Happy pride Black aros! Remember that all you need to do is exist, be yourself unapologetically, simply that helps in changing our world. Be regular, be flashy! Be social, be alone! Have amazing sex, be proud in your sexual aversion! Pride is not just a time of advocacy but self discovery, acceptance and joy. Be proud and love your culture down, know you’re not alone. Black aromanticism is so necessary, and all you need to do is be you.
equinox here! i wanted to make a masterpost for my zines! if you haven't checked them out already, we write zines about queer history with some resources and statistics within, as well as anecdotes from my 32 years being a genderqueer transsexual butch dyke. i am also intersex and speak about my experience with medical intersexism and prejudice toward androgynous and gender vague people.
if you are interested, the help would go a long way, as i deal with psoriatic arthritis, hypermobile ehlers danlos syndrome, degenerative disc disease, GI issues, schizophrenia, DID and other health issues. i'm currently applying for disability but it takes quite a while to get approved in the US. all proceeds go towards my monthly rent, bills, and necessities. thank you for your support!
Become a supporter of Equinoxian today! ❤️ Ko-fi lets you support the creators you love with no fees on donations.
Hey italiani!! There's an official ministry of justice referendum to get same sex couples the same rights as heterosexual couple in being actually married and not just "uniti civilmente". This will grant them the same rights in adoption and stepchild adoption.
Of course the big news arent talking about it so the only way to let it circulate is through spreading the info ourselves.
It needs 500k signatures in 3 months and while that alone will not automatically grant equal rights it will be a HUUUGE step forward in italy, lately quite discriminatory politic.
Here's the link to the referendum! Se siete italiani e potete entrare con lo SPID firmate!
If you're not italian, please spread the word as it might reach someone that can sign!
a zine about being loveless. my experiences may not reflect your experiences ect ect. id in alt and under the cut.
cover text: LOVE-LESS a zine.
cover image: a realistic heart sitting next to someone's arm. a string of fate is tied around one of its fingers.
page one text: The shell! Flesh, bound by worldly law, the supposed expression of what lies beneath.
page one image: a frog sitting on its eggs. there are several black circles containing simple hearts pointing out from various creatures, and one empty black circle.
page two text: Within: viscera combed down to an atom's width, pressed against the warmth of a cage
page two image: a flock of sucks. all but one of them have hearts.
page three text: That masquerades as a person as it tries to escape the unyielding pressure
page three image: a collection of plants. all but one of them have hearts.
page four text: Of absolute nothing.
page four image: two birds. only one has a heart.
page five text: The interior of this body holds no organs. They have been mashed to paste
page five image: ants on an anthill. all but one have hearts.
page six text: To make room for dark matter; the heart, superseded by absence.
page six image: four axolotls. one does not have a heart.
page seven text: The exterior of this body reflects no intent.
page seven image: a dog, a cat, and a hawk. the dog does not have a heart.
page eight text: It writes love poems for the simple joy of mocking them; the plain-sight disguise of human skin.
page eight image: the author's self portrait. it does not have a heart.
Highly recommend stepping away rn. Turn on music or a podcast. Do a craft. Vacuum the floor. Play a video game. Observation is not activism, and even activism requires breaks to disengage. I know it feels like you're drowning, and you can't look away from the other bodies in the water, but please allow yourself to come up for breath. I know it feels hard to break away from it all, but for the sake of your mental health, I highly recommend it. You're not betraying any cause by taking care of yourself
het aros and her aces I appreciate you so much and you are a very valuable member of the community if you identify with it. trans hets too!! you're all awesome
[guy who is aromantic voice] sexual attraction just makes more sense than romantic attraction. like ok, you want to fuck someone. this is quantifiable. it is quite easy to grasp what "i want to fuck someone" looks like, even if you have no idea what it feels like. romantic attraction, though? this is a nebulous construct which seems to largely be "glorified friendship with sex" in the popular imagination. what even is the difference between friendship and romance? the line between friendship and sexual attraction, though both can coexist, is that when there's sexual attraction present, you want to fuck someone. the line between friendship and romantic attraction, so far as i can perceive it within a heteronormative, amatonormative framework, is that it is... friendship where you want to fuck someone. what?
