this is a title

this is where I say things about myself

[mystic-bone-mage]

they get my immune suppressant by milking a bacterium so why can't they just give me a bacterium and a little bucket. why the whole song and dance with the pharmacy

[brittlebonesboning]

Not to be incredibly vulgar and nasty or anything, but I’d like to close my eyes and rest my head in somebody’s lap while they run their fingers through my hair

[mapleejay]

does anyone else think about how brave all their friends are and get really emotional about it

[mapleejay]

I'm glad everyone is alive rn

[radioactivemongoose]

the hotel has an on demand section called “mood” & these are the moods

[cawfeeann]

pls unmute whatever you’re expecting it’s not it

[rohirric-hunter]

I don’t normally do this, but I’m adding a description because this is gold. I highly encourage you to unmute anyway if you can.

Cameraperson: Okay, we’re checking out “moods” in the hotel. You can select from a list. We’re picking Flowers. Here’s the Flower mood.

TV displays pink carnations, accompanied by Eine Kleine Nachtmusik.

Cameraperson (laughing): Okay, let’s check out something else. Let’s check out Pyramids.

TV displays an Egyptian mural, also accompanied by Eine Kleine Nachtmusik.

Both people begin laughing out loud.

Cameraperson: That sure suites the pyramids. Let’s check out Cities.

TV displays a city nightscape, also accompanied by Eine Kleine Nachtmusik.

Cameraperson: Okay, let’s check out Wildlife. It’s gonna be a forest, or a – Aaah, okay!

TV displays a clearly photoshopped image of a duckling half in and half out of an eggshell, wearing it like a barrel in a slapstick comedy cartoon, accompanied by Eine Kleine Nachtmusik.

[my-life-is-a-sidequest]

I love public transit

[my-life-is-a-sidequest]

shout out to trans it/its users in public

[eymurn]

“i thought i’d weird you out” you weirded me in, twin

[3rad5you]

I love my friends very very much ♥️

[nohoperadio]

Cavemen didn't have clocks yet, so it was a mystery to them why the sun suddenly started setting and rising an hour later or earlier when daylight savings changed over. Now we know.

[wifegideonnav]

“bits to use in everyday conversations”

[heavensenthousepet]

you learn something new everyday. unless you're a historian. then you learn something old

[melonisopod]

[catlips001]

FUCK. honestly just FUCK. We missed a very important day yesterday.

[battebitch-deactivated20200410]

what was yesterday, cat?

[catlips001]

[catlips001]

I’m not missing it this year.

[vermilionstarlight]

age regressing to 2 years old but i was an especially erudite and articulate baby so you don't even notice

[my-dailydreams]

[sandmandaddy69]

[grackleclaw]

the human body is an engineering marvel. I sneeze in bright light. if I dont get enough sunlight on my skin I get tired and sad and have to drink a lot of milk to fix it. standing too much hurts, but sitting too much also hurts. if I get a virus, my body will increase its temperature in an attempt to cook it, which also cooks my brain cells. toenails exist. I have to turn the radio down to see better when I drive. there are 17 genes dictating what my hair texture is, but it completely changes when the air is too humid. yawning is contagious. there are more species of bacteria living in my body than there are species of birds in the entire world. every few months I grievously injure my neck by "sleeping on it weird." it took seven million years of human evolution to form me, and now I'm afraid of phone calls.

[dracula1992soundtrack]

being online is so scary aren't you guys worried about the world wide spider

[redfagdiver]

It took 36 years for someone to make this joke and by god it was worth the wait

[kurulover]

I hate that when you’re stressed enough your body just starts falling apart. I think it should realize you’re already stressed and don’t need that and start functioning better actually