Cicada

They/xe/he/hir - cicada - 18 yo - perintersex madcripple - waspkin complex - DiD system - severely mentally ill and messed up - autistic && amistic - (soon to be) taken amorous

[vileinagrave]

I'm never gonna be loved

no one is gonna fix me now one is coming to save me now...

[ridibulous]

you don't need a diagnosis to be intersex 🫶 your body is still intersex regardless if a doctor signed off on it or not 🫶

[vileinagrave]

I insanely stressed as doctors debate w I'm intersex off of one or two blood test hormone levels and then it hit me... idgaf what they have to say, I grew up intersex and scared, I was an intersex child, and intersex tween, an intersex teen and now and intersex adult, my community means far more to me than it does to them, I've already been told I have a variation and that's enough for me. I am intersex and always have been. That doesn't change because intersexism, exorsexism or knowledge gaps.

[vileinagrave]

What is wrong with me!? Why of I keep breaking from reality!? I just lost all my friends bc I withdrew from them and blamed EJ for it. I feel like I'm losing it. I need to make my own reality, one where I'm involved again, real life can't exist anymore, I have to leave. I have to k¡ll someone. I need to do something other than loose everything bc I can't stop running. There's something wrong with me again. It won't go away and I can't do anything and I can't stop splitting on other people but it's not did splitting it's something else, something that wants me to beat all my friends up and give me and my ex matching inc¡sions, to leave everything and run. I feel dizzy and sick and I keep having these episodes.

How can I make it stop, how can I make friends again.

I can't keep loosing everyone I love because I everyone views me as with drawn or passive aggressive or pushing them away, I need them but my brain won't let me, I can't stop it. I'm losing everything to whatever disorder this is and it's paranoid reclusive shut in delusional behaviours are destroying me.

⚠️ THIS IS NOT FAKE! IM GENUINELY SCARED! ⚠️

[ghosty-dsmp]

Yay lets talk about hypersexuality again....

[planetxems]

[allthatispeculiar]

[yourgirlinpieces]

i hate that kind of sadness where your chest physically hurts

[xvelvetcoffinx]

backshots this, backshots that, i would like to be taken out back and shot

[celestialmega]

Happiness, ハピネス, 해피니스 by shūzō Oshimi.

[jade-lunar]

The eyes

[renewed-outlook]

Tee hee~ nothing like vaugeposting on Twitter saying concerning suicidal ideations and having people worry about me. Very demure and mindful and very enby girlypop of me

[gloomadored]

i don't know if i should feel embarrassed ... i wish someone loved me so badly . platonically or romantically i don't care i just need SOMETHING . it's been four years since i've been in a REAL relationship ... i'm not sure if it's just the universe testing me or i'm that unlovable :( i don't even have friends anymore . i just feel so uncomfortable because i know they'd rather talk to anyone but me . i feel like i'm a chore to them . they don't even worry about me anymore and don't seem to care about anything other than what they have to say and it's just so !!! i do everything in my power to be likeable and i break my stupid back letting them walk all over me. i feel so pathetic . i'm sick of hearing that i'll me the right people someday but it's been like this my whole stupid LIFE. my god this isn't fair.

[xvelvetcoffinx]

[nofuckingideawho]

"maybe in another universe" but it should have, could have, been this one

[honeypleasejustkillme]

no one talks about the rage you feel when u realize that every adult in your life has failed u

[nofuckingideawho]

being mentally ill AND self aware? zero stars, would not recommend

[aspdstalker0]

stalking. the purest form of love, really, when you think about it. infatuation so deep you can’t get them out of your head, so much so that you can’t even sleep without dreaming of them. so you have to watch them, constantly being a few feet away,

even if it means sitting outside their window all night. jotting down their routine in your little notebook, making sure you never miss a single detail of their life.

monday-friday: wake up, 6am. eat breakfast, 6:30. shower, 6:45. out the door by 7:15. commute to work takes 20 minutes, be there by 7:35, clock in by 7:45. clock out for lunch at 1pm. sit in their car for 25 minutes, use the last 5 minutes to clean up, use the bathroom,

refill water bottle, and clock back in by 1:30pm. work the remainder of their shift, clock out by 6pm. commute back home takes 20-30 minutes depending on evening traffic. change clothes. start dinner by 7:30. in bed by 9pm.

repeat.

you have their schedule down to a science, really. always watching, keeping track of their every move. even installing a GPS device in their car so you can follow them everywhere.

you take such good care of them, they’d be so pleased to know all the effort you go through just to keep them safe, wouldn’t they?