emotionally exhausted and morally bankrupt

A damned and luxurious mountain goat

[supreme-leader-stoat]

DNI if you've ever:

Been to Greenland

Been to Denver

Buried treasure in St. Louis (or St. Paul for that matter)

Been to Moscow

Been to Tampa

Been to Boston (only if you went during the fall, though)

Hoisted a mainstay

Swabbed a poop deck

Veered to starboard

You know what just DNI if you've ever sailed at all

Walked a gangplank

Owned a parrot (I shouldn't have to explain this one)

Been to Boston in the fall (cannot overstate this)

[edgar-allan-possum]

Okay, but what if I've never plucked a rooster and I'm not too good at ping-pong, and I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall, and I've never kissed a chipmunk and I've never gotten head lice, and I've never been to Boston in the fall?

[the-song-not-sung-in-vain]

And what if I've never licked a sparkplug and never sniffed a stinkbug-- and definitely *haven't* painted daisies on a big red rubber ball, or bathed in yogurt-- and I don't look good in leggings, *and* I've never been to Boston in the fall?

[evilwizard]

okay im gonna hypnotize you with my ruby amulet now DONT BE WEIRD ABOUT IT. im doing this to make you betray the king. IT IS NOT A SEX THING

[violet-hady]

I think the fact that you immediately thought about clarifying it’s not a sex thing kinda makes it sound like it is a sex thing.

[evilwizard]

FOOL. i would be using my sex amulet for that

[quark-art]

had to draw this

[borzoibabe]

did you know?

- the menu at a restaurant is not an ingredient list you can use to create new dishes we could hypothetically make for you instead of the choices on the menu

- we do not have omelets on the menu because we do not make or serve omelets

- yes, i know we have eggs on the menu, but we still do not have omelets.

- yes, i realize omelets are eggs, but not all eggs are omelets, and the eggs we serve are not omelets.

- you cannot out-logic me so that i cave in and ring in an omelet for you. i am better at arguing than you are.

- there are no omelets here. there have not been, and will not be, omelets here. if you want an omelet you will need to go somewhere else.

- i can also promise that you do not want an omelet cooked by line cooks who have not been trained how to make omelets. because we don't sell omelets.

- no, i am not going to single-handedly put service on pause for the next twenty minutes while three cooks google how to make an omelet and then proceed to fuck up multiple omelets that our kitchen is not set up to prepare, so you can have an omelet.

-and we both know you'd bitch if it takes longer than six minutes to come out anyway.

- no, you may not just go back into the kitchen and make yourself an omelet. the line cooks do not take kindly to trespassing. also, what the hell.

- i hear that you want an omelet. that does not change the fact that we do not offer omelets. if you want to eat an omelet, you will need to go to another restaurant that does have omelets on the menu. this is not negotiable.

- i am the manager.

- yeah, alright, go fuck yourself too, bob.

[borzoibabe]

literally today a woman came in to the restaurant i work at, looked at the menu, looked around at all the tables eating, watched us take orders, watched us run food out to table. and then she approached me and asked "is this a restaurant?"

i thought for sure i misheard her, but no. she was asking "is this a restaurant?", almost as if maybe she had heard of the concept of restaurants but had never experienced one for herself, and she needed to get confirmation from somebody else.

i could not control my face. i had to walk away and another coworker had to step in to kindly explain that yes, the restaurant is a restaurant.

i would never lie to you.

[greelin]

let me just park in a way that brings shame upon my entire family line

[gnusnoteunuchs]

it's weird how whenever a neighbor's smoke alarm goes off it's because they're a talentless hack who can't cook, but when mine goes off it's because my culinary craft is being hamstrung by a draconian smoke detector that is far too sensitive for its own good

[queerhomemaking]

Whole30 on a budget

My husband, @macgyvermedical, is doing Whole30 right now, so I thought I’d make a couple of posts.  This one is about budgeting.

Here’s the big secret, right up front: it’s all about finding your cheapest veggies and proteins and dressing them up in a hundred different ways so you’re not constantly eating the same things.

This post applies to prices at Costco and Winco near Seattle in early 2026.

My cheapest proteins are:

Eggs (16 cents each)

Chicken Thighs (70 cents a pound on sale)

Ground Pork (around $2 a pound)

My cheapest veggies are:

Potatoes

Carrots

Sweet Potatoes

Onions

Broccoli

Green Beans

There are a ton of combinations of these nine foods.  The trick is to know how many things you can do with each of them, and make a large part of each meal from the cheapest ones like eggs and potatoes.  Here are some examples of how to make lots of different meals from the same foods

Potatoes:  You can have them fried thin and crispy, fried thickly sliced, oven fried, baked in the microwave, twice baked potatoes, all the variations of mashed potatoes, latkes (potato pancakes), etc etc. 

Ground pork: meatballs (variously seasoned), burgers, meatloaf, “scrambled” in a stir fry, as sausage patties, used to stuff just about any veggie you can think of, in larb (Vietnamese meat “salad”).

