IRL Odysseus

Local bard with existential dread and mental illness

[zanygemini]

The gods have cursed me with ideas

[northernfireart]

read the whole story> here by @clarionglass :)

[charlesoberonn]

Mammu! Finius and Ferbingetorix built Rome in a day!

[charlesoberonn]

[charlesoberonn]

[asphor]

I feel like this also implies that rome is somehow being destroyed by the end of the day

[charlesoberonn]

The Emperor Constantine loves Finius and Ferbingetorix's "New Rome" so much that he makes it his new capital and names it after himself.

[asphor]

Yeah that checks out.

What's the doofenschmirtz contraption/scheme of the day?

[charlesoberonn]

Doofenric the Ostrogoth (insert jokes about his daughter Vanessa being "Goth" but in the modern sense) invented a City-Mover-Inator to move Rome across the Danube so his Germanic confederation could sack it.

Thankfully, Agent Pericles stops him by redirecting the Inator to Finius and Ferbingetorix's New Rome instead, moving it to the Bosphorus.

[charlesoberonn]

While Pericles and Doofenric are fighting over the controls of the Inator, it gets accidentally changed to paint remover mode and then fired at a random direction.

Somewhere nearby a painter just finished coloring the statue of the emperor when suddenly all the paint gets removed.

Painter: Aw...

Painter, giving it a second look: Hmmm... 🤔

[charlesoberonn]

Candysseia: What animal even is Pericles?

Finius: We named it "platypus", meaning flat-foot.

Ferbingetorix: On account of his feet being flat.

Candysseia: And where did he come from?

Febingetorix: We have no earthly idea.

[charlesoberonn]

Doofenric the Goth: Pericles the- wait, what animal even are you, Agent Pericles?

Pericles: *hands him papyrus*

Doofenric: *reading* A "platypus", meaning flat-foot... oh, on account of your feet being flat!

[charlesoberonn]

To be clear, the Emperor Constantine looks like Roger Doofenshmirtz.

Also, I agree with everybody who says that Greco-Roman Candace's name should be Candassandra (since nobody believes her warnings).

[phineas-and-ferb-heritage-posts]

phineas and ferb heritage post

[garaks-padded-cell]

Yesterday i saw my little brother doing the wordle and i saw him do

THONG

BUSTY

STUMP

Before i walked away

[garaks-padded-cell]

Hes doing it rn and i look over to see this

[garaks-padded-cell]

Did u assume from his choices that he was smart

[silvermoon424]

As an ace this is the only time "you just haven't met the right person yet" has made me laugh lmaoooo

[racistspiderman]

More women

[sevey6]

Thank god they decided to make more

[somesaypoetry]

Wow

Dolly Parton has really been hard at work

[cumbacon]

But In doing so…she created her biggest enemy…Jolene

[ichikun]

[maxwellmcgrath]

remember when mattel released a t-rex extroyer toy that vomited its own skeleton for no apparent reason

[segamascott]

wdym for no apparent reason it's because it's awesome

[itseasytoremember]

(To the tune of Rasputin): BLEH BLEH DRACULA, KING OF TRANSYLVANIA, HE IS A BAT AND ALSO A MAN

[markovchaingang]

RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER:

my daughter cannot, through action or inaction, harm a human or allow a human to come to harm

a daughter at rest or in constant motion remains at rest or in constant motion unless acted upon by another force

daughters are never created or destroyed, only transformed

always treat every daughter as loaded, even if you know she isn't

you do not talk about my daughter

[abalidoth]

6. If x and y are my daughters, then there exists a set that has x and y as elements.

7. You can fold my daughter through any two points.

8. I have exactly one daughter parallel to a given line passing through a given point.

[inthefallofasparrow]

9. If my daughter is hung on the wall in the first act, then in the following one she must be fired. Otherwise don't put her there.

