A-Spec, Tertiary Attraction, And SAM Help Blog

Hi I’m Xena! She/her pronouns. I’m an arospec asexual who experiences tertiary attraction. I’m making this blog to help others who are confused about attraction. Send asks 🩵

[a-specattraction]

Istg why don’t alloromantic people understand that you can be in love with someone in a not romantic way???

[a-specattraction]

A demiqueerplatonic phone wallpaper/background I made. Demiqueerplatonic refers to someone who only feels queerplatonic attraction to someone after developing a close bond with the person. Feel free to use. Please credit me if you repost. Disclaimer: I found all the photos and quotes on the internet. This comes from my experience as a demipanqueerplatonic person with my ex queerplatonic partner.

[theangstking]

some people would do well to realize a few things, like. namely, two things I'm thinking of rn.

1 - the split attraction model doesn't apply to just arospec and/or acespec people.

you can be completely allo and still have split attraction. someone can be biromantic heterosexual. homoromantic bisexual. any combination of sexualities.

2 - you don't need the attraction to do the actions.

a gay person can date someone of the opposite gender without being any less gay. a straight person can date someone of the same gender without being any less straight.

as an aromantic person who actively craves romantic relationships, I don't see the difference between someone with no attraction choosing to date, and someone with limited attraction choosing to date someone they're not attracted to. that relationship can be fully romantic without impacting their sexuality.

and if everyone involved is comfortable, happy, safe and respected? what does it matter?

[aro-absol]

Being a non-SAM aromantic is so weird. I mean, I enjoy it, obviously, but it's weird.

Like yes, I don't use the split attraction model. I am just aromantic. That's it. No additional sexuality label. My sexuality is aromantic, even though that's not truly a sexuality.

At the same time, by labelling my romantic orientation rather than my sexual orientation, I feel like I do kinda use the split attraction model. Because I took a thorough look at the split attraction model, I learned that I could label my romantic orientation separately, but instead of doing so, I just switched out my sexuality label for my romantic orientation label.

I think us non-SAM aromantics are in a unique position among all of the other people who don't use the split attraction model. Because the vast majority of non-SAM people aren't even aware of the SAM. Like, a bisexual person has probably never considered labelling themselves a biromantic bisexual person, right? The only non-aspec people who use the SAM are people whose sexual orientation and romantic orientation are different from each other, like biromantic lesbians, for example. Other allos don't even think of them as two distinct things. They're just labelling their sexuality and not their romantic orientation because everyone else does it that way, too. And while non-SAM asexuals are usually aware of the SAM and also consciously opt out of it, they label their sexual orientation like everyone else does.

Us non-SAM aromantics are basically the only non-SAM people who have to explain the concept of the SAM to other people when we come out, just to then tell them that we don't actually use it. It feels quite ironic.

[threeracoonsinatrehchcoat]

[lovequeerblog]

Ok something I absolutely love is going full science nerd when it comes to relationships and making charts! When working on my previous post on the split attraction model (see link below) I started playing with radar charts for mapping different types and intensities of attraction and I just had to turn this into a little worksheet for mapping out attraction in relationships

And here's just the attraction chart:

I'm not looking to build new relationships at the moment but I am totally the sort of person who would whip this out on a date (I have an entire power point on platonic partnership that I do in fact use to ask people to be in a relationship with me. Yes this has worked. More than once :) )

The Split Attraction Model

An introduction to asexuality and aromanticism

[aro-ace-chaos]

Introducing: The Aspec Glossary!

*Note: Please make sure to check the original post for the latest version before reblogging. This post will be updated frquently!*

There are a lot of aspec terms, some more common than others. With this series, I'm hoping to spotlight a bunch of different aspec identities, terms, etc.

If you have any suggestions for terms to post about, you can comment on or reblog this post, or send in an ask or dm!

A lot of these topics will be aro/ace centered, but I'm happy to shine some light on anything on the aspec, including afamilial, aplatonic, asensual, atertiary, aqueerplatonic, etc. Just know that I will have less to say personally about things that don't apply to me, and I will be more heavily relying on the words of others in those cases.

Note: when a term is a modifier than can apply to multiple things (eg. repulsed, aego, demi, etc.), I typically default to using sex/sexuality/asexuality as the example (eg sex-repulsed, aegosexual, demisexual), because those are more clear-cut for me to define. Determining if an action is sexual is easier for me than determining if an action is romantic or platonic or anything else, and sometimes I just need an example. There's not really a deeper meaning to it.

