A very blessed 34 Felony Convictions Day to all who celebrate.
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Jules of Nature
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Stranger Things
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@zillah3
A very blessed 34 Felony Convictions Day to all who celebrate.
Rest = Lying Down, Eyes Closed Because other parts of the program from England made sense, I decided to try resting every afternoon. After some experimentation, I determined that the most restorative rest resulted from lying down in a quiet place with my eyes closed. I was surprised at the results from taking a 15-minute rest in mid-afternoon. Even that short break seemed to help, reducing my symptoms, increasing my stamina and making my life more stable. After a while I added a similar rest in late morning. Over time, I came to believe that my scheduled rest was the most important strategy I used in my recovery. Resting everyday according to a fixed schedule, not just when I felt sick or tired, was part of a shift from living in response to symptoms to living a planned life. The experience showed me that rest could be used for more than recovering from doing too much; it could be employed as a preventive measure as well. In the terms suggested by someone in our self-help program, I learned the difference between recuperative rest and pre-emptive rest. Surprisingly, taking pre-emptive rests greatly reduced the time I spent in recuperative rest, because I was experiencing much less Post-Exertional Malaise. The result was that my total rest time was reduced.
sometimes like an idiot i assume everyone has read bruce campbell on resting/pacing to handle post-exertional malaise affiliated with chronic fatigue. that is obviously not true! anyway here's the hot guide, i linked straight to the "schedule in mandatory complete 15 min rest as part of your day and hopefully you will get to do less surprise many hours of rest to recover" section but the whole thing is laid out pretty clearly
Not to be putting this on several people's desks and staring at them like a cat waiting for crunchies because then I'd get hit with "and what about you" but this is. Definitely a good idea.
i worked with this woman who was very rough around the edges, very curt, but more in a “hard worker that stays to themselves” way, not someone who goes out of their way to be harsh with others, just stressed. she was, i’d say no more than a decade older than me, with like 6 kids. her husband stayed home with the kids but would call her every hour to yell at her. she was working overtime, working the undesirable shifts, walking to work early in the morning, drinking the kind of energy drinks that shouldn’t even be available for human consumption. for someone who spends all her time working, she never got paid near what she deserved. she started having babies as a teenager, first baby daddy tried to kill her. one morning we were working alone on opening shift, had an hour before customers came in and closing shift set us up good so it wasn’t a rush. we get to talking, and her demeanor is so different. very soft, shes starting conversations about deep shit that is just a whole different side of her i hadn’t seen. she had had a bad day. near the end we were laughing about something and i told her i can’t believe i used to be so intimidated by you. and it was like she morphed into a little girl right in front of my eyes. It hurt her feelings and she wanted to know why people thought that of her, and that she doesn’t try to be that way. Its not that shes mean in the bully way just… “mean” in the way that life makes you when you can’t catch a break. Tired is a more accurate word. I think about her all the time. I hope that things ease up for her and I hate what the world does to people
I don't think adult humans get enough cuddles and I am so serious.
You look at almost any other species of mammal and they give each other physical affection all the time, but for some reason we've decided that physical affection when you're an adult should be exclusively romantic and to want frequent physical affection from your friends or family is strange or sus or a sign you actually view them romantically, and this can't be good for us I don't think.
its a real shame we cant talk about gendered socialization as the violence that it is without some fuckass rocking up like "and thats why trans women arent women!"
like children gendered as girls are fed less and given less opportunities to play and make messes, and children gendered as boys are offered less help and given less emotional support, and this is hurting them! but no actually we need to stop trannies from using the womens washroom
The thing missing from the transphobic analysis is that children gendered as one but perceived to conform more to the other (or to "fail" at their gendered socialization) tend to get a sampler-pack of the worst of both, plus a bunch of outright abuse on top.
Something that I think we need to call out more in fandoms is the blatant racism towards black female characters, especially when they are love interests. I feel that everytime there is a black female love interest, the fandom completely neglects her and rushes to ship the MC with another character that is most of the time white. And then racist fans try to hide behind “oh well I just don’t ship them!” and it’s pathetic. Adding onto this I think that a lot of ppl in fandoms try to deny/ignore that female black characters can be feminine. People try to default being black as an inherently masculine thing when not only is it not true but it is just downright racist. Let black characters be fun and feminine and let them be loved!!!
I actually do think we should discourage women from becoming housewives. Do not become financially dependent on a man. That's how a lot of women ended up dead over the years. A man gets violent suddenly and you have to choose between homelessness or potentially dying at his hand because you have an enormous gap in your resume and no degrees or certifications or anything that will help you pursue a career that will allow you to be financially independent. He owns your bank account. His name is probably the one on the car. Try and leave and he can report it stolen. Where will you go then?
