Hello @twofacedwitch - Tumblr Blog

It baffles and infuriates me that Hogwarts students don’t take Latin or Greek. Accio? Literally “I summon.” Lumos? Fucking “light.” Expelliarmus? Expel weapon!! Ooooh I wonder what Levicorpus does– you Dumb Ass Bastard. You ILLITERATE. It’s called Levicorpus, it lifts someone’s body, it LEVIES your goddamn CORPUS-

kvothbloodless

Hermione ghost wrote this

mildswearingat4am

Counterpoint: Hogwarts actively discourages students from taking Latin or Greek because if they knew either one every single magic twelve year old would be trying to mash up twenty words and make their own Ultimate Spell instead of using the Good Standardized Spells Known Not To Explode Magic Schools

ravenclaw-headcanons

I have a feeling that last point is aimed at the ravenclaws…

neverthere12345

catchymemes

guava-jarritos

In High School Musical 2 Sharpay very clearly states that they have “…Iced tea imported from England, life guards imported from Spain, towels imported from Turkey, and turkey imported from Maine.” In order to import an item, it must come from another country. The series is set in Albequerque, New Mexico, and as New Mexico and Maine are both part of the United States Of America, they cannot have their turkey imported from Maine. As most of the characters are white, and all speak English, this clearly indicates that High School Musical takes place in an alternate universe where a second Civil War has split the nation and New Mexico is no longer part of the Union, based on the fact that we never see the characters celebrate the Fourth of July. In this essay I will

sohotthateveryonedied

This took such an unexpected turn I got whiplash

emjineer

So my boss once robbed a museum to prove a point and honestly, I think she is my new role model.

emjineer

If this gets notes I’ll tell the full story

marry-and-mirthful

Storu

emjineer

Many years ago, my boss was working at this museum and they had these original Churchill documents on display. These documents are worth millions of dollars… The only thing separating the public from these documents was a sheet of glass secured with 4 philips head screws. Seriously. No security guards in the room, no cameras, just an easily removable piece of glass.

My boss pointed out the security concern, but she wasn’t taken seriously, so she took matters into her own hands.

She bought a ticket and pretended to be a guest. She entered through the main entrance with a huge drill clearly visible on her belt, went straight to the documents and opened the case with the drill. (While wearing gloves,) she removed the documents, put them in a folder, reattached the glass, and walked out the main exit. Literally no one even questioned her.

She immediately went around to the back of the museum, entered using the staff entrance and went straight to her boss’s office. She dropped the folder on his desk and said “I just stole these in 15 minutes“

Once he was done being mad at her, he listened and the museum increased security.

gaynehollander

when my friend found out her boyfriend of three years was cheating on her she went through his phone, took pictures of every interaction he had with another girl, printed them out, wrote down where she had been at every instance and what lies he had told her about where he would be, and put them in a folder. when she confronted him and he denied everything she pulled out this big ass folder and just said “lets review” and Honestly, that is the most iconic thing anyone has ever done.

blacksquares-deactivated2018090

for my entire life i wondered why a dragonfly has an ass thats like 8 times as long as their body and tonight i finally felt compelled to investigate and as it turns out dragonflies breath thru their ass and can shoot water out of their butt hole to make them fly faster…….so…… i really did not expect that to be the answer but there it is

funnystories

funny story

i failed the first quarter of a class in middle school, so I made a fake report card. i did this every quarter that year. i forgot that they mail home the end-of-year cards, and my mom got it before I could intercept with my fake. She was PISSED - at the school for their error. the teacher also retired that year and had already thrown out his records, so they had to take my mother’s “proof” (the fake ones i made throughout the year) and “correct” the “mistake.” i’ve never told her the truth

ficcyshit

I love how OP fucked up so hard that their attempts to fix it should have led to the ass-whooping of a lifetime, but, through an entire SERIES of ridiculous circumstances and UNBELIEVEABLE LUCK, it all worked out better than expected. OP is a fucking protag in a kids’ show, what in the fuck.

littlemousling

Possessiveness 101

Totally cool: “Hey, do you want to be exclusive?”

