I got most of these (after the RWS) when I last quit smoking a couple years ago (think I made it five years) as a deal with myself - I could spend my cigarette budget on indie tarot decks. I started up again but it was a good incentive at the time. (Update: Quit again may 2026)
I have also traded and given decks away so there are more that Iāve had and lost, but this is my current collection of 27 30 tarot decks (Iāll make a separate post for oracle and misc decks). I also tried to get these in a way that corresponded to the majors order to help limit my spending but it got pretty neurotic with swapping out deck positions and stuff so Iāve stopped worrying about that as much. It kinda helps me remember my collection though.
Adding a read more coz on desktop the pics make it a long post.
I put in parentheses the year I got them in, more or less. I added pictures and I'll update with links to other posts if I ever do deck reviews. Iāll also update this post and title if I get new decks.
Yay a happy card. (I know I shouldnāt think that way and yetā¦.maybe I just need more experience and then Iāll cycle through those reactions.)
The four of wands is about reaching a milestone, accomplishing the first part of a goal, initial celebrations, homecoming, sometimes called the wedding (or lesbian wedding) card, sometimes seen as celebrating the arrival of spring or alternatively harvest time, parties, celebrations in general, festivities/festivals, ceremonies like for grand openings (like with the ribbon and scissors), etc.
I just looked at it and it reminded me of reaching the end of a level in mario games. Like you havenāt beaten the whole game but you accomplished one stage along the way and thatās kinda the whole thing.
So I guess celebrate reaching your goals today. Iām doing my am routine right now and itās kinda for the second day in a row I think so thatās nice. And if I exercise later thatāll be good too. So maybe I should use more positive self talk when I reach my goals of the day to encourage myself. It feels weird when Iām not tongue in cheek bragging to someone or just saying it to myself but maybe I just need to get used to it.
Letās look at the LWB.
Hm. Nsfw.
I was noticing the heart shape loop of the garland around the personās sacral area. And itās venus (ruling the third decan of aries). Maybe itās about using my vibrators and experiencing pleasure. Itās about milestones so maybe Iāll orgasm in a more obvious way. Thatād be nice lol.
I love that their names are Beltane, Razzle, and Dazzle. I had to look up what holiday was associated with spring equinox and itās actually Ostara. Ah well. I guess Beltaneās vibe might fit more anyway since it can be a huge kinda raucous party. I donāt actually know what one does during Ostara. Eggs? š¤·š¾ is it like easter?? Iāll learn at some pointā¦.
So I did orgasm and it was an obvious one, I think my second obvious one in my life. It did feel like something to celebrate. I guess g spot (+ clit) orgasms are where itās at. I made a whole post about it so I donāt need to talk about it here much I think.
I paid some bills and looked at my budgeting app. Iām gonna be short for things coz I forgot Iām working less this week. Arrgh. Mentioned that earlier too.
I exercised! I feel good about that. I forgot to do the positive self talk thing. I just celebrated by having ice cream twice today. I think Iāll buy some pineapple tomorrow so I can treat myself with a healthier snack.
I did routinely in the morning and night so thatās good. I wanna keep that up. It makes my task list less cluttered too having all those things out of the way. I think Iāll take a screenshot of the tasks in there in case something ever happens.
I did pretty good. Hopefully I can keep it up this week and into my off days. Yay!
I always wanted to get into watching baseball. I think I went to a game once. The only thing I remember was it took forever to start and there werenāt a lot of people. And the big ol screens. And there being food booths and beer and the bathrooms being out of the way. Maybe I donāt remember because of the beer actually.
I did ring fit for forty minutes and 14 were exercising. But it was intense and I was sweaty after. Yessss. Noticing the intensity varies depending on whatās going on in the game.
Maybe I can start adding like regular workouts in the game on top of doing adventure mode.
Or maybe I should just finish adventure mode first. Lol.
It was fun. There was this shitty gold hoplin monster that got away though, I guess you have to KO them in one turn to get the gold reward. Damn. I bet the next opportunity will be a more difficult monster too. Boooo.