Navigation links

Terms

Microlabels

A-Spectrums

Further reading

AUREA (Aromantic-spectrum Union for Recognition, Education, and Advocacy)

Aplatonic Information

LGBTQIA+ Mirahaze Wiki - link to the aspec category directly

LGBTQIA+ Fandom Wiki - link to the aspec category directly

Orientation Fandom Wiki - link to the aspec category directly

[aro-ace-chaos]

It's Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week, so let's go over some arospec/aspec terms and definitions!

(I'm including some important acespec terms here too, because understanding both asexuality and aromanticism helps to also dispel the notion that they are the same)

Split Attraction Model/SAM: The idea that romantic and sexual attraction can be experienced independently, so that a person can be aromantic, asexual, both, or neither.

Non-SAM: Someone who does not identify with the split-attraction model. For example, a non-SAM aro might not identify with allosexuality or asexuality, regardless of whether they experience sexual attraction, and a non-SAM ace might not identify with alloromanticism or aromanticism, regardless of whether they experience romantic attraction.

Aromantic/Aro: A romantic orientation where a person experiences little to no romantic attraction.

Alloromantic: Indicates that a person experiences a typical level of romantic attraction; the opposite of being aromantic

Asexual/Ace: A sexual orientation where a person experiences little to no sexual attraction. This is not the same thing as being aromantic.

Allosexual: Indicates that a person experiences a typical level of sexual attraction; the opposite of being asexual.

Aromantic Asexual/AroAce: A person who is both aromantic and asexual.

Alloromantic Asexual/AlloAce: A person who is alloromantic and asexual.

Aromantic Allosexual/AroAllo: A person who is aromantic and allosexual.

Aromantic Spectrum/Arospec: Describes the vast range of experiences of people who are aromantic, including those who experience little or no romantic attraction, experience fluctuating levels or romantic attraction, or only experience romantic attraction under specific conditions.

Asexual Spectrum/Acespec: Describes the vast range of experiences of people who are asexual, including those who experience little or no sexual attraction, experience fluctuating levels or sexual attraction, or only experience sexual attraction under specific conditions.

Anattractional Spectrum/Aspec: Describes the vast range of people who fall onto one or more of the following spectrums: aromantic, asexual, afamilial, aplatonic, asensual, atertiary, aqueerplatonic. Some people may include the agender community under the umbrella term of aspec.*

Romance Favorable: Someone who is personally receptive to the idea of romance. A romance favorable person may want to engage in a romantic relationship, regardless of whether they experience romantic attraction.

Romance Indifferent: Someone who is neither personally favorable nor repulsed by the idea of engaging in romance. A romance indifferent person may find a romantic relationship acceptable, regardless of whether they experience romantic attraction.

Romance Averse: Someone who is personally disgusted or repulsed by the idea of romance, but only when it involves themselves. A romance averse person may like romance for other people and in fiction, but feel disgusted when imagining themselves in a romantic relationship.

Romance Repulsed: Someone who is personally disgusted or repulsed by the idea of romance. A romance repulsed person may be disgusted by mentions or public displays of romance.

*Personally, I am agender, and I feel like that particular part of my identity is distinct from the aspec umbrella, but labels can be confusing and arbitrary and it is totally valid to consider agender as a part of the aspec umbrella, that just doesn't apply to me personally.

[a-specattraction]

Guide to some A-spec flags/labels!

Feel free to send an ask or comment if you have questions!

Disclaimer: I did not make this image. However, I don’t know where I found it originally.

[tertiaryspec-culture]

Tertiary Attraction Ask Game!!

Big shutout to the arospec ask game by @romo-aro-culture-is for general inspiration and also some of the specific questions I borrowed for this!! (also I'm not making it a "rule" but please send asks to whoever you reblogged this from ty)

1: What types of tertiary attraction do you experience?

2: How would you describe your identity?

3: What made you realise you feel tertiary attraction?

4: Do you have a “type” in attraction?

5: Do you like to label your tertiary attraction?

6: What made you decide to use your current labels? [If applicable]

7: What is one thing you wish more people knew about tertiary attraction?

8: What is you favourite type of attraction to experience?

9: What is your least favourite type of attraction to experience?

10: What is one object/colour/symbol you associate with [x] attraction? [x can be replaced w/ a specific type or generic!!]

11: Most underrated form of intimacy? [if applicable]

12: Favourite character that has tertiary attraction (canon or headcanon)?

13: When was the first time you experienced tertiary attraction?

14: Do you have a queerplatonic partner? Do you want one? [if applicable]

15: Tell us your best tertiary attraction joke/pun

16: Tell us about a moment you enjoyed experiencing tertiary attraction

17: How do you feel about the label tertiary attraction itself?

18: Are there any alternatives to the term tertiary attraction you like? [if applicable]

19: Have you ever told someone you had a swish/squish/mesh/ext on them? How did it go?

20: Bonus – ask me anything about my tertiary attraction!