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@worriedlittlefirstyearhufflepuff
ive been doing a lot of youtube recipe binging lately so i was recommended this video and i was like fuck it diet soup why not
and it sounded pretty tasty so after the vid i scrolled down to see what people thought of it, and i just really need to share with you all what the comment section is like
and for the one that broke me:
An Incomplete List of the Animals my Grandpa brought home over the course of his 67-year marriage to Gandma:
Annabell, a solid white and completely deaf pit bull that used to let mom draw on her belly
The Worldās Ugliest Tom Cat, who turned out to be the cuddiest teddy bear of an animal
Cocker spaniel named āCaptainā
Stupid, the Cat
Litter of baby raccoons
Three more cats
A completely bald and extremely anxious canary that sang beautifully, but only at 4 AM
Baby Squirrel that grew up in the house and then refused to move out
A Genuine Thoroughbred Racehorse who was a spectacular athelete but had a habit of running races in the wrong direction.Ā Benny turned out to be a terrific trail horse instead.
Turtle
Snapping Turtle
A bucket full of 43 goldfish left over from the fair.Ā Mom counted once they were all in the bathtub in the backyard with the snapping turtle.
Another cocker spaniel namedĀ āMajorā, who had the tremendous talent of eating green beans silently
Red-tailed hawk he found on the highway, and sucessfully nursed back to health and released.
Dummy, Son of Stupid
Strange, the dog that lived under the porch and only came into the house at night.
AnĀ āabandonedā baby deer.
Spooky, an alleged dog.Ā Ā
Joey the parakeet whose tricks wereĀ 1. drinking tea out of a tiny cup 2. threatening to peck out peopleās eyes 3. wearing hats
A Really Big Toad he found behind the factory, because the other auto workers were discussing using it for target practice.Ā Mr. Grumpity was guardian of the rosebed for several years and grannyās (his mother) favorite animal he ever brought home.
Gretchen, a St. Bernard that had to be shaved from her prior ownerās neglect, and spent a week hiding from sight with such success in the house that they thought sheād run away.
Arson, Burglary and Murder, three frankly adorable little kittens.Ā They did not change the names, much to the regret of the cop who lived three doors down.
Yet another Cocker Spaniel, namedĀ āColonelā
Cardinal (bird)
Canada Goose (Demon)
Once in the nursing home, he had aĀ āpetā 12-point whitetail buck that would come to his window to be fed corn and get headskritches, inexplicably namedĀ āFlorenceā
The marriage only ended because thier time on earth did. He never kept an animal Grandma wouldnāt allow and if anything she was worse about it. She was the one who brought home a tarantula.
Questions from the Notes:
Your grandparents were Druids, right? They were a Steel Worker and Head Clerk at the local grocery store, respectively.Ā
How does a Horse run races the Wrong way? Get near the finish line then make a U-turn becuase he wasnāt done running yet.Ā He was also an excellent jumper and swimming horse. Much happier being a trail horse on Clevelandās Emerald Belt.
How does a St. Bernard hide in a small suburban house? Clever use of the space behind the couches, under the sink and under beds.Ā For a 110lb animal, Gretchen was also very quiet and knew to wait until the house was empty to move from hiding spaces or to snitch food off the counters.Ā Once her coat grew back in she was willing to be visible again.
The Tarantula Didnāt come fromaĀ pet store, did it? You know that stereotype about Tarantuals hiding in Bananas? That used to be a real thing that happened when bananas started being regularly available in Postwar mass market grocery stores.Ā Not very often, but it did. Grandma found the tarantula in a shipment of Bananas, and being the only non-arachnophobe working in the store, took her home and named herĀ āCarmen Tarantulaā after the famous brazilian singer. Geography was not Grandmaās strong point
Carmen Tarantula lived for 3 years and juding by the extremely blurry polaroid in the family albums, was probably a Brazilian Black.
What do you mean Spooky was an āAlleged Dogā? Well, for one thing, she Meowed.
Spooky was a 35lb delicate-limbed dog with owl-like pale green eyes and bat-like ears that was solid black save for a white patch on her chest in exactly the shape of Casper The friendly ghost, which was the only part of her visible when she would roam the halls at night, which is how she got the name.
Spooky was living in the house at the same time as Dummy, Son Of Stupid and another more Prototypical cat named Needles.Ā Dummy would sometimes forget what he was doing and get lost in the house, causing him to mewl pathetically until one of the humans or animals found and escorted him back to more familiar settings.Ā Typically, Needles would meow back at Dummy until she found him.
