Welcome To The Bone Pit

[welcometothebonepit]

Some friends and I have decided our official thoughts on Beauty and the Beast...

Cogsworth, Lumiere, and (Plumette/Babette/Fifi) are in a specific kind of poly couple. Cogsworth is Ace. Lumiere is Pan. (Plumette/Babette/Fifi) Is at least Bi. Cogsworth is fine with affection in private but hates it in public. All three engage in ✨ activities ✨ BUT Cogsworth just watches.

[welcometothebonepit]

I have a particular vision and I need to get it out somehow.

I need a lyric comic or a animatic of the song "Golden Years" by David Bowie but specifically about Astarion. I would do it myself but I am so out of practice drawing but I NEED IT. I believe it works with him so well.

Lyrics+specific scenes:

Golden years, gold whop whop whop x3

Don't let me hear you say life's taking you nowhere

Angel

Come get up, my baby

Look at that sky, life's begun

Nights are warm and the days are young

Come get up, my baby

(The start of the adventure)

There's my baby, lost that's all

Once I'm begging you save her little soul

Golden years, gold whop whop whop

Come get up, my baby

(The romance scene where you see the scaring on his back)

Last night they loved you

Opening doors and pulling some strings

Angel

Come get up, my baby

In walked luck and you looked in time

Never look back, walk tall, act fine

Come get up, my baby

(A flashback to Astarion in Baldur's Gate luring someone for Cazador)

I'll stick with you, baby, for a thousand years

Nothing's gonna touch you in these golden years

Gold

Golden years, gold whop whop whop

Come get up, my baby

(Tav(or insert romance here) protecting Astarion, a sweet moment between the two, or just him and the companions being happy(this would have to be in the shadow cursed lands/moonrise towers)

Some of these days, and it won't be long

Gonna drive back down where you once belonged

In the back of a dream car twenty foot long

Don't cry, my sweet, don't break my heart

Doing all right, but you gotta get smart

Wish upon, wish upon, day upon day, I believe, oh Lord

I believe all the way

Come get up, my baby

Run for the shadows, run for the shadows

Run for the shadows in these golden years

(Going to Bauldur's gate and seeing Cazador's palace again)

There's my baby, lost that's all

Once I'm begging you save her little soul

Golden years, gold whop whop whop

Come get up, my baby

(The face off)

Don't let me hear you say life's taking you nowhere

Angel

Come get up, my baby

Run for the shadows, run for the shadows

Run for the shadows in these golden years

(The defeat(my particular vision is specifically non asended)

I'll stick with you, baby, for a thousand years

Nothing's gonna touch you in these golden years

Gold

(tav or insert romance here holding Astarion after the fact)

Golden years, gold whop whop whop x10

(With every (above line^) after this, it's snap shots of moments up until the new ending where you see everyone again.)

Do you see the vision?

[lunian]

me drawing different Links so far like and trying to characterise their body types like

TP Link: heheh a lad, def has fangs, wanna feed him

SS Link: SOFT, body made for hugs, face made for cheek smooches, a bit plumpier than others

OOT Link: depressed slut

BOTW: depressed slut but shorter

[lunian]

addition: somehow SS Link has the least amount of scars

[lunian]

nevermind, forgot about main slut here (affectionately)

[homoqueerjewhobbit]

Imagine The Fellowship all sitting around the campfire halfway up Caradhras retelling the events of the Hobbit to Boromir and Aragorn Rashomon-style with Gimli going "my dad tells it this way" and Legolas going "well, my dad tells it this way" and the Hobbits all going "but Bilbo tells it this way!" and, even though Gandalf was fucking there for half of it, he refuses to weigh in on anything because watching them argue is more fun and also he doesn't remember because it was over 75 years ago.

[iamstillalive158]

How I portray Thranduil

Tying into my previous post, this is how I portray Thranduil based on both the books and movies, trigger warnings for depression, complicated grief, alcoholism, and suicidal ideation:

-He's an overall kind and generous person and a great king and loving father, but he can be a bit of an ass when provoked, which leads him to conflict with Tauriel even though he considers her to be one of his best friends.

-His relationship with Legolas isn't perfect, but they love each other very much.

-He has depression so most days, he can't function without help, which unintentionally had an effect on Legolas, but that's not Thranduil's fault. He didn't ask to be depressed or choose to be depressed.

-Sometimes, he and Legolas misunderstand each other, but they are incredibly close.

-Legolas had to get his sass from somewhere.

-Legolas constantly had to be the best growing up, and unfortunately, that's some of the baggage that comes with being a prince, this is where Legolas and Thranduil misunderstand each other.