Don't become a housewife.
And if you do become a housewife, take steps to protect yourself. Make sure you’re legally married, for starters; stay-at-home girlfriends have very little legal recourse to claim their partner’s assets in a breakup. Make sure your name is on the house deed/rental agreement, and have your car in your name, even if your spouse is paying for it. Have your spouse transfer money every month into an account solely in your name, so you can buy yourself things without needing permission, but also so you can save up to leave if needed.
If your spouse fights you on any of this, then don’t quit your job. The tradwife to poverty pipeline is real, and so is financial abuse.
also, many women/people experience controlling behaviour and domestic violence from their partner for the first time during pregnancy. don’t risk thinking “he’s just stressed, it’ll get better when the baby comes” because it won’t. neither you and your child will ever be safe with that man. get out as early and safely as you can
queer muppet moments i would make happen if i was in charge of the muppets:
the electric mayhem (minus animal bcs hes their kid) arent a polycule, theyre monogamous. but specifically they break up and date each other one at a time. they have a chart.
animal is genderfluid. this is mentioned exactly once bcs kermit calls her he and she starts yelling "SHE/HER!" kermit corrects himself and the show goes on
rizzo made out with gonzo once but he still considers himself straight bcs gonzo is not a guy, he's a whatever. gonzo agrees with this
uncle deadly dated tim curry. it did not end well.
actual emotional scene of gonzo talking about how he feels abt gender. no jokes.
kermit: no matter what, gonzo is still gonzo, and we're always going to support gonzo no matter what gonzo decides- gonzo: kermit. i still use he/him
statler and waldorf wedding episode. theyre divorced by the next
beaker trying to ask bunsen out on a date. in the end it turns out bunsen thought they'd been dating for years.
miss piggy hanging out with drag queens
related, miss piggy starting to present butch and kermit being Really Into It. hes embarassed abt it
pepe begins a story with "when i was a little girl...."
janice decides to start using just she bcs "like, i could never be her"
rowlf mentions having a husband. even kermit is like "??? since when??!"
actually i change my mind. genderfluid animal is mentioned a second time when dr teeth is calling for instrument and mic checks, he turns to animal and yells "animal! pronoun check!" "HE/HIM" "alright!"
Swedish Chef neopronouns: bork/bork/bork
Dr. Teeth: mic check
Mike: here
Dr. Teeth: pronoun check
Animal holds up an auction paddle with their pronouns written on
Then everyone else raises their paddles
I am so thankful that books & reading exist
practicing self care less out of self love and more for the sheer logical reasoning of it’d be kinda stupid of me to expect myself to be able to function without proper maintenance
“oh i don’t deserve rest and relaxation, i haven’t done enough, i haven’t earned it” and my car’s breaks don’t deserve break fluid because they aren’t breaking well enough to earn it. that’s what you sound like!!!!!
If you do not schedule time for maintenance, your equipment will schedule it for you
it really should be transfeminism 101 that the concept of victimhood under patriarchy being tied to some inherent state of being, rather than one's actual lived experiences with oppression and violence, is unhelpful and inaccurate, leads to the alienation of trans and intersex people, and is itself grounded in patriarchal ideas about gender as an inherent natural trait.
so why isn't it?
I suspect that in part is because the most common and quickly learned trans women's self defense is, to combat relentless undermining of trans women's "qualifications" as women, to insist to the point of thoughtless mantra "every trans woman is and has always been a woman from the moment she was born", "at no point in life ever has a trans woman experienced male socialization or male privilege", and similar statements, to the point that it actually makes it difficult as a trans woman to talk about the fact that, for example, I went from being able to hand out 3 resumes in my industry and get 4-5 job offers out of it, to handing out 30+ resumes before I could even get a call back for an interview.
The core of that self defense is rooted in creating the narrative of an inherent, timeless, and extrasocial gendered experience. It's a self defense strategy that has had an incredible amount of utility, as much as I dislike it and try not to utilize it myself. It also has the knock on effect that if trans women's experience is inherent, timeless, and extrasocial, the only way that works in the protective way it's meant to is if everyone's gendered experience is inherent, timeless, and extrasocial. This is also why you'll get a surprising amount of trans women arguing against the idea that binary gender (and gender as a whole, sex too) is a social construct.
If trans women's experience of womanhood is inherent and eternal, so too must trans men's experience of manhood; for trans women to have never experienced manhood or make privilege or male socialization, the same must be true of all women, and the opposite true for all men, trans inclusive. Because internalized oppositional sexism.
