wanky

[lonelyroommp3]

what’s wrong with les mis

victor hugo failed in his duty to visit a psychic before writing it who would have warned him that 150 years in the future his decision to include nine shippable twinks as minor characters in his magnum opus would lead to the development of one of the most insufferable fandoms of the twenty first century

[lollians]

I’M WHEEZING AT THIS BECAUSE IMAGINE. IMAGINE TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO VICTOR HUGO THE CONCEPTS OF SHIPPING, TWINKS, AND 21ST CENTURY FANDOM CULTURE. TWINKS WOULD BE THE EASIEST BY FAR BUT OH MY FUCKING GOD.

[lollians]

Victor Hugo: So the harmonious counterpart to a “twink,” you called it a “bear”?

Time Traveler: Yes. Big burly masculine gay man.

Victor Hugo, nodding sagely: Like Jean Valjean.

[lonelyroommp3]

absolutely RAPTUROUS congratulations on providing the only good addition to this post

[freexcitizen-deactivated2016110]

There’s no reason for anyone over the age of 21 to be having a conversation with anyone under the age of 18

[double-barrel-dude-deactivated2]

“For the last time son, I wont talk to you.”

[el-presidente-deadpool-deactiva]

“im sorry students, but this is the last time im gonna say this. Stop trying to talk to me”

[le-sad-demiurge]

“I’m afraid I can’t hire you, I cannot speak to you.”

[xxxtictacion]

“I would tell that kid to get off my lawn, but society isn’t ready yet”

[gotitforcheap-deactivated201611]

“my new born baby just said it’s first word but I’m not trying to hear that” 

[sonypraystation]

“hello 911?!? help my parents are in a burnin build-”

“i dunnoo kid….you sound just a little young and….idk…. im not really feelin too comfortable with this” *hangs up*

[bloodbrainnbarrier]

[funnytwittertweets]

[maudit-innocent]

Ngl this is kinda hilarious

[tumakhunter]

Makes sense. I mean, a passenger of a cruise line isn't called a sailor, right? Astronaut literally means "star sailor."

[graymooncult]

OP how could you not include the first paragraph of the article

[maudit-innocent]

Huge oversight on my part you're absolutely right

[ruthsic]

the only kind of gatekeeping I will allow

[thetroublesofbeingtrans]

I recently came out to my mother's side of the family who are majority conservative christians and it went much better than I expected. Like, they were weirdly supportive. I only got one comment insinuating that I might possibly be going to hell but it came from my aunt and she's dying soon anyway so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Anyway, I'm telling them how shocked I am and that I honestly thought that they'd have more of a problem with it when my grandma is like "Well you know we've been through this before with your uncle Nicky" and I'm like "what" and so it turns out that my uncle Nick was born a Natalie, came out as a boy at 19, and my great grandma proceeded to pay for his top surgery and hormone therapy. In 1974. And I just had to process for a bit because my entire life no one has referred to him as anything other than he/him and his chosen name. I ask why no one ever thought to mention this and they're just like "tbh we forgot. It's been so long that he's been a man" This man is married. He has a wife and three kids. I ask my relatives how they went about having kids, whether through adoption or sperm donor or what and none of them know. Apparently he just told everyone that they were gonna be parents and then one day showed up at my grandma's house with a baby. No questions were asked. Just. He and his wife had a baby now and that was that. Three times. Weeks later when I finally talk to my aunt Sarah (Nick's wife) all she tells me is that neither of them have ever been pregnant and, I quote, "sometimes you just come into children". She phrased it like people use the phrase "come into money". Like children are something that just happens to you. I ask my relatives if any of them had a problem with Nick being trans at the time, saying I'd understand if they had negative feelings about it, as it was the 1970s after all. They were like "nope" and i was just like "you didn't think anything of it?" And my grandfather was like "these things happen" while the other adults nodded sagely. So I guess the moral here is that if my conservative christian relatives could accept my uncle as trans in the 1970s then there really isn't any excuse for anyone. And also my family needs to ask more questions because I'm fairly sure my aunt and uncle stole their kids.

I'm laughing my ass off at that last sentence- But I'm so glad your coming out went well! That's one heck of a way to find out you have LGBT relatives.