After three weeks in the house, Spooky could do an astonishingly good Catās Meow as well.
Spooky could also open doorknobs, get into the attic which didnāt even have a human entrance, would sit up like a human to eat her dinner or watch TV, and had a peculiar penchant for fishing.Ā Grandpa and Uncle popeye would regularly take her on fishing trips becuase sheād gleefully dive into the lakes and finish bringing the catch in, whether it were lake trout or pike or in one case, a strugeon.
Spooky also LOVED tomatoes.Ā More than anything else in the world.Ā If given a choice between a ribeye and a tomato, Spooky would chose the tomato every time.Ā This only applied to raw tomatoes though, she despised ketchup.
So while very much shaped like one, Spooky gave the distinct impression of something else dressed up as a dog.Ā Whatever she was, she was a loving and beloved companion to the family for 16 years.
If you enjoyed this story, you can check out my #Family Lore tag on my blog, or you can pre-order copies of the Family Lore Book containing many more stories on my Patreon.Ā I am disabled and telling stories online is my primary source of income so if you share these please link back and consider donating to my Ko-Fi or PayPal.Ā Thank you all for your support!
āWhy is snoop dogg at the Olympics-ā
WRONG QUESTION!
WHY ISNT MARTHA STEWART THERE WITH HIM?
she is! sheās joining him for the equestrian events because, and I am quoting her directly, āSnoop is afraid of horses.ā
Update:
this is 100% real btw
In Paris this week, he said: āI am interested in the horses that dance and I want to give them some carrots and apples ā¦ make sure theyāre fed before they do their thang.ā
Stewart explained the pairās dressage plan.
āSnoop called me and said he knows I know horses, and heās a little fearful of horses,ā the businesswoman, philanthropist and octogenarian Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover model told NBC on Friday.
āIām still scared of horses,ā Snoop said.
āHave you ever ridden a horse?ā Stewart asked.
āNo,ā said Snoop. āIām scared.ā
āSo weāre gonna do dressage,ā Stewart said.
This is so lovely and heartwarming that I almost didn't notice that Snoop's wearing knee high spats
EPILOGUE
He got to meet the horses!!
He even got to feed them carrots like he wanted to, even though he seems to be nervous! Such courage and valor! /Gen!
This is clearly the coolest day of that white guy's life. It's the coolest day of the horse's life. This is the coolest day of all of our lives. Mr Dogg, thank you for being who you are.
Can we just take a sec to also thank Mr. Snoop Dog for saying that he was scared to do something and called a friend to help him. And then did the scary thing. I think that admitting youāre scared of something takes courage and inner strength.
Just because one of your chicken eggs hatched a fire breathing dragon people think youāre evil. But youāre still just a regular farmer trying to make a living while dealing with an overprotective dragon, heroes that want to kill you and fanatics who want to worship you as the new Demon Lord.
The thing you need to know about all of this, the thing that got me into all this trouble in the first place, is that chickens will sit on anything when they get broody enough. Anything. Duck eggs, goose eggs, turkey eggs, lizard eggs, egg shaped rocks, anything. Chickens arenāt smart. If it looks vaguely like an egg, theyāll plant their feathery arses on it and wait.
I noticed that there was a bigger egg under one of the broody chickens, when I checked. Of course I noticed, it was twice the size of the others. But I have geese. I figured it was a goose egg sheād found and stolen. It was about the right size, and I didnāt take it out to check the colour because that particular chicken gets very protective of her eggs. Iāve already got a scar on one hand from trying to get eggs away from her. I didnāt want a matched set.
That was a decision I regretted the moment I went out to feed the chickens and found a little blue-and-silver dragonetās head poking out from under a very confused-looking chicken. The poor thing kept shifting around and looking under herself in a bewildered way, like she didnāt know what to do next. This particular chicken is a good mother, and sheās raised clutches of ducks and geese without any trouble ā sheās even resigned to some of her children swimming ā but this was too much. She didnāt object when I carefully reached in and fished out the little dragon.
It was so tiny, then. It fitted in my hand, with its little head peeking out one side and its tail looping around my wrist. Cute, too, with its big eyes and little snout turned up towards me.
That was when I made my second mistake. I decided to feed it before releasing it. Dragons are innately wild creatures, everyone knows that. They canāt be tamed. People have tried. The eggs are abandoned as soon as they are laid, and the dragonets hatch able to hunt, so they donāt even bond with their mothers. So just feeding it a little shouldnāt have been a big deal. It should have gobbled the meat and fled as soon as I loosened my grip on it and it saw the open sky.
