proactive. This is probably the most important thing to think about when it comes to someone else’s triggers. If you see something that you know would trigger them, let them know so they can avoid it or at least be prepared. If you see a tool that might help them, send it to them. Give them resources and help without them having to ask for it, so you can make things a little bit easier for them.

Admin E

[tipstricksandfidgets]

Admin Bios

Admin E: I’m a queer soon-to-be grad student with dysthymia and anxiety. While my academic focus is on national security, counter-terrorism, and their presentation in media, I also do jujutsu, write, knit, and bake. Dating profile done with, I’ll also add that, having spent the vast majority of my life with dysthymia/double depression and at least all of my adult life with anxiety, I know about both living with mental illness on a long-term/indefinite basis and coping both with and without access to therapy or counseling.

Admin palp: I’m a proud autistic aroace demigirl with adhd and a passion for normalizing “mental illness” and all things related - the stigma keeps us from so much, let’s work together to remove that stigma! I deal with anxiety and depression on the regular and have a pretty severe auditory processing disorder. I have a long line of mental illness on both sides of the family. Many of the issues I might talk about comes from first hand experience or being a caregiver to my father, who also has many of the same issues - because of that, I can sometimes see things from both sides.