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@wedontttalkanymore
fuuccck.
my childhood was messy, but I never realized that the reason I love morally grey/villain romance so much is that those characters will burn the earth to keep their partner/love interest safe.
I never felt safe and I crave someone to go to the ends of the earth for me. (even if I don’t believe I deserve it)
This post is not about ballet.
This weekend I was told a story which, although I’m kind of ashamed to admit it, because holy shit is it ever obvious, is kind of blowing my mind.
A friend of a friend won a free consultation with Clinton Kelly of What Not To Wear, and she was very excited, because she has a plus-size body, and wanted some tips on how to make the most of her wardrobe in a fashion culture which deliberately puts her body at a disadvantage.
Her first question for him was this: how do celebrities make a plain white t-shirt and a pair of weekend jeans look chic? She always assumed it was because so many celebrities have, by nature or by design, very slender frames, and because they can afford very expensive clothing. But when she watched What Not To Wear, she noticed that women of all sizes ended up in cute clothes that really fit their bodies and looked great. She had tried to apply some guidelines from the show into her own wardrobe, but with only mixed success. So - what gives?
His answer was that everything you will ever see on a celebrity’s body, including their outfits when they’re out and about and they just get caught by a paparazzo, has been tailored, and the same goes for everything on What Not To Wear. Jeans, blazers, dresses - everything right down to plain t-shirts and camisoles. He pointed out that historically, up until the last few generations, the vast majority of people either made their own clothing or had their clothing made by tailors and seamstresses. You had your clothing made to accommodate the measurements of your individual body, and then you moved the fuck on. Nothing on the show or in People magazine is off the rack and unaltered. He said that what they do is ignore the actual size numbers on the tags, find something that fits an individual’s widest place, and then have it completely altered to fit. That’s how celebrities have jeans that magically fit them all over, and the rest of us chumps can’t ever find a pair that doesn’t gape here or ride up or slouch down or have about four yards of extra fabric here and there.
I knew that having dresses and blazers altered was probably something they were doing, but to me, having alterations done generally means having my jeans hemmed and then simply living with the fact that I will always be adjusting my clothing while I’m wearing it because I have curves from here to ya-ya, some things don’t fit right, and the world is just unfair that way. I didn’t think that having everything tailored was something that people did.
It’s so obvious, I can’t believe I didn’t know this. But no one ever told me. I was told about bikini season and dieting and targeting your “problem areas” and avoiding horizontal stripes. No one told me that Jennifer Aniston is out there wearing a bigger size of Ralph Lauren t-shirt and having it altered to fit her.
I sat there after I was told this story, and I really thought about how hard I have worked not to care about the number or the letter on the tag of my clothes, how hard I have tried to just love my body the way it is, and where I’ve succeeded and failed. I thought about all the times I’ve stood in a fitting room and stared up at the lights and bit my lip so hard it bled, just to keep myself from crying about how nothing fits the way it’s supposed to. No one told me that it wasn’t supposed to. I guess I just didn’t know. I was too busy thinking that I was the one that didn’t fit.
I thought about that, and about all the other girls and women out there whose proportions are “wrong,” who can’t find a good pair of work trousers, who can’t fill a sweater, who feel excluded and freakish and sad and frustrated because they have to go up a size, when really the size doesn’t mean anything and it never, ever did, and this is just another bullshit thing thrown in your path to make you feel shitty about yourself.
I thought about all of that, and then I thought that in elementary school, there should be a class for girls where they sit you down and tell you this stuff before you waste years of your life feeling like someone put you together wrong.
So, I have to take that and sit with it for a while. But in the meantime, I thought perhaps I should post this, because maybe my friend, her friend, and I are the only clueless people who did not realise this, but maybe we’re not. Maybe some of you have tried to embrace the arbitrary size you are, but still couldn’t find a cute pair of jeans, and didn’t know why.
This post is one of those things that I will reblog every time it appears on my dash. This is so important, and no one ever tells you about it.
I almost didn’t read this but then I did and I’m really glad that I did.
Super important
Tldr: The reason clothes never “looked right on you” is because models and celebrities always had their clothes tailored to fit them perfectly.
I love this post but it always frustrated me just a little because I can’t even afford to buy new clothes let alone get the clothes I have tailored. But then I remembered that a lot of things are easier to do than you think they will be, so here’s some resources on how to alter your own clothes!
Please read this, it’s an opportunity to learn about yourself, possibly a new skill and why it isn’t you, it’s the industry.
I think about this post probably once a week, and I’m so glad for the opportunity to reblog it once again.
Look I clown veganism often enough but really, truly, don’t ever fucking feed somebody something without their knowledge or consent. It’s hugely fucked up and not OK.
also if someone hasn’t eaten meat in a while… or ever… they will get incredibly sick if they just start eating meat again.
|| Please don’t do this. Not just with vegans/ vegetarians, but with ANYONE you don’t know very well. You never know what they may or may not be allergic to, their abilities o(or lack thereof) to digest certain things, dietary needs and restrictions, religious beliefs requiring them to abstain from the consumption of certain foods and about a thousand other things.