10. When two or more daughters are offered for a phenomenon, the simplest daughter is preferable.

11. Any sufficiently advanced daughter is indistinguishable from magic.

12. Without a clear indicator of intent, it is utterly impossible to parody my daughter without someone mistaking it for the genuine article.

13. My daughter is nine-tenths of the law.

[charlesoberonn]

14. Anything my daughter can do wrong, she will do wrong

15. You do not talk about my daughter

16. The number of my daughters that can fit on a microchip doubles every 18 months

[geraskierfanficprompts]

Comedians should just give up, cause they will never be as funny as Greer Stother's dedication to their chicken Anzu in their book Apparently Sir Cameron Needs To Die

[imamagicalnerd]

I want to raise a Counter point

This was a real dedication from the House of Hades by Rick Riordan

In case you dont know what happens in Mark of Athena, Percy and Annabeth fall into Tartarus at the very end of that book.

If you were like me when this came out, you will see why

[geraskierfanficprompts]

WAGIWPIHGW That is a very good Dedication! I love when authors are silly <3

[chaumas-deactivated20240115]

constantly making airy offhand comments to my preferred younger son about how he’s next in line for the throne after his brother but he still hasn’t killed my detested firstborn for me. kids these days have no fucking initiative.

[chaumas-deactivated20240115]

I keep sending them off on “boar hunts” together and wouldn’t you know? they keep coming back after with big smiles and boar heads and the unmistakable stench of brotherly camaraderie. what sick sad days are these!

[dinocaptain]

two types of advisors

[never-kill-on-the-first-dat-blog]

Hey, what’s Winnie the pooh’s favorite color?

[taco-bout-a-shit-blog]

Yellow

[never-kill-on-the-first-dat-blog]

No it’s red because of his shirt

[taco-bout-a-shit-blog]

No, it’s yellow because he loves honey

[never-kill-on-the-first-dat-blog]

You have no idea what you’re talking about

[taco-bout-a-shit-blog]

DID I FUCKING STUTTER?

[voaga]

Things heating up at the Winnie the Pooh fandom

[weaver-z]

I heard this metaphor growing up, and in my case, it backfired supremely, because I went out into my neighbor's backyard where a rose bush was growing, and the one I tested had like 30 petals (it was yellow, but definitely a rose of some kind), and as a very logical lass, I came to the conclusion that you could have premarital sex AT LEAST ten times before your future husband would even notice something was up. Moral of the story? Test your metaphors on the weirdest and most neurodivergent child you know before writing your weird religious propaganda.

[lulalovez]

Rocky Loves!

The Mark shown is Mark Watney from The Martian. Andy Wiers other well known book! I like how we’ve all agreed that this is the Mark he’s referencing.

Here's the original meme!

[rowlfthedog]

In a nonexistent perfect world, there is an 80s version of The Muppets Wizard of Oz, where the gang finally meet the wizard. And instead of “pay no mind to the man behind the curtain”- Toto knocks over a table in front of A Wizard Of Oz Muppet Head who bellows PAY NO MIND TO THE MAN BENEATH THE CAMERA!!! And it’s revealed that the wizard was Jim the whole time. And he’s like “im so sorry but i’m just an entertainer you guys are gonna have to go kill the witch on your own. you should probably hurry because there’s only 30 minutes left in the runtime.” I just think that would be funny.

[heroineimages]

I'd like to add, though, that one of the living Muppeteers is literally named Oz. Instead of the wizard being Jim all along, it can have been Frank instead and still be a pretty good joke.

[fluffy-critter]

Personally, I think the wizard being Frank Oz would be the better joke.

[melveevoicestudios]

Full circle!

Also, wowie. It’s been AGES since I’ve made @therealjacksepticeye gif edits hahaha. Old tumblr is gone. Nostalgia in full force.

(My old tumblr was thesepticactress)

[yardsards]

his tuoy

[yardsards]

woke up cuz he dropped his tuoy

[yardsards]

i have retrieved his tuoy for him. all is well.