ANTI BONE ZONE

OFFICIAL HEADQUARTERS FOR THE WIZARD WAR YOU MAY REFER TO ME AS HIGH VAN WIZARD. THOUGH WE ARE A MAJORITY WIZARDS ALL SKELETAL OPPOSITION IS WELCOME HERE, INCLUDING TURNBONES. BYOW (BRING YOUR OWN WEED) FOR COUNCIL MEETINGS. ART CREDITS: HEADER AVATAR

[wizardvanhq]

HOW DO I JOIN THE WAR ON WIZARDS ON THE SIDE OF WIZARDS?

FOLLOW THE GUIDELINES. WIZARDS HAVE THE MORAL HIGH GROUND BY VIRTUE OF BEING NOT BURIED. ANY VIOLATIONS OF THE WAR CONVENTION LOSE US THAT SHIT. WE ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH BAD PRESS BECAUSE OF THE TELEPORTING BEAR INCIDENT.

SEND WIZARD BEAM ATTACK TO ANY SKELETON YOU COME ACROSS.

IF THERE IS DOOTING IN YOUR INBOX: TURN UNDEAD IS A GOOD DEFENSIVE SPELL. WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T FUCKING CAST TURN INTO UNDEAD.

THE WIZARD COUNCIL IS WORKSHOPPING THE NUCLEAR FIRE BLAST SPELL RIGHT NOW.

MAJOR IN MINECRAFT AND RESPECTING WOMEN. THAT IS ALL.

[evilnonbinarywizard]

Can someone explain to me why in the fuck the Wizarding Council just banned "Summon Greater Xylophone?!" How on Earth was that spell being used such that it was bannable?

[monsterfucker-research-wizard]

It was overshadowing "Summon Grand Piano", and the creator of that spell has a lot of sway in the council.

[sunderwight]

The official reason is supposed to be that the spell is too open to modification mid-cast and can allow infernal influences through if done in an insecure plane or next to too many resonance objects, but that's true of like 99% of summoning spells, so yeah it's pretty much definitely the piano guy.

[sunderwight]

[jazzw4ve]

*thunder crackling*

THOU ART LISTENING TO

*fireball explosion*

102.3

*bubbling cauldron*

REAL WIZARDS FM

*shimmering mana crystal*

WHERE WE PLAYETH NOTHING BUT CHANTS, CHANTS, AND MORE CHANTS

*wololo*

THIS ART NOT THINE ELDER MATRIARCH'S STATION

*Imagine Dragons - Radioactive starts playing*

[yiffmaster]

I feel like witches are sedentary and wizards are migratory. A witch has a home, a cauldron, herbs, you go to them with your problem. A wizard wanders, disappears, shows up at inconvenient times to fix nothing. am i making sense

[yiffmaster]

some good theories in the notes but I choose to believe those are made by a village or perhaps king as an artificial home, to attract and keep a wizard. like a beehive

[cursmudgeon]

While artificially built towers do attract wild wizards a wizard will naturally build their own tower as they enter the later stage of their life cycle. For the first couple hundred years of their lives wizards are extremely mobile and may travel almost anywhere in the world or even beyond. A tower usually begins as a workshop which the wizard returns to during their migration in order to store trinkets and artifacts which they collect during their travels. As the collection outgrows the available space in the workshop a combination of the concentration of volatile magical energy and the wizards natural desire to build secret passageways causes them to begin expanding the workshop. This usually starts with basic "bigger on the inside" magic but due to constraints around energy usage for sustained large scale spacetime warping they will eventually turn to more traditional methods of building. There are some documented cases of wizards whose workshops expanded outward instead of upwards, resulting in labyrinth structures rather than the more traditional tower. It is still unclear what environmental pressure causes these divergent structures. As the wizard ages and their exploratory phase winds down their travels will focus on a progressively more narrow subset of arcane knowledge until they find one secret of the universe complex enough to prompt their transition into the final stage of the wizard lifestyle. By this point they will almost certainly have a fully fledged tower or have settled into one they've found already existing. Their desire to travel is generally severely reduced by this point and outside of quests to discover certain highly specific items related to their studies it's possible that they might not leave their tower for months or years at a time. In some cases they may begin this phase several times if the secret they started pursuing is less challenging or less fundamental to the operations of the universe than expected. When they do find their final subject of study and find the answers they sought, they will finally reach the end of the wizard life cycle, either via death caused by hubris, merging with a larger consciousness, ascendence to a different plane or to godhood, or metamorphosis into a litch. Other wizards may sometimes occupy the abandoned towers of a former wizard but most will move on in order to build their own before entering into these later stages. Very rarely a particularly social variety of wizard may build several connected towers and share resources, these are called schools and over time they will tend to attract a large number of younger and weaker wizards seeking shelter.

