An Archive Of Sorts @zoeneetopaz - Tumblr Blog

i have no comment this is just the funniest fucking thing i’ve seen all day

went to a new optometrist today wearing my squid facts ‘save our freaks’ shirt from @sarahmackattack that has a strawberry squid on it. and i wasn’t even thinking about it but the optometrist walked in and he was like ‘oh what does your shirt say’ so i showed him and he was like ‘oh that’s neat!’ and then i thought he might like to know about strawberry squid eyes since they have weird eyes and he is an optometrist and all. so i was like ‘yeah it’s actually a real kind of squid called a strawberry squid, their eyes are really cool because they have one big yellow-green one and one small blue one’ and he kind of gasped and went ‘oh my god that’s so interesting i wonder why they have that. do you know what their retina composition is like?’ and i watched as he minimized my chart on the computer and started looking up images of strawberry squid and then he googled ‘strawberry squid retina composition’ and he was like ‘sorry we’ll get to your eye exam in a moment i just really want to find out’ LMAO 10/10 optometrist experience will be returning

sarahmackattack

Hell yeah

soychronicprocrastinator

He’s in the right for that this is so cool

papayafromtv

conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 66 (masterpost here)

Damian: *heavy breathing*

Damian: *grunt* *air whooshing* *grunt*

Damian: *harsh, pounding footsteps*

Damian: *heavy breathing*

*2 connecting pings*

Tim: *equally fast footsteps* ROBIN KNOCK IT OFF.

Jason: seriously- *amused chuckle* what the fuck are you doin' kiddo?

Damian: *grunt* *rushing footsteps*

Tim: WHY WON'T YOU- YOU'VE BEEN CHASING ME FOR TWENTY MINUTES WHY WONT YOU FUCKING TELL ME WHY?!

Damian: *grunt*

Tim: n- *huff* no- i'm not- IM NOT FUCKING STOPPING UNTIL YOU TELL ME WHY.

Jason: *snickering* this is fucking- this is amazing. i dunno what it is but it's great.

Tim: WHY AREN'T YOU- STOP FILMING, HOOD-

Jason: dude, seriously, just stop running away. what's the worst he does, stab you?

Tim: W- YES?!?!

Damian: *panting, rushing footsteps, grapple going off*

Tim: oh my GOD- FINE. ROBIN. ROBIN? I'M GONNA STOP ON THAT ROOFTOP. DO NOT FUCKING HURT ME OR I'M CALLING BATMAN.

*scrape of gravel*

*silence*

*harsh slapping sound*

Tim: ACK-

Jason: ohohoho that was LOUD man, i woulda heard that from all the way over here even without the coms.

Tim: THE FUCK DID YOU SLAP ME FOR?!

Damian: *panting*

*a beat*

Damian, gasping for breath: yellow car, no returns.

*long stretch of silence*

Tim, dangerously calm: excuse me?

Damian: *rushing footsteps, grapple going off, loud wind*

Jason: *instant loud cackles* OH MY- HOLY FUCK-

Tim: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

*disconnecting ping*

Tim: ROBIN.

Jason: *genuinely losing his entire shit* I CAN'T- *wheeze* *high-pitched* i can't- oh my god Robin,

Tim, completely serious: i'm gonna fucking kill him when we get home.

Jason: *still wheezing* i'm so- i'm so proud of how i raised that child, oh my god,

Tim: fuck you Hood.

Jason, weeping: i'm putting this on youtube,

Tim: NO.

dappermouth

i can understand the trials but were the tribulations really necessary

goingonanadventuremaybe

tribble-ations

storm-of-feathers

yeah yeah rainbow capitalism is bad and whatever but like. when I was a child, being pro gay was not the popular or lucrative choice. I'm happy that times have changed.

storm-of-feathers

I miss rainbow capitalism. I do. I miss when it felt like public opinion was still pro gay. I understand it was always an empty gesture, but it mattered in a sense of knowing how socially acceptable being queer is. If that makes sense.

thehufflepuffduck

Jason, barging into Tim’s room: Hey, Timmy

Tim, hanging up the call on his phone: I’ll call you back

Jason: Ooh, who are you calling?

Tim: None of your business

Jason: So you’re dating someone?