Some people are legitimately allergic to thd proteins in certain meats and can’t even eat anything cooked in the same pan as X meat product/s.
I’m vegan but couldn’t care less if others aren’t, not an overwhelming number of (not all, just alot, unfortunately) non vegans find things like this funny.
Quick reminder: Sometimes people say “I’m vegan” or “I’m vegetarian” because its easier/faster/begets fewer annoying questions than the longer explanation.
As an epidemiologist I can list a few of the more annoying longer explanations that no one wants to have to explain to every person who ever offers them food:
- You drank water contaminated with giardia, which gave you 3 weeks of diarrhea followed by 3 years of lactose intolerance
- You were bitten by a Lone Star Tick and developed an allergy to beef and pork because the Lone Star Tick is a bastard
- You are Jewish and the meat isn’t kosher, but you don’t want to say that because antisemitism is A Thing and you don’t want to get bombarded with questions about the Middle East while you’re hungry
- You are Muslim and the meat isn’t halal, but you don’t want to say that because Islamophobia is A Thing and you don’t want to get bombarded with questions about the Middle East while you’re hungry
- You are on a restricted diet for medical reasons and don’t want to get bombarded with questions about your medical history while you’re hungry
- You are on a restricted diet for reasons that *are nobody’s business* and don’t want to get pulled into Potentially Triggering Diet Talk while you’re hungry.
Listen. Food can be very very complicated for people, and a very very very sensitive subject. Respect people’s food restrictions. None of it is your business.
This reminds me of that post where someone said they give skinny girls who order diet sodas regular sodas. Still wonder how many diabetic people they almost killed.
We all know that feeling, vending machine
#i am also full of snacks and darkness
my friend told me that her boyfriend got her a super cool rock while they were on vacation together and you would not BELIEVE my disappointment when i realized she was talking about her engagement ring
*holds your head in my hands* im sorry i let you down
my 10 yr high school reunion is coming up in november. does anyone wanna be my fake gf for it. i was super bullied in high school but i'm hot now so i obviously am only going to do lying, crime, and theft.
pros: - you can design your own character. i love improv games and will go along with whatever bit you desire - there's an open bar - you don't know any of these people and i don't care about any of these people, which is the closest either of us will ever get to diplomatic immunity. all bets are off. go hog wild
cons: - im devastatingly pretty & funny & charming and you will fall in love with me - some of the adults present will be business majors. i cannot do anything about that im sorry. - it is a high school reunion, which is the closest either of us will ever get to a nuclear waste site
UPDATES nobody asked for:
I 100% did very much do this with @cryptidfucky. i hang out w/exclusively ne'er-do-wells, nerds, and freaks & all my friends were also EXTREMELY on board with this plan. their help ended up being crucial tbh i love them
Here are the results:
more people "recognized" alex than recognized me, their actual classmate. i found that to be extremely funny
literally changed our story per group of people we were talking to. i don't think anyone noticed.
i got to pretend i did not recognize my high school bully which was both cathartic and also very sexy of me
everyone was nice now that i'm hot. however, now that i'm old, i realized i really don't care if these people like me... which was even more sexy of me
my friends are all absolute heroes. i owe them my life. kisses and kisses and kisses
people absolutely bought the story.
highlights include people who texted me about them:
and this one. i need to stress - i did not actually speak directly to the person who "knew" alex. we did not find that person in the crowd. my friends were just working overtime for me. god bless them.
other results include:
several of my friends are now bringing friends on fake!dates with them to holiday events just for mischief
i am going to my office party with a straight friend of mine just so i don't have to be alone and she gets a break from her family
we now have a rotating cast of single people all now fake dating just to literally not have to worry about being alone at bad things
summary of data:
fake date ur friends. you're doing damage to the american isolationist ideal that only partners should be invited to events bc only romantic love "matters" or "counts"
it's also fucking funny as hell . cannot recommend it enough
found goblin family mode activated
Bad News: Our boss locked the keys inside the building.
Good News: We didn’t have to wait around for a locksmith.
Bad News: My boss finds it very concerning that I know how to pick locks, and tried to unlock my Tragic Backstory™. I was too embarrassed to admit that the reason I learned was because, at thirteen, I figured that was the kind of skill that would impress cute girls.
Good News: A cute girl saw me do it.
Bad News: It was Maggie, and since she’s already seen me fall out of several trees, cry because I saw a fawn that was just too damn small, and knows I can ride a unicycle, she’ll never think I’m cool no matter what I do. It’s too late. She knows.