-Legolas thinks he isn't good enough, and never will be, no matter how hard he tries, he'll never be strong enough or perfect enough, so he tries to overcompensate by acting confident and tireless, which is where his tireless reputation came from, but he actually needs rest just like everyone else. He doesn't even think he's good enough for Thranduil, and all Legolas wants is just for Thranduil to be proud of him. He doesn't realize that he has Thranduil's love and pride already.

-This has caused Legolas to become depressed in turn, to the point of being suicidal. Not all of his scars came from combat with Sauron's servants.

-This is why he's so close with Gimli, Gimli loves him just the way he is and gives him the acceptance he so desperately craves, and the freedom to be himself, and this can be interpreted as romantic, platonic, or both, depending upon whether you ship Gimli and Legolas or not (I ship Gigolas).

-When Thranduil realizes this, he swoops Legolas up in his arms and tells him he's always been proud of him and loves him right up.

-Thranduil is an alcoholic, which doesn't help with his depression, but Legolas takes care of him every time he's drunk and every time he's hungover, but since it's the medieval ages, he doesn't realize his father has a problem and neither does Thranduil himself.

-Legolas put the two and two together when it comes to alcohol and sugar though, so he'd often make or buy Thranduil sweets like chocolate truffles or blueberry pie or strawberry cream cakes, and that helped Thranduil curb the addiction, but as a result, he's kind of soft around the middle now.

-Tauriel is a dear family friend and they are both hot-tempered and stubborn, which leads them to butt heads, but they are incredibly close.

-Thranduil used to date both Thorin and Bard, and he grieved really hard for them both when they died, just as hard as he did his wife.

-That's where his depression comes from, he suffers from complicated/chronic grief.

-He can actually get along with Thorin when he and Thorin both aren't being pig-headed and stubborn, hence why they fell in love but also why they bicker.

-He loved Bard very much and Bard loved him, but his alcoholism caused them to break up because it was causing problems in their relationship, but they never got over each other, and Bard even asked for Thranduil on his deathbed despite having remarried to another woman.

-He has trust issues because of all his trauma and heartache, so that's why he can be a bit of an ass, but once he overcomes that, he's a kind and loyal friend, completely devoted to those he loves.

-Though he'll offer you help freely, without any form of self-interest involved, his kindness isn't charity, to him, those are two separate things. Not that he wants something in return for him helping you out, he just knows that some people don't accept charity and will be insulted if they think you are offering it to them.

-He marched on Erebor and banished Tauriel because he thought Thorin and Company had kidnapped Legolas or that he had perished in Smaug's fire, and in both scenarios, neither would have happened if Tauriel had followed the dwarves, as he knew Legolas would follow her because he values their friendship, but didn't think to ask around Lake-Town or send a search party to find Legolas because he wasn't thinking rationally, he was seeing red because he was so angry.

-When he realized the truth, he swallowed his pride and apologized to Tauriel and welcomed her back to Mirkwood, and gave her a generous raise in her salary.

-When Legolas showed up with Gimli, Thranduil was smart enough to realize that if he refused to accept Gimli, he'd lose Legolas forever, so he accepted Gimli, and if Legolas and Gimli are romantically involved, he's the ship team captain.

-Also, Gimli returned Thranduil's gems, which buttered him right up, and won him over.

-All in all, Thranduil isn't perfect, but he's a person just like you and me, and he loves his people and his kingdom, he loves his family and friends, his son most of all, he suffers from a lot of mental health issues, and he makes mistakes, but he swallows his pride and tries to atone for them, and he tries his best to be a good person, a great king, an amazing friend, and a wonderful father.

[welcometothebonepit]

So Stranger Things right?

In the first season it was pretty much stated that the upside down is toxic or something because the adults have to have hazmat suits going in. The kids just kinda go skipping through and they're fine? I need a fic or something where there's negative effects of this or something because just look at the upside down! Place looks nasty. I don't want to breathe that air.

[wayward-delver]

6 Things I learned from OSP’s Miscellaneous Myths Loki episode:

1.) Loki is canonically a beautiful Twink/Femboy.

2.) Despite being considered a male God, he would change species/gender so much it didn’t really matter.

3.) No one actually knows what Loki was the God of and there were no recorded sacrifices in his name unlike any of the other Norse Gods.

4.) Loki didn’t want anything to happen to his Monster Children,(Daughter Hel, Son Fenris, and Serpent Jormungandr), and tried to hide them away until the rest found out.

5.) Despite being a mischievous “Evil in Disposition” God, he usually ends up using said cunning/trickery fixing messes whether or not he caused them. 

