still high-key thinking about this piece

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still high-key thinking about this piece
god. it was very funny to hit Dan with a green shell, think “oh shit I really just hit him” then hear “YOU FUCKING BITCH” a few seconds later on the stream 😭😭😭 going to be thinking about it all week lol
but i stay silly! *←said in the most world-weary voice you ever did hear*
“but I stay silly!”
Reblog you stay silly
on it boss
Watching my toddler figure out how to language is fascinating. Yesterday we were stumped when he kept insisting there was a “Lego winner” behind his bookshelf - it turned out to be a little Lego trophy cup. Not knowing the word for “trophy”, he’d extrapolated a word for “thing you can win”. And then, just now, he held up his empty milk container and said, “Mummy? It’s not rubbish. It’s allowed to be a bottle.” - meaning, effectively, “I want this. Don’t throw it away.” But to an adult ear, there’s something quite lovely about “it’s allowed to be a bottle,” as if we’re acknowledging that the object is entitled to keep its title even in the absence of the original function.
Another good post to read for those writing small human characters.
My son was about three when he came to me in the middle of the day and said, “Mommy, there’s a knight behind the bush.” I thought he meant a toy knight or something. So I follow him outside and he goes, “Listen. Do you hear it? It’s night behind the bush.” It was a cricket. A cricket was standing in the little patch of shade under the bush, chirping. So, my son saw this dark area with accompanying nighttime sounds and decided, okay, well, that is a night right there. Their brains are incredible.
My little bean knows she’s two, constantly saying proudly ‘I’m two!’ And the other day she saw this very frail old lady who looked one foot in the grave, pulled a face and said ‘oh shiiiit. She’s three.’ I almost screamed.
I live in Korea and have a lot of international friends, and the same is true with language barriers in adults.
*Looking at a bowl of pears* “Can you please pass me the… apple’s friend?”
OH SHIT SHE’S THREE
the two year old bean is now 11, that’s how long this post has been going around, and I STILL bust out laughing like a maniac whenever I read ‘oh shiiiit. She’s three.’
*slams reblog*
Klezmer dolphins.
I don’t know that I’ve reblogged anything faster in my entire tumblr life.
honestly they’re better than the band that played at my bat mitzvah
I like dolphins.
I love klezmer.
But as a former band kid, this made me die laughing.
Portals to Hell by hrmphfft
IT’S BACK
I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO FIND THIS AGAIN FOR MONTHS
I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW
ITS BACK
This is one of those posts that you need to save and tag or you’ll never see it again for 84 years.
it’s from 2013 with 2.4mil tags how the fuck have i not seen it before?!?!?
"warm, shallow seas" is one of the most beautiful phrases in paleontology and it's everywhere... these mollusks lived in warm, shallow seas... scientists think that photosynthetic life evolved in warm, shallow seas... in that era the Earth was covered by warm, shallow seas...
I wish I was resting by an antediluvian warm, shallow sea
This never stops being hilarious
Today, Tisha b’Av, we mourn. But I think it is important to remember, too, how we have persevered.
Mir veln zey iberlebn.
Am Yisrael chai.
May all those fasting have a meaningful fast.
what I've learned from having other people edit my work is that I have a sick addiction to commas
there have been four editing passes on my spider sex book, and each time they take away so many commas. no fresh commas are being added, this is just a continued culling. if you see a comma in the final book please understand that it survived so much
can you tell i miss her
the urge to dress as her for the hard launch tour is strong
Tonight on My Husband Doesn’t Know How to Baby Talk
“Ma’am, are you aware that these, right here are your hands? They belong to you. And you get to decide what happens with them. So when you use these hands to pull your binky out of your mouth that is not necessarily a dad problem. I’ll fix it obviously i just want you to acknowledge it’s not my fault”
Husband: ma’am it has been reported lately that you do in fact have tiny little toes and a little button nose, do you care to comment?
Penny Rose: Babbles in Baby
Husband: RIVETING!
Penny Rose: Does that High Pitched Baby Yell ™️
Husband: Let it out friend! Feel your feelings!
Me: Hehehe silly husband doesn’t know how to do baby talk
All of tumblr collectively at my husband:
Penny Rose: does a sad baby scream
Husband: you don’t even have to understand taxes yet! I can explain them but you’ve got several years before that’s relevant!
Penny Rose: wide eyes, staring at her father, almost intrigued
Husband: I lied to you Penny your mother does our taxes. Do you want to know about arbitration? I know all about arbitration.
