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@robyn_macy aka my sister!!!

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I don't know about you but im feeling 22

Lesson Twenty2: No One Is Wiser Than Taylor Swift

She is afterall, the inspiration for this blog.

Taylor speaks the truth. She is your age and knows what's up. She is a positive role model and her music provides the soundtrack for your generation. She's important for many reasons, mostly because even if she turns out to be a "one-hit wonder," which will obviously never happen, her songs will resonate with you for a lifetime.

Seriously, when you're fifty-three and "We Are Never Getting Back Together" comes on the radio (or the satellite headsphere futuristic mindsound player) you will be instantly transported to your senior year of college when you played that song on repeat. Her music (and all music in general) is like mini brain time capsule. You know, they say that besides your sense of smell, your association with music is closest related to memory...or something like that. I forget.

The larger lesson I want to impart to you is that MUSIC is important. No matter how cheesy or silly or trendy other people may tell you a song or band is, you have a g-d given right to blast that album on repeat for however many times you wish. Music is a gift and people like Taylor are presenting you with these gifts so you can relate and cry and laugh and have real life moments...with your person.

TRUE STORY TIME:

One day in ninth grade I woke up and decided I didn't want to wear a belt. I went to school in my too-tight Gap red shirt and Gap tan khakis (the ones with the embroidered red border on the bottom that I got for my bat mitzvah photo shoot - you know the photo shoot where I sat on top of a super imposed Volkswagon yellow beetle) and proceeded to have a normal day.

Now, I knew I needed a belt. Mostly because these pants were two sizes to big (but man, did they match my shirt like no other), also because whenever I sat down my butt crack showed. See, I couldn't pull my shirt down to cover the crack because it was too-tight.

By the time I got to sixth period I thought I was home safe. It was a double period of Earth Science and I didn't have to get up for a whole 90 minutes. Turns out I was wrong. Kristin Padula (and yes, that is her real name. I'm not scared to call her out), asked me to join her in the hallway during the break in between earth science classes. I was suspicious but secretly hopeful that I would somehow be involved in her baby daddy drama or that she was going to ask me for advice. Well, I was half right.

Kristin asked me some lame question about contact lenses (advice, check) and then randomly led me back into the classroom. Such a letdown. I was waiting for waterworks or at least a false pregnancy. When I returned to my seat I found a folded up flick-a-football-style piece of paper on my desk. Here's what it said..

I was mortified. I crumbled the note up and held back my tears for the remainder of the class. I skipped last period and walked home.

Hysterically crying, I did the only thing a rational 14 year old would do. I blasted Dashboard Confessional from my CD player and wept on my bed. I don't think I've ever cried as hard as I did on that day

Later my BFF Lisa came over and we burned the note and talked about the future. The point of that super sad story was... MUSIC WAS THERE TO HELP. It was the fastest form of therapy I could get my hands on and it genuinely helped. Don't be afraid to let Chris Carrabba gently serenade you to sleep.

REAL TIME LESSON: Songs exist to help you mark the chapters of your life.

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When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose

Lesson Twenty1: Beer Before Wine You're Doing Fine

That's not right, is it?

I know you hate when I lecture you. So I'm not going to do that. Instead, I'm going to educate you and pass on some wisdom I've gained regarding my experience with "liquid courage"... "hooch juice" ..."the hard stuff" ... "moonshine"... "the devil's drink".... you get the point. Let's talk liquor.

Alcohol is a basic part of [social] life. As you are currently in college, you are very much aware of this. Not only does "getting crunked" enhance your night out, it makes socializing a breeze. If you're not having a good time, drink some more and you'll forget about it in the morning! It's great!

Well, I want you to know that while alcohol IS great (and I mean that, no sarcasm implied), what's even better is knowing which alcohol you like and how much your body can consume while still having fun.

Hear me out. College is a time to make mistakes. (As is the entirety of your twenties.) But there's a difference between the two. When you go out to a bar in college, it's almost expected for you to try every shot that comes your way. In fact, it's encouraged!

However, when you get out into the real world, there's nothing cooler than having a signature drink. When someone asks, "What are you drinking?" and you can reply, "Mickey Slim" ... people will think more highly of you.