[macleod]

Absolutely brilliant analysis of wizards and their migratory patterns through the ages. I can personally verify that this is accurate, and you may now consider this properly peer reviewed and accepted.

[evilwizard]

ive been arrested for Driving Under the Influence. of Dark Powers

[evilwizard]

this is going to ruin the tour

[lethalbutterfly]

What tour?

[evilwizard]

the underworld tour <|:^/

[milotheshrike]

It's gonna be out of this world! Just don't look back when you leave!

[good-wizard]

I CAST!

WALL OF SKULL ANGLE!!!

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

“Why can’t I just magically fix this” “Why isn’t there a magic cure” “Why won’t all just go away, like magic”

Because WIZARDS are UNDERfunded in this country

Contact your local government representative via the ol’ Molotov Express to demand more money for wizards

[alaska-railroad-official]

oH, yOu'RE sO UnDErFunDed...

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

You got me there American Train System… you got me there

[wizardsisananimal]

make wizard hat (•:|>

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Voting ended onAug 16, 2023

[evenedelweiss]

great wizard guys

[girlnephew]

[env0]

[flork-of-cows-official]

clark reupload

edit: forgot the sweater comic

[reblogs-by-jinarra]

[gayluigi]

Can’t believe you forgot the Connecticut dog!!

[amethystsoda]

[my-friend-jade]

Never pass up an opportunity to reblog Connecticut Clark.

[the-punforgiven]

I wish wizards were real so bad imagine coming out of a wal mart and seeing some guy with long robes and a big hat in the parking lot surrounded by wacky particle effects screaming some shit like "By the moon and the starlight, by the shield and the sword, I summon to me, my Honda Accord!" And then just getting into his car and driving off

[whetstonefires]

so there's basically two reasons he would need to do this and they're both funny

his magical honda unsummoned while he was in Walmart; this means it's not even a real car and could look like anything and he picked or was forced somehow to pick a Honda Accord

his normal honda was left someplace while he came to Walmart by other means, and he can teleport the car to him more easily than he can teleport himself places

[nucleariguana]

there's also the idea that he drove to walmart in his honda accord, and then when he got out he either forgot where he parked or wanted to skip like 20 seconds of walking so he just summons it right in front of the door

[petterwass]

To not have to find a parking space, most wizards keep their Honda Accords in a extradimensional oubliette when not driving. This also saves on garage space.

[christ-chan-official]

Clearly the wizard had to summon his Honda Accord because someone stole it while he was shopping. The carjacker is now tumbling violently down the freeway like a source engine ragdoll

[rathayibacter]

spells that instantly summon vehicles are pretty elaborate, and have a high risk of clipping into something and causing serious damage. instead, imagine this:

the wizard casts his grand spell, the light around him flares, and then, across the parking lot, you see his honda accord begin slowly and carefully driving itself to his location. this takes several minutes.

[aquawyrm]

So, he definitely forgot where he parked, then.

[squareallworthy]

He didn't forget nothing. He knows exactly where the car is. He's standing right there beside it, with his keys already in his hand. Did none of you notice that OP did not say "and then a car appears"? No, because it was already there. The wizard does this any time he goes anywhere. He just likes being dramatic.

[devious-buffoon]

Shit man, this wizard war is fucked. I just saw a guy clap his hands together and say "the ten hells" or some similar shit, and every one around him turned inside out, had their tibia explode and then disappeared. The camera didn't even go onto him, that's how common shit like this is. My ass is casting frostbite and level 2 poison. I think I just heard "power word:scrunch" two groups over. I gotta get the fuck outta here.

[probablybadrpgideas]

Wizards make all those funny hand gestures because they're selecting the spell from a terrible UI

­The reason spell slots are so limited is because your wizard refuses to buy premium magic.

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

Chants are a form of hacking that can bypass paywalls for more powerful spells (but you didn’t hear it from me)

[escuerzoresucitado]

[adelphicoracle]

Poorly cropped mage

[viciousmollymaukery]

wizard kissing btw.

[cryptotheism]

As chair of the wizard- [PARRIES A SPELL] As chair of the wizard counc- [PARRIES A DIFFERENT SPELL] As chair of the wizard council, I- [PARRIES A DIFFERENT SPELL] As chair of the wizard council I think staffs should be illegal during these meetings.

[etherealthistle]

oh i thought this was the staff meeting

[wizardvanhq]

HELP THE WIZARD MAKE A PENIS BLAST!!!

ball

BLAST

ball

Voting ended onJun 21, 2023