He is also just as often used as a scapegoat by the Gods to expunge themselves of guilt for the wrongdoings they commit. Yes Loki causes a lot of mischief, but he receives a disproportionate amount of punishment from his peers. It’s to the point that he’s portrayed as a comparably sympathetic character even in the original text.

5.) If Loki can get mpreg…

…He will get mpregged.

Seriously, the dude’s given birth more times than his actual wife and all the Goddesses combined!

[queerbauten]

┏┓ ┃┃╱╲ In this ┃╱╱╲╲ house ╱╱╭╮╲╲ we love ▔▏┗┛▕▔ & appreciate ╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲      all asexual and aromantic people of all romantic and sexual orientations ╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲ ▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔

[direese]

So im re-reading Greek Mythology, and I realised that Hades is a precious bean and all goddesses are more terrifying than every god put together.

Let me explain

1) The goddesses are the ones who do most of the cursing. No seriously, check. Goddesses are kinda petty

2) Hades names his dog a fancy word for Spot

3) Persephone once crushed a woman into a plant for saying that Hades loved her more. Thats why we have mint.

4) Hades is mythologically the most faithful one. He almost cheated a couple of times, but felt really bad and couldn’t do it

5) Aphrodite once flayed a woman alive because people thought she was prettier.

6) Hades kidnapped Persephone because Zues told him to. He literally has zero social or romantic skills, and fingers that big brother Zues, who’s courted hundreds of women would know a thing or two about wooing. Zues told Hades to kidnap Persephone.

7) Hades went to great lengths to make Persephone happy in the underworld. He even created a garden make of jewls for her. But when he realized she wasn’t pleased, he willingly let her go.

8) Artemis help deliver her brother

9) Hestia ate virgins who broke their vows

10) Zues is such a sleezbag, he blamed Aphrodite for all his affairs (with her being the goddess of love and lust and such). She and Hera did not take it well

11) Athena was born in full body armor.

12 ) Demeter tried to kill Zues for allowing Hades to take their daughter.

13) Demeter has a bleeding heart, but also murderd an entire army for trying to cut down a sacred tree grove

14) Hades my be intimidating with his helmet of terror, but Persephone had a man tourterd for all eternity for not taking no for an answer.

15 ) Artemis turned a peeping-tom into deer and lets him get eaten by his own dogs

16 ) Hades is the king of the underworld because he got the short straw.

17) Amphotrite is sometimes described as the sea herself. She’s drowed countless people.

18) Persephone is a proud queen of hell who has no problem with her job

[neopastel-dreams-deactivated201]

ABCs of your OCs

a list of oc questions in alphabetical categories - i made each category based on the first word I could think of in alphabetical order, so enjoy!

A: Aptitude 1. what are your oc’s natural abilities, things they’ve been doing since young? 2. what activities have they participated in? 3. what abilities do they have that they’ve worked for? 4. what things are they bad at? 5. what is their most impressive talent?

B: Basics 1. what is their hair color? 2. what is their eye color? 3. how tall are they? 4. how old are they? 5. how much do they weigh?

C: Comfort 1. how do they sit in a chair? 2. in what position do they sleep? 3. what is their ideal comfort day? 4. what is their major comfort food? why? 5. who is the best at comforting them when down?

D: Decoration 1. how would they decorate a house if they had one under their name? 2. how would they decorate their child’s room? 3. how do they decorate their own room? 4. what type of clothes and accessories do they wear? 5. do they like makeup/nail/beauty trends?

E: External Personality 1. does the way they do things portray their internal personality? 2. do they do things that conform to the norm? 3. do they follow trends or do their own thing? 4. are they up-to-date on the internet fads? 5. do they portray their personality intentionally or let people figure it out on their own?

F: Fun 1. what do they do for fun? 2. what is their ideal party? 3. who would they have the most fun with? 4. can they have fun while conforming to rules? 5. do they go out a lot?

G: Gorgeous 1. what is their most attractive external feature? 2. what is the most attractive part of their personality? 3. what benefits come with being their friend? 4. what parts of them do they like and dislike? 5. what parts of others do they envy?

H: Heat 1. do they rather a hot or cold room? 2. do they prefer summer or winter? 3. do they like the snow? 4. do they have a favorite summer activity? 5. do they have a favorite winter activity?

I: In-the-closet 1. what is their sexuality? 2. have they ever questioned their sexuality? 3. have they ever questioned their gender? 4. would/was their family be okay with them being LGBT? 5. how long would/did it take for them to come out?

J: Joy 1. what makes them happy? 2. who makes them happy? 3. are there any songs that bring them joy? 4. are they happy often? 5. what brings them the most joy in the world?

K: Kill 1. have they ever thought about suicide? 2. have they ever thought about homicide? 3. if they could kill anyone without punishment, would they? who? 4. who would miss them if they died? 5. who would be happy they died, anyone?