Booze is a social lubricant; it makes you funnier, prettier, hornier, hungrier, sicker among many other things. It's dangerous and entertaining. It's a blessing...and a curse. Everything involving liquor should be done in moderation (except your twenty first birthday) and when it comes to men and drinks don't feel obligated to sleep with him just because he bought you and your gal pals and round of cosmos. Na-uh. Homey don't play that.

Here are some examples of signature drinks and their reputations, I encourage you to experiment with these and other cocktails. You'll know which one will become your signature in time. Like Olivander says, the drinker doesn't choose the drink, the drink chooses the drinker...or something.

White Russian-

2 ounces Espresso Vodka

1 ounce Kahlua Especial

Fill a rocks glass two-thirds full of ice. Build drink in glass beginning with vodka and then Kahlua. Insert stir straw. To turn this into a White Russian: 1 ounce Vodka, 1 ounce Kahlua, 1 ounce half and half. Build in a rocks glass in the same manner.

What it says: I'm here to party...with the mob. Don't mess with me because I have a very strong boyfriend who has very important friends. I'm off limits.

Gin and Tonic -

Duh

What it says: I'm probably educated and from a good home. I have some money in my wallet but I don't like to spend it. I'm frugal but refined. If you buy me some more gin and tonics I may start rambling with an English accent.

Manhattan (Sweet)-

2-1/2 ounces Bourbon

1 ounce Sweet Vermouth

Bar Spoon of Syrup from Maraschino Cherry Jar

3 Dashes Peychaud’s Bitters

Maraschino Cherry for Garnish

Combine ingredients in a cocktail shaker. Shake well. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with maraschino cherry What it says: I'm really a man.

REAL TIME LESSON: Alcohol can be both friend and foe, choose wisely.

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Oh you can judge all the world on the sparkle that you think it lacks. Yes you can stare into the abyss but it´s staring right back.

Lesson Twenty: Never Leave The House Without an Extra Pair of Underwear and a Toothbrush

Let's Talk About Sex, Baby

Okay, so when Elena had to choose between Damon and Stefan - you know, the time right before the Salvatore brothers were both were about to die- and she chose Stefan, I was so bummed. I was bummed because Stefan is SO boring. Damon is always the more exciting and risky one and most likely better in bed. So there's your lesson, DON'T SETTLE. And don't be boring. Men who are interesting are like that for a reason. Trust your gut and trust your vagina.

That being said, there's also nothing wrong with spending time with a good guy. Take Matt from TVD, for instance. He's a great, good looking, well-to-do caucasian male. He'll provide for you and even let you drink his blood. He's reliable and while not that smart, he'll probably make a great Dad. Good guys are typically rare, not great-looking, gentle and caring in bed and not big risk takers.

When contemplating having sexual relations with anyone, make sure they'll be good to you. There is nothing worse than a guy who is too excited or too inexperienced. You want the whole ordeal to be pleasurable and that means open communication in a sexy whisper voice.

Speak up! Really, when you let the guy know what you like- it's way better. And there's also nothing wrong with asking him how he's doing. "Like this?" is perfectly acceptable. And actually, he'll probably appreciate that you care how he's doing.

Look, I want to be frank. You're 22. You're going to sleep with randos. It's a fact of life. I want you to have fun and live life and get experienced! I just want to make sure part of that time doesn't involve getting the HIV virus.

Use Protection

Use Birth Control

Get Tested

Be Smart

Baby Making Love Music

There is one exception to the real life lesson below, and that is celebrities. When I met Jason Segal he opted to pursue my friend. However, if he had made the move to pursue me, I would have obliged. I'm not saying you should let any old B-list celeb take your v-card, oh no, he's got to be at least more relevant than Frankie Muniz and have to appeared on Perez at least once in the past three years. If you follow those guidelines you are sure to have a successful, memorable, life changing fling with fame.

REAL LIFE LESSON: Don't give it away unless you genuinely want to.

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Take away my trouble, take away my grief, take away my heartache, in the night like a thief

Lesson 9teen: Women Sorta Belong In The Kitchen

Worst. Feminist. Ever.