[ID: Four panel comic with crudely drawn stick people.
Panel 1: A grayscale person with a t-shirt featuring a flag with red, green, blue and black stripes is dramatically holding their hand out at a different grayscale person.
Ally: "Halt, bigot! On behalf of the RGBA community I question your politeness!"
Grayscale: "The fuck is 'RGBA'? I have reasonable concerns about chromos but what's the A for"
Panel 2: Striking a haughty pose, the ally explains.
"PFHAH. Your ignorance is as expected. The A in RGBA… stands for allies, such as myself."
Panel 3: In the foreground, a person whose outline is shown with a PNG transparency grid rather than a color watches the 'ally' gloat.
Ally: "Tremble at my overwhelming allyship. I respect green people's hexadecimal identification!"
Grayscale: "I'm going to go harass a greenie now, bye."
Panel 4: The achromatic person catches up to the 'ally'.
Achromatic: "…You know the A is for "achromatic", right?"
Ally: "Why are you lecturing me on chromatic issues? You're grayscale."
it's always so hard to explain that I'm aroace because I don't like sex and dating and I don't see anybody and think I Want Them. But like I still say hear me out and shit. I still think people are cool and hot and like I Get It. I just aint tryna GET it. you get it?
You do not have to be a representative for the entire ace and/or aro community. Your individual choices should only matter for what's right for you, you are not obligated to take into account how other people may shallowly perceive them.
Aromantic versions of my two favorite polyamory flags
using this <2 symbol
my own adapted version of the polyamory infinity heart that uses the <2
without symbol, feel free to edit your own! (credit appreciated but not needed)
links below cut
Left side white arrow polyam flag reference: https://www.discoveringpolyamory.com/blog/celebrating-the-new-polyamory-pride-flag
All horizontal line polyam flag reference: https://polyamorytoday.com/polyamory-facts/polyamorous-flag-symbols/
<2 symbol meaning: https://www.reddit.com/r/aromantic/comments/14c8oyc/what_does_2_mean/?rdt=43451 (best i can find. if someone has an op coining post lmk)
<2 i used: https://www.tumblr.com/hemlockpill/767569005092519936?source=share
I remember a LOT of ace content back when I first started engaging with the community was like “Aces aren’t just late bloomers!” “Stop assuming aces will change their minds one day!” “Stop telling them they just need to find the right person!” And I’m not disagreeing with any of that, it’s still rude to tell someone they’re wrong about who they are. I just want to talk about what happens when you do change your mind, because I’m not the only person I know who stopped identifying with asexuality at some point in early adulthood.
Personally, as a teenager I found the ace community extremely helpful and validating. I was so sex repulsed, I was practically terrified of sex. All I had ever heard about sex growing up was that supposedly it was morally reprehensible in all contexts other than marriage, and also because I was AFAB random men I didn’t know would want to have sex with me and could potentially violently assault me to accomplish this. So of course I deeply and unknowingly repressed any and all sexual feelings until I started to be exposed to some sex positivity and slowly began to unlearn almost two decades worth of guilt, shame, and fear. However, at the time all I knew was I didn’t want sex at all, and the asexual community gave me permission to not want sex under any circumstances. Which I desperately needed.
However, once I got older, things got a little weird. I reached a point where I was having feelings that were unmistakably sexual, but I was by no means ready to give up my identity as an asexual person. I had worked so hard to accept and assert my lack of sexual attraction, how could I now confront the possibility that I was no longer what I thought I was? To be fair, the ace community that I participated in was almost as full of “it’s okay to change your mind about your orientation!” as it was of “aces aren’t just late bloomers”, but I’d never met anyone who had identified as ace and changed their mind. Not directly anyway. I didn’t know any stories about what it was like to discover your sexuality after discovering you didn’t have one. I was alone in a whole new way I had never considered before, even though I knew that theoretically this change could happen. I just never thought it would happen to me.
