Who needs dignity?

My name is Elijah, ftm he/him/they, pansexual, graysexual, and a proud feminist. I'm 23 and I am going into an animal centric career field. I love adventure and puns and learning new, obscure things.

[fromdarzaitoleeza]

{Quotes:Nitya prakash/Richard siken ,crush}

[atlaskrr]

we've done it again folks

[awed-frog]

For all my fellow oversharers out there.

[pup-dion]

As a chronic people-pleaser, this is my advice for success.

Offer as little as possible. Be terse. Get rid of all those exclamation marks and tidbits about why you want to take a sick day. State your needs clearly and concisely without reason. Start saying “No, I’m unable.” more often. Say Thank You only when the other party deserves it.

[penny-anna]

i think the reason why the assassination of Julius Caesar is one of the funniest political assassinations is for this very simple reason:

1 guy stabs 1 guy: not funny. that's murder.

2 guys stab 1 guy: even less funny. that's two against one.

60 guys stab 1 guy: uproariously funny. why do you need so many guys.

[dragonomatopoeia]

people love to make fun of the 1960's batman show and movie playing goofy comic stuff with deadly seriousness they're always like this is cringey and embarrassing You Don't Understand!!!!!!! You Don't Get It!!!!! Adam West playing batman like he's playing hamlet while saying things like "robin get the bat-shark repellant" is so important. how are you so joyless. i bet you hate the muppet movies too

[blackgirlmagicx]

[asoniccatapult]

do they expect me to stop him somehow?

[wesley-wyndam-pryce]

Angel: We both look very handsome tonight.

Spike: You know, if you’d just said that I looked handsome, I would have said, ‘so do you’.

Angel: I couldn’t take that chance.

[boazpriestly]

This “God Creating Things” series by @lonnieiiv on TikTok is HILARIOUS!

[killorbekillian]

God: Now listen to me Gabriel, these are going to be really fun because some go on pizzas.

Gabriel: Yeah, okay, okay.

God: You like that? And then some will make you see things.

Gabriel: ...’Kay?

God: And some, Gabriel, some just... kill you.

Gabriel: [Long pause] You doin’ okay, pal?

[givemeunicorns]

@phoenixwrites​

[argumate]

the human stress response seems so maladaptive!

[cargopantsman]

To be fair 99% of our evolutionary stress response was meant to deal with far more immediately conclusive scenarios than the tedious bullshit we put up with these days.

[argumate]

very very slow tigers are chasing me

[yellbug]

not to leave a serious comment on a silly post but one of the best pieces of advice I ever got about stress was to SLEEP but secondly, when overwhelmed, lay in a bed and intentionally hold all your muscles clenched. clench EVERYTHING. hold it for a few seconds, then let go. It tricks your animal fight-or-flight monkey brain into thinking it had, and won, a fight, and some of the stress response will leave you

[creekfiend]

#turn a slow tiger into a fast tiger with this fucked up trick

[headspace-hotel]

“Very very slow tigers are chasing me” is the most hysterical way I’ve ever heard my state of being described

[valtsv]

i'm such a fan of calling 2 guys trying to kill each other their "divorce arc"

[valtsv]

men will literally declare each other mortal enemies and make their category 5 relationship drama everyone's problem instead of going to couple's therapy

[better-late-than-nevah]

[trueshredguitar]

i love that post thats like “never trust how you feel about your life after 9pm” that shit changed my life. every time i feel bad i look at the clock and i’m like Aha It’s 10:26 PM You Cannot Fucking Fool Me

[clownmoontoon]

ASDLKLKJSDKJLLSKDLKJDS

[thealgerian]

Both were filled at the same time with the same water, only one had oysters.

[flagellant]

:/ The next time you think it’s okay to be nonbinary, remember the cost. We are killing our planet 😔

[beannewpage]

Wtf. No, be who you are. This doesn’t define you.

[lindsaysblue]

I offer some context

[solitarelee]

that context was DESPERATELY needed thank you

[comradekatara]

that time zuko risked getting arrested by firebending in the middle of ba sing se just so he could light up a fountain to make some random girl happy but then when she tried to kiss him he held up a coupon in front of his face. like, he didn’t even want to kiss her, he just did that because he’s a compulsive people pleaser

[shittymoviedetails]

Kevin is the real villian in Home Alone

[orgyporgy]

The movie establishes that the phone lines to the house are down, that’s also why nobody is able to call Kevin at home. The movie also establishes that all of his neighbors are out of town which is why he couldn’t borrow their phones. The movie ALSO BEGINS by introducing the main antagonist as a “police officer” which is why Kevin doesn’t trust the cops. I’m so tired of the ignorance. The slander.

[foxyclock]

FINALLY we’ve reached the time of year for home alone discourse

[hypokeimena]

#he did what he needed to do to survive. then he did a bunch of other stuff he felt like doing (via @hotcrossedfangs) 

[christopher-bryant]

home alone is just die hard for kids

[godsperm]

He also stole that toothbrush so was even more scared to call the police in case they arrest him for theft too

[syntactition]

Kevin knew that ACAB ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[violetwolfraven]

Keep in mind that the robbers could have turned around and left at any time. Kevin set up the traps, but they didn’t have to walk into them. They could’ve left and robbed an easier house, but didn’t because they wanted to get the 8-year-old who was beating their asses. At some point, it stopped being about stealing the McCallisters’ stuff and started being about killing Kevin, at which point Kevin was justified in doing whatever the hell he wanted to them.

[gayandtiredoffical-deactivated2]

Janus: If I killed someone, would you tell on me?

Virgil: No, but I’d use it against you all the time.

Virgil: Like, “are you washing the dishes today or do I have to make a phone call?”