Head empty

26 ~ They/Them ~ My tummy hurts

[spacecorps]

simon saw the element of surprise shirt and took that as a challenge

[mino2aur]

benefits of living in toronto: nirvanna the band is there

struggles of living in toronto: people are constantly going to bat for drake like its normal

[mino2aur]

people will straight face be like drake lowkey won the beef. look man whether you like the guy or not they were calling him a pedophile at the super bowl

[deathflare]

iron lung was cool

[angels-changeling]

Building off my last post about Simon’s mutations being dormant for the most part, but triggered during periods of high emotional distress

[thirstkanaphan]

[asakoizumiya]

the evil dead (1981) dir. sam raimi

[eggplant-crusader]

Cassandra Cain by Chaesu

[russianblush]

#ilya baby get behind me

[russianblush]

HEY HELLO JUST GIVE ME THE GUN INSTEAD

(sorry @joyousmistake these tags killed me)

[perlukafarinn]

Canon divergent AU where Shane is a little more paranoid and when Hayden first comments on "Boston Lily", he decides he has to do something to break up the pattern and make it not so noticeable that he's got someone on Boston.

Not seeing Rozanov is not an option, so instead Shane picks out a few other cities to regularly go out by himself in. He'll go for a long walk, maybe sit down somewhere for a drink, and then catch a taxi back to the hotel an appropriate amount of time later. It's honestly pretty nice, unwinding by himself in this way, and now disappearing after games is not a thing specific to Boston! It's just another strange Hollander quirk!

Unfortunately, he fails to account for the guys on the team jumping on the most obvious explanation for all these disappearances, which is that Shane now has a girl in every port.

Word about this starts to spread quick, because it is so out of character for Shane, and pretty soon half the league is under the impression that he's some secret playboy.

Ilya is extremely not chill about this rumor.

[perlukafarinn]

@scunthotter

help 😭😭 ilya's playing 4d chess to keep his man to himself and meanwhile shane's like "it's so nice having ilya with me on my little walks 🥰"

[rainbow-femme]

Cliff wants to be a good bro and a good ally so when he and Ilya hang out to watch a movie, he decides they’re gonna watch a Gay Movie. And what is the one Gay Movie every straight guy knows? Brokeback Mountain. And what is the only thing straight guys know about Brokeback Mountain? That it’s the gay cowboy movie. And hey that sounds fun, cowboys are fun

Shane gets a text two hours later from Cliff that’s a picture of Ilya on the couch with his head down between his knees and he’s just like “HELP I BROKE HIM IM SORRY I DIDNT KNOW THEY BROKE UP AND THEN THE ONE GUY GOT HATECRIMED TO DEATH I THOUGHT THERE WOULD BE GUNS AND TRAIN ROBBING”

[imsodishy]

One thing about the Hollander men; if you hit them with a social situation they don't know how to react to, they will straight up leave ✌️

call that the Hollander Goodbye

[penandinkprincess]

thoughts and prayers to ilya, who is marrying into a family of flight risks 🙏

[maybe-flora]

it will forever be a little insane to me how ilya rozanov, born and raised in russian, total jock/party bro, father-is-police-brother-is-police guy, somehow has never had an ounce of internalized homophobia in his body. canonically just saw being bi as an extra opportunity for hot sex. started experimenting with guys at 16 and simply never questioned it. and like yeah he’s a top but it’s also so clear that he does not see being a bottom as a demeaning or less masculine thing in the slightest. this man goes on to wear leopard shirts and booty shorts and flicks his hands gayfully and makes gay jokes at his jock colleagues and being tender with other men is like second nature to him and He’s actually the one to makes the ‘oh are you scared of being gay?’ ‘cuz I thought you might be gay when you were sucking my dick’ jokes.

this man this mannnn i want to pick his brain apart with a tweezer

[needyilyarights]

Sameteam!au where Shane and Ilya are both young and stuck on a team with a god awful losing streak and one night while drowning their sorrows they drunkenly hook up and the next day the team plays incredibly and they win. The very superstitious veteran captain insists that everyone repeats everything they did the night before so Shane and Ilya hook up again and they win again and they keep hooking up and winning and now the team has a complete turn around season and maybe a chance at playoffs but oops uh oh now they also have feelings for each other

[rainbow-femme]

Someone online makes a comment about how Shane probably isn’t a very good boyfriend, saying his flat affect and resting neutral face in paparazzi pics and video must mean he’s detached and not affectionate compared to Ilya who is much more overtly affectionate

Ilya then has the rest of the Centaurs help him make a compilation of secretly filmed Shane moments showing how good a boyfriend he is

Ilya doing the “would you still love me if I was a worm?” thing and without missing a beat or asking any questions Shane just goes “Yeah”

Harris films himself asking Shane random Ilya questions and Shane always having an answer. “Hey what Ilya’s favorite milkshake flavor?” “Mint.” “I’m buying everyone fun socks, what’s Ilya’s favorite color?” “Blue, but only if it’s light, he doesn’t like dark blue.” “What’s Ilya’s favorite fruit?” “Pears.”

Troy waits for Shane to sit on the bench looking at his phone or tying his skates then says “Oh hey Ilya’s coming in” and catches multiple examples of Shane immediately scootching over to one side to make room for Ilya to sit next to him

Ilya puts his feet up on Shane’s lap silently and Shane starts lightly massaging them. Ilya lays his head on Shane’s shoulder and Shane starts quietly playing with his hair

They film Ilya handing Shane random things and asking him to hold them and Shane does without question. The internets favorite is the one where Ilya pulls a pineapple out of his bag and asks Shane to hold it and he agrees, getting his gear on one handed so he can keep holding the pineapple in the other

Hayden gets a video of Shane letting Ruby brush his hair and fill it with clips while he and Jade do Ilya’s nails, Ilya laying with a face mask and cucumbers over his eyes and his head on Shane’s lap

[galecstatic]

recentering the exact moment shane realized he prefers being the hole rather than the peg

[porcelainmortal]

This, he realized, was why people were so wild about sex. He had never, ever felt like this with anyone before. And of course Ilya Rozanov, all of nineteen years old, fucked with the confidence and skill of, like, a sex god.

[shanesloverboy]

Shane, 5 seconds after touching sweaty Ilya's hand for the first time at the tender age of 18: I must break up with my girlfriend immediately

[so-many-ocs]

immediately after an interaction: i have GOT to get more normal oh god i need to get more normal immediately i have to get more normal or they're going to hunt me down they're going to hunt me down and flay me for sport

during an interaction: and why not put a little spin on it? why not add some conversational zest?