This is a significant part of why I go pretty hard on the "it doesn't matter if we were born this way or we choose our gender or orientation, we deserve the same respect either way". But that's kinda getting down a garden path.
Anyway. Transfeminism has such difficulty grappling with transandrophobia and trans men's experiences of womanhood as concepts because that mantric self defense precept is so powerful and so high utility, and relies on gender and this experience of oppression as being inherent.
Genus delendum est ut genus liberetur
"The insistence on trans people always having been here is an ironic one, given that the whole point of transness is that your past doesn't have to dictate your future.
Legitimacy doesn't come from having always been one thing."
- Beans Velocci, "Denaturing cisness, or, toward trans history as method" from Feminism Against Cisness
PDF HERE
whats your opinion on the concept of socialization? Ive seen it being condemned as inherently transmisogynistic, when to me gendered socialization describes nothing more than how the social enforcement of gender roles can make people behave.
"socialization is inherently transmisogynistic" to me seems like one of those beliefs that came about when a valid criticism of how the concept of "socialization" was used, went through the discourse grapevine. yeah, socialization is literally just the process of internalizing social constructs. its a sociological term that isn't even exclusively about gender; its about how reality is socially constructed in general, including gender
actually i'm gonna be petty and quote my man Peter Berger (from The Social Construction of Reality: A Treatise in the Sociology of Knowledge, which is unfortunately very androcentric in its language, it's from 1966):
The individual, however, is not born a member of society. He is born with a predisposition towards sociality, and he becomes a member of society. In the life of every individual, therefore, there is a temporal sequence, in the course of which he is inducted into participation in the societal dialectic. The beginning point of this process is internalization: the immediate apprehension or interpretation of an objective event as expressing meaning, that is, as a manifestation of another's subjective processes which thereby becomes subjectively meaningful to myself. This does not mean that I understand the other adequately. I may indeed misunderstand him: he is laughing in a fit of hysteria, but I understand his laughter as expressing mirth. But his subjectivity is nevertheless objectively available to me and becomes meaningful to me, whether or not there is congruence between his and my subjective process. Full congruence between the two subjective meanings, and reciprocal knowledge of the congruence, presupposes signification, as previously discussed. However, internalization in the general sense used here underlies both signification and its own more complex forms. More precisely, internalization in this general sense is the basis, first, for an understanding of one's fellow men and, second, for the apprehension of the world as a meaningful and social reality. [...] Only when he has achieved this degree of internalization is an individual a member of society. The ontogenetic process by which this is brought about is socialization, which may thus be defined as the comprehensive and consistent induction of an individual into the objective world of a society or a sector of it. Primary socialization is the first socialization an individual undergoes in childhood, through which he becomes a member of society. Secondary socialization is any subsequent process that inducts an already socialized individual into new sectors of the objective world of his society. [...] It is at once evident that primary socialization is usually the most important one for an individual, and that the basic structure of all secondary socialization has to resemble that of primary socialization. Every individual is born into an objective social structure within which he encounters the significant others who are in charge of his socialization. These significant others are imposed upon him. Their definitions of his situation are posited for him as objective reality. He is thus born into not only an objective social structure but also an objective social world. The significant others who mediate this world to him modify it in the course of mediating it. They select aspects of it in accordance with their own location in the social structure, and also by virtue of their individual, bio graphically rooted idiosyncrasies. The social world is 'filtered' to the individual through this double selectivity. Thus the lower-class child not only absorbs a lower-class perspective on the social world, he absorbs it in the idiosyncratic coloration given it by his parents (or whatever other individuals are in charge of his primary socialization). The same lower-class perspective may induce a mood of contentment, resignation, bitter resentment, or seething rebelliousness. Consequently, the lower-class child will not only come to inhabit a world greatly different from that of an upper-class child, but may do so in a manner quite different from the lower-class child next door.
the problem comes when "male socialization" (or "afab socialization") is weaponized against trans people, as a way of doing gender essentialism without being explicitly bioessentialist, or when its used in a very shallow way. gender socialization is not "society shoots the Girl/Boy Beam at you and you Think Like A Girl/Boy forever." it is a complex and only semi-purposeful social process. on a sociological level we can describe trends in people's experiences (for example, people seen as girls being pushed towards caretaker roles, people seen as boys being punished for crying) but there are a lot of trends, including amongst queer (gay, gnc, trans, intersex) people.
on top of that, individual experiences with socialization are rarely going to fall neatly into any categorization, because there are a lot of factors at play in every person's life that shape how they are being socialized. and then there's also the fact that not everyone reacts the same way. one person seen as a girl may easily internalize the expectations of the Girl Role and perform that role very happily, while another person seen as a girl may struggle greatly or be actively resistant. that doesn't mean they aren't still experiencing socialization, it just means its more complicated than, again, getting shot with the "Think Like A Girl" beam.
so yeah. "socialization is inherently transmisogynistic" in my opinion, is just the result knowing through the grapevine that "gender socialization" is something often used by TERFs to be transphobic, and making assumptions without really understanding sociological theory.