Baby, you're going to have to learn to cook sometime. And no, a grilled plain chicken patty does not constitute a spot on Master Chef with Gordon Ramsey. If I could extol to you the benefits and power of a good home cooked meal, I would. Oh wait, actually I have. Remember that kick-ass chicken parm I made you and your roommates? You guys were so happy and appreciative after. You even did the dishes!

The ability to prepare a mouthwatering delicious dinner is literally like a super power. Okay, not really but sorta...

Like music, cooking should be an outlet. It involves creativity, practice, patience and butter.

If nothing else, cooking should be a tactic you can use to turn on men, impress your boss or coworkers, entertain friends and prevent yourself from starving to death.

RECIPE TIME!

I will now share with you the recipe and ingredients for 2 REALLLLLLYYYY simple dishes that take under 30-minutes to prepare. They are delicious, nutritious, cheap, healthy and also vegetarian!

Mashed Sweet Potato Brulee

Sweet Potatoes

Margarine

Skim Milk

Splenda Brown Sugar

Boil potatoes until they are super soft (peel first and cut into smaller pieces if possible). Put in a bowl and add the rest of the ingredients. MASH IT UP! Cover the top of the dish with brown sugar and broil for two minutes to create a hard sugar brulee top.

Serves: A lot

15-Minute Chili

1 Can Black Beans

1 Can Red Beans

1 Can Chopped Tomato

1 Can Corn

Some Oregano

Some Red Pepper Flakes

Some Onion Powder

Directions: Put all of it into a pot and boil that mother for 15 minutes. Eat! Feel free to add chopped turkey or meat into the pot and cook for a bit longer. Also, hot sauce is an alternative condiment that some people prefer. I don't.

Serves 4 (or one if you're like really hungry)

These meals are super easy and quick to cook up but the real fun comes when you are consuming a homemade meal that you prepared from scratch. It's nothin' but pure pride honey bear and nothing compares. Nothing compares. Nothing compares to homemade stew.

Aside from the hours of fun you'll have whipping up some real good lasagna or a fresh spaghetti squash dinner, you'll have even MORE fun paroosing the interwebs for new ideas and food presentations. Um, can you say pinterest!?

Here are my favorite recipe websites:

www.Skinnytaste.com

www.punchfork.com

www.hungry-girl.com/

http://www.epicurious.com/

Also, I just want to throw in the fact that our mother made dinner for us every night. Also, I just want to throw in the fact that our entire family ate together every night. Remember how great that was? Don't you want to continue that tradition with YOUR family? Well, then, get your butt in that kitchen!

REAL LIFE LESSON: A fully stocked kitchen is the recipe for a full and satisfying life Tumblr To Follow: My Drunk Kitchen

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It's your thing, do what you wanna do

Lesson 8teen: You Gotta Fight For Your Right To Part-ay

Vote or Die.

My dear sweet baby sister, I don't know if you were aware, but in the United States of America you are a woman in the eyes of the law. Like Lorelle from Dreamgirls says, "Effie, I'm a woman now!" So go out and gamble, claim yourself as independent on your taxes, join the military, smoke cigarettes, and look at porn.... all day.

Oh yeah, and get out and VOTE!

So many of your legal rights are taken for granted by Amurca's youth. I mean, come on people, you can pick the next President! How crazy is that!? Not only do you get to help decide the next ruler of the free world, you can encourage others to do the same!

Being legal means you are now a contributing member of society. If you don't like something, you can (and should) change it! You have rights!

More important than knowing you have rights is knowing why you have rights and what you can do to preserve them.

i.e. Pick up a gosh darn newspaper once in a while will ya?!

I'm not saying you need to read Newsday everyday cover to cover every morning - but maybe checking in every week or so or making your homepage the New York Times might inspire you to be "all up in the know."

When you are informed and knowledgeable about current events and headline makers, people like, respect you.