[asundergrowth]

Nice ass, sorry about the mental illness

Thank you king

[piningeddiediaz]

Talk abt fave headcanons for Firstprince?

oh I love this ask, thank you!

alex hates hates hates coming to london. he doesnt really have a reason except that it winds henry up lol. between you and me london grows on him, but he thinks it's his duty as an american to hate on the british

alex's favourite place in London (after the v&a, because henry takes alex there nearly every time alex is visiting) is greenwich park. he loves climbing the hill to the royal observatory because everything looks so beautiful from there, and henry always gets this content look on his face when he is looking at the city from up there (p.s. this is my favourite place in london!)

alex proposes to henry in the v&a. afterwards he takes a picture in front of the 'prince consort road' sign and posts it on instagram and that's how they announce their engagement. it becomes the most liked picture of all time

henry learns spanish for alex and he says his vows in spanish (I'm imagining jane and michael's wedding scene from jane the virgin)

at their wedding they dance to your song. it is the one thing they both insisted on. elton john sings it live

henry gives alex his father's wedding ring and alex never takes it off for the rest of his life

june, nora and pez recreate cakegate. they wont admit it but everyone knows it was intentional, and ellen is just glad she's no longer president so it's someone else's problem now

despite the Great Turkey Calamity of 2019, alex still insists on keeping the turkeys in his room every year, and every year goes just as well as that first year did!

alex diligently tries to build up henry's spice tolerance and eventually accepts that he fell in love with a white boy and it's just not gonna happen

alex also gets weirdly obsessed with nando's (do americans have nando's?)

alex gets drunk and sings london boy in karaoke. it goes viral. taylor swift herself reaches out to alex about it and alex ignores her

henry is a swiftie and alex begrudgingly accepts it

alex is a directioner. his favourite is probably harry tbh (I want it to be zayn)

[unclefather]

[iapislazuli]

ACCEPT ACCEPT ACCEPT

[kaylahadlington]

i often wonder how many ppl from 2012 tumblr are still active on here

are u also still here, lurking in the shadows????

[guccixcoochie]

[claviclez]

[trr3rr]

[thatfunkyopossum]

[durnesque-esque]

[oatmealaddiction]

[psyduckscience]

[tokidokifish]

[the-dread-prevails]

[roonilwazlibweasley]

after a transformation

Remus: omg this blood...is it mine?

Sirius: Could have been animal blood

Peter: You know, maybe you caught a rabbit or something

Remus: And did what?

James: ate it

Remus: Raw?

James [sarcastically]: No you stopped to bake it in your little werewolf oven

[malewifenat]

What does the arab in your carrd mean? Is it like afab and amab?

.. i’m palestinian

[captainlordauditor]

same energy

[princesskuragina]

[unscharf-an-den-raendern]

[definitely-not-lordenglish]

[catradoraism]

[star-cats]

[justpeachit]

[37q-archive]

have you tried yelling

i have no idea what youre referring to but of course ive tried yelling

[punkrock-bottom]

How slutty would you say you are?

In theory? Very. In practice? Not at all. I’m lazy.

[punkrock-bottom]

I’m absolutely OBSESSED with this catholic take on my slutty anon post

[anxietyproblem]

[dollsonmain]

[pansoph]

for chinese new year they get all these famous actors and comedians together and they do a lil show and one of the comedians was like “i was in a hotel in america once and there was a mouse in my room so i called reception except i forgot the english word for mouse so instead i said ‘you know tom and jerry? jerry is here’

[beefmilkthings]

jerry is here

[eruriholic]

my chinese teacher once shared this story in class about someone who went to the grocery to buy chicken, but they forgot the english word for it, so they grabbed an egg, went to the nearest sales lady and said “where’s the mother”

[cuddlyaxe-deactivated20190218]

When I was a teenager, we went to Italy for the summer holidays. We are German, neither of us speaks more than a few words of Italian. That didn’t keep my family from always referring to me when they wanted something translated because “You’re so good with languages and you took Latin”. (I told them a hundred times I couldn’t order ice cream in Latin, they ignored that.) Anyway, my dad really loved a certain cheese there, made from sheep’s milk. He knew the Italian word for ‘cheese’ – formaggio – and he knew how to say ‘please’. And he had already spotted a little shop that sold the cheese. He asked me what ‘sheep’ was in Italian, and of course, I had no idea. So he just shrugged and said “I’ll manage” and went into the shop. 5 mins later, he comes out with a little bag, obviously very pleased with himself. How did he manage it? He had gone in and said “'Baaaah’ formaggio, prego.”

I was done for the day.

[ravenpuffheadcanons]

This makes me feel better about every conversation I had in both Rome and Ghent.