I did eat an ice cream after. I shouldāve gotten pineapple yesterday. I want like a cold refreshing treat sometimes especially in this heat and after Iāve exerted myself so the past two weeks Iāve been going for an ice cream.
I will get up to do laundry and take my medicine inā¦three minutes.
Rumination is probably the most common type of OCD compulsion, but I rarely see anyone talking about it. I've talked to multiple people diagnosed with OCD who didn't even recognize it as a compulsion.
Basically, if you have OCD you have terrible intrusive thoughts. They can be about anything, but common themes are fear of being a bad person, fear of hurting someone, fear of contamination. etc.
Rumination is when you get stuck in a spiral. Rumination is when you spend hours catastrophizing, overthinking, analyzing, telling yourself it's going to be okay.
I'll say it again:
Rumination is a compulsion.
Rumination is a compulsion, and that means you have to stop doing it.
I did ERP (exposure response prevention) for my OCD with a therapist! For 9 months! And it did help, but the idea didn't really click until I found this website a couple years later.
And Oh My God. It made things make so much more sense, and I was able to pull myself out of an episode even though I wasn't in therapy or on meds at the time.
Genuinely if you have OCD, or even if you suspect you have OCD, I'm begging you to read some of these articles.
Like this was genuinely life changing for me.
Here are some of the ones that were most helpful to me:
I finished looking at the black queer tarot. I kinda wanted to try a reading with it but I didnāt want to lose focus on the one I already did so Iāll save it for tomorrow unless I think of a specific enough question.
Itās a pretty deck and everyone is so attractive in it. There are some cards that get it bang on and the princess of pentacles is probably the best depiction of that card Iāve seen. And other cards where Iām wondering what the connection is if there is one. And some cards where it looks nice but nothing much is going on to my eye. But even with some of those cards I was able to think of some things.
Iām curious how it comes alive in a reading.
I wish I had more art training so I could recognize things and interpret things with art and stuff. I remember when I took 2d design in college it blew my mind. But I forgot a lot of it. It was a different way of thinking.
It did and does make me think of a black queer Starchild/Moonchild tarot minus all the kemetic stuff. I never got those decks because it was mainly skinny white people, though the moonchild was more diverse, and also I wasnāt as into collage decks anyway. I thought they looked nice online and then saw them in person and was underwhelmed. But they were high quality.
Anyway. I wish it had more women in it tbh, as a lesbian. But there were a lot of genderqueer people in there. And everyone was black so that made me happy.
I guess Iāll just have to wait on the next question to update this. If I think of a question to ask today Iāll edit this post with my thoughts and feelings on how it reads, otherwise Iāll reblog.
I looked at my budgeting app and decided itād be ok to order food. But after I ordered it I remembered Iām gonna be working way less hours this week. OTL IM A FOOOOOL. I asked for more when we were picking our schedules but I didnāt get them for some reason. I guess itāll take me a little longer to pay off the credit card with less money on it. I was hoping to knock it out this month.
Ah well. I got a chorizo breakfast burrito for dinner, a quesabirria combo to try now, and a birria quesadilla for tomorrow. I couldāve waited and gone out to eat for half the price on the weekend or something. Or bought ingredients for and made cheese and chile quesadillas at home. I think I was craving meat or something.
Ah I forgot to put on a new nicotine patch. Gonna do that and look at the rest of the black queer tarot while I wait.
I used my new vibrators. Iām used to using the highest setting for vibration but the melt 2 was a little intense! Like it kinda hurt. So i went up and down for a while. It made me more sensitive. I kinda wish I had been looking in a mirror or something so I could aim better.
Then I switched to the nova 2 for a while. I adjusted the arms a bit and kept watching this porn compilation. It was alright. I liked the g spot vibrator more than the clit bit like I kept trying to adjust it but it was a little high up. Later when I was cleaning them I saw it might be better to bend the whole arm more to adjust the angle but weāll see.