Broccoli: either steamed or roasted, seasoned with salt + pepper, garlic and ginger, bacon grease, smoked paprika, etc etc.

That’s 336 variations of meals from just three main foods.

The way you cut starchy vegetables is important- for example, a thickly sliced round of potato, fried in lard and topped with ketchup seems like a totally different food than a thin sliced french fry, fried in lard, salted, and dipped in ketchup.  The same applies to foods like carrots, taro, and sweet potatoes.  Just tonight I discovered that my husband actually likes carrots if they’re julienned.  He has no idea how many julienned carrots are in his future.

So again, the secret is finding your cheapest veggies and proteins and dressing them up in a hundred different ways so you’re not constantly eating the same things.

I'll be posting recipes and menus in the coming days and weeks.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I often find myself really, really wishing I liked mushrooms. They're nutritious, they're versatile, they seem like they elevate the taste and texture of dishes so much. Unfortunately they elevate it by making the taste and texture fucking awful.

[effemimaniac]

my workout

500 reps yanking your chain

500 reps pulling your leg

500 reps taking the piss

1000 reps winding you up

getting on your nerves until failure

[ceruleanheaven]

honestly given my parents whole [gestures vaguely] i am actually incredibly well adjusted

[eulaalia-deactivated20170111]

man: has anyone ever told you you’re beautiful? me: oh no sir, today is my first day out of doors and papà forbade mirrors in the house lest we fall victim to vanity

[seat-safety-switch]

Most of the limiting factor of our species is not how much stuff we can make, but how much stuff we can throw away. Being able to conveniently dispose of waste is essential to our way of life, and as soon as that stops, things go out the window. If you've ever tried to make dinner while your kitchen trashcan is full, then you can certainly understand why.

For centuries, we've been stuffing every available orifice of the world with the leftover crap that we didn't want anymore. Wrappers, cans, construction waste, computers that only run Windows 95, medical cadavers that got slightly too stinky to keep around: all these things get left outside somewhere far from your city and we all agree that they just don't exist now because we can't see them anymore. As that garbage piled up around us, we had to keep finding new places to put the new garbage. Sometimes we put some dirt on top of the landfills and build some houses on the dirt, but then those houses throw away even more stuff.

All of this is no surprise to anyone. We are done with something, and we want to toss it away and never see it again very shortly afterward. Someone else can deal with it, and ideally as cheaply as possible, because we need that money to buy more stuff to throw away.

Recycling helps, certainly, in that we get to throw away a slightly smaller amount of this crap. That's why everyone tells you to do it, and why you're a terrible person if you throw your jam jars out your window on the expressway instead of disposing of it in the correct bin.

However, the greatest recovery comes from re-use: simply don't throw it away in the first place. That's why I hang out outside the Chevy dealership for when they throw away one of those low-miles V8s just because it blew up and shot death glitter all throughout the engine. That's still got, like, two good cylinders on it, bro. Let me use your garden hose and I'll flush it out right into the storm sewer drain.

[kragehund-est]

opening my email with "aloha" and signing off with "cheers" so you know i've lost control of my life

[francesderwent]

wish list for people who don’t want anything

aka possessions which are just possessions, but which have noticeably improved my quality of life: for when people ask you “what do you want for your birthday/Christmas/graduation” and you instantly transform into St Francis and pledge fealty to Lady Poverty because your mind went blank

nice. new. sheets. I cannot emphasize this one enough. if you’re still using the same sheets you had in college, you should probably get new ones. get yourself some 100% bamboo rayon sheets—they’re silky and perfect for summer and great for sensitive skin! or, if you’re cold all the time, flannel sheets!

kitchen knives. or even just one really good kitchen knife.

new curtains—blackout if you are a creature of the night like I am

fleece lined anything, but especially sweatpants and hoodies. wool lined socks are also good. if you don’t have the option of coming home after work and putting on an entire outfit that is loose and fuzzy, you should change that, because you deserve that option.

cookie sheets with a layer of air between the top and the bottom. the bottoms of your cookies will never burn again.

kitchen scale!!! no more leveling off flour with a knife and getting it all over the table!! now all your measuring is just shoveling stuff in and out of bowls like you’re at the beach. baking is both more accurate and also way more fun.

coffee bean grinder. if you want to upgrade your coffee experience, this is a great one-time purchase. just-ground beans have a much better flavor than pre-ground.

CDs!! ask for a gift card and expand your physical music collection! or a collection of the DVDs for your favorite show!

[motleysaint]

A few more things!

Good luggage. Whether it’s a suitcase or a duffel bag or even just packing cubes, it’s all helpful!

Good art. If it’s someone you trust, you can ask them to surprise you with a piece they like, otherwise you can have a few back up suggestions of ideas (I saw a framed piece of just the hands from Michaelangelo’s The Creation of Man and have not forgot about it since)

Good good pillows or fluffy blankets to go along with those nice new sheets from above

Office supplies. Pens, markers, sharpies. All the sharpies.