L: Lemons 1. what is their favorite fruit? 2. what is their least favorite fruit? 3. are there any foods they hate? 4. do they have any food intolerances? 5. what is their favorite food?

M: Maternal 1. would they want a daughter or a son? 2. how many children do they want? 3. would they be a good parent? 4. what would they name a son? what would they name a daughter? 5. would they adopt?

N: Never Have I Ever 1. what would they never do? 2. what have they never done that they want to do? 3. is there anything they absolutely can’t believe people do? 4. what is the most embarrassing thing they’ve done? 5. have they done anything they thought they’d never do?

O: Optimism 1. are they optimistic or pessimistic? 2. are they openly optimistic, throwing it on others? 3. are they good at giving advice? 4. is there anyone in their life that throws optimism on them? 5. were they always optimistic?

P: Personality 1. what is their best personality trait? 2. what is their worst personality trait? 3. what of their personality do others love? 4. what of their personality do others envy? 5. do they hate anything about their personality/about other’s personalities?

Q: Questions 1. do they ask for help? 2. do they ask questions in class? 3. do they answer questions that make them a little uncomfortable? 4. do they ask weird questions? 5. are they curious?

R: Rules 1. do they follow rules? 2. would they be a strict or laid-back parent? 3. have they ever been consequenced for breaking a rule? 4. have they broken any rules they now regret breaking? 5. do they find any rules they/others follow absolutely ridiculous?

S: Streets 1. are they street-smart? 2. would they give money to someone on the streets? 3. have they ever gotten in a fight on the streets? 4. has anything happened to them on the streets? 5. are they cautious when out?

T: Truth 1. are they honest? 2. can they tell if someone is lying? 3. is it obvious when they’re lying? 4. have they lied about anything they regret lying about? 5. have they told truths that have been spread against their will?

U: Underdog 1. have they been bullied? 2. have they bullied anyone? 3. have they been physically attacked by a bully? 4. have they ever been doubted? 5. have they surprised people with being good at something?

V: Vomit 1. do they vomit often? 2. do they get lots of stomach aches? 3. are they good at comforting someone ill? 4. what do they like as far as comfort goes? 5. do they burp, cough, or hiccup most when nauseous? when vomiting?

W: Water 1. do they drink enough water? 2. have they learned to swim? 3. do they like to swim? 4. can they dive? 5. can they swim without holding their nose?

X: Xylophone 1. what is their favorite genre of music? 2. do they have a favorite song? 3. do they have a favorite band/artist/singer? 4. can they sing well? 5. can they rap?

Y: You 1. how old were you when you created them? 2. what inspired you to create them? 3. were they different when they were first created? 4. do you enjoy writing them more than other characters? 5. what’s your favorite thing about them?

Z: Zebra 1. what’s their favorite animal? 2. do they like animals? 3. cats or dogs? 4. what’s their dream pet? 5. do they have any pets at the moment?

[pristinepastel]

please guys??

[itsmemishi]

eyyyy so I finally got to read jekyll and hyde in an english class and hoo boy this was the result of it all:  

me accidentally saying what the heck-yll jekyll in class  

“If he be Mr. Hyde, I shall be Mr. Seek” is the best literary pun don’t fight me on that

someone telling the professor “I really see how hyde could be compared to the hulk, y’know?” please end it all hyde is short and not green cut it out my dude 

desperately wanting to tell people about The Glass Scientists, but no one in my group actually read the book 

does Henry Jekyll is gay?

and to top it all off someone played a clip from the cheesy as hell 1986 animated special where Jekyll looks like fiddleford mcgucket

[overthinkinglotr]

Incomplete list of great things the PJ LOTR films added that weren’t in the books

OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD– feel free to add on!

“I made a promise Mr Frodo— a promise! Don’t you leave him Samwise Gamgee. And I don’t mean to. I don’t mean to.”

In general all the scenes where there’s no words/dialogue, and the music and visuals and actor’s performances are allowed to carry the story instead….something that’s impossible to do in a book. The standout moment for me is the moment after the ring is destroyed, Bard-Dur collapses, and it’s portrayed as.relief beyond words.

THE SOUNDTRACK IN GENERAL

The scene in mount doom that’s like “don’t you let go. Don’t let go.”

The hobbits returning home to find everything the same,  and being heartbroken because they’ve changed so much.. I’m not saying it’s better than the book’s plotline where they returned home to find the Scouring of the Shire™, but it’s impactful in a completely different way

The scene where Eowyn hears Theoden’s last words, instead of Merry hearing them like he did in the books. Again, not necessarily “better,” but impactful in a different way

“my brother, my captain….. my king.”

