MK. They. 30. Scorpio. Aspiring himbo (more muscles, fewer thoughts). were_the_world_mine on ao3. Driven back to Tumblr after too many years by Love Victor and millennial burnout circa 2021. Currently hyperfixating on Heated Rivalry, in a butch lesbian way.
In my head Shane is 14 when one of his coaches finds him on the ice doing extra drills after practice and he makes some Crack like, "Guess you're not a once in a generation talent after all." And Shane is surprised and doesn't know what he means, and thinks maybe he did something wrong? A stupid newspaper called him a generational talent a couple months ago and the kids on his team - well it's fine. They're still winning. "More like twice huh?" The coach finishes. He holds up a DVD in an unlabled jewel case (because it's 2005) "Got something you're going to want to see."
The coach takes him to the video room and puts the DVD in, "There's a kid in Russia, same age as you. They're saying he's the next Gordie Howe."
He presses play and they watch a shaky video of two Russian teams. Shane's heart starts racing as he watches. He can immediately tell who coach is talking about. One of them is clearly faster and smarter than the rest, moving through the defense with a slick confidence that Shane immediately finds fascinating.
"His name is uh," coach digs though a pile of paper, "Romanof or something." He finds what he's looking for, "Ilya Rozanov. He'll be draft eligible the same year you will."
Shane feels that same sense of determination, terror, and joy he always feels when one of his coaches talks about him getting drafted like it's a forgone conclusion. He keeps watching the kid on the ice, the same age as him, and very good, and also already set for the draft.
His play style is fascinating, and when his shift is over Shane grabs the remote to fast forward to the next time he gets on the ice, wanting to see more.
His coach laughs and claps him on the shoulder, "Don't worry about him too much. You won't be playing him for a couple of years."
Shane watches this boy skate around his teammates like it's easy, like he's bored, maybe as bored as Shane sometimes is with his own team. He can't wait.
a scene that really gets me is in episode 6 is where they’re all sat at the table and yuna says “oh but that’s sad” when they tell her they’re gonna keep their relationship secret until they retire and shane responds “yeah we know” like that just sums up the queer experience.
a lot of the queer experience is people being like “wait it’s actually crazy you have to deal with that” and queer people just going 🤷♂️ because it’s always been like that. it’s sad but it’s not shocking to shane and ilya that they have to hide because there is no other option. it’s acceptance by defeat because it feels like there is no alternative
“yeah we know” because we have been living in that reality for the last almost 10 years. we know
yaga being a twin peaks-esque body horror starring beefy pretty boy of the year cucking in threesomes and jerking off i love it.. and we get to gif it on the horny pervert website... smiles forever
In the HR universe instead of the Ben Affleck smoking meme it's an identical picture but Ilya Rozanov and Ilya actually hates it because every time it pops up somewhere for Shane to see it reminds him to bug Ilya about his smoking
Hey guys remember in episode two when Ilya's father tears him apart for like three minutes just nonstop vitriol and then he gently straightens out Ilya's tie and lapels for him? Because I remember 👍
Post-outing Shane loving every time someone shovel-talks him, more or less menacingly, or compliments him for bagging someone as wonderful as Ilya, especially after he's had everyone before more or less judging negatively his choice upon finding out.
Svetlana squaring him up and down promising his ashes will never be recovered if he hurts Ilyushka? Perfectly understandable, he wholeheartedly agrees with the sentiment
Marleau slapping him on the shoulder "Legendary pull, Hollzy! You'll take care of my guy, right?"? New friend unlocked, a delightful goldmine of embarrassing stories and anecdotes about his husband.
Attentive Hazy, with his all knowing goalie-eyes, smiling kindly "you two are a goalie's worst nightmare and the absolute perfect match"? Might even go easy on him during training. But like only once...for half the session.
Sweet baby faced Luca stuttering all embarrassed his congratulations for his engagement with his amazing Cap and childhood idol, and admitting he always thought they'd make a good match? Where are the adult-adoption papers?
The salt and pepper in Ilya's hair doesn't show up as clearly as it does in Shane's. Instead Ilya, despite sometimes admitting to feeling like he has to claw his way to joy and happiness from the bottom of the deepest pit, develops laugh lines.
They start as creases in the corners of his eyes, the natural consequence of David's awful dad jokes, or Yuna's brand negotiation horror stories, or a stellar Cens reunion, or something wild and out of the blue that their toddler says, or a bitchy comment from Shane from their seats in the stands as they watch games rather than play them, or the way Shane's hip now clicks in a comically loud way every time Ilya spreads his legs.
