Whoa Batman!

he/him. southern guy taking it a day at a time.

[loveridden1999]

top 3 hobbies for young adults:

1. borrowing misery from future

2. carrying grief of the past

3. agonizing over the present

[kedreeva]

If your birds somehow magically got thumbs what kinds of crimes would they commit?

All of them, I expect

[cloudabserk]

incredible that the shapes in the moon im looking at right now are the same shapes on the same moon that somebody was looking at thousands of years ago

[cloudabserk]

when i post things like this i get scared im gonna be publicly super wrong. like what if this is how i find out we used to have a different moon until reagan replaced it

[rainformation]

formative years? aren’t they all?

[absolutejamer]

show me a permanent self and i will show you a facade or a corpse

[kosmogrl]

[glowingghosty]

[xkcd-for-that]

I don't even *want* this package! Why did I join the stinging insect of the month club, anyway?

Online Package Tracking

[auckie]

Bitch I hope grey aliens come and walk around on your lawn in the dark and make your censor light come on and the ring camera record them looking into it with their huuuge eye

[dailycatsblog]

[enki2]

[medusadyke]

[zooophagous]

You know what. Fuck you.

*unhallows your ween*

[taxidiinae]

[liquidstar]

i always think abt my cousin in greece who's like obsessed with american culture, bc ill say that im going to a barbecue and she'll be like "wow.... a real life american barbecue... will there be red cups?" you bet your ass there'll be red cups. take my hand. have a hot dog. all your dreams can come true here at the real life american barbecue

[windup-angel]

the work printer cries out, "no stop, that's too much! youre gonna make me jam!" as i load a full ream into her tray, but it's too late. "see, you can take it. you're doing such a good job for me." i coo into her feeding tray as i begin printing the morning reports. her warning lights turn red as she moans in i assume ecstacy

[droughtofapathy]

[misandrynistic]

[kleefkruid]

cats would be so fucking upset if they understood they were missing out on the ability to lie verbally

[grox]

Pictures like this were everywhere back in my day but now theyre all gone

[sludgewizard666]

if it sucks hit da bricks <- litany against sunk cost

take it easy but take it <- litany against burnout/apathy cycle

fuck it we ball <- litany against perfectionism

now say something beautiful and true <- litany against irony poisoning

[pepsimansthickjuicymeatyschlong]

some others i found in the notes

[homunculusgirldick]

Not really in the same vein, but i wanna add some great ones.

This whole post is my current philosophy

[cute-catts]

[jellogram]

Any conspiracy theory about people going missing in National Parks is automatically silly to me. Like "Why are National Parks such a hotbed of disappearances???" because they're full of idiots. You've got thousands of people who've never pissed outdoors in their life wandering around the woods/desert/mountain with zero experience and zero gear and zero understanding that this place can kill them. You don't see as many disappearances in wild areas because people don't go to them unless they have some background knowledge. Whereas you get tour buses full of old folks and suburban families shuttling people into National Parks 365 days a year. If you took the same amount of buffoons and dropped them in the actual wilderness the disappearances would be significantly higher than at the parks. Use your brain.

[nonenosome2]

That's exactly what someone trying to hide what's really happening in the National Forests would say. 🤔

[bearthateatspeople]

No no the parks and forests are safe very safe

[jellogram]

I'm not sure I really trust your motives here, bearthateatspeople

[recreationaldivorce]

potions??? lmaoo rip bozo

[littlegreenfag-deactivated20240]

they are casting spells on that white man

[grootficguy]

"we must craft a potion at once, the king is under affliction" type shit