Tim: How did you get that from “none of your business”

Jason: I mean there are like two reasons for your secrecy: dating someone or planning something fun. I am choosing to believe that you’re dating someone because you wouldn’t plan something fun without me then not tell me, that’s just mean

Tim: Something fun as in destruction?

Jason, tossing a pen at him: Yeah, but don’t avoid the question

Tim: I’m not dating anyone. Drop it

Jason: Mmm no. I don’t believe you. Honesty is the best policy, Tim Tam

Tim: …Will you get out of my room if I tell you?

Jason: Maybe. I definitely won’t if you don’t tell me

Tim: Okay… Fine. But what I say doesn’t leave this room

Jason: I get to tell three people and nothing I say leaves the group of those three and us two

Tim: Absolutely not

Jason: Fine, you leave me no choice. *Starts walking around Tim’s room, picking up random things and dropping them on the floor* Wow, I love my room so much! And all my weird little things like… *picks up Tim’s phone* this projectile! If I remember correctly, it was made for being thrown out of windows

Tim: Jason, stop

Jason, getting on the bed and laying on top of Tim: Ahhh my nice, comfy bed! You know what? I will simply never leave this room

Tim, trying to push him off: Okay! Okay! I get it! You can tell three other people and no one else!

Jason, getting up: Good. And Roy doesn’t count for those three other people, I get to tell him anyway

Tim: …Fine

Jason, sitting crisscrossed on Tim’s bed: Okay, so who are you dating?

Tim: I’m not dating anyone… but… so I think I’m… I like guys and girls. I’m bi

Jason: …That’s the big news? Tim, hate to break it to you, but like ninety percent of us are bi, and the ones who aren’t bi are just straight up gay

Tim: Even Alfred?

Jason: Yeah, I think he was in a poly relationship with Martha and Thomas. So who was your gay awakening—or bi awakening, I guess

Tim: It’s Kon

Jason: Kon Kent? Superboy?

Tim: Yeah… but I think he’s straight, so—

Jason: Oh my God, it’s bad enough that you like a super, but then you think Kon of all people is straight?!

Tim: You’ve only spoken to him like three times, how would you know?!

Jason: Timantha, that guy is the epitome of bi-ness. Hell, I think the blue in his suit is the exact shade on the bi flag and the red is very similar to the pink on the flag

Tim: …So you think I should tell him?

Jason: Duh, but maybe bring some kryptonite just in case I turn out to be wrong and he says something douchey or homophobic

Tim, taking out a notepad: Kryptonite, got it. So how should I confess?

Jason: Let’s get some rose petals and candles

Tim: Aren’t rose petals flammable?

Jason: It’s romantic

Tim: Pretty sure fire isn’t romantic, but okay. What else?

Jason: We should get something sweet you’d both recognize as a token of your bond. Also, you should ask him out at night so the candles look nicer. Maybe outside, and we could get some cake and fireworks

Tim: Got it, but what should I do with the kryptonite? What if I put it in my pocket and then he pulls me into a hug or kiss and the kryptonite rubs against him and he passes out?

Jason: Hm… good point. We could get a chandelier made of kryptonite and hang it up high enough that he at least doesn’t notice if it affects him. I’ll like hold it up with a rope, and if he says something rude I’ll just drop it down on him. But just so we’re clear, “no” doesn’t count as something rude, he can say “no,” that’s one of the rights in the constitution I think

Tim: Yeah, that’s a good idea. I’ll make a subtle X with the roses where the chandelier would fall so we can have him stand there, and if he asks I’ll just tell him the chandelier is made of jade

Jason: Yeah. We’re great at this whole “romance” thing

Tim: We really are

Dick, listening in from outside the door: Aww, they’re bonding! Should I warn Kon, though? …Nah, he’s Superboy, he’ll be fine

Tim: So who are you going to tell?