Let's Get Real

In 2009 I was informed of an opportunity to take an overnight bus trip from my upstate New York University town to Washington D.C to march on the Capitol for equal rights. Even though I'm not gay, I felt the need to participate in this national dialogue (and also get the chance to visit DC and see Lady Gaga speak for only $20). My college roommate Mary and I boarded the bus with our friend Paul and his boyfriend and headed down to the District of Columbia. The air was thick with passion. I was handed a sign that read "Marriage Equality Now." As Mary and I held our hand painted proclamations and chanted singsongs like "Obama-Obama-Let-Mama-Marry-Mama" and "2-4-6-8 Equality Is Really Great" I truly felt like an American citizen. I was fighting for something. I felt ALIVE!

I'm not saying you need to join the tea party, or even become political...but if given the opportunity...you should totally join a protest. Signing up for march or rally- I promise you, you will open your eyes to all sorts of people...people with strong opinions (who may scare you) and people who have no opinions at all. Regardless, you will meet people. And these people will have a profound significance on your beliefs. Passion is contagious. And you never know, you just might catch it.

REAL LIFE LESSON: Your education doesn't end with graduation. Be a student of life.

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Don't believe in all that you've been told, the sky's the limit you can reach your goal.

Lesson 7teen: Holes before Poles

Your Heart is True You're a Pal and a Confidant

So you have your friends, and then you have your best friends. Sister, if there's one lesson that should rise above all the other milk fat foam latte foam lessons on this thing, it's that everyone needs a friend.

I'm not saying you need to be the most popular girl, but you do need to have at least a couple of super cool trustworthy ladies (or gents) that have your back in this life. I mean, they caaannnn be blood related, but honestly (and between you and me) your blood relatives are here for life, we ain't goin' no where and we certainly don't have as much invested in this relationship as say, some other people do.

Friends are like the security blanket of life. They exist to be by your side when the ones closest to you (like mom, or your sister) are not. They travel with you through the ups and the downs and provide real support and advice. If they are true friends, it's a symbiotic relationship where your involvement is valued just as highly as theirs. Friendship is great. I hope you are constantly surrounded by wonderful, attentive, caring, loving, invested people your entire life. I hope they memorize your phone number and know your birthdate off the top of their heads (and that you know theirs, obviously).

I hope that you truly know the feeling that Harry felt when Ron and Hermione went to help him find the philosopher's stone. Giant chess pieces man, giant chess pieces.

AND NOW....The three kinds of best friends you want in your life forever:

1) The Ultimate BFF-

This person knows your phone number, blood type, birthdate, and favorite band/color/movies by heart and would never leave/go to a party without you (except if you totally gave them permission and it was mutually agreed upon). The BFF is #1 on speed dial, and could be trusted to come and bail you out of jail (or any other shenanigans you get yourself into, you crazy kid!) at a moments notice. The ultimate BFF is well liked by your parents and other friends and can be trusted with your deepest darkest secrets. This person is the shit. AKA your Maid of Honor AKA the Jessica to your Lennon AKA your sole shout-out on TRL.

2) The Moment in Time BFF-

This is the person who was with you for the entire length of [insert specific moment of your life here]. You know, your best teammate, or chemistry partner, or camp friend, or cast member, or roommate...etc. You bonded with this person in an intense way and now that that specific point of your life is over, you rejoice in reliving these moments with your MITBFF. You still keep in touch in a major way, and even though they might not live nearby or even in the same zip code, your friendship remains as as strong as ever. This BFF is mostly known amongst your other friends through your epic stories and the annual in-person visit.

3) The Natural BFF-

It doesn't really matter how you met this person. In fact, neither of you can actually recall exactly how you met one another. All you guys know if that this friendship is effortless and easy. The fact that your Natch BFF is sitting right next to you right now on the couch is obvious and sort of amazing. While you both don't put any work into keeping the relationship going, you definitely don't take each other for granted.

REAL LIFE LESSON: You can't choose your family, but you sure can choose your friends.

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It's better when something is wrong, I get excitement in my bones.

Lesson 6teen: Don't Look Down When Climbing the Ladder of Success

You might see all the people you had to step on to get where you are.

Look...you never know where you're going to end up in this life. Who you're going to marry, where you're going to live, what job you'll end up doing...but no matter what happens I want you to have respect for others.

