Head empty

26 ~ They/Them ~ My tummy hurts

[russianblush]

#ilya baby get behind me

[russianblush]

HEY HELLO JUST GIVE ME THE GUN INSTEAD

(sorry @joyousmistake these tags killed me)

[perlukafarinn]

Canon divergent AU where Shane is a little more paranoid and when Hayden first comments on "Boston Lily", he decides he has to do something to break up the pattern and make it not so noticeable that he's got someone on Boston.

Not seeing Rozanov is not an option, so instead Shane picks out a few other cities to regularly go out by himself in. He'll go for a long walk, maybe sit down somewhere for a drink, and then catch a taxi back to the hotel an appropriate amount of time later. It's honestly pretty nice, unwinding by himself in this way, and now disappearing after games is not a thing specific to Boston! It's just another strange Hollander quirk!

Unfortunately, he fails to account for the guys on the team jumping on the most obvious explanation for all these disappearances, which is that Shane now has a girl in every port.

Word about this starts to spread quick, because it is so out of character for Shane, and pretty soon half the league is under the impression that he's some secret playboy.

Ilya is extremely not chill about this rumor.

[perlukafarinn]

@scunthotter

help 😭😭 ilya's playing 4d chess to keep his man to himself and meanwhile shane's like "it's so nice having ilya with me on my little walks 🥰"

[rainbow-femme]

Cliff wants to be a good bro and a good ally so when he and Ilya hang out to watch a movie, he decides they’re gonna watch a Gay Movie. And what is the one Gay Movie every straight guy knows? Brokeback Mountain. And what is the only thing straight guys know about Brokeback Mountain? That it’s the gay cowboy movie. And hey that sounds fun, cowboys are fun

Shane gets a text two hours later from Cliff that’s a picture of Ilya on the couch with his head down between his knees and he’s just like “HELP I BROKE HIM IM SORRY I DIDNT KNOW THEY BROKE UP AND THEN THE ONE GUY GOT HATECRIMED TO DEATH I THOUGHT THERE WOULD BE GUNS AND TRAIN ROBBING”

[imsodishy]

One thing about the Hollander men; if you hit them with a social situation they don't know how to react to, they will straight up leave ✌️

call that the Hollander Goodbye

[penandinkprincess]

thoughts and prayers to ilya, who is marrying into a family of flight risks 🙏

[maybe-flora]

it will forever be a little insane to me how ilya rozanov, born and raised in russian, total jock/party bro, father-is-police-brother-is-police guy, somehow has never had an ounce of internalized homophobia in his body. canonically just saw being bi as an extra opportunity for hot sex. started experimenting with guys at 16 and simply never questioned it. and like yeah he’s a top but it’s also so clear that he does not see being a bottom as a demeaning or less masculine thing in the slightest. this man goes on to wear leopard shirts and booty shorts and flicks his hands gayfully and makes gay jokes at his jock colleagues and being tender with other men is like second nature to him and He’s actually the one to makes the ‘oh are you scared of being gay?’ ‘cuz I thought you might be gay when you were sucking my dick’ jokes.

this man this mannnn i want to pick his brain apart with a tweezer

[needyilyarights]

Sameteam!au where Shane and Ilya are both young and stuck on a team with a god awful losing streak and one night while drowning their sorrows they drunkenly hook up and the next day the team plays incredibly and they win. The very superstitious veteran captain insists that everyone repeats everything they did the night before so Shane and Ilya hook up again and they win again and they keep hooking up and winning and now the team has a complete turn around season and maybe a chance at playoffs but oops uh oh now they also have feelings for each other

[rainbow-femme]

Someone online makes a comment about how Shane probably isn’t a very good boyfriend, saying his flat affect and resting neutral face in paparazzi pics and video must mean he’s detached and not affectionate compared to Ilya who is much more overtly affectionate

Ilya then has the rest of the Centaurs help him make a compilation of secretly filmed Shane moments showing how good a boyfriend he is

Ilya doing the “would you still love me if I was a worm?” thing and without missing a beat or asking any questions Shane just goes “Yeah”

Harris films himself asking Shane random Ilya questions and Shane always having an answer. “Hey what Ilya’s favorite milkshake flavor?” “Mint.” “I’m buying everyone fun socks, what’s Ilya’s favorite color?” “Blue, but only if it’s light, he doesn’t like dark blue.” “What’s Ilya’s favorite fruit?” “Pears.”

Troy waits for Shane to sit on the bench looking at his phone or tying his skates then says “Oh hey Ilya’s coming in” and catches multiple examples of Shane immediately scootching over to one side to make room for Ilya to sit next to him

Ilya puts his feet up on Shane’s lap silently and Shane starts lightly massaging them. Ilya lays his head on Shane’s shoulder and Shane starts quietly playing with his hair

They film Ilya handing Shane random things and asking him to hold them and Shane does without question. The internets favorite is the one where Ilya pulls a pineapple out of his bag and asks Shane to hold it and he agrees, getting his gear on one handed so he can keep holding the pineapple in the other

Hayden gets a video of Shane letting Ruby brush his hair and fill it with clips while he and Jade do Ilya’s nails, Ilya laying with a face mask and cucumbers over his eyes and his head on Shane’s lap

[galecstatic]

recentering the exact moment shane realized he prefers being the hole rather than the peg

[porcelainmortal]

This, he realized, was why people were so wild about sex. He had never, ever felt like this with anyone before. And of course Ilya Rozanov, all of nineteen years old, fucked with the confidence and skill of, like, a sex god.

