you tedious malcontent ♡

haunted by owner of a lonely heart theo, they/them, 20s

[dragon-in-a-fez]

one of the funniest conversations I ever had with my ex was when they were still getting used to Celsius and asked me "what's 20 degrees?" and instead of converting it, I said "it's the highest your dad will ever let you set the thermostat and when you say you're cold he tells you to put on another sweater, we're not made of money" and they went "oh, 68"

the fact that this reference was that fucking precise was something they went on to tell people about for years.

[owenthetokencishet]

So-called "free thinkers" when their friend has to pee

[afurioushawk]

Euros over here for the World Cup discovering we were right about this

[ramavoite]

Critical Role Campaign 4, Episode 24 - “Good Tidings”

[sisterofsylandri]

I just wanna see if this is a familial trait or she's projecting a little bit.

Campaign 4, Episode 26 - Council of Heroes

[storyhearts-journey]

“Time and trouble will tame an advanced young woman, but an advanced old woman is uncontrollable by any earthly force.”

—  Dorothy L. Sayers

[ablueper]

I Killed My Whole Family phrase

plural I Killed Whole Families

Meaning

oh, drat!

aw, snap!

Examples containing the phrase

Oh, do you have that money I owe you? Oh, no, I don't have it yet. I killed my whole family. I'll have it for you next week.

I don't have my flask. I've killed my whole family.

Etymology

Origin perhaps Halfling

Related Phrases

I killed my family, I'll throw you under a bridge.

[ivehearditbothgays]

that's not his name!!

[stuckinapril]

I think part of getting better is complete ego death. Like you’re not above setting a timer for 5 minutes and focusing on a task. You’re not above doing a very simple 3 minute workout to start. You’re not above reading for 10 minutes a day when you first get out of your reading slump, even if you used to read for hours. You’re not above starting slow and then building up to where you want to be/where you once were. What you are above is total inertia. Doing something really is better than doing nothing. Radically accept where you are, radically accept your limits, and go from there. Don’t let your ego get in the way.

[politijohn]

Source

Happy Pride Month!

[reasonsforhope]

Holy shit!!!!!!! HUNGARY DID IT!!!!

-via the Los Angeles Blade, June 1, 2026

[pseudomantis]

Scientific fraud is the most baffling thing ever to me like do they think they're just going to make a huge breakthrough and no one will notice that it's fake by trying to replicate their results

[pseudomantis]

Yeah actually I just discovered how to turn plastic into gold. Oh you want to know how I did it

Starts running away cutely

[jonnywaistcoat]

[vanilla-bean-buttercream]

So there's this plastic turtle we have outside our school that tells cars to slow down. My kids have always asked me why I don't have a husband, and I got tired of telling them because I didn't want one, so I pointed to him and said, "That dude. That's my husband."

This has been a running joke for two years now. All the kids know the plastic turtle outside the school is my husband. He doesn't have a name, just Miss Cat's husband.

Today was really windy, and the turtle dude fell over. I was taking a kid out to his mom, and he saw it on the ground and went, "Oh look, your husband died."

So I said, "Oh darn. Looks like I'm single again."

And without skipping a beat, he goes, "I'll be your husband."

Mom is standing there trying not to laugh as I got down on my knees, took the kid's hands in mine, and said, "Thanks for the offer, bud, but no thank you. We'll just pick that guy up so he can start being my husband again."

So the kid runs over, picks the turtle up, and goes "Good morning, husband! You're not dead anymore. Good job."

[powerbottombrucespringsteen]

The thing is nobody at pride is evaluating you to determine if you’re queer enough to be there because they’re too busy thinking “it’s so hot out” and “why is this lemonade 12 dollars?”

[teabree-shark]

[m0thmancore]

[mousegirlheart]

um actually there's nothing wrong with letting cats be outdoor pets. your cat is depressed locked inside forever. it's animal abuse. let it outside. more cats should be let outside more often. especially overnight.

[beggars-opera]

*Looking at a gay couple* so which one of you is Colin Mochrie and which one is Ryan Styles

[cam1lla]

*looking at a gay couple* so which one of you is Laura Hall on piano and Linda Taylor on guitar

[rylandgraces]

[the most low energy you have ever seen me] we’re about to go crazy mode