Hey girlie, I know you. And I know I raised you well. But I want to cement in the fact that the most important thing in this life (professionally) is to know when to give respect and when to get respect. It's an unwritten code that is exemplified through everything from a handshake to tone of voice. It's an internal thought process that leads to small, subtle actions having big ramifications and consequences.

In addition to having respect I want you to keep the following lessons in the back of your head at ALL times:

Everyone has something to teach you. No matter how dumb you think your current boss is, or how computer illiterate he is or whateverrrrrr --- you need to keep your mind open to the lessons you are being taught. By everyone.

Constantly be listening.

Everyone you meet should start with a clean slate. Judgements should be reserved for those who show you disrespect or incompetence. Not newbies.

Don't let petty office gossip influence your opinion of others. Treat others like you would want to be treated yourself. See #3.

Just because you work with these people does not mean you have to be their best friend.

Just because you work with these people does not mean you CAN'T be their best friend. (Some of my closest gal pals come from previous or current jobs!)

Work to live. Don't live to work.

Dress the part you want play. If you want to succeed, dress like the person you want to be. People will take you more seriously if you're wearing a pencil skirt than if you're wearing skinny jeans and sheer top. Trust me, I've learned from experience.

Make mistakes, apologize, and then NEVER MAKE THAT MISTAKE AGAIN. If you really care, you'll be scarred enough to know from your past errors.

Be an opportunist. Never let a positive, beneficial opportunity pass you by. Ever.

ANECDOTE TIME!

Today at work I was confronted by a coworker who said it really annoyed her when I state that I used to "do her job." She got all defensive and basically started listing her resume to me. It was weirdly high school, weirdly uncomfortable, and I wasn't fighting back.

(Backstory: I used to do her job temporarily while my company was looking to hire her position)

All the while this grown ass woman was trying to pick a fight and stir the pot and get into a brawl, I kept thinking to myself "STOP. COLLABORATE. AND LISTEN."

I of course, did not fight back. I listened to what she was saying. I eventually cut her off. I did not apologize but I offered respect. I told her that I understand where she's coming from and in the future I'll be more cognizant of the way I speak to her.

Case closed.

REAL LIFE LESSON: The way you speak to people is important.

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Lesson Fifteen: A Little Lipstick Never Hurt Anyone

Except those animals they tested the lipstick on...prolly hurt them a little

Grey skies are gonna clear up, put on a face.

This lesson is to both promote and degrade the use of make-up as a palatable form of beauty. At the end of the post, I hope you'll "make up" your mind (Get it? yuck yuck yuck) and go with what feels right in your heart.

Me and make-up have a shuddersome past. There was the period of my life where I wore liquid baby blue eye liner non-ironically, the time where I made myself a cat eye by smudging mascara over my lid in no particular fashion (seriously, that gunk was e'rywhere) and then there was the time I thought frosted lip gloss was a thing (newsflash: it wasn't!).

Make-up trends will come and go, and while I encourage the use of such beauty enhancers when the time comes, I hope you will feel comfortable entering the world at large sans fake eyelashes.

Jenna Marbles Knows What's Up:

Because you know what else is cool? Putting on your glasses and some kicking boots, a little mascara and some lipgloss and LOOKING EFFORTLESSLY GORGEOUS.

You know what I'm talking about, the beauty that comes from NOT trying. Because you are a natural beauty and no matter what any stupid boy says, you are blessed with great genes (and jeans), luxurious auburn locks of love, and a personality that could take you to the moon. The look factor is just a side addition. Sure, you've got a pretty face, but what really makes you shine is what's on the inside....miles and miles of intestines...and also a big ol' heart.

I hope you'll always look at your "beauty regime" and make-up routine with a grain of salt. I hope that you'll always feel comfortable going on an errand to Genovese with crust still in your eyes from the night before. I hope you realize that looks will fade and even if you find a guy who looks like this:

One day he might end up looking like this:

Real Life Lesson: Just like acne, beauty is only skin deep.

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So scared of getting older, I'm only good at being young

#taylor swift #john mayer #gravity #continuum #stop this train #journey #one direction #1d #liam #sclub7 #jockjams

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