Flm!Boromir in general. He’s a drastically different character than he was in the books, and YMMV on which version you like better, but I’m so glad film!Boromir is here

“No parent should have to bury their child.”

Arwen’s expanded role in general, and the way they we actually got to see her make her choice to stay in Middle Earth

That subplot in the Two Towers where Aragorn tames a wild unruly horse, basically becoming the protagonist of a Horse Girl Movie

THE PACING!!!!!!!!!!!! 

The way they moved around a lot of the dialogue to places that made it hit differently. .Like in the books Gandalf says the line “many that live deserve death– and some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them?” when he’s still in the Shire with Frodo. But in the films, he says it in Moria instead, in his last conversation with Frodo before his own death. 

[aelaer]

Awesome start. More stuff, as a longtime book and film fan:

Following up on moving dialogue, not just moving dialogue from the same character to a different scene, but both turning descriptive lines *into* dialogue and giving other dialogue that just wouldn’t fit in to another character for another, meaningful effect.

Example of the first: Gandalf’s line to Pippin in Minas Tirith just before Rohan arrives about “a far green country under a swift sunrise” is from the second-to-last page (in my copy) of ROTK before the Appendices. A brilliant way to use Tolkien’s gorgeous narrative.

Example of the second: The very first lines of FOTR (The world has changed; I feel it in the water, I feel it in the earth, I smell it in the air) is actually spoken by Treebeard in “Many Partings” in ROTK (with a tense change at the beginning, but otherwise the same). It is used to a much more different effect when spoken by Galadriel as a V.O., and a good deal more foreboding at the beginning of the film.

Weta’s amazing special effects, both physical and digital. I’m a huge Weta fangirl (and a bit biased since I have so many friends in the company), but regardless of that, you look at the Bigatures they created that help stand the test of time, and the work they did with the armies and with Gollum still look fantastic.

Above you mentioned Boromir’s dying words, but I really want to add the Entire Amon Hen sequence. It is the one scene in the films that I greatly prefer over the book canon version for multiple reasons, including: poor Boromir doesn’t have to go back to camp all dejected, Merry and Pippin don’t look like complete idiots here, Merry and Pippin knowingly risk their lives to provide Frodo a diversion, Aragorn has to physically reject a very tempting piece of jewelry when offered it freely, *everyone* gets a bit of the battle love, Aragorn’s last fight with Lurtz, how amazing Boromir’s death on-screen was, and everything between Boromir and Aragorn when he died. Just. Amon Hen in the films was masterfully done, so well done.

While I adore the Prancing Pony scenes from the book, I think that, tonally, PJ’s changes made sense, especially since they really didn’t have a lot of time to waste with Frodo doing a dance number. And it allows Sam, Merry, and Pippin to have an amazing ‘let’s go against a sword-fighting Man with only a stool and our fists’.

Another good “works in the book, not the film” change was leaving out the “17 years later” after Bilbo’s birthday. That completely works with a book but you can see just how jarring it is in Bakshi’s animated LOTR and the right choice was made here. We wouldn’t have been able to meet all key hobbits at Bilbo’s party otherwise, and that was a great place to meet them for a movie that has to cut a lot of things out.

I think the Aragorn and Eowyn soup scene is adorable.

As is the Boromir giving Merry and Pippin sword lesson scene (especially in the EE!)

The “Second Breakfast” scene in FOTR.

Aragorn’s “For Frodo” in ROTK.

In the book, Sam’s “Do you remember…” line was asking him if he remembered the rabbit they had in Ithilien. Changing it to strawberries, something very hobbity, I think was a good idea. Furthermore, Frodo answers very similarly his question here, about being “naked in the dark”, but in the book there’s a couple pages before Sam tells him that “he can’t carry it for him, but can carry you”. The movie combined these two scenes beautifully and so impactfully.

Furthermore, Frodo’s “I can see the Shire” after destroying the Ring? It not only draws a brilliant parallel to that scene above, but I don’t believe it’s actually in the book (a quick glance didn’t show anything like that).

Aragorn reuniting with Arwen on the day of his coronation had a lot more of an emotional impact and, again, worked very well for movie pacing. Also, Arwen meant a heck lot more in the films than the book for a first time reader vs first time film watcher.

Yeah, there’s definitely things I’m not happy with in the LOTR films, too, but overall? They did a bloody good job.

Much better than the travesty that was the Hobbit script anyway.