Then I thought Iād try both. So I turned off the clit vibrator on the rabbit and just used the g spot vibrator and used the melt. After a little while I orgasmed š¤Æ I think Iāve only orgasmed (at least like that) once before and it was also from g spot stimulation I think. It felt like no mind, waves of bliss, really calm, my clit felt hot, it went on for a longer while than I expected. I felt like if I wanted to I couldāve kept going but I was content to leave it there.
The whole thing took like thirty minutes I think? I might be wrong. Iāll try timing it another time. I feel a little tired now even though Iāve already taken a nap today. I celebrated with an ice cream bar.
I wish I could make myself orgasm like that more consistently. I always have little plateaus and it just feels like Iām edging constantly. Like frustrating mini orgasms or something. I oughta read that omgyes thing and actually practice more. I left off on the section about rhythm.
proposing a new genre of fiction called an anti-romance where u r presented w a couple at the start & the story is about their emotional journey towards a catastrophic break up
will they won't they (end this farce). there's only one bed (but for some reason they don't really want to share it). out of context eavesdropping (that paints the relationship in a better light than it deserves). chasing after them to stop them getting on that plane (and stopping them from finally being free)
nobody understands my vision i don't mean any old story where a relationship fails and it's tragic or w/e i mean a story where the intention is for the audience to root for it failing the same way u root for it succeeding in a romance. & when the relationship finally implodes at the climax of the story it's all very cathartic & everybody cheers.
Yay a happy card. (I know I shouldnāt think that way and yetā¦.maybe I just need more experience and then Iāll cycle through those reactions.)
The four of wands is about reaching a milestone, accomplishing the first part of a goal, initial celebrations, homecoming, sometimes called the wedding (or lesbian wedding) card, sometimes seen as celebrating the arrival of spring or alternatively harvest time, parties, celebrations in general, festivities/festivals, ceremonies like for grand openings (like with the ribbon and scissors), etc.
I just looked at it and it reminded me of reaching the end of a level in mario games. Like you havenāt beaten the whole game but you accomplished one stage along the way and thatās kinda the whole thing.
So I guess celebrate reaching your goals today. Iām doing my am routine right now and itās kinda for the second day in a row I think so thatās nice. And if I exercise later thatāll be good too. So maybe I should use more positive self talk when I reach my goals of the day to encourage myself. It feels weird when Iām not tongue in cheek bragging to someone or just saying it to myself but maybe I just need to get used to it.
Letās look at the LWB.
Hm. Nsfw.
I was noticing the heart shape loop of the garland around the personās sacral area. And itās venus (ruling the third decan of aries). Maybe itās about using my vibrators and experiencing pleasure. Itās about milestones so maybe Iāll orgasm in a more obvious way. Thatād be nice lol.
I love that their names are Beltane, Razzle, and Dazzle. I had to look up what holiday was associated with spring equinox and itās actually Ostara. Ah well. I guess Beltaneās vibe might fit more anyway since it can be a huge kinda raucous party. I donāt actually know what one does during Ostara. Eggs? š¤·š¾ is it like easter?? Iāll learn at some pointā¦.
I woke up around an hour and a half ago and got two of my packages. Nsfw.
Theyāre just vibrators and lube. One of them is still on the way but itās almost here. I felt kinda dumb getting them on amazon just for the shipping since if I got them from wevibe it would have more like protection like if they didnāt work or something I think and like returns. But itāll probably be fine. Iām gonna try them when my mom goes to work.
I already have a hitachi magic wand that plugs into the wall and a wevibe tango (the newer one) and a dildo. I had gotten the tango coz itās quiet when that was more of a concern, but I mainly use the hitachi tbh. But I also had a cheap knockoff clit sucker thing but it was loud as hell and idk what happened to it but I threw it away sometime in the past few years. Maybe it broke.
So I got the melt 2 to replace it. Iām hoping it works better than that one I had and is quieter. I also got a nova 2 because I donāt think Iāve ever had a g-spot vibrator. Iāve never used a rabbit either and I heard that one is basically the best for that sort of thing since itās adjustable. Itās charging right now and then Iāll charge the melt 2 when it gets here.