Jason: Mmm… the outlaws, I guess. You can tell the family. If I were you, I’d tell them before you ask Kon out.

theoldgvard

nothing bewilders me more than those random scenes that crop up every now and then where someone goes to julian for advice and he spouts the most profound wise beyond his years bullshit and completely solves the conundrum. the next scene will be him committing the most lethal social blunder you've ever witnessed btw

slimepost-generator

it's ok to keep secrets, everybody has some skeletons in the closet. Wraiths in the attic. Ghosts in the bedroom. Mummy in the kitchen. Enchanted armor on the stairs. Slimes in the basement. Maybe a giant spider in the backyard. Beholder or two in the garage. Vampires are also in the closet

slimepost-generator

my house is very unsafe

monstermonger

He's worried about stepping on flowers. He loves nature.

monstermonger

Wow thanks everyone ;v;

Mini lore snippet lol: at first I just doodled the cat alone in the middle of a page, but I loved him so much I just turned the page and drew the whole thing. He's so great.

otherwindow

why is it always a male character going mad avenging his dead wife and never a female character cradling her dying pure of heart husband in her arms then dragging the whole world down with her

swan2swan

charlesoberonn

First of all, this is a very clever use of this gif. Secondly, fuck you.

pollen

happy Barely Keeping It Together Wednesday to all who celebrate

redstonedust

the problem with movie remakes is that they always remake something that was already good, meaning at worst you ruin it and at best your remake is largely redundant. to make a truly good remake you need to start with source material that is absolute dogwater. ignore the pull of nostalgia. redeem the sins of moviemaking past.

sharp-tender-shock-deactivated2

This is a comment someone appended to a photo of two men apparently having sex in a very fancy room, but it’s also kind of an amazing two-line poem? “His Wife has filled his house with chintz” is a really elegant and beautiful counterbalancing of h, f, and s sounds, and “chintz” is a perfect word choice here—sonically pleasing and good at evoking nouveau riche tackiness. And then “to keep it real I fuck him on the floor” collapses that whole mood with short percussive sounds—but it’s still a perfect iambic pentameter line, robust and a lovely obscene contrast with the chintz in the first line. Well done, tumblr user jjbang8

headspace-hotel

I hate that my aesthetic sense agrees with this but everything you just said was correct

headspace-hotel

I went back to dig up this post because I was thinking about poetry.

This is one of those non-poem things that are among my favorite poems.

As the OP stated, the use of alliterative consonants is aesthetically just great, especially the placement of the strongest use at the end: “fuck him on the floor.” The use of “chintz” is indeed great word choice.

Because I’m insane, decided to scan the poem:

Not only is the second sentence, indeed, perfect iambic pentameter, the entire poem is perfectly metered, though the first sentence has four iambs rather than five.

There are further things I love about this poem, though: I like the casual connotations of “keep it real” juxtaposed with “chintz.” It causes me to interpret the “chintz” more strongly as meaning something fake, a facade. There is also of course the coarseness of “fuck,” which is a contrast with “chintz” but a different kind of contrast, gutsy and carnal where “chintz” is flimsy and inanimate.

And then there is the storytelling: there is SO MUCH storytelling in just these two lines. To break it down: The speaker is having sex with a married man, in the house he shares with his wife, which is “filled with chintz”—something that here connotes fakeness, in contrast with “keep it real.”

The illicit encounter in the poem takes place within a house filled with facade, the flimsy construction of the wife’s marriage and domestic sphere, but the encounter itself is a taste of something “real.” That’s a story, and it’s just two lines.

This is EIGHTEEN SYLLABLES, y’all. The amount of meaning condensed into these eighteen syllables is stunning, and it is so elegantly done.

From a technical standpoint (and ive taken 300- and 400-level poetry classes so I can say this) this is damn near flawless as a poem.

agent-octopus

Kept thinking about this ever since I saw it and had to do something

headspace-hotel

there's art now

jetlaggingbehind

questions-within-questions

Ah dang to go further; the floor is framed as a refuge. As if there is literally no other space in this house that hasn't been populated by his wife with flimsy inanimate fakery. There is no space for this man in this house save for the floor. There is no space for him on the sofa, oon the counter tops, and most notably, no space for him in the marital bed.

normal-horoscopes

I’d also like to point out the use of the word “has.” The wife has filled the house with chintz. She isn’t filling the house with chintz. She doesn’t fill the house with chintz. She has filled the house with chintz. Use of the past-tense makes the wife a subtly removed element in the story, someone whose presence we see in the environment, but who is blissfully distant during the actors throes of passion. There is an element of physical as well as emotional separation from the wife that is catalyzed by being fucked on the floor. Use of the past tense is an end to the wife presence in the actors life, a carnal catharsis amid cold fragility and emotional distance.