THE MAN THE MYTH THE LEGEND
yes he just walks around the house and talks to her like this
Penny Rose: Cooing as twinkle twinkle little star plays
Husband: Now Penny there is a lot of misinformation out there in the world and I hate to tell you this but the moon is in fact not made of cheese. That is a conspiracy theory pushed by Big Dairy.
????
Husband: Holds Penny Rose up to her reflection in the microwave
Husband: you see Penny Rose! This was the M. Night Shyamalan twist! You were mirror baby all along!
FYI this is how you get a Deals Warlock if you were wondering
I have follow up questions:
1) Did you participate in baby talk to make up for your husband's deficit, or did you also opt to speak to the Deals Warlock like a very tiny adult from babyhood?
1a) If you participated in baby talk with Penny, did she ever do any code switching with you while she was learning to talk (I mean, babyish talk back to you but fully formed adult like you share with us to Lawyer Dad)?
I didn't baby talk with her very much either! I think I squealed at her more than my husband did.
Something funny that has happened is that while she formally calls me Mama when she's answering me in passing she does call me "My Darling Love" and I don't know for sure but I think it's because I call her and her father "my loves" and her father calls me and her "darlings" and she's created a mash up 😂
So I'll say "okay penny it's time for bed" and I'll just hear "okay my darling love!" 😂
Everyone is always so so kind on this post but I do want to warn you all that this did in fact lead to an insanely verbal child, and if you choose that life you have to commit to that life.
Penny Rose is now 5 years old and she
1. Starts talking the moment she opens her eyes to the moment she passes out at night
2. Asks, and I am not exaggerating I counted, an average of 892 questions a day
3. Does not accept "I don't know" as an answer to said questions, will usually have a follow up question as to why you don't know OR a suggestion on how we can find out together
I pay for limitless data and have 709 Google tabs open on my phone at all times
1) My dad was also like this with me. Best example - reading a manual for a washing machine to me as an infant. Didn't turn into a Deals Warlock, but I did become a writer, so make of that what you will.
2) If you are the type of person who counts how many questions your child asks you in a day, and didn't give up after like ten of 'em, *and* potentially did so more than once (you said she "averages" at 892, meaning you might have gotten your data from at least two days)... then I think she is Like That because of both sides of her family, actually
Hey. Why isn’t the moon landing a national holiday in the US. Isn’t that fucked up? Does anyone else think that’s absurd?
It was a huge milestone of scientific and technological advancement. (Plus, at the time, politically significant). Humanity went to space! We set foot on a celestial body that was not earth for the first time in human history! That’s a big deal! I’ve never thought about it before but now that I have, it’s ridiculous to me that that’s not part of our everyday lives and the public consciousness anymore. Why don’t we have a public holiday and a family barbecue about it. Why have I never seen the original broadcast of the moon landing? It should be all over the news every year!
It’s July 20th. That’s the day of the moon landing. Next year is going to be the 54th anniversary. I’m ordering astronaut shaped cookie cutters on Etsy and I’m going to have a goddamn potluck. You’re all invited.
Hey. Hey. Tumblr. Ides of March ppl. We can do this
Hell yeah moon holiday
Ooh coming up we should celebrate
PITCH: We call it Moon Day, and then every 7 years when it falls on a Monday, that's an even BIGGER deal and we call that Moon Day Monday and go absolutely apeshit about it (the next Moon Day Monday is in 2026 so we have a couple trial runs first)
MOON DAY MOON DAY MOON DAY
moon day is 20th July!!!
Scheduling this a day earlier to remind you all and myself about the Moon Day tomorow!
Happy moon day to all who celebrate
This is your reminder to prep for Moon Day on July 20th.
OH HEY, THATS TOMORROW
Sometimes your bad coworker will be like "I can't do anything right & I ruin everything I touch :(" and you can't even comfort them because like damn. Yeah. You really can't do anything right and you do ruin everything you touch☝️
HE'S GETTING FIRED. NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS!!!!!!!!!!
jsyk the op of the post about jewish music you reblogged is a zionist
Okay, sure, let's have it out. I imagine I'll pretty much piss off everyone with this.
First: the only confidence I have in my understanding of the political situation of the Middle East is that I have no fucking understanding whatsoever of the political situation in the Middle East. Sure, I've read plenty. I have friends of many many stripes. But I'm not a victim of the Dunning-Kruger effect here, folks: I know enough to know how much I don't know, and how much I know is tons.
Second, you say that person is a "zionist." There are three things I find pretty annoying about this as a defense attorney. One is that the term is not defined, and the other is that there is a complete lack of evidence. The third is the implicit assumption that being a "zionist" is enough to wholeheartedly condemn anyone.