Red flag: “No one but me is allowed to touch you.”

Totally cool: “It makes me feel weird when you flirt with other people, can we talk about that?”

Red flag: “If you loved me, you would stop being friends with them. You KNOW it makes me jealous.”

Totally cool: “I hope we’re together forever. I’m so in this for the long haul.”

Red flag: “If you ever left me, I would kill myself.”

Totally cool: “Your mom is really unkind to me, can we try to minimize how often you bring me when you visit her?”

Red flag: “Your mom hates me, you need to stop talking to her. She’s trying to ruin our relationship.”

Totally cool: “I love you so much, oh my god.”

Red flag: “It’s a good thing I love you so much, because no one else would. You’d be alone forever without me.”

Other important red flags to keep in mind: someone who wants to jump into emotional/financial co-dependence very fast (like moving in together right away, or becoming each other’s only confidantes right away) and won’t take no for an answer; someone who tries to minimize how often you leave the house or interact with other people; someone who threatens you or themselves or your family or pets or possessions or financial future; someone who uses guilt to keep you from leaving a relationship.

Very important reminder: You do not need a reason to leave a relationship. Neither does the other person (or people). A relationship is over when one of the people in it says it’s over, period. Obviously it’s kind to take the end of a long relationship seriously, but abusers and manipulators have lost the right to that conversation. Lie if you need to–your safety is much more important than their feelings.

Trust your instincts!

memecucker

what if i told you that a lot of “Americanized” versions of foods were actually the product of immigrant experiences and are not “bastardized versions”

ace-and-ranty

That’s actually fascinating, does anyone have any examples?

memecucker

Chinese-American food is a really good example of this and this article provides a good intro to the history http://firstwefeast.com/eat/2015/03/illustrated-history-of-americanized-chinese-food

voxiferous-deactivated20171119

I took an entire class about Italian American immigrant cuisine and how it’s a product of their unique immigrant experience. The TL;DR is that many Italian immigrants came from the south (the poor) part of Italy, and were used to a mostly vegetable-based diet. However, when they came to the US they found foods that rich northern Italians were depicted as eating, such as sugar, coffee, wine, and meat, available for prices they could afford for the very first time. This is why Italian Americans were the first to combine meatballs with pasta, and why a lot of Italian American food is sugary and/or fattening. Italian American cuisine is a celebration of Italian immigrants’ newfound access to foods they hadn’t been able to access back home.

(Source: Cinotto, Simone. The Italian American Table: Food, Family, and Community in New York City. Chicago: U of Illinois, 2013. Print.)

emphasisonthehomo

Stuff you Missed in History Class has a really good podcast overview of “Foreign Food” in the US.

thedaniverse

@clipitswings

swarnpert

standing up and blacking out for a few seconds is just transitioning from a cutscene to the actual gameplay

ilovepeppers-deactivated2019122

teqk

When English isn’t taught correctly…

ilovepeppers-deactivated2019122

mangaluva-deactivated20220930

Check this bellend who doesnae ken that Scots, and indeed all “improper” dialects an accents ay English, arenae incompatible wi intelligence oar eloquence ay expression

(I mean, the original post insnae exactly the most poetic ay thoughts, but neither’s fuckin off tae bed wioot gien yer mate a cover, whit the fuck’s wrang wi you, were you raised in a fuckin shed)

professorjawn

Scottish Tumblr ™ came through

ewaneneollav

[wakes up] [clown vanishes] aaaahhh that was a nice rest. i slept like a baby all night. time to start the day [gets up] [takes a shower and brushes teeth] [gets dressed] [goes about my day taking care of business] [comes home] fwoo i’m tired. it’s time for a hard-earned night’s rest. [lies down] [falls asleep] [evil clown materializes in my room and watches me sleep all night]