It didnāt. As soon as Iād fed it, it fluttered up to a sunny window ledge and went to sleep. I went about my work, figuring that itād leave in its own time.
By noon, it was sitting on my boot, squeaking pathetically. I wondered if maybe it was confused by the farmyard ā they usually hatch in mountains, if the stories are right ā so I took it back to the farmhouse with me and fed it again when I ate, then took some time away from the fences I should have been mending to walk it up to the hills. I found it some nice rocks, with plenty of lizards and beetles and suitable prey for something that size. It pounced on a beetle almost as soon as I put it down, and when I left it was crunching happily.
I hadnāt walked a quarter of the way back before something hit the back of my boot. The little dragon was holding on with all four claws, and when I looked down it squeaked pathetically. If possible, its eyes got even rounder.
Listen, you donāt make it as a farmer if you just let orphaned baby animals die. We hand-raise calves and lambs and ponies, set chickens to sit on abandoned eggs, or put them under the kitchen stove or by a fireplace. You donāt make a success of farming if you donāt value every animal. A good shepherd will spend all night looking for one lost sheep. So despite what was said later, it wasnāt just sentiment that made me sigh and pick up the little thing and carry it back to the farm. Ā I am a good farmer. I donāt let orphaned babies die just because theyāre a little work.
Keep reading
they probably cant love me back in a human or even mammalian sense, but my goldfish with their smooth pea-sized brain have learned to trust that i will make them better when they are sick. i feel like crying about this often
Maybe Princess the tarantula never had anything resembling what we as humans know as emotions, but she still came out of her burrow and up to the glass when weād talk to her and used to stare at the drawing Iād tape to her terrarium. Maybe she couldnāt even comprehend what we were, but she knew we were there to take care of her. And even if she never showed that sort of curiosity or trust weād still love her.
Idk if Munchie the praying mantis felt love for me, but I do know he trusted me enough to climb onto my hand when offered and was comfortable with allowing me to carry him places despite me being absolutely massive in comparison to him. So that's close enough in my book.
I don't know if Sonic the mystery snail loved me or even understood that I exist but they sure loved it when I put cut up blueberries in the tank
Had a running bit for the first few months of living in my current house where I would do the Bigfoot pose every time my housemates walked into the room. Apparently Iām not particularly good at the bigfoot pose.
(Had the draft for this sitting in my WIPs folder for many moons, like an absurd ļæ¼ļæ¼ļæ¼amount of moons. Anyways, I finally finished it.)
Iāve never seen this with the update and it makes it so much funnier
peac & love on planet earth
Cat 1: BRO WTF GET BACK OR ILL KILL YOU
Cat 2: but we're BUDDIES!
Cat 1: YAAAAYYY
the experience of animal in your house never gets old. fuck yes dude there's an animal in here. did you guys know about the animal
Newtons 4th law is that for every "it's so over" there's an equal and opposite "we're so back"
Okay, this is pretty incredible. A 3D artist, consulting scholars and archaeologists, worked for a year and a half in Blender to create a reconstruction of pre-Columbian TenochtitlĆ”n, complete with the surrounding landscape. Itās staggeringly beautiful, andāat least to meāgives a wonderful impression of the city as a place where people worked and lived and worshiped
HOLY SHIT CLICK THROUGH THIS IS INCREDIBLE
gonna call in a shitter like it's a medevac helicopter and I'm a wounded GI in the jungles of Vietnam
imagine getting in one of these and sitting down and a few seconds later you feel it lift off the ground
too busy imagining one of these malfunctioning and raining shit from the sky onto the populace
dave matthews band drone warfare
Jonah Hill has been kidnapped and replaced by an Athenian philosopher
the fucked up thing is how "Creep" by Radiohead will really get your ass if you hear it at the wrong time. that shit can be stupid and overdramatic or it can have the weight of an atomic bomb dropped on your heart it just depends
It's actually a song about self loathing and grief over perceiving oneself as undeserving of the love they desire. While this has much in common with the core of incel ideology, the key component it that incels blame this perceived inadequacy and poor self esteem on the women they feel entitled to, whereas Thom Yorke in "Creep" is saying "I hate myself for not being deserving of your love." Hope this helps.
my favorite work memory from this store will always beĀ āhey remember when the subway inside the store closed down and they let me take a bunch of their shit for free and now it lives inside my house?ā
my life is a joke