[overthinkinglotr]

EYY! And as long as we’re talking about “things that DID work in the books that wouldn’t worked on film, and I’m glad they recognized they wouldn’t work on film:”

In general, eliminating bit characters and giving their roles to the main characters instead. Having Arwen rescue Frodo instead of Glorfindel, replacing Erkenbrand with Eomer, having the Three Hunters take the paths of the dead alone instead of having all the Dunedain rangers show up, etc

Eliminating Tom Bombadil/The Barrow-downs subplot. The first half of FOTR is structured like The Hobbit (bc it was originally intended to be a sequel to it) so the adventures are kind of episodic and don’t really grow in intensity? The hobbits being captured by the Barrow-Wights is thE MOST INTENSE part of the story, so the hobbits going to Bree and seeing the Black Riders afterwards seems like a falling action/much less intense by contrast. This was fine for the book! But wouldn’t have worked in a movie (I could only ever see it working in a TV show adaptation?)

Also as long as we’re talking about “beautiful descriptions turned into dialogue,” my favorite example might be giving Tolkien’s description of how awe-inspiring Minas Tirith was to Boromir:

“Have you ever seen it, Aragorn? The White Tower of Ecthelion, glimmering like a spike of pearl and silver, its banners caught high in the morning breeze….”

[prophecydungeon]

that’s not………. how child speech works…………………………………………..

[prophecydungeon]

god okay in an attempt to be less of an asshole, here’s how child speech DOES work (or tend to work, at least)

kids tend to hypercorrect — this means that they tend to say things like “sleeped” instead of “slept,” “writed” instead of “wrote,” “goed” instead of “went,” etc

kids tend not to make errors such as omitting verbs (“i hungry”)

kids also tend not to make errors in the i/me, she/her department (“me am hungry”)

simplification of difficult sounds — consonant clusters especially, so things like st, sp, ps, etc., as well as f, v, th-sounds, ch-sounds, etc.

“babbling”-type utterances (“apwen” for “airplane,” using one babbly word for multiple objects, things like that) generally occur in children under the age of three and a half

say it with me: an eight-year-old child is not going to be saying “me hungwy”

do not confuse child speech with stereotypical learner english mistakes, that’s not only incorrect but also gross on the stereotypical learner english front (“me love you long time,” anybody?)

if you’re going to write kidfic please do some * research

[prokopetz]

Totally. It can be helpful to remind yourself that young children tend to speak as though the English language actually made sense. Our brains are pattern-recognising machines: children are really, really good at puzzling out the implicit rules of the English language, but they don’t necessarily know all the silly exceptions and bizarre edge cases that break those rules yet - those can only be learned through experience and rote memorisation.

Basically, when children who speak English as a first language make mistakes, it typically reflects a tendency to treat English as more grammatically, syntactically, and/or orthographically consistent than it really is. In some cases, this can be compounded by the fact that some kids will get offended at how little sense “proper” English makes, and insist upon using the more consistent forms even though they know very well that they’re technically “wrong”.

for a long young portion of my life I insisted on pronouncing Sean “SEEN” because that’s how it’s spelled.

[pftones3482]

As someone who spends a good majority of her time working with kids, it irks me to no end when I see children written as if they’re babies.

Past the age of about five or six years old, children can have deep, intellectual conversations about the most bizarre of things. I HAD A CONVERSATION LAST WEEK WITH FOUR THIRD GRADERS ABOUT THE GAS PRICES AND TAXES IN HAWAII.

Were they entirely correct in the facts they were giving? No, because it was all from what they had heard from parents or on the news. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that I was having a genuine conversation with four eight and nine year olds about taxes.

Just about the only speech problems most kids have, unless they have a speech impediment, is not being able to pronounce certain consonants (replacing ‘th’ with ‘fw,’ for example, and some letters are harder to form with your mouth than others) and doing exactly what the person above said: using the English language the way they know how, which isn’t always the way English works.

Kids aren’t stupid. Stop writing them like they are.

[oldtoadwoman-deactivated2018121]

I was tutoring a little kid (second grade, I think). He was complaining about a worksheet. “This is hard.” I started to correct him as I knew he was more than capable of it and this bright kid, who had obviously heard the lecture before from others, interrupted me and said: “I know. I know. It’s not really difficult. It’s just time consuming.” Some kids are spooky-smart and even quite articulate.

If you need (plotwise) to emphasize that the child is specifically childish … have them tell the same joke to everyone they meet, cracking themselves up before they get to the punchline … have them ask “Why?” incessantly … have them fidgeting and possibly breaking things (”Oops.” “What?” “Nothing!” “WHAT?!”) … and if you have more than one kid, even of the same age, you don’t have to write them at the same intelligence level or emotional maturity. Some kids are messy and some are obsessively neat. Some are quiet, some loud. Some giggly, some surly. They basically come in the same range of personalities as adults. 