So, I basically just spent a few years in this awkward limbo between asexuality and allosexuality, trying on different ace umbrella terms like grey-ace, demisexual, etc. Not really feeling a connection to any of them, not really feeling a whole lot of sexual attraction either. I’m still kind of in that limbo, and that may or may not change in the next several years. I’ll have to wait and see. I do know that identifying as a lesbian, first as an oriented aroace but increasingly as a possible sexual orientation, has definitely led to some significantly faster-paced developments recently. So maybe I was just gay the entire time (I mean I was gay the entire time anyways, but maybe my lack of interest in sex was actually a lack of interest in sex with men).
I’m interested to hear if anyone else has experience with the transition from aroace to alloaro. Has anyone else discovered that their sex repulsion was fueled by cultural sex negativity and rape apologism? What does this look like from a non-Christian perspective? Anyone assigned male at birth/raised under masculine social expectations have similar or parallel experiences?
As it turns out, I’m still figuring out my relationship to sexuality, but some other, tangential things have become more clear in the years since I made this post.
First of all, I’m not disinterested in sex with men lol. It took me a long time to come to terms with my gender for reasons which deserve their own post, but as a trans man I find myself preferring attention from men who see me as a man. My interest in lesbianism was mostly motivated by my unresolved gender feelings I think. I still resonate strongly with the butch label, but I’m not a lesbian. I’m a gay* man (*I like men a lot but gender is wobbly and “"exceptions”“ happen a lot).
Second of all, I still haven’t decided if I’m ace or not. I can tell I still have a lot of unresolved trauma around the concepts of sex and desire, and I can tell that I would really like to participate in sex and desire in ways I’m not currently capable of. I haven’t decided yet what that means for my orientation, or whether it affects it at all. I consider myself vaguely allosexual for now, but functionally it doesn’t make much difference.
I’m still very grateful to the ace community for providing a nonjudgmental space where I was allowed to be different. I’m really grateful as well for the various spectrum labels that gave me words to express my experiences in more detail, and the demisexual label is still a useful tool that I use frequently for communicating my experiences to others.
I identified as grayace/acespec for at least half a decade before eventually realizing I’m actually allosexual. I always considered myself sex favorable even when I IDed as grayace, and while I am trans, my transness and dysphoria never bothered me in relation to sex.
My issue was that I have pretty much 0 drive to pursue sex/sexual relationships, and for a long time I confused that as my sexual attraction being weak and rare. Turns out I actually experience plenty of strong sexual attraction, and that lack of drive stems from a combo of being deeply introverted and both aromantic and aplatonic (and specifically strictly nonpartnering with no interest in having friends). Pretty hard to seek out a sexual relationship when I don’t want a partner or friends and also have absolutely 0 interest in spending enough time with a stranger or acquaintance to develop that kind of relationship with them.
I was also definitely influenced by the common misconception that if you’re aro you must also be ace. I figured out my aromanticism sometime in 2013 or 2014, and alloaros were nigh unheard of back then. Alloaro wasn’t even a term yet, and despite being incredibly active in online queer communities and especially aspec communities, I don’t remember ever coming across a single space for non-ace aros until like 2020. So that combined with having no desire to actively seek out sex made me think I must obviously be acespec.
My time identifying as acespec and being in ace communities was fine, and I obviously don’t hold any ill will towards ace communities. It’s no one elses fault that I had some stuff to figure out. It was definitely relieving in a way though when I figured out I’m not acespec. My queer identity as a whole made a lot more sense and felt more settled afterward, like taking out that one piece that didn’t quite fit made the whole puzzle finally come together.
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stormborns