[shanesloverboy]

Shane, 5 seconds after touching sweaty Ilya's hand for the first time at the tender age of 18: I must break up with my girlfriend immediately

[so-many-ocs]

immediately after an interaction: i have GOT to get more normal oh god i need to get more normal immediately i have to get more normal or they're going to hunt me down they're going to hunt me down and flay me for sport

during an interaction: and why not put a little spin on it? why not add some conversational zest?

[laurenbknewyouweretrouble]

ETA: @queen-calanthe has written this into a real fic: The Suit In One-Four-One-Zero

One day post TLG, Harris has the Cens doing a video for social media, it’s a competition for who can keep a straight face while the others try to make them break with a smile or a laugh.

Towards the end, only Ilya remains. No one can break him, so they go get Shane. He’s got a little smile while they explain and he starts thinking of what to say. Of what he can say for a video going on the internet.

He hesitates, because he knows what he wants to tell Ilya, but keep it their secret. No one else needs to know what this was about, but he’s saved this tidbit, waiting to play it at the right time. Ilya’s steeling himself. He loves Shane and usually would smile with him just in the room, trying do be earnest about anything, but he won’t let his husband break him for this. Finally Shane makes direct eye contact with Ilya -

‘The first time, after the commercial,’

Ilya tenses, eyes light up but he’s keeping his face neutral. He isn’t sure what he thought Shane would say but it wasn’t this.

‘ while I was waiting for you -‘

‘I put on a suit and tie.’

Ilya has never been so happy to lose at something

[princessracecar]

In my brain Cliff Marlow is one of the few people who learns about Hollanov and is like yeah that makes complete sense. I just imagine Ilya admitting to him that he's bi and dating Shane Hollander and Cliff is like oh yeah I totally see that. And Ilya is like um what????? Because literally no one else who has found out about them has thought that. And Cliff is just like oh well Hollander seems so restrained I just always assumed he's a total freak behind closed doors and you would definitely be into that and Ilya is just standing there speechless because he's... not wrong.

[holdoncallfailed]

ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to deny location sharing and turn off personalized ads and reject all non-essential cookies and not set up siri and face ID

[perlukafarinn]

Shane does an interview after they're outed where he says, kind of off-handedly, that the one thing that still bothers him about having to keep their relationship secret for so long is that there are no pictures of them together as a couple from those years.

Someone clips it and it goes viral.

Over the next few days, Shane and Ilya's mentions start to get flooded with pictures. Mostly it's screenshots from various games they played against each other, meticulously picked through by dedicated fans to find every moment Shane and Ilya looked at each other on the ice.

Some screenshots get shared by hundreds of different people because they stand out so obviously: Shane and Ilya meeting each other's eyes during a face off; Ilya looking at Shane while his back is turned, naked longing visible on his face; Shane chasing after Ilya with a small but delighted grin.

There are also pictures from press events, award ceremonies, behind the scenes at All Stars. Seemingly any time Shane and Ilya got captured in the same frame gets dug up and shared.

Finally, a couple of weeks later, the director of Shane and Ilya's CCM commercial posts outtakes from their shoot. It's captioned 'Took a bit of digging but I knew I still had these somewhere! I had to make my contribution to the #HollanovArchives even though this must have been a while before they got together. These kids had crazy chemistry, right from the start!'

Shane hasn't responded to the onslaught yet, too overwhelmed by the (slightly terrifying) dedication of their fans as well as the fact that he now has dozens of pictures clearly displaying his and Ilya's love for each other during a time in their lives when it was so desperately hidden.

He does respond now, sharing the director's post with a sincere (and publicist-approved) caption thanking him and the fans.

Ilya also shares the post, tacking on 'yes if a while means a few hours 👅' like he didn't cry when Shane showed him the videos.

[localpubliclibrary]

Man no one even remembers laptop in bed. It was laptop in bed for years. Now it's just phone in bed. Maybe tablet. But usually phone. So much has changed

[lavenderprose]

The thing about Hollanov is that they are constantly having nasty mean sex and Shane is like, yeah. That’s great that’s normal. As long as they kiss Shane is like Okay :) Yay :) Thanks Rozanov, see you in a few months. Stands up straightens his clothes and walks out the door and that’s it. Somewhere behind him Ilya is staring at the ceiling. Reeling.

Then they go to that god forsaken cottage and they have the kind of face-to-face under the blankets condomless sex that even the Pope couldn’t disapprove of and Shane is crying. Gnashing his teeth. Losing his fucking mind. The emotional release is fucking agony. Ilya says you are perfect you are beautiful and you are MINE and Shane almost safewords. Ilya says I’m making love to you do you like it do you like it when I make love to you and the bedsheets are tangled around Shane’s ankles and he feels like he’s going to die. Ilya says Shane Shane Shane and to Shane it’s the most perverted thing he has ever fucking done.

[lavenderprose]

@ilyarozynovs This is so fucking funny. I also made that post.

[just-a-notion]

Who up ironing they lung