YOU'RE THICK. YOU'RE MR THICK THICKETY THICKFACE

they/them, ei/eir. currently vibing: heated rivalry, pwhl, cryptids, tog, ofmd, marvel, murderbot

[userarmand]

This is a version of Armand who's a bit more desperate maybe. A bit more bitter, a bit less in control.

[tuatara-time]

this is how that scene went, right?

[drabbles-and-rambles]

I saw a post about Shane and Ilya being sad that they can't thank each other in their acceptance speeches like other can with their spouses and it got me thinking:

Ilya wins his first awards and hes got nobody he really wants to thank after his team and coach cause he he hates his family but he knows his speech is too short so on impulse he goes "And I want to thank Shane Hollander for being slightly worse than me this season". Everyone knows it was going to one of those two, so everyone thinks hes an asshole to say that but whats new so it works for him. But from then on it then becomes a bit for both of them to thank each other in their speeches in a snide way as a reason they won.

Shane winning the Art Ross Trophy (Awarded to the player who leads the league in total points at the end of the regular season). and going "special thanks to Rozanov for missing at least 5 shots this season, he was a huge help"

Ilya winning the Conn Smythe Trophy (Awarded to the most valuable player for his team in the playoffs.) "Just want to give a quick shout out to Hollander for getting knocked out in the second round this season. Must hate to see me up here."

They find a way to mention the other in their speeches every time all the time.

[kindaorangey]

very soon the entirety of the tumblr dashboard will be consumed by insane people being insufferable over AMC's interview with the vampire. fortunately i am one of those insane people

[cowboyjoshdun]

really love keeping up with my mutuals through their little tags and vent posts. getting updates on how they’re doing is something like: glad to know your job at the library is going well. i’m sorry you haven’t gotten that raise. glad your finals went well. i’m sorry your teacher is so unhelpful. glad your tv show got renewed. i’m sorry they killed your favorite character. glad that you scored tickets to see your favorite artist. i’m sorry they aren’t touring near you at all. glad your cat is doing well. i’m sorry your mom is sick again. glad you’re feeling better now that it’s your favorite season. i’m sorry your meds aren’t working. glad you’re married now. i’m sorry you have to step back for your mental health. glad you’re still here. i’m sorry life is so hard. glad you’re alive, i hope things get easier for you soon

[dear-ao3]

on a road trip with my dad. he’s blasting 5sos’s Entire Discography at insane levels and and singing every song word for word. Every Song. the rocks. kiss me kiss me. don’t stop. wildflower. voodoo doll. talk fast. not ok. she’s kinda hot. he knows them all. there are no skips. he’s drumming on the steering wheel.

[dear-ao3]

he’s paused his singing long enough to read a sign that said “new traffic pattern.”

“what kind of traffic pattern do you think it’ll be?” he asked me. “plaid? argyle?”

[dear-ao3]

tried to tell him we were passing the historic spot where the suspension infamously broke on ted nivinsons 2002 toyota tacoma during the rainforest cafe road trip and his response was to crank up the volume on youngblood

[dear-ao3]

me: dad i don’t like the look of this truck

dad: well he’s probably hauling a bunch of helium

me: then why isn’t it floating

dad: haha very funny

[godlessondheimite]

he’s wet. he’s hysterical and he’s wet. he’s in pain, he’s wet, and he’s still hysterical. i didn’t say a name but i bet he popped into your head.

[elodieunderglass]

You 🫵 person in Europe who’s finding it unseasonably hot and you suddenly don’t know what to wear on, like, a hot train.

You’re going to go on Vinted or eBay and put in “made in Italy”, “moda Italia” or (translation of same.) add the search term “silk top.”

What you want are tops that consist of these really thin jersey vest tops with a floaty pure silk layer over them. You’re looking to spend £8-20. You might need to specify “floaty” or “lagenlook.”

There will usually be a healthy secondhand collection of these online. Try to get a pure silk overlayer if you can - some of them are silk blended with viscose.

You’ll probably find the designs kinda mid or old-lady-ish. Don’t worry too much about this. They’ll actually look pretty cool on, and everyone will be jealous of your freedom from suffering.

These tops will keep you much cooler than skimpier ones.

[elodieunderglass]

General benefits of the design:

Quite compatible with office looks.

I find they don’t do the rumpled-commuter thing as badly as linen does. I like a linen trouser + these tops

Swishy silk layer is cooler than wearing nothing.

Keeps the sun off the arms/ chest.