"You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was Dostoevsky and Dickens who taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, or who ever had been alive. Only if we face these open wounds in ourselves can we understand them in other people."
- James Baldwin, from an interview in Life magazine, May 24, 1963
Trans manhood and transmasculinity shouldn't have to DO anything for you as a transfem, transfemme or trans woman in order for it to be a beautiful and irreplacable part of our trans community BUT even if you put that aside... there's masculinity in each and every one of us.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: as a transfeminine butch it took viewing my masculinity from a transmasculine perspective to emotionally divorce myself from the toxic notions of societal normativity.
I was never an effeminate kid but I was SEEN as one. My masculinity was butchness even going that far back and all my peers did look at me and said "that kid's a sissy". I wore a suit and tie to school the first couple years of primary and I wrote cringy poetry for girls that I had crushes on and all my peers would look at me and say "that kid's a faggot".
And when I then came out and began transitioning, it was like shedding falser skin that never was me to begin with. But then the idea that I was now to conform to normative notions of "womanhood" hit me like a stack of bricks.
And it took trans men. It took transmasculinity. It took seeing the biggest, butchest dykes, it took looking at women, men and nonbinary people so UNLIKE EVERYTHING society broadly views as attractive who looked similar to me to learn to LOVE ME.
To learn to love the soft fur on my body, the coarse hair on my legs and arms and hands. The pits, the rolls, the bulging stomach, the small boobs, bigger upper pubic area. The stubble on my face, the way my nose hooks just so slightly. The shadow cast by hair upon my face, the way I smell when I do exercise.
It took being around people, LOVING people to whom all these things I was conditioned to believe to be fundamentally at odds with my closeness to womanhood were DESIRED traits that they STRUGGLED for. It took surrounding myself with people to whom the way I was and wanted to be wasn't things to be erased.
I'm butch. I love my body hair, I love my masculinity. I love all that. I'm not on estrogen to be less of me, myself. I'm on estrogen to be MORE of me, myself. Surrounding myself with people who love their masculinity, who STRIVE for masculinity. To whom testosterone is NOT a poison. To whom the way I am is not a state that's to be shunned or overcome.
It brought me peace. It brought self love. It brought serenity. I feel more at ease inside this body I inhibit and I have now to thank for that: trans men, transmasculine people, transmasculinity. Manhood.
I have to thank for all the love that I have found for my own self.
[ note ] Posting this while on the go so phrasing, semantics and spelling errors may remain to be fixed.
@thatgarden
and that's the thing: I know that the very binary and transmedicalist leaning focus on "womanhood first, trans second (or never, if stealth)" and "manhood first, trans second (or never, if stealth)" is very big because its a narrative that gets validation from a cissexist and horrifically normative society but the way I see it I will always have more in common with a trans man than with a cis woman without any of the non-normativity on her part.
My womanhood, my gender, my identity is shaped and molded by my experience of it being considered transgressive.
I wasn't a woman until I forced my way out of the norms that I was raised in and I couldn't BE a woman until I asserted MYSELF as that.
A trans man or even a cis woman whose womanhood exists on other intersecting axes of societal marginalization will ALWAYS exist in a way that is more closely related to how I experience the world than a binary, societally conforming cis woman.
And let me be very clear here: this is me saying that ANY aversion, divergence and anti-normativity in a societal sense is what connects and unites me as a nonbinary transfeminine butch dyke with others.
A cis person can 100% be transgressive against societally enforced gender norms and I will always be in solidarity and unity with that person.
We are one. We are the pines swaying in the breeze of yearning for something that society will not allow. We are the children shamed for how they WERE and we're adults who assert our existence against the permission and acceptance of a hateful society. Our very existence is beautiful transgression against normativity and I will not let one or many divide me from my kin.
Another go around while I’ve got your attention.
Make your own era-accurate Star Trek episode title cards in seconds. Boldly go!
Every wanted to make your own Star Trek title cards, without needing to mess about with editing software?
Well now you can! (credit to Josh Mayfield as the creator)
Go wild and lets see what you can make
Let's keep this going this is a wholesome thread :D