[elodieunderglass]

I once lost my husband in the ruins of a French castle on a mountain, and trotted around looking for him in increasing desperation. “Have you seen my husband?” I asked some French people, having forgotten all descriptive words. “He is small, and English. His hair is the color of bread.”

I did not find my husband in this way.

In rural France it is apparently Known that one brings one’s own shopping bags to the grocery store. I was a visitor and had not been briefed and had no shopping bag. I saw that other people were able to conduct negotiations to purchase shopping bags, but I could not remember the word for “bag.”

“Can I have a box that is not a box,” I said.

The checkout lady looked extremely tired and said, “Un sac?” (A sack?)

Of course. A fucking sack. And so I did get a sack.

[kat2107]

I once was at a German-American Church youth camp for two weeks and predictably, we spoke a whole lot of English. 

When I phoned my mom during week two I tried to tell her that it was a bit cold in the sleeping bag at night. I stumbled around the word in German because for the love of god, I could remember the Germwn word for sleeping bag.

“Yeah so, it’s like a bag you sleep in at night?”

“And my mother must probably have thought I lost my mind. She just sighed and was like ‘So, a Schlafsack, yes?”

Which is LITERALLY Sleeping sac … The German word is a basically a one on one translation of the English word and I just… I failed it. At my mother tongue. BIG

[eridaniepsilon]

My former boss is Italian and she ended up working in a lab where the common language was English. She once saw an insect running through the lab and she went to tell her colleagues. She remembered it was the name of a famous English band so she barged in the office yelling there was a rolling stone in the lab…

[backonrepeat]

I’m Spanish and have been living in the UK for a while now. I recently changed jobs and moved to a new office which is lost somewhere in the Midlands’ countryside. It’s a pretty quaint location, surrounded by forest on pretty much all sides, and with nice grounds… full of pheasants. I was pretty shocked when I drove in and saw a fucking pheasant strolling across the road. Calm as you please.

That afternoon I met up with some friends and was talking about the new job, and the new office, and for the life of me I couldn’t remember the English word for pheasants. So I basically ended up bragging to my friends about “the very fancy chickens” we had outside the office.

Best thing is, everyone understood what I meant.

[eridaniepsilon]

I love those stories so much…

[acleverforgery]

Picture a Jewish American girl whose grasp of the Hebrew language comes from 10+ years of immersion in Biblical and liturgical Hebrew, not the modern language. Some words are identical, while others have significantly evolved.

She gets to Israel and is riding a bus for the very first time.

American: כמה ממון זה? (”How much money?” but in rather archaic language)

Bus Driver: שתי זוזים. (”Two zuzim” – a currency that’s been out of circulation for millenia)

[learningftw]

that’s hilarious

[shiraglassman]

I am officially screamlaughing at my desk from that last one OH MY 

[speakertoyesterday]

Does everyone know the prime minister who promised to fuck the country?

So in Biblical Hebrew the word for penis and weapon are the same. There is a verb meaning to arm, which modern Hebrew semanticly drifted into “fuck”: i.e. give someone your dick.

The minister was making a speech while a candidate, bemoning the state of the world. “The Soviet Union is fucking Egypt. Germany is fucking Syria. The Americans are fucking everyone. But who is fucking us? When I am prime minister, I will ensure we are fucked!”

[andhishorse]

What the hell Biblical Hebrew.

[moral-autism]

Just guessing: The path from something like “give someone a blade” to “give someone a blade, if you know what I mean ;)” is probably not that difficult or unlikely.

[liminalreader]

^Given that the Latin word for sheath (like, for a sword) is literally “vagina”, I can verify that this metaphor is a time-honored one. 

[liminalreader]

Oh yeah and one time my Latin professor was at this conference in Greece and his flight was canceled, so he needed to extend his hotel stay by one more night.

Except he doesn’t speak a lick of modern Greek, and the receptionist couldn’t speak English.  Or French.  Or German.  Or Italian.  (He tried all of them.)

Finally, in a fit of inspiration, he went upstairs and got his copy of Medea in the original Greek (you know, the stuff separated from modern Greek by two and a half thousand years).  He found the passage where Medea begs Jason to let her stay for one more day, went downstairs, and read it to the receptionist.

She laughed her head off, but she gave him the extra night.  

[fatterdragon]

All of these *chef’s kiss* but the Medea one is hands down the best

[whatshouldwecallhomer]

s/o to my classics professor who managed to get a tire changed on his rental car while doing research in Greece by telling them his chariot had broken down