Coffee travel mugs (can one have too many?). If they say they still want more ideas, also ask for a bag of their favorite beans/tea

Look around your house, what do you have that is still from college? Ask for a better one of those.

[mademoisellesarcasme]

And for the future planning, especially if you’re me and forget things: make a document of “things I’d like but don’t want to buy for myself frivolously” and then select items from that for a wishlist.

[nydescynt]

Some other suggestions along these lines:

Nice hand soap/ candles/ detergent - Make sure to clarify if there’s any smells you really do/ don’t want

Nice towels - The ones you want are called ‘bath sheets’, they’re extra large

Small table lamps/ indirect lighting - It is truly incredible how much using a few smaller lights vs The Fluorescent Sun That Lives On The Ceiling to light rooms improves existing in that room

Kitchen canisters- Make sure you ask for ones with seals! These both improve the lifespan of your flour/sugar/what-have-you and are much more convenient than digging into the flour bag only to find it has torn at the back and turned your counter into the Swiss Alps

[lizznotliz]

If you have a favorite local restaurant, or independent bookstore/small business, ask for giftcards! I have asked for and received giftcards to my favorite local pizza place and my local comic book shop for birthdays and Christmas many times and I love that because I get to support a small business and pick something out for myself later.

[animusbell]

you can't come to my birthday party? aw dang, (remembers it's bad to guilt trip people) this doesn't matter to me at all (remembers to demonstrate that i am affected by you to affirm your positive presence in my life) but while you're away i will die (remembers not to guilt trip again) unpreventably. unrelated to you. don't worry about it. (remembers to express care through actions and not just words) you're in the will.

[tawghasa]

Living in the wrong timsezone to notice when the hellsite is down - just like old times 🥹

[fernsandtales]

🫛 🥕 I will never stop loving making these whimsy needle books.

I enjoy every bit of them, especially how tactile they are. They take forever and a day to embroider, crochet and needle felt.

I have a desire to make an A5 book cover, but I fear it's going to be way too expensive for me to be able to sell it.

[purchase here]

[asteroidtroglodyte]

Alternate Universe where “Mini-Guns” are miniature versions of regular guns

[asteroidtroglodyte]

Fridge Mini fridge

Cooper Mini cooper

Gun

Fucking. “Mini” gun

????????

[hug-your-face]

@asteroidtroglodyte not to be That Nerd but it *is* a miniature version. Of this:

That's the M-61 Vulcan, the 20mm full-size hydraulic/electric Gatling gun that has been the "too close for missiles, switching to guns" weapon on US warplanes since the 1960s.

At about 6' long and 400 pounds not including an additional 500-1000 pounds of ammunition, it's a bit much to stick on the back of your F150 and prefers to nestle up inside F-16s and the like:

Thus the "mini" 7.62mm version. (Which TIL, is also not really 1-man portable due to the weight of the ammo and electrical supply. But you can easily mount it on a truck.)

TLDR:

20mm rifled Gatling = "gun."

7.62mm rifled Gatling = "mini gun."

HTH.

[asteroidtroglodyte]

I’ll get to your points, I will, I just, hold on-

WILL SOMEONE GET THOSE CIVILIANS AWAY FROM THE FUCKING HARDWARE WHO THE FUCK DECIDED IT WAS TAKE THEIR KID TO WORK DAY JESUS MARY & JOSEPH

Aaanyway. Yea no, like, full disclosure mi amigo I did in fact know of the m61 Vulcan it’s just. Like.

This is a Gun:

These are Guns:

I guess my particular flavor of pedantry expresses itself as such: I know that the “gun” that the “minigun” is a miniature version of is the M61 Vulcan. However, I would say, upon perusal of the original, that it is neither a “Gun” nor a “cannon” but rather a “Terrible Device”

That’s a Death Ray. I’m sorry. Comparing a Mosin to a Vulcan is like comparing Acetic Acid to CRISPR. Who needs this. Why does this exist. Have we not elevated this game to ludicrous enough heights yet. How much lead must we spit before satiety. Manmade horrors very much within comprehension etc et al you get my gist.

But yea AU where this monstrosity doesn’t exist and we have teeny tiny guns instead.

[kaskadian]

In the 1970s, the air force said "the Vulcan is cool and all, but you know what we really need? A version that can destroy tanks"

And so the GAU-8 Avenger was born

Behold: the maxigun

[asteroidtroglodyte]

“The average recoil force of the GAU-8/A is 10,000 pounds-force (45 kN), which is slightly more than the output of each of the A-10's two TF34 engines of 9,065 lbf (40.3 kN).”

Behold! An entire aircraft that is more or less just a platform for carrying your insane Death Ray!

My Dearest Darlingest Fellow Americans:

WHY ARE WE LIKE THIS