If you don’t want to invest a lot of time writing dialog for kids, just establish that you have a quiet kid. But a kid who gives single-word answers is usually doing so because they don’t like you (or trust you) or they are focused on their own thing and you’re interrupting them. It doesn’t mean they lack the vocabulary or that they don’t understand the adult conversation going on “over their head” (the more inappropriate the conversation, the more likely the kids are paying attention).

[santheum]

I have jabbed the back button so many times on terrible kid fic. This is an excellent resource - kid fic, when done well, is a real treat for me.

[thaxted]

The only children I have ever met who did say things like “me hungwy” were the ones who had figured out that if they sounded “adorable” they could wrap adults around their precious little fingers. Kids get it.

[delicatefury]

Kids also slur and mumble a lot. Especially when they’re tired. They don’t say “me hungwy”, they say “M’hungry”, or “m’hung’y” cause it just takes too much effort or time to do a proper distinct ‘r’.

Really, with kids, it’s more about how they say the words than what they say. A sleepy kid can be adorable, but they’re either cranky as hell or nearly dead on their feet. A hungry kid is going to be cranky (again) or whiney. A bored kid’s going to be fidgety and/or whiney. etc. 

[neurodiversitysci]

Generally speaking, in my experience, kids are as smart as any adult. What they lack is: * Life experience and knowledge about the world. So sometimes, things that seem silly and cliche to us are new, exciting, and profound to them. * A long term perspective. They don’t have a sense of “this too shall pass.” If something upsets them right now, it’s the end of the world. If something makes them happy, they think they’ll never be unhappy again. This hurts their judgment and can make them emotionally reactive. * Self-control. Try to get kids to sit quietly when they’re tired or hungry or angry, and you’ll see what I mean. * The ability to know what they know and verbalize it to others. Any therapist will tell you kids pick up family dynamics and detect conflict parents are trying to hide like no one’s business. They can’t usually talk directly about it, though, although they might enact the patterns they see with dolls and pretend play. * Defenses and seeing themselves through others’ eyes. I love teaching and doing research with children because their personalities are so quickly and easily visible. Their parents are another matter. Until at least 5th or 6th grade, they’re not constantly thinking about how others perceive them and constructing complicated facades. * Meta-thinking. When I ask a child who just solved a logic puzzle or answered a question correctly how they knew, they’ll often say something like “I just knew,” “because I’m smart,” “my sister taught me,” or “I don’t know.” This is related to kids rarely knowing and being able to verbalize what they know. * Basic executive functions like working memory, processing speed, and inhibition. All of these rely on the frontal lobe and develop slowly. A concrete example: on a brief IQ test like the Woodcock Johnson, I’ve seen kids get lost in the problem and forget part or all of what they were being asked, but they could solve it accurately if you kept reminding them (but did not otherwise provide help). Their standard scores with reminders were often over 120 (roughly “gifted range”), while without, they did about average. * They ask questions, but they don’t critically question what you’ve been told. In my experience with gifted kids for example, they ask so many questions it wears parents and teachers out. But until adolescence, they trust what they learn from books, parents, and teachers. They don’t ask constantly, “how do you know? How do I know?” I vividly remember beginning to ask these how-do-we-know questions at 14. I suddenly became aware of a lack of certainty of everything I knew and believed.

Kids are smart and observant, but they are not little adults. Their perspective is so different given their size, relationship to time, and dependence on the adults around them. If you want to write about kids, keep that in mind, listen to them, and observe them closely.

[winplaceshow]

i’m a speech/language therapist who specializes in language development for preschool aged children (under 5).  as a rule of thumb, children approximate adult language at 5 years of age.  i didn’t really include speech sound development because that’s a whole lot of explanation.  but, here’s what their language looks like from birth - 5 years:

Birth–3 Months

Startles to loud sounds

Quiets or smiles when spoken to

Seems to recognize caregiver’s voice and quiets if crying

Makes pleasure sounds (cooing, gooing)

Cries differently for different needs

Smiles they see caregiver

4–6 Months

Turns eyes to the direction of sounds

Responds to changes in tone of voice

Interested in music / toys that make sounds

Babbling is reduplicated repetitions of different easy to pronounce sounds, (i.e. ”papapa,” “bababa,” “mamama”)

Chuckles and laughs

Vocalizes excitement and displeasure

7 Months–1 Year

Enjoys games like peek-a-boo and pat-a-cake

Turns and looks in direction of sounds

Listens when spoken to

Recognizes words for common items like “cup”, “shoe”, “book”, or “juice”

Begins to respond to commands and requests (e.g. “Come here” or “Want more?”)