Let's tackle these one by one. And, once again, I am neither a scholar of Jewish history nor Middle Eastern history nor anything except American criminal law.
First: definition. There are many possible meanings of zionist that I see people use. One potential meaning of "zionist" seems to be "is Jewish, but fails to disavow Israel as fast and loud as I personally want them to." Sometimes the meaning of "zionist" is just "is Jewish." Sometimes it's "a Jewish person who wishes for a return to a very distant ancestral homeland." Sometimes it's "wholehearted supporter of Israel's war crimes." A lot of pointless arguing, it seems to me, is centered around someone saying they are zionist, i.e., they would like Jewish people to someday have a nice homeland where they don't feel like a strange political chunk in another country, and another person hears that they are zionist, i.e. they enjoy wholesale slaughter of civilians.
Second: No evidence. Self-explanatory. You are an anon. I don't know why I'm supposed to trust your word. I read police reports for a living and I am supposed to be able to trust them, and let me tell you how many lies they contain.
Third: the assumption of condemnation. I literally defend the human rights of sex criminals in court. I defend murderers. What we are talking about, right now, at best, is a human person expressing an opinion, however potentially damaging and offensive (depending on definition of zionism and truth of accusation). Do you think I'm gonna say that Jewish people who express an opinion are inhuman and deserve segregation from the rest of us?
Do you think I'm ever going to stop reaching out my hand to people who use violence? Do you think I'm ever going to lose the hope that someday they will lose the fear that makes them resort to violence?
Finally, now that I've spent some time listing my problems with your case, so what.
Let's use an example closer to home. I'm an American, and I do in fact believe that America is a nation and will continue to be so, and that tearing down all government to give it back to indigenous people (something that is, to be clear, to my understanding, not comparable with any kind of political situation in Israel) is not possible as things stand. And yet nobody's here interrogating me about Donald Trump and his bombing of Iran or whether I support ICE's jackbooted thuggery.
A little further from home? If I met a Russian person, my first ask would not be "Tell me in detail your thoughts on Ukraine and Putin."
And in those two examples, I myself and this hypothetical Russian person are actually members of the country in question that is doing the thing. A Jewish person who is not Israeli isn't even that.
Listen. I think there's a lot to be unpacked about how the insularity of Jewish culture and the separateness of it from the countries where it lives is both in the interest of continuing the Jewish ethnicity and in the interest of the people who want Jewish people exterminated, and how the double-pull of those two interests maintain a tension that otherwise might dissipate. I think there's something real to be analyzed about how modern anti-semitism isn't a recurrence of medieval anti-semitism but a different thing, a sign of fascist thinking.
I think there is a horrific tragedy for everyone involved that the group who was decimated beyond belief in the blackest events in human history now has a very loud and visible nation channeling their survival into rage and violence.
I think that there are lots of Arab nations around Israel that would gladly see every person in it subject to that same rage and violence, and I'm not down with that shit either.
I think the history of who colonized who and when and what pogroms did what and how violence and why are all too fucking complicated to untangle.
I think the only way truly forward for Israel and Palestine is some kind of truth and reconciliation type thing and that Israel as it stands is too scared to see all their atrocities come to light.
I was raised atheist with college professor parents, so you can bet Jewish people in academia were part of my life from an early age. I don't understand antisemitism literally at all. It's completely incomprehensible to me. I also think Arab culture is gorgeous and studied Arabic in college. I don't discount the idea that I have subconscious biases; I've done my best to unpick them, but it's lifelong work.
The whole goddamn clusterfuck is a great example of why violence begets violence begets violence. I reject the idea that One Final Ass-Kicking on anyone's part will solve any one of these problems. The only thing that ends violence is not choosing violence. And that can't happen until enough people in and out of power want the violence to stop. There. Not here. There. It can't be imposed from outside. It has to come from within.
And that's a decision -- I must add -- that I seriously could not have less to do with. White Americans should not be making any of the related decisions.
Here endeth the essay, with one final note.
My Jewish friends are safe on this blog. My Arab friends are safe on this blog. That's all.
Thank you for standing up for Jews, OP.
The fact that Anon saw someone posting about Jewish and Israeli music and immediately saw Zionism and needed a Call Out... Really telling
"I imagine I'll pretty much piss off everyone with this" meanwhile the notes are full of Jews expressing appreciation for such a well reasoned, balanced, and articulate response. We have all seen other bloggers get this ask and respond with "Ew", "Gross", "Oh yuck I didn't know that, thanks for telling me." And that reaction sucks HARD. So OP: thank you for taking the time. It means a LOT.