There are million dollar blockbuster movies that were less entertaining than the rollercoaster this post just took me on.
okay
so I’m rewatching spn and I’m on S2E16 “roadkill”
the highway is only haunted once a year and dean said “they only have until sun up to wrap it up”
couldn’t they have went looking for greeley’s bones anytime on anyday? so they didn’t need to deal with fighting him? like it seems way over complicated.
oh my fucking god
I just watched godless, and what a fucking amazing show!
the casting, costumes, story, and cinematography are all beautifully done!!
"oh sorry, i guess i was infodumping again" - sad, shy, apologetic
"you sly dog, you got me monologuing" - cool, strong, confident
I am an old person and tumblr is the porch
The porn bots are the kids I keep chasing off my lawn
do people actually read books while in the bathtub
how do you not get everything wet
why is this making me laugh so fucking hard
THANK YOU FOR ADDING A VISUAL OMG
The funniest thing to me about Benoit Blanc in Glass Onion is that I didn’t realize that his striped outfit at the pool was a swimsuit, so I just saw him get in the water in his little suit and was like “yeah, that makes sense for him”
lol
I was confused watching it but I just moved on, now it makes sense hahah
Thinking about how I would write an adult Scooby-Doo series, because I think it can be done.
The first thing I’d do is make the characters actually be adults. Still young, but adults, in the mid to late 20s range. Mystery Inc. is a private detective type business that they run together. In this universe, the supernatural/ghosts/etc are real, but not necessarily common, so when they take on a case, the culprit might be a person disguised as a monster, or it might actually be a real ghost. The stakes can be higher; sometimes a bad guy is legitimately trying to kill them. Sometimes the mystery they’re trying to solve is a murder. Sometimes they actually get hurt on their cases.
Fred: the core of Fred’s character should be that he’s incredibly kind. Like, give a stranger the shirt off his back kind. The “Fred can’t talk to potential clients because he might take a case for free and we need to eat” kind. He’s an honest and good person and sometimes gets himself into trouble because he assumes other people are too. While he’s not very good at reading people or noticing ulterior motives, he’s brilliant when it comes to mechanical or engineering type stuff, so he’s the one who keeps the mystery machine running, builds their gadgets, and of course, designs the traps.
Daphne: she comes from old money, and her parents absolutely despise her life choices, to the point where they haven’t officially disowned her, but they have basically cut her off, so she doesn’t actually have access to any family money. Growing up wealthy has granted her a variety of skills, including speaking multiple languages, horseback riding, and fencing. She’s very into fashion and jewelry (even if she can’t afford it anymore) and has extensive knowledge of both that can occasionally provide a vital clue in a case. And even though her parents have cut her off, Daphne still has a wide network of contacts she can ask for favors sometimes, because she’s personable, and people tend to like her. Daphne is also very emotionally intelligent, and is usually the one who can spot when someone is lying to them.
Side note - I ship Fred and Daphne, so I think I would start them off as an established couple for this universe. Dating, engaged, married, I don’t care. They are stupidly in love, ride or die for each other. There’s no will they, won’t they, no worries about cheating. They are in a healthy, happy, loving relationship, and no one (not even Daphne’s disapproving parents) are going to mess that up for them.
Velma: she is the forensics nerd who sometimes gets super excited about the wrong thing at the wrong time (”He was mummified in seconds? That’s so cool!” “Velma! His wife is standing right there!” “Oh. Sorry.”). She’s not purposely insensitive, she just gets laser focused on her work and forgets to filter herself sometimes. She’s also the one who can get so fixated on solving whatever mystery they’re working on, she’s willing to bend or maybe break laws. Is breaking and entering really so bad? Not if it gets them answers.
Shaggy: he is still the comic relief, but he’s the comic relief by being the only person in the group that actually has common sense. He manages the business’s finances, he’s the only one who knows how to cook, and the others tease him for being a coward sometimes, but Shaggy maintains that if a ghost with an axe is coming for you, running is the only sensible option. He should also have a range of random knowledge that sounds useless, but sometimes saves the day (ex ventriloquism, origami, the history of spoons, etc).
Scooby: as this is a universe where supernatural creatures exist, Scooby is an ancient eldritch type being that took a shine to Shaggy when he was a kid, and took the form of a talking dog to befriend and hang out with him. Aside from the talking dog bit and not aging, he never uses his powers in a way that anyone notices. The audience is not told upfront that Scooby is an ancient eldritch being; it should slowly be hinted at throughout the series so the audience put it together, but the characters never realize it. Scooby genuinely considers Shaggy to be his best friend, and cares about the rest of the gang too.
Scooby as an eldritch entity is the best origin possible thank you
Wasn’t that part of his lore in Mystery incorporated?
Sort of? More like the reincarnation of an alien spirit, so-
Oh
Oh no
Mystery Inc Scooby’s origin is Scientology
I would watch the hell out of this
Me, going through my notifications in the morning, about to block another round of pornbots