I don’t know how to get these secondhand in the USA or other places, or if they’re prohibitively expensive, but if you’ve had luck doing so, do let me know.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

feels like a real step back that with all the sexual freedom available to us we moved to Hookup Culture instead of Having Sex With Friends Culture

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

I find it weird, actually, that today it's more common to have sex with casual acquaintances you meet on the Hookup App than to have sex with people you already know and like and have fun with. and how if two friends have sex, there's an assumption there must be underlying romantic feelings. because apparently casual non-romantic sex is fine, but only with people you don't already like and care about?

I feel like the hippies and people who lived through the Free Love movement would be rightfully disappointed at us for these made-up lines we're drawing between Sex/Romance and (gasp!) Friendship. shockingly, it's fine to have casual sex with people you enjoy hanging out with and do not want to date. fun and healthy even!

[hextwo]

Ahhh... i dunno why but this feels like a result of purity culture.

Where 2 concepts clash:

You can have sex outside of marriage

But also sex is bad and you shouldn't do it.

It's not actually okay to have sex and it's shameful to do it and it'll taint your relationships if they know about it.

But also sex isn't bad and be free to do it whenever you want!

That turns into:

You can have sex but it's bad for your relationships.

So it's okay to have sex only if you're either planning to Marry them or Never seeing them again.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

HUH.... Society really fucked us on this one (and not in the fun kinky way ☹️)

[kvothes]

a good thread

[gothredy]

[tawnyow-l]

Shane and Ilya are both freaks who have access to crazy NHL money you just know their sex toy collection is diabolical

[vacuously-true]

Hey tumblr friends, in case I haven't told you lately, I have no idea what the FUCK half of you are on about and I WISH I didn't know what the rest of you are on about. Great work. Keep it up.

[nudityandnerdery]

[southfarthing]

[crowboy-bebop]

unauthorized fucking thing!!!!!!

(warning: loud chirping throughout)

source: hellgate osprey cam

[curlicuecal]

[aetherograph]

More context:

the first osprey is the father, the one that comes later is the mother.

ospreys are not eagles, they're ospreys

ospreys only eat fish, that's why they don't register this starling as possible food

the starling got home safely

the starling was not trying to eat the eggs, it was mostly curious and you can see it trying to hop under the osprey every time the osprey tries to sit down again--this is because the starling is still a baby and has the instinct to get under an adult for warmth, even though it mostly has its feathers. this scares the osprey because that is a Foreign Creature near its eggs.

at the end of the video you can see the ospreys starting to turn the eggs. birds do this so the yolk and/or embryo don't stick to the shell of the egg, which is bad for the egg's health.

ospreys have eyes adapted to seeing beneath the surface of the water!

[beloved-child-of-the-house]

aftercare for posting on ao3

[beloved-child-of-the-house]

your fic was good you did grammar good you’re the kind of freak people like everything’s cool dude :^)

[observethewalrus]

i love playing in everyone’s mean dom sadist ilya sandboxes! myilya is a little different, can i share my soft dom sadist ilya sandbox?

boston beats montreal, but it was a close game. ilya’s still running off the high he gets when playing against shane, the only person in the league who can really challenge him. to celebrate his victory ilya paddles shane’s ass till it looks like a kaleidoscope. he’s smiling and praising shane the entire time, telling him how much fun he had, how much he loves beating him on the ice and in his bed, he’s absolutely giddy. shane is a sobbing, snotty mess but ilya’s so happy and that’s all shane needs. when ilya’s finally had enough he lays down on top of shane, wrapping his arms around him and pressing his weight down on his poor tortured ass, kissing all over shane’s face and petting him until the shaking finally stops

or

it’s been months since they last saw each other in person, ilya’s been dying to make shane lose control, it’s the most beautiful sight in the world to him, so he gets right to it and makes shane come. then he makes him come again. and again. they both lose track of how many orgasms shane has had but he’s been coming dry for a while now. he’s thrashing and begging for a break. “i know, i know, malysh. it hurts doesn’t it? but you’re so pretty like this, i’ve waited so long. just a little more, okay? i just need to break you a little more, you can take it for me.”

or

this ask i sent to @ilyasmole last night about ilya gagging shane on his cock. he looooooves feeling the muscles in shane’s throat convulsing around him. and the noises he makes, ilya could listen to shane choking for hours. he tries to make it last but its just too good, he buries himself so deep shane doesn’t even taste his cum. ilya wraps his hand around the front of shane’s throat and swears he can feel every twitch of his cock. when he’s finally finished he pulls shane up into his lap and rocks him back and forth while he shakes and gasps, it’s almost enough to make ilya hard all over again

idk i’ve always had a soft spot for doms who can make you feel like the world is ending but it’s ok cuz they’re petting me so softly and telling me i can take it. ilya wants so much from shane and he’s so happy that shane wants to give him everything, that trust is so precious and it makes ilya feel so warm and safe that he can hurt shane and use him and shane keeps asking for more

[prorneth-eus]