Babbling has many different sounds (”pabamima”)

Uses gestures to communicate (waving, holding arms to be picked up)

Imitates different speech sounds

Has one or two words (hi, dog, dada, mama) around first birthday, although words may not be intelligible

1-2 Years 

Points to a few body parts when asked.

Follows simple commands and understands simple questions (“Roll the ball,” “Kiss the baby,” “Where’s your shoe?”).

Points to pictures in a book when named.

Vocabulary size increases every month

Child over generalizes words (i.e. every four legged animal is “doggy”)

Uses some one- or two- word questions (“Where kitty?” “Go bye-bye?” “What’s that?”).

Once vocabulary size reaches ~250 words child begins to put two words together (“more cookie,” “no juice,” “mommy book”).

2-3 Years

Understands opposites (“go-stop,” “in-on,” “big-little,” “up-down”).

Follows two-step requests (“Get the book and put it on the table”).

Should be able to listen to story books for longer periods of time

Vocab size increased to the point where they have a word for almost everything, new words every day.

Uses two- or three- words sentences.

Speech is understood by familiar listeners most of the time.

Often asks for or directs attention to objects by labeling them.

Asks “why?” but may not be able to answer (**asking questions comes far before being able to answer them!!)

May stutter on words or sounds (this is normal unless it distresses the child)

3-4 years

Will respond when called from another room.

Can talk about familiar activities that happened at school or at friends’ homes while the listener was not present.  Uses about 4 sentences at a time. (Not yet a full adult-like narrative, but making progress.)

People outside of the family understand child’s speech.

Answers simple “who?”, “what?”, and “where?” questions.

Asks “when?” and “how?” questions.

Understands simple meta-linguistic structures such as rhymes (i.e. “hat-cat”)

Uses pronouns, such as I, you, me, we, or they

Uses some plural words, like toys, birds, and buses (may overgeneralize plural or past tense “

Sentences have 4 or more words.

Usually has outgrown stuttering behaviors.

4-5 years

Understands sequencing words like first, next, and last.

Understands words for time, like yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

Follows 3-4 step directions, like “Put your pajamas on, brush your teeth, and then pick out a book.”

Says all speech sounds in words. May still make mistakes on sounds that are harder to say, like l, s, r, v, z, ch, sh, th.  **Mistakes on /r/ are common until 7 years of age

Uses sentences that have more than one verb.

With adult support can construct a short narrative about something the listener is not familiar with (i.e. “What happened in the movie?”)

Understands that they must change their language depending on the listener and place. May use short sentences with younger children or talk louder outside than inside.

[igosploosh]

I feel like it would be unfair to the kids I work with to NOT reblog this.

[brawltogethernow]

I use too many devices to keep track of all the panels I’ve saved of “Peter flirting with men or otherwise indicating he’d be dtf”, so fuck it, I’m going to stick them all on this post as I rediscover them.

[brawltogethernow]

[brawltogethernow]

[brawltogethernow]

This shit is why Spider-Man can never join the Defenders and also why he is a widely acknowledged menace.

[brawltogethernow]

SIR–

[brawltogethernow]

What does this mean

[moonblossom]

Bi-derman, bi-derman… 🎶

[valtsv]

me: okay, before we go through with this, i just have one question. is the aversion to garlic like, a lactose intolerance thing where you can consume it but you’ll regret it later, or is it more of a severe, potentially lethal allergic reaction kinda sitch?

vampire: *pausing mid-bite* why… does it matter?

me: i’m just not sure if this immortality deal is really worth it if i can never eat garlic again

[valtsv]

no but seriously. how much garlic does it take to actually repel a vampire? there are no specific measurements as far as i’m aware, which on the one hand suggests that it’s just any amount at all, but on the other hand it makes vampires look kind of weak and shitty if they can be successfully warded off by a speck of garlic powder in my blood

[valtsv]

vampire: now, i know you’re new to this whole vampirism thing, but using that much garlic in your cooking surely can’t agree with you-

me: buddy, i was lactose intolerant before i turned. i’ve suffered worse for less.

[valtsv]

angel: aren’t you supposed to be repelled by salt? that must be so painful

demon: i’m already damned to eternal torment in hell, do you really think i’m going to torture myself with bland, unseasoned food as well? no thank you *pops another salt and vinegar chip in their mouth and winces*

[valtsv]

faerie: you are aware that iron dampens our magic, right?

other faerie: i will die before i stop eating chocolate and that is a threat

[silver-tongues-blog]

millennial supernatural entities are unstoppable

[doeofdevotion]

[incorrectmarvelcuquotes]

Loki: I’m 50% murder, 80% charm and 70% a natural mastermind.

Odin: That’s 200%.

Loki: I’m twice the man you’ll ever be.