Initially the lines fade away immediately.
Then, as the years go on, they linger, so that Shane gets to look at them and hear the sound of Ilya's laughter in his head for longer and longer. Then, they stop fading, and Shane can see the evidence of every beautiful moment they've had together etched onto his favorite face in the world.
When Ilya finally concedes and says they're not laugh lines anymore - he's officially got wrinkles, Shane beams at him and kisses each one reverently.
"You know me, I would never complain, but what was that for?" Ilya asks and Shane smiles back at him, knowing the lines on his own face largely mirror his husband's.
"Just grateful that I've spent long enough with you to get to see you with wrinkles."
And when Ilya swoops forward and kisses him, it feels every bit as wild and exciting as it did when they were nineteen.
"'We could only have one child,'' David said quietly. "We thought about adopting, but we decided in the end to just focus on making Shane the best person we could. I think we did an okay job of it.
Ilya smiled at the understatement.
"We couldn't be prouder of the man he's become,' David continued. "I don't have any Stanley Cup rings, but I have Shane.''
Chapter 39, The Long Game
....
It's Christmas of 1988.
There's one more present under the tree, and Yuna's eyes are dancing as she hands it to David. He opens it to find the tiniest pair of shoes he's ever seen.
"No. Really?" He's dizzy.
"Really," Yuna grins, and her eyes are shining with tears, and David loves that face more than anything. He hopes their baby looks just like her.
.....
It's a bitterly cold day in February of 1989 when David puts the shoes away. He pushes down all the anger of it's not fair, why us, why our baby. Yuna needs him.
The doctor had said you're young, you can try again.
.....
In the spring of 1990 the flowers are blooming to life and Yuna's belly is starting to look rounder. David looks around the empty bedroom in their Ottawa house and thinks green might be nice, something that works for a boy or a girl, a nice cheerful shade. Next week he'll buy the paint.
The call from the hospital comes before he gets the chance. When he looks at the doctor's scrubs he thinks green is the ugliest colour on earth.
.....
They don't talk about it. Not when the leaves are changing colour and the nurse offers them congratulations. Not at Christmas or New Year's as they turn the calendar over to 1991. It's Valentines Day before David gets the courage to touch the rounded swell of his wife's body and he cries when whoever is inside touches him back. It doesn't matter that they don't have a name or a face yet, he loves them so much it hurts.
.....
On a Friday morning in May, David holds his son for the first time. His face is scrunched and blotchy red and angry. He's the most perfect thing anyone has ever laid eyes on.
He watches Yuna sing and rock him near the nursery window at home, her face glowing. He thinks the yellow paint was definitely the right choice for their sunshine, their only sunshine.
.....
Shane is a chubby baby (they laugh themselves sick when the baby shoes don't even fit on his fat little biscuit feet) but by the time he turns two he has leaned out into a little boy, they think maybe they are ready to try again. David imagines a girl this time, introducing Shane to his baby sister. Melissa sounds pretty. The baby name book had said it meant honeybee and doesn't that just fit perfectly amidst sunshine and flowers and springtime?
.....
It never happens.
Shane is an only child at four and five and six and he's becoming something special on the ice, all the coaches say so. David thinks that they have no idea what they're talking about when they say that because Shane Hollander has always been special from the time he kicked and rolled inside his mother, before he ever knew what cold was.
If he's all they get, they will make sure he knows he is everything.
.....
Sometimes David wants to take Shane by the shoulders and apologize to him for making him think he has to be everything. You don't have to try so hard to be perfect for us, he wants to say. You're perfect to us because you're you, you're ours, don't you know how we prayed and hoped and waited just for you to exist, don't you know that's enough?
Much, much later as he waves to him (to them) in late evening sunshine, he sees Shane relax behind the windshield with a loving hand on the back of his neck. David feels something inside of him loosen.
.....
On Shane’s wedding day, David embraces both his sons and dances with his wife and my god, if this is all he ever gets in life, no man has ever been so lucky.
.....
"Are you ready?" Shane is smiling and his eyes are shiny. Ilya looks much the same.
David is dizzy. But he nods and holds his hands out. Shane places the baby in his arms and oh, she's so tiny. He forgot how tiny they start out.
Her little knit hat is yellow.
"Hey there, honeybee," he murmurs, and his voice is foggy with unshed tears. "I'm your grandpa."
i tried making a contrapuntal poem for hollanov, which can be read 3 ways: shane’s side alone, ilya’s side alone, or both